Episode 29 — Roast Sessions & Racks
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Cold Open — HUD Adds Comedy
Miami morning, balcony breeze warm. Legend lit a blunt, HUD glowing steady:
[CASH FLOW | +$4,800 Deposited]
Balance: $535,440 → $540,240
But instead of just numbers, a new alert flickered:
[Side Trait Activated: Roast Master]
[Effect: All dialogue now contains 25% more disrespect.]
Legend smirked. "Guess we roasting permanent now."
Miles poked his head out the studio. "Yo bro, you look like a GTA character that never loads the rest of the map."
Salina, sipping coffee, burst out laughing. "And your hairline loads slower than his car."
Legend smirked, exhaled smoke. "Both y'all broke until I snap. Sit down."
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Scene 1 — Grocery Roast Chaos
They hit a Miami supermarket. Salina grabbed expensive wine. Legend raised an eyebrow. "You buying wine like we celebrating your OnlyFans launch."
She smirked. "And you buying cereal like you still in high school."
Miles pushed the cart. "Both of y'all shopping like y'all don't know we rich. Put the ramen back, Legend."
Legend snapped $200—Balance: $540,040—and tossed it in the cart. "This ramen richer than your whole playlist, Miles."
Old lady passing by laughed. "Y'all worse than my grandkids."
HUD pulsed:
[Side Quest: Grocery Chaos — Complete.]
[Reward: +$500 Respect Boost] → Balance: $540,540
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Scene 2 — Miles's Studio Roast
Later, Miles played a new track. Heavy bass, sharp lyrics. He looked proud.
Legend leaned back, blunt glowing. "This sound like somebody recorded in a bathroom with a broken Alexa."
Salina smirked. "At least it ain't your old mixtape, Legend. You rapped like you were allergic to rhythm."
Miles laughed so hard he choked. "Facts! Bro thought he was Nas but sounded like Nasally."
Legend exhaled smoke, calm. "Funny. Last I checked, I bought this whole studio. Y'all making jokes in a building I snapped into existence."
HUD pulsed:
[Roast Chain Active: 3 Consecutive Hits.]
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Scene 3 — Random Roast Side Quest: Gas Station Hustle
That night, they stopped at a gas station. A group of Miami teens stared at the Subaru, whispering.
One yelled, "Bro, that car look like it cosplays as Batman but shoplifts from AutoZone!"
Miles nearly fell out laughing. "They cooked you, Legend!"
Legend smirked, snapped $300—Balance: $540,240—into the air. "Say it again with money in your mouth."
The teens scrambled for bills, still roasting between laughs.
[Side Quest Complete: Gas Station Hustle Roast.]
[Reward: +$1,000] → Balance: $541,240
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Scene 4 — Salina's Glow-Up Roast
Next day, Salina came out in a new dress. Expensive, red, tight.
Miles whistled. "Step-mom trying to get a role in Fast & Furious: MILF Drift."
Legend exhaled smoke, slow. "You talking like you don't got SpongeBob socks on right now, Miles."
Salina smirked, pointing at Legend. "And you out here in slides with socks like a retired uncle. Both of y'all embarrassing me."
HUD blinked:
[Roast Chain Extended — Max.]
[Trait Upgrade: Comedy Boosted.]
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Scene 5 — Collector Agents Get Roasted
Later that week, on a cross-city drop, Collector's men pulled up, SUVs boxing them in.
Leader sneered. "Legend. Time's up."
Miles leaned out the Subaru window. "Bro, you built like a Wi-Fi router with no signal."
Salina laughed. "And your suit too tight — you look like you lost the receipt."
Even Legend smirked. "Y'all keep pulling up in black SUVs like failed Uber drivers."
Collector's men froze, furious. One muttered, "This isn't funny—"
Legend floored it, Subaru roaring, bullets bouncing off the armor. They tore out laughing, cash raining from the windows.
HUD pulsed:
[Mission Complete: +$30,000] → Balance: $571,240]
[Level Up: 32 → 33]
Hourly Income: $5,000/hr]
⸻
Scene 6 — Apartment Roast War
That night, back at the apartment, roast war permanent.
Miles: "Legend smokes so much his lungs got their own rent."
Salina: "And you rap so much about chains, but the only chain you own is the one on your wallet."
Legend: "Funny. Both y'all living in my apartment like Sims without cheat codes."
They laughed until Salina was in tears, Miles nearly fell off the couch, and even Legend cracked a rare smile.
Balcony smoke curled. Miles blasting beats in the studio. Salina stretched out on the couch, still chuckling from earlier.
HUD glowed:
[CASH FLOW | +$5,000 Deposited]
Balance: $576,240
Legend exhaled smoke, smirking at the city lights. "Collector got nets. Crews got guns. But I got roast sessions. And roast don't miss."