1. "HOLY ANGEL"
Have you ever found something or somebody that brings you so much peace and light? Somebody that you couldn't imagine losing because they happen to be the best you've ever had, but because you're not in a good space for them, you lose that chance at the best love, have you ever had that?
Whenever my day is going bad, whenever I'm having a rough moment and whenever my nights get sleepless, the only thing that brings me peace and balance is the thought of her.
That's the only place I go to when I need a space that feels like home, I just think of her and that alone brings my heart peace.
When the world throws stones at me, I think of her and when the challenges get in my way, I settle for the thought of her, like a Holy Angel.
2. "OUR LAST TIME"
WE made up and kissed good, talked about our feelings, shared a bed in the middle of the day, laid in my arms and on my chest but somehow, she still told me that she's leaving me and I've gotta set her free, said her goodbye and left me fucked up.
Our last time really was our last time, I will never see, touch nor kiss her ever again, I've been tryna make peace with this for the previous year and a half but this shit doesn't make sense to me.
WE were good together, our paths crossed so well and could've formed a new path for both of us, WE were best friends, the breakup didn't and still doesn't make sense to me, for real.
People tell me "This things happen all the time", but I don't do the cycle of falling in and out of love with different souls, I don't. I stay alone in my own misery, using writing as my therapy and if my first love wasn't meant to be my only love, I don't want another love.
Everytime I feel like I'm getting over it, somehow it sinks me in all over again.
3. "FIRST LOVE" (INTERLUDE)
I spent a lot of my teenage years staying away from things like love, emotions and attachments. I was always with a new face everytime, that fun to me, I discovered a lot of myself through the phases of seeing and experiencing multiple girls, I guess you could say I was a player but from how I see it, I was just trying to protect myself from the things I've seen. Until I fell in love with somebody for the first time, like every almost-every first love, it was the best experience but then it came to an end a year later..
4. "OVER TIME"
Go from necklaces to rings, share a life together, sit on this couch and share the bed every night, go from night calls to night time cuddles, from morning texts to morning sex, from matching outfits to a wedding attire, that's what I hoped for us.
Guess this is something I'll learn to accept over time, it's just difficult to get my head around this, the girl that I hoped to spend the rest of my life with isn't in my life anymore, Lord please help me.
Moving on doesn't change anything I truly feel for her, I just get lost in my anger and say things that I don't mean, I guess that over time, I'll learn to accept what i can't change.
I wanted the best for us, I never wanted to see somebody else, I fell in love and wanted to stay there for the rest of my life, I wanted us to be one of the couples that meet young and grow old together, I guess I was too invested, guess that's why I'm going out of my mind because of this heavy pain.
I wanted us to go from necklaces to rings, share a life together, share this couch and the bed, go from night calls to night time cuddles, from morning texts to morning sex, from matching outfits to a wedding attire, that's what I hoped for us.