Her warmth lingered on me for a moment, a faint hum beneath my skin before fading back into the stale air of the train car. I opened my eyes, the familiar world of rattling windows, flickering lights, and sleeping passengers rushing back into focus. The sensation was gone, leaving me with the weight. I wasn't just on a trip to college—I was on a one-way journey to the city that still held the last echoes of my mother's life.
The train rocked, pulling me deeper into thought. Outside the window, the world blurred past in shades of grey and green. I wondered if my mother had once looked out at this same city with hope, if she had once been as young and nervous as I was now. The ache in my chest told me I was chasing more than a degree here—I was chasing her shadow.
A buzz in my pocket pulled me out of my thoughts. I pulled out my phone, the screen lighting up with a message from Annie.
"Almost there, honey? I'm so excited for you! And remember…don't forget to call me when you get to the dorm".
I smiled faintly. Annie was a very kind person—the kind of woman who texted in perfect, cheerful sentences, always full of hope. Her optimism was a cosy contrast to my own quiet grief. She had brought so much light into my dad's life, even if she didn't realise it. I loved her for that. But she didn't know the ghost I was chasing. She couldn't. All she could do was support me, and honestly, that was more than enough.
The train screeched as it slowed. My pulse quickened. An hour later, I was standing on the sidewalk, the weight of my bag pulling on my shoulder. The city air was a heavy mix of exhaust, fried street food, and humidity. Cars honked. Neon signs buzzed. Laughter drifted from the sidewalks where people gathered, their voices overlapping in the warm night air.
I pulled out my phone again, checking the address Sebastian had sent me for his party. Luckily, it wasn't far—just a few blocks away. Still, each step made my heart hammer harder. My chest felt tight, my palms damp. Once, my heart had been filled with my mother's presence. Now, it was filled with something entirely different—nervous energy tied to a boy I hadn't seen in four years.
Sebastian.
He was the reason I was here. A new future in a city tied to my past. He had relocated here years ago, right to the same city where my mother's life ended. That coincidence had once felt cruel, but now it felt like fate. The hope of reunion was desperate, thrilling, and terrifying all at once. I clutched his birthday gift so tightly it was as if I'd fall apart without it. My first step into this new world began with him.
When I finally found the building, I stood frozen outside the door. Music thumped through the walls, bass so heavy it vibrated in my chest. Laughter spilt into the street whenever the door swung open. I swallowed hard and pushed my way in.
The party swallowed me whole. Lights strobed against the walls. The air smelled of cologne, sweat, and something fruity I couldn't place. People pressed shoulder to shoulder, their voices a blur of laughter and chatter. For a second, I felt the ground tilt beneath my legs, my stomach twisting with the sudden thought—I didn't belong here. Not in this noise. Not in this crowd.
I pushed forward, weaving through seas of unfamiliar faces, searching. Panic clawed at me. What if he wasn't here? What if this entire plan, this entire trip, was about to fall apart before it even began?
And then—
I saw him.
My heart leapt. There he was: the familiar tilt of his head, the sharp line of his nose, his well-shaped lips, and the dark, messy curls that framed his face. Sebastian.
He stood on the porch, laughter spilling from his mouth, brighter than the music. A circle of people surrounded him, their smiles feeding on his. For a moment, hope surged inside me. He's here. He's real. I found him. A nervous smile formed on my lips as I stepped closer.
But then, I saw her.
She was leaning into him, her thick brown hair brushing against his black shirt. She laughed at something he whispered into her ear, the sound too intimate, too practised. His arm was draped casually but firmly around her waist, his hand rubbing small, slow circles into her hip—a gesture I had once imagined was reserved for me.
The world went silent, the laughter, the low murmur of conversations–all of it disappeared, replaced by a cold, ringing silence in my ears. I felt like going 6 feet down right where I was standing, then he came forward to explain to him, but suddenly I lost my voice, even though all I wanted to say was "It's fine". Meanwhile, his girlfriend was confused about what was going on, and this resulted in their breakup.
The smile slid off my face.
He looked up. Our eyes met. Confusion flashed in his, mirroring mine.
And in that instant, the world went silent. The laughter, the chatter, the music—all of it was gone, replaced by the cold ringing in my ears. My throat tightened. I wanted to sink into the floor, to disappear. He stepped forward, his lips parting, ready to explain. My voice caught in my throat. All I wanted to say was "It's fine."
But it wasn't fine.
His girlfriend frowned, confusion written across her face. She looked at him, then at me, her brows furrowing. Whatever they had cracked in that moment, the weight of it pressed between the three of us.
I couldn't stand it.
I turned and stormed out, my steps clumsy and desperate. My chest ached, my eyes stung, but before I could escape, disaster struck.
I stumbled straight into his birthday cake.
The table shook, the cake toppled, and I fell hard onto the floor, frosting smearing across my hands and face. Gasps rippled through the crowd. My cheeks burned with humiliation. Sebastian started toward me, but then he hesitated, frozen between me and the girl at his side.
And that's when I met him.
The spoiled brat. The rich billionaire's son.
He cut through the crowd like he owned it, and maybe he did. Every girl's crush, every guy's envy—the teenage heir who carried his father's empire in his last name. His dark hair fell in artful, messy waves that looked styled by fate itself. Sharp brown eyes gleamed with mischief, his lips tugged into a smirk that promised trouble. He wore designer sneakers so clean they could have been unboxed that morning, a limited-edition hoodie draped over his tall frame, and the latest iPhone gleaming in his hand.
He looked like sin wrapped in money.
And he was fine. Painfully fine.
He crouched in front of me, offering a hand with the kind of casual charm that came from never knowing rejection. "Need some help?" he asked, his voice smooth and lazy, like the whole world was his playground.
Another guy bent to help too, though I didn't catch his name. But it was the billionaire's son who pulled me up, steadying me as though I weighed nothing.
Then he turned his head toward Sebastian, his smirk widening.
"So this is the clumsy, silly girl you've always been talking about?"
The words stabbed deep. My chest tightened, shame and anger flaring inside me. Without a word, I stormed out for the second time that night, cake stains on my clothes and humiliation burning in my veins.
But even as I pushed through the door into the cool night air, my heart thudded with a new, dangerous thought:
This was only the beginning.