I ditch my bra, tossing it toward the hamper. Standing in my bedroom topless wearing only my silk night shorts and full coverage underwear as I talk. "Okay, Lena, before we talk about my work it is your turn. How's your boyfriend? Has Brad proposed yet?"
Lena groans, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial hush. "Ugh, girl, I wish. I'm still waiting for him to pop the question, but he's being so wishy-washy. Like, he'll drop these hints.. you know, like staring at rings online when he thinks I'm not looking—but then he goes days without calling, leaving me hanging. And get this: last week, we went out, and he had me wear this new LELO vibrator in public. He's controlling it with his phone, turning it on in the middle of this packed restaurant, and I'm trying not to lose it while the waiter's taking our order. It was mortifying but... kinda hot? I don't know what his deal is."
I burst out laughing at her story.
I ditched my bra earlier and stand in my bedroom topless, wearing only my silk night shorts and full-coverage underwear, as Lena's voice spills from the phone on speaker, echoing off the bed with her wild story about getting frisky with her boyfriend at a restaurant.
The cool air brushes my bare skin, a shiver rippling through me, my breasts feeling light and free yet vulnerable, slightly uncomfortable under the weight of my own arousal while I'm on the phone with a friend.
It's thrilling but so awkward to feel this way right now.
Lena's tale of stolen kisses and sneaky touches under the tablecloth stokes a restless heat in me already ignited by my book, my pulse quickening as I imagine such reckless passion, though as a Christian, I protest, "Lena, that's way too much in a restaurant!"
"When did you become such a prude?" Lena laughs, her voice teasing. "We tell each other everything!"
"I thought the idea was you two planned to wait?" I shoot back, shifting, the air teasing my skin again.
"We haven't had sex, just toys—nothing I wouldn't do by myself," Lena says, her tone playful but defensive. "It's a gray area."
My body hums, thoughts drifting to masturbating later to ease this nagging ache.
My mind flashes to the guy I met earlier today, all charm and warm eyes, who I wished had asked me out but probably won't cross my path again.
Why didn't he?
My coworker's constant flirting creeps in too, his lingering looks stirring both irritation and a guilty spark of being noticed.
My ex's betrayal still stings, keeping my heart guarded even as my body yearns, amplifying the uneasy mix of desire and restraint.
I look around and finally spot my night shirt. I pull on the loose-fitting baby blue silk button-up nightshirt that matches my shorts, fumbling with the buttons as I talk.I flop onto the bed, finally dressed, though my nightshirt's buttoned crooked. "Wow, that's bold. Just be patient, Lena. The guy clearly loves you, even if he's a bit kinky."
"Yeah, you have no idea," Lena says, her voice practically vibrating with excitement. "We nearly had sex on the closed roof patio after, because I was out of my mind after appetizers, before the food even arrived. I want Brad so bad it hurts."
"Oh my God, you guys are wild!" I say, nearly tripping again as I button my shirt, giggling at my clumsiness. "At least I can live vicariously through you."
"No, you don't have to," Lena says, her tone turning sharp. "You choose to. Ever since Cory, it's like you don't even try to date."
"That's not true," I say, my voice dropping as I settle onto the bed, the words stinging more than I'd like.
"Uh-huh," she says, accusingly. "Name one guy you've given half a chance since then."
"I don't know," I mumble, my voice quieter, the weight of her words hitting hard.
Lena pauses, realizing she's pushed too far, and quickly changes the subject. "Okay, well, back to your biker guy. What's your next move if Mr. Mysterious shows up again?"
I chew my lip, thinking of the book's raw, passionate embrace, now tangled with the biker's leather-clad intensity. "Noidea. Maybe I'll call him out, or maybe I'll just... see what happens? Ugh, I'm a mess. I was so oblivious today, Lena. He was right there in the coffee shop, the bookstore, and I didn't notice until he was paying. But honestly? Picturing him in these book scenes is way more fun than worrying about it."
"Then lean into the fantasy but stay sharp like I said," Lena says, her tone shifting to serious. "Sounds like he's just into you. Keep your eyes open, but don't stress."
I know my best friend. She just wants the best for me. I am nervous to get back out there. To date. I don't want to be alone but I AM nervous to date.
"It's a gray area, Elise," Lena says, her voice light but firm, spilling from the phone on speaker.
"Lena, gray areas can still be tempting, and eventually you might go further than you planned," I say, my tone gentle but steady, my Christian convictions grounding me. "You're worth more than sneaking around in public. Set clear boundaries."
"Oh, Elise," Lena sighs, her voice softening, "why do you think it's taking him so long? I do want to get married."
"Be patient," I say, drawing from scripture. "Timing is everything. God's got a plan—be strong. This is what YOU said you want, like Psalm 27:14 says. If he's the one, he'll step up. Keep praying, don't compromise."
"What does the Bible say about masturbation, I wonder?" Lena asks, her tone casual, no shame between us, just direct honesty and girl talk.
I chew my lip, thinking. "I think the Bible doesn't mention it directly, but I know it talks about intentions. What's in your heart matters—like Matthew 5:28, where Jesus says lusting in your mind is like adultery. It's not the act, but what's fueling it. Same with porn—it's a trap that pulls you into impure thoughts, away from Philippians 4:8's call to focus on what's pure and honorable. Can you masturbate or play with toys and still keep your thoughts right where they should be? Even my books are probably…" I trail off.
"A dark gray area?" Lena finishes, her voice half-teasing, half-serious.
I laugh softly, nodding even though she can't see me. "Yeah, exactly. It's tricky, Lena. Those books pull me in, but I wonder if they're stirring stuff that's not… 'pure'. Maybe we both need to pray for clarity on where to draw the line."
She redirects.
"So, back to work…how's work? You still dealing with Mark's crap and that campaign due Monday?"