She didn't deny it… Suggesting that my framing is true, even if it's reductive.
She will stay a human as her people pass.
She will live a human's lifetime — but have it subjectively stretched across the continuity of many.
IF… She continues to cultivate.
"Xuě Xīlián…"
But she shook her head frantically. Her voice was rising, on the verge of more tears.
"Xue'er, not my family name."
No wonder… Family issues… How do I probe this…
Isaac hesitated for a few seconds, then relented. "Xue'er, is everything fine back ho—"
Her face crumpled before Isaac could finish.
It was a flood of pent-up sorrow. Her breath staggers, then turns into sobs, and her shoulders begin trembling violently. One can only imagine her as but a fragile vessel struggling to contain an ocean.
How do I deal with people crying?
No clue… But… I shou—I do need to do this…
In one swift motion, Isaac snatches her wrist and pulls her from the Grand Library past the startled glances of students and staff. Her free hand clutches at her mouth before putrid sludge is poured onto the path.
The main building was worse.
Tsk… So bloody crowded.
All these gazes are gonna judge me to death… Mind your own damn business…
Or don't… Either way is fine…
Whispers slowly rise in their wake.
"Why is she crying?"
"Look at her clutching her mouth. She has to puke, 100%."
The one that pisses him off the most. The insult that almost made Isaac let go of Xuě Xīlián's hand to slap the shit out of the speaker.
"Did Isaac make her cry?"
"Weirdo, we should help. Hey! Somebody go check on them!"
Isaac shields her with his body, barricading their stares as he steers her toward his dormitories.
Okay… I admit they have some reason to think so… What the hell am I thinking, bringing the apparent heir of Chinese royalty into my dorm?
Doesn't matter… We ball… It's easier to comfort