POV: Haruki
Japanese funeral rites are heavily influenced by Buddhist traditions. My parents were Christians, which is extremely rare in Japan. There are more Western burials here than one might expect, but I insisted they be cremated. Not merely because cremation is nearly universal in this country, but because of my knowledge of the supernatural. There are too many dark practices – be they of magicians, gods, or other entities – that involve disturbing the dead. Necromancy, reanimation, and worse. I would rather ensure their rest is undisturbed.
I wonder if they are in heaven.
The remains have already been placed in the grave. The funeral concluded some time ago. Many came, offered their condolences, and left. By now, most have departed. Only eight others remain: Rias and her peerage, Sona and Tsubaki, and Asia. Sona's entire peerage had attended but left earlier. I did not know them well, but I am grateful for the gesture nonetheless.
It is time for me to depart as well. There is much I wished to tell my parents, much to apologize for, but such words are useless to them now. The only thing I can do is promise them I will save Hikaru and keep her safe.
The tears have long dried. I turn toward the others and walk to them. They are all in traditional mourning clothes. Asia, heartbroken, has remained at my side since she heard. She asked nothing, simply listened and held me. Sona was shocked to hear of their deaths and came to apologize for her earlier behavior. I told her I saw nothing to forgive – anger in ignorance is understandable – but that only seemed to deepen her guilt.
Tsubaki had taken the news the hardest. She had known my parents personally, back when she was my girlfriend. Her eyes were still faintly red even now. She is usually stoic, though at times her emotions break through. The others looked saddened, though more for me than for my parents. Akeno in particular seemed sympathetic, with a certain guilt in her eyes. I do not know why.
I told them we should leave.
Tsubaki embraced me fiercely, whispering that if I needed to talk, she would always be here. I thanked her, and she left with Sona through a teleportation circle. Akeno and Koneko surprised me with brief hugs and condolences. Kiba and Issei offered theirs as well, then departed with them.
Only Asia and Rias remained. They seemed unsure of what to say, though their eyes held a care I found quietly touching.
"How about we fly to Kuoh," I said lightly.
Rias's face brightened, and she smiled. "That sounds good."
"Eep! But I can't fly," Asia said, flustered.
I gave her a grin. "~I can show you the world~," I began to sing.
"That's from Aladdin!" she exclaimed, recognizing it immediately. She has become an avid fan of Disney princess films since moving in with me. Then she shook her head stubbornly. "No, no, I am not flying with you."
Rias laughed.
"Oh, don't be a child. It will be faster and far more enjoyable," I said.
"I already flew with you once. It was not fun," Asia retorted firmly.
"That was hardly flying. We were fleeing from murderous crows. This will be different. Trust me," I said like a car salesman.
"And besides, Asia, don't you want to experience what Jasmine did? ~A whole new—hahah," Rias broke into laughter mid-sentence.
Asia sighed. "Fine. But no jumping into a fire this time."
"Or dancing naked," Rias added helpfully.
"It was a one-time thing," I said, mock-indignant. They only laughed.
I carried Asia in a princess hold, unfurled my wings, and took to the sky. Rias followed.
"Shining, shimmering, splendid,
Tell me, princess, now when did
You last let your heart decide?" Rias sang.
I rolled my eyes.
"Come on, join me," she urged.
I ignored her.
"I can open your eyes,
Take you wonder by wonder,
Over, sideways and under,
On a magic carpet ride," Asia joined in with a smile.
They continued singing throughout the flight. Eventually, I sighed and sang with them.
We arrived in Kuoh an hour later, still laughing. I landed at my apartment. Rias followed. I set Asia down, and we entered.
"That was fun," Asia said brightly.
"Yeah, right?" Rias agreed, just as excited. "I never cared about flying before, but it is enjoyable with others. We should do it more often."
"Why not," I said with a shrug. I liked flying. "I'll take a shower."
There are spells that clean the body instantly, but I prefer the sensation of water on my skin. It is… refreshing. Afterward, I dressed in black sweatpants and a green pullover.
Laughter came from the living room. I found Rias in a Pokémon-themed crop top and shorts, Asia in a tiger-themed set. Snacks covered the table. The television was on.
Asia looked at me sheepishly. "We were talking about the best Disney films, but we couldn't agree. Rias suggested a Disney film marathon to decide. Would you like to join us?"
It was obvious they were doing it for me. They didn't want me to be alone. Rias's expression was hopeful. Asia's too.
"We are starting with The Hunchback of Notre Dame," I declared.
The joy on their faces was almost criminal. We watched until three in the morning. Asia fell asleep halfway through, leaving only Rias and me. I carried Asia to her bed.
"Want some fresh air?" Rias asked when I returned.
I nodded. We went to the rooftop and looked over the city. We spoke of trivial things and laughed. It reminded me of nights with friends in my previous life, when the world was quiet. I have had few true friends since reincarnating. The children my age were strangers to me in mind and spirit. My focus was elsewhere. Acquaintances I had, but nothing deeper. Watching her laugh now, I thought perhaps she could be called a friend.
