Park Jin Yang sat facing Ga Eun, trying to tell her a funny joke but she was not even listening. She's been like this for days. True, for him, to be sitting this close with her and was considered as her friend, was a big achievement. But he couldn't feel any excitement lately, since she seemed to be drowning in her grief.
Ki Jun had texted earlier, "I have some things to do for that stupid biology project, so I'll be late for lunch. Please sit with her and make sure she eats."
And by then, lunch time was almost over but he didn't see her actually eating anything. She just kept playing with the rice in her bowl.
"Yo, guys!" Ki Jun sat noisily beside Jin Young, "Heol. I have a feeling I won't pass Biology this semester. All those things under the microscope are making me nauseous. And why the hell do I need to learn these things anyway, huh?"
Jin Yang ignored him.
She lifted her head and offered a weak smile before looking down again.
"I need some food. I'm starving," Ki Jun announced, before jumping up, went to the food counter, and came back with a full tray of rice, beef, eggs, kimchi, vegetables, and a big glass of tea.
For five minutes, Ki Jun literally ignored his friends, munching and swallowing and wolfing down everything edible on his plate.
When he was done, he turned his attention to his friends.
"You guys are awfully quiet," he commented.
"I don't know what to say to her anymore," Jin Yang said in a defeated tone.
Ki Jun turned to Ga Eun, and to her untouched lunch.
"Yah. How long has it been since I saw you eating for real? Three days? A week?"
"Sorry. I just don't feel like it."
"You'll get sick, Ga Eun. Please don't be like this," Jin Yang begged.
She smiled to Jin Yang, "I'm fine, Jin Yang-ssi. There's nothing to worry about."
Jin Yang looked dejectedly to Ki Jun.
"I have to go. Class is starting soon."
Jin Yang got up and after gathering his things, went to the direction of his next class, his steps were heavy and his shoulders were sagging.
She also lifted her tray.
"Oh no, Ga Eun. Where do you think you're going? You're not going anywhere until you finish your food."
She frowned.
"I said I don't feel like it."
"I said you have to."
"I don't want to."
"I don't give a shit you want it or not, you just have to swallow it. So eat up."
"I'll eat later."
"You've been saying that to me every day for the past week, chingoo," he reminded, catching her hand, "What are you trying to do? Do you want to pass out?"
"Stop making a big deal out of this."
"Yah! It is a big deal! Ga Eun!" his voice was getting louder and the students who were leaving the cafeteria were looking at them.
She just stared at him, her eyes were filled with tears again. Finally, she just stood up and left the table, leaving her food tray there.
She walked quickly past the other students, away from the direction of her class.
"Yah! Ga Eun!" Ki Jun called, but she kept walking away, "Oi! Kim Ga Eun!".
She just wanted to keep walking. On and on. But as usual, she could hear him running to catch up with her.
As usual.
School was starting the third subject, as it always did at this hour. Students ran to be on time, and the bell rang at exactly 13.30.
And she wondered, how come the world was still going around as usual, even after Appa had gone? The Lee family had resumed their activities. Her friends started to prepare for the final test. And Ki Jun was complaining again about Biology.
Nothing had changed.
And yet, she felt like she was broken and empty. She was functioning but not really there.
How come? Why is the world alright when I lost my father? Why is everybody finding strength to pass day by day while I feel like everyday is getting heavier and heavier?
"Ga Eun! Hey! Ga Eun!"
Ki Jun ran and pulled her by the elbow, half shaking her, "You're not going to class?"
He lost his voice when he saw her eyes. Tears were flowing down her face as she looked up to him.
"Ga Eun...."
"Ki Junnie.....why is it, that nothing has changed? Why is everybody else okay?" she sobbed.
"Why did Appa have to die?".
Ki Jun sighed.
"Okay. I guess you won't be able to study at this rate anyway. Let's just go to the infirmary."
They were already in the hallway where the infirmary was located. Luckily, it was empty, so he made her sit on one of the beds.
And then he just sat watching her cry, thinking of what's best to say. He was worried for her, and as the days went by, his worry got worse and worse.
"Ga Eun, you can't keep being like this," he pleaded. "Come on. Even a guy like me knows this is dangerous. You're not eating properly. You're not sleeping properly.....What the hell should I do with you?".
She laid down on the bed and put on the blanket. She just felt like curling there and cried.
"Ga Eun.....please. If you could just eat well and rest, you'll feel better. I'm sure you would."
"Leave me, Ki Jun-ah. Go to your class."
"How could I concentrate when you're trying to kill yourself like this?"
She turned around, giving her back to him.
"I'm not trying to kill myself."
"You are, if you keep refusing to eat."
"I'm going to—" she was going to say, 'be alright', but somehow could not bring herself to do it.
He could say nothing as he watched her lying there, facing the wall, crying and sobbing soundlessly.
This will not do, he thought.
She won't survive like this. This must stop. I must do something. Ottoke (what should I do)? Ottoke?
It scared him. A lot.
How long is she going to be like this? Will she survive if this goes on?
"I'll get you a drink," he said, before leaving the infirmary.
He stood outside, thinking hard, before finally getting his cellphone out.
She called him using Lee Myung Hwan's number the day her father died.
He scrolled to that particular date and found an unknown number.
He hated the idea. But for her, he'd do anything.
So he dialed.
What would university students do at this hour? Classes too, he bet.
The phone was picked up after the fourth dial.
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Author's Note:
It's not easy to get over someone you loved who passed away.
She is spiralling.
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