It was only the second day since the DemonPhone's birth, and already Luceris was basking in his success. He lounged across his throne sideways, draped like a cat that owned the world, a grape in one hand, his beloved prototype phone in the other.
"Peace, prosperity, and selfies," he muttered smugly. "I am truly a visionary."
Sylas and Caelum entered with their usual air of restrained exasperation. Enia trailed behind them, practically glowing with mischief.
"Your Majesty," Caelum began stiffly.
"No work talk. I am on vacation. For the next…" Luceris checked his nonexistent watch. "Forty-three minutes, I am an ordinary, overworked genius enjoying his grapes. Unless the palace is on fire, come back later."
Enia smirked. "Oh, you'll want to hear this. I just came back from the human realm. Their biggest market in the capital is a goldmine of ideas. But before that—"
Luceris groaned loudly, rolling his head against the armrest. "Enia, unless they invented indoor plumbing or a decent soap, I'm not interested."
"No, listen," she insisted, sitting herself down without invitation. "Something… weird happened in the Empire of Sityl."
Caelum, dutiful and curious, leaned in. "Weird?"
"Scandalous," Enia corrected. "The Duchy of North and Duchy of South are at war. But not militarily—socially. The kind that ruins reputations and makes nobles faint into their handkerchiefs."
Luceris lifted one golden brow, unimpressed. "Congratulations to them for discovering kindergarten-level drama."
"Majesty, it's not just that," Enia pressed on. "Apparently… the Duke of North's sister isn't actually his real sister. She's the daughter of the Duke of South. Meanwhile, the Imperial Family's princess—who everyone thought was their blood—is actually the Duke of North's real sister. And now—"
Luceris sat up, grape paused mid-air. "…Excuse me, what?"
Enia continued gleefully, "So, the girl everyone thought was a North Duchess's child was secretly switched at birth and raised in the Imperial Family as their princess. But the girl raised in North as the Duke's sister was actually the South Duke's daughter. The South family now wants their daughter back. The North family refuses. The Imperial Family just realized their real princess is missing, and she's conveniently engaged to a foreign empire. And the fake Imperial princess—who is actually the real North daughter—now needs her engagement annulled because, well, she's not a princess anymore."
Sylas and Caelum stared at her blankly. Then at each other. Then back at her.
Sylas whispered, "…What?"
Caelum rubbed his temple. "I… don't… follow."
Enia smirked. "Exactly. Delicious chaos."
Luceris put his grape down very slowly and clapped his hands together. "Hold on. Let me make sure I got this straight."
He rose from his throne like a teacher about to school a group of very confused students.
"So. The North Duke had a sister. Except, oops, not his sister. She was actually a South Duke's daughter. Meanwhile, the Imperial Family thought they had a princess. Surprise! That princess is actually North Duke's real sister. Which means—" he pointed dramatically at the air, "—the Imperial Family raised the wrong kid, the South Duke lost his kid, the North Duke raised someone else's kid, and the foreign fiancé is engaged to literally the wrong species of relative."
Sylas winced. "That… sounds even worse when you put it that way."
"Oh, darling, I haven't even started," Luceris said with a wicked grin. "Now, the North Duke refuses to hand the fake sister back to the South Duke, because apparently 'giving back children' is too embarrassing. The South Duke wants his daughter back because 'parental rights,' and the Imperial Family is crying because their real daughter is MIA, and the fiancé is probably sitting in a corner wondering if he just proposed to a particularly well-dressed cabbage."
Caelum blinked slowly. "…What does that even mean?"
Luceris sighed theatrically. "It means human nobility have turned their entire political foundation into the plot of a badly written soap opera. Imagine building an empire for centuries only to have it undone by a toddler mix-up. Bravo. Truly the peak of governance."
Enia covered her mouth, snickering. "I knew you'd enjoy this."
Luceris wasn't done. He raised one finger like a scholar.
"Let's consider the fake sister for a moment. Poor girl wakes up one day and—poof!—you're no longer a North, no longer an Imperial princess, just a misplaced child from the South. You go from 'Your Highness' to 'Oops, Wrong Delivery Package' in twenty-four hours. Truly inspiring."
Sylas muttered, "That's… harsh."
"No, what's harsh is the Imperial Family now scrambling to explain to a foreign empire that, 'Sorry, the princess you're engaged to? Yeah, she's not ours. Our bad. Wrong uterus.'"
Caelum coughed violently, trying not to laugh. "Majesty…"
"And don't get me started on the South Duke," Luceris went on, pacing. "He's spent over a decade without his real daughter, only to realize she's been cosplaying as a North all this time. Now he has to knock on the North Duke's door and say, 'Excuse me, can I have my child back?' Meanwhile, the North Duke's response is, 'No, finders keepers.'"
Enia burst out laughing. "Exactly that!"
Sylas sat down heavily, staring into the middle distance. "So… families… swap children by accident? And then… fight about it?"
"Yes," Enia said, wiping tears of laughter. "That's basically the gist."
Caelum frowned, deeply unsettled. "In the Demon Realm… if a child isn't yours, you just… don't raise it. You eat it. Problem solved."
Sylas gave him a horrified look. "We do not—!"
Luceris interrupted gleefully. "Oh, don't act so innocent, Sylas. Demons are at least efficient. Humans? They turn what should be a straightforward tragedy into a twenty-season family drama."
Caelum folded his arms. "So this is why humans need communication devices. To… figure out whose child belongs to who?"
Luceris gasped dramatically. "Caelum, you cracked the code. The DemonPhone isn't just for selfies. It's for preventing nobles from accidentally swapping babies like cabbages at a farmers' market!"
Sylas pinched the bridge of his nose. "This world makes less sense every day."
Luceris slumped back onto his throne, laughing so hard his golden eyes watered.
"So let me summarize, one last time:
North's sister is South's daughter.
Imperial's princess is actually North's sister.
Fake Imperial princess is engaged abroad.
Real Imperial princess is missing.
North refuses to give fake daughter back.
South wants her back.
Imperial family is crying in a corner.
And a foreign empire is sitting there wondering why their royal engagement turned into a guessing game of 'Who's the Princess?'
In conclusion: humans are idiots."
He raised his grape in a mock toast. "To aristocracy: the only species capable of losing track of their own children for ten years straight."
Sylas and Caelum were too stunned to reply.
Enia chuckled darkly. "Oh, Majesty. You're going to have so much fun when we start selling DemonPhones in that empire. They'll need them just to keep track of their family trees."
Luceris smirked. "Yes, and I'll make an app for it too. Who's Your Real Daughter? Version 1.0. It'll be a bestseller."
The three demons stared at him. He grinned wider.
"And I'll call it… 'Family Locator.' With a free trial."