She seemed as though she wanted to say something but held back at the last second.
"Dying of grief is real," she said suddenly, her voice certain. We do this often, she and I, wandering from one subject to another, leaving thoughts half-finished, only to pick them up later as if no time had passed. Sometimes we return to a conversation days afterward, slipping back into it so naturally it feels like we never left.
"You mean the broken heart syndrome?" I asked.
"Yes… though it isn't merely biological. Sometimes the soul simply leaves. Follows the one it loves."
"It seems you have been reading too many romance novels," I teased.
She chuckled, then grew distant. "Think about it – Tristan and Isolde, Orpheus and Eurydice, Romeo and Juliet, Beren and Lúthien… all beautiful. I've always thought it tragic that there is no such tale among devils."
"Why is that?" I asked.
"…We are selfish by nature. Our society is built to mock genuine feelings. We praise the clever lie over the honest truth, the art of taking advantage over the act of giving without expecting anything in return. Love, true love, is seen as a weakness, something to be exploited, not treasured."
Her gaze drifted to the horizon. "Even now, when much has changed… When our world has grown less brutal, most of our kind never truly feel it. That selfless love for another—be it family, friend, or lover. That devotion. The way hearing their voice brightens your day, seeing their face makes everything worthwhile, hearing them rant makes you smile silly, and even their smallest gestures can make you happier than you thought possible. It's..... heartbreaking that most will never know it. For them, it is power, prestige, and reputation that matter."
Tragic creatures, the devils.
"Perhaps that is why you will never hear of a devil wasting away for someone else. We are taught from birth to guard our hearts, to keep our bonds shallow. To me, that is tragic. A life without devotion, one that can lift you to joy or break you in grief, is not a life worth living."
"I do not deny it is possible to love so deeply," I said, leaning back to watch the stars. "But it is not as beautiful as you make it sound. Sometimes it is simply surrender. Letting grief consume you instead of fighting to live."
"If your soul is bound to theirs, what is the point of fighting?" she asked.
"Because living means carrying them forward. Dying with them only ends the story. Stories should be carried." Though I wondered if I believed it.
"Maybe. But some loves do not belong to the world once one of them is gone," she said softly.
I did not answer. We sat in silence.
"Will you not give it a chance?" she asked.
We both knew what "it" meant.
"I cannot. Not now."
She looked saddened, but smiled. Rising, she kissed my forehead. "I will wait," she said softly. She held her hands together as if she were praying. "As long as it takes," she declared.
And with that, she vanished in a teleportation circle.
A faint melancholy remained in me.
I have always known how she feels about me. But I cannot reciprocate. Not now. My enemies grow in both number and conviction, each with their own ideology, each with their own designs. The simplest tactic in existence is to harm a man by harming those important to him. The Hero Faction will one day cross my path; Sirzechs himself warned me that there are many others who would seek me out. To invite her into that storm, to place her in danger simply because her crime is loving me, would be a cruelty I will not commit. I must become stronger first. Strong enough that when that day comes, no one will dare lay a hand on those dear to me. Until then… I cannot allow myself that weakness.
-------------------------------------------
POV: Rias
I teleported straight to the Occult Research Club. The moment the magic circle faded beneath my feet, the tears came. Hot, unrelenting. I sank onto the couch and folded in on myself, my hands clutching at the fabric as though I could anchor my heart that way. I hadn't wanted him to see me like this, to think me fragile, or that his words had wounded me so deeply.
But they had.
More than anything, I wanted so badly to lie down next to him. To feel the steady rhythm of his breathing against my back, to let my fingers curl into his sleeve, to fall asleep in the safety of his presence. Not in the way of the movies, not with desire heavy between us: just in the quietest, most innocent way imaginable. The way you sleep beside someone you cannot imagine life without.
Someone's arms slipped around me. Akeno, my sister in all but blood, pulled me close.
"It's alright, Rias. Let it out," she murmured.
"I knew he would say it… I prepared myself for it," I whispered, my voice breaking.. "I rehearsed the moment in my mind so many times, telling myself I'd smile and nod as if it didn't matter. But when the words left his lips, they still cut through me. No amount of knowing could soften the sound of him turning away. And the worst part is knowing he didn't say it to hurt me. he said it because he's punishing himself."
Because that's what Haruki does. He takes the weight of every sin, every failure, every ghost of the past, and chains it to himself. The death of his parents. The suffering of his sister. He drowns himself in guilt and calls it justice, and in doing so, he denies himself anything that might bring him joy. Even me. Especially me. He is so determined to drown in an ocean of loneliness, and I don't know how to reach him.
And still, I told him… I would wait. No matter how long. No matter how far.
Yet even as I said it, I feared he didn't understand. He didn't hear a promise. He heard a consolation.
