The gates gleamed.
Not a dull shimmer or a half-hearted coat of paint, but a true, radiant shine. Akuma stood there at the entrance of the academy grounds, his chest swelling as though the whole world had taken his lungs hostage. Where once there had been rust biting into iron, weeds clawing at the walls, windows cracked and clouded with dust—now stood something reborn. The building towered clean and proud, its fresh coat of paint glowing in the sun, each window catching the morning light as if they had always belonged to a prestigious academy.
The grass was trimmed, the courtyard tidy. The golden front gates, polished to a blinding shine, practically announced to the world: Here, something new begins.
Akuma's lips twitched. It wasn't quite a smile, but it was close.
He sighed, shoved his hands into his pockets, and stepped forward. His boots clicked on the stone path, the sound echoing louder than it should in the crisp morning air. With a creak that sang like a promise, he pushed open the front door—
And was immediately tackled.
Something slammed into his face, knocking him flat onto his back. His hat went flying. The air left his lungs in a grunt, and before he could so much as curse, something soft and warm was clinging to him like a limpet.
"Akuma-san! Hehe!"
The voice was unmistakable.
"You're gonna be my trainer from now on! Let's be the best together, okay!?"
Akuma stopped struggling. He lay sprawled on the floor, staring at the ceiling… er the Uma's stomach like a man contemplating every decision in his life. His arms spread out in defeat, a starfish on dry land.
"…Okay, Teio," he muttered flatly.
Teio's laughter rang bright in the air. "Yay!"
"…Can you get off me?"
"Nope!"
By the time he managed to stumble into his office, Teio still firmly attached to his face, he wasn't even bothering to peel her off anymore. He opened the door with his shoulder, stepped inside, and found McQueen already there, stacking files on his desk with her usual elegance.
"Oh, good morning Akum—"
She turned. Froze. Her face went pale.
And then she shrieked.
"A-A-Akuma! What is Teio doing on your face!?"
Akuma waved absently, muffled through the Uma still latched onto him. "Morning, McQueen."
"Don't 'morning' me like nothing's wrong!" McQueen stomped toward him, heels clicking against the floor. She grabbed at Teio's arms, trying to pry her free, but Teio clung tighter, her voice smug and sing-song.
"Hehe~ Hiya, McQueen."
"Get off him this instant!" McQueen huffed, cheeks flushing red as she tugged harder.
"Nope!" Teio chirped.
Akuma sighed, his voice calm, as if discussing the weather. "She's joining us. As of today."
"W-WHAT!?" McQueen's eyes widened, panic sparking behind them. "You can't just—she can't just—ugh!"
She puffed her cheeks, frustration rolling off her in waves. Then, with a sudden motion, she stormed forward, wrapping her arms around Akuma's back in a stubborn embrace.
If Teio wouldn't get off, then neither would she.
The two Uma stared at each other, eyes narrowed, teeth bared in silent challenge, each clinging harder to their territory.
Akuma stood there in the middle of it all, like a tree besieged by two stubborn, overgrown squirrels. He pinched the bridge of his nose—or tried to, except Teio's back was in the way. "…Take it easy, you two. And can you get off me?"
Both voices rang out in perfect unison.
"No!"
Later that morning, the entire group gathered for their usual meeting.
Akuma sat at the head of the table—or rather, he tried to. McQueen was still clinging firmly to his back, her arms hooked tight around his shoulders. Teio still latched onto his face, her legs pressed lightly against his cheek as if she were perfectly comfortable.
And Akuma… carried on as if this were just another Tuesday.
"Alright," he said, voice muffled, hands flipping through papers with the ease of a man used to working under siege. "Training schedules are set. The grounds are ready for use. I expect all of you to keep sharp."
Around the table, every other trainer and Uma stared.
Adalbert leaned his chin on his palm, his brow furrowed, lips pressed into a flat line.
Mischa squinted, tapping his fingers on the table. "Do I need crowbar?" he asked, perfectly serious.
"No fair!" Special Week whined, running circles around the table. "I want in too!"
Tachyon was doubled over laughing, her hair swaying as she pointed. "Pfft—look at him! He's evolving into a climbing frame! Hold still, Akuma, I'm calculating optimal latch points—"
"Don't you dare," Akuma warned without even glancing at her.
Oguri Cap chewed idly on a Machan cookie, half her attention on the chaos. She swallowed, then calmly reached over, grabbing the edge of Akuma's shirt like it was the most natural thing in the world.
"…Oguri. Don't."
She stared blankly, expression unreadable, and tugged anyway.
Gold Ship cackled from the corner, snapping photos with a camera she had no business owning. "Say cheeeese! This is going in all the papers!"
Vodka and Scarlet were trying not to laugh. Manhattan Cafe's eyes were shadowed, as though silently questioning the meaning of life itself.
And then—Machan entered.
She paused only for a heartbeat at the door, wide eyes taking in the ridiculous scene. The next moment, her lips curled into a grin. Not a fake smile, not a forced mask—just a pure, mischievous laugh bubbling up from her chest.
"Ehehe… if you're all clinging, then I'm not losing out either!"
"Eh!? Machan!?" McQueen yelped.
But it was too late. Machan sprinted forward and launched herself straight into the chaos, arms wide. She collided with Akuma's chest like a cannonball, wrapping him up in a full-force hug that nearly toppled his chair backward.
"Oi—Machan—!" Akuma grunted, trying to steady himself.
Her laughter rang bright. "Now I've got the best spot!" she declared proudly, pressing her cheek against his coat.
That single act was all the permission the others needed.
"Ahhh, no fair, I want in too!" Special Week cried, and the next instant she was latched around Akuma's legs like a child claiming territory on a jungle gym.
"Optimal latching position confirmed," Tachyon declared with mock-seriousness, adjusting her lab coat before hurling herself onto Akuma's left arm. "For science!"
"Ehhh!? Stop piling on me!" Akuma barked, muffled through Teio still on his face.
Oguri Cap, meanwhile, didn't even pause chewing. She swallowed, reached over, and clamped her hand more firmly onto Akuma's shirt.
Adalbert's lips twitched. "Marvelous."
Mischa tapped his chin. "Definitely need crowbar."
Gold Ship was already taking photos at every angle, cackling like a hyena. "Ohoho! Front page: 'Trainer Suffers from success'"
Vodka and Scarlet facepalmed. Manhattan Cafe muttered something unintelligible about "entropy devouring structure."
And in the dead center of it all sat Akuma. Voice muffled, papers crumpling under the pile, his entire body consumed by clinging Umas.
"…Now," he said slowly, as if nothing was wrong, "any questions?"
There was a collective pause. Then, in perfect chorus:
"A LOT!"