How blind you are, Haruki.
Your heart is cold, and mine burns like fire.
You look at me and see a friend, an ally, a companion for long nights and long talks.
But I look at you and see my future.
I would wait through decades, centuries, if that was what it took. I would stand against the entire world, if it meant standing beside you. I would give every title, every shred of my birthright, just to see you choose me, not because I am Rias Gremory, but because I am yours.
And yet… you turn away.
And yet, I cannot let go. Not when hope is all I have left to cling to. Because the thought of a life without you is colder than any rejection you could give me. And because, perhaps, one day, you will turn your head, and see me as I see you.
Akeno's arms tightened around me, and mine around her. We stayed like that for a long time, my sobs softening into tremors. The room was quiet except for the sound of my breathing, and somewhere deep inside, I whispered a silent prayer, not to the gods, but to fate, that he might one day let me in.
---------------------------------------
Letter to My Brother
"Dearest brother,
I am writing this because I am afraid that I will die before I can say these things to you. And even if I lived, I do not know if I would have the courage to look you in the eye while speaking them. My voice would falter, my words would collapse into nothing, and I would hate myself all the more for failing yet again to be anything but small in your presence. So I write instead, knowing you may never read it, but needing to put it somewhere outside my head.
You were always – God, how do I even write this – you were always the miracle.The one who never cried as a baby, who seemed to arrive in this world already knowing how to navigate it. You were not taught, only revealed, as if the world had been waiting for you to appear so it could finally be complete. I remember the way teachers' eyes lit up when they heard your name, the subtle quickening in their tone when they found out you were my brother, followed by the dimming, almost imperceptible (Like they'd been promised fire and been handed a candle instead), when they realized I was not you. That I would never be you.
They never said it aloud, of course. But I saw it in their glances, heard it in the spaces between their words. You were the prodigy, winner of every award for academics, music, art, debates, while I was only the reminder that even in a family of brilliance there can be an ordinary one.
Our parents never told me they were disappointed. They loved me. I know they did. But love doesn't erase the weight of comparison. I could feel it, the quiet shadow of their unspoken wish that I might shine just a little brighter. You were their pride, their proof to the world. I was their... well, I never quite decided what I was to them. Something less than pride, more than shame, but always, always second to you.
I used to think, this is stupid, but I used to think I would have loved to have you as anything else. A friend. An acquaintance. A classmate I could cheat notes from. Someone I passed in the hallway and admired in silence. A rival in some school competition. A neighbor. A stranger on the train whose talent I'd hear about in whispers. I could have loved you as any of those things and it would have been easy. But only as a brother… only as a brother you were too strong for me. Too great for me. Elder brothers are supposed to protect, to guide, to keep you steady when you trip, to make you want to follow them but never make you feel like you're already too far behind to try. And you did all of that perfectly, without me asking, without even noticing that you were doing it, but it didn't matter. You were still too strong for me. Too great for me. I could never keep up without feeling the distance. You shone so brightly that to stand beside you was to feel, always, like the shadow at your feet.
And you, you never made me feel small on purpose. You never looked down on me. You never compared me to yourself. You spoke to me as though I were whole, as though I were worth something entirely on my own. You never flinched from me, not even now, when I have done something unforgivable. That is the part that makes this unbearable. That you would still stand between me and the world if I asked you to, even after I have – no, I must write it plainly – murdered them. Our parents.
I keep trying to write "it was an accident" like that makes it better. Like it changes anything. But they're still dead, Haruki, and it was my fault. And you will forgive me, because that's who you are. But I cannot forgive myself.
That is why I must leave. I cannot stain you with my presence. You are too beautiful a thing for that, too bright. You should not have to carry me like a chain around your neck. If I die, maybe that will be enough to make amends. If I live, I will live far from you. I have chosen to join a group called the Hero Faction. I will fight from the shadows. I will do something, anything, to make my existence worth the space it takes.
Perhaps this is cowardice, running away rather than standing beside you. Perhaps it is arrogance, thinking my redemption might mean anything in the end. But I need to believe that I can be more than your failure of a sister. That I can do one thing in my life that will not make people look at me and wonder why I am not you.
I love you, Haruki. I have always loved you, with all my heart. More than I have ever loved anyone, more than I think I am capable of loving anyone else. I will carry that love into the dark with me, and if I do not return, then at least you will know that it was there, unbroken, until the very end.
Always and forever,
Hikaru"
AN: Another chapter, this one leans heavily on characterization and heartbreak. I hope it's not too boring for you; I personally enjoy writing these quieter moments. Don't worry though, the next chapter will focus more on plot.
Updates will be slower for a while due to real-life issues. On a side note, would anyone be interested in supporting me through Patreon? It would really help me concentrate on writing and give the story my full focus, though please don't feel obligated. (I know, I feel like a beggar saying this… but oh well, the things we do for love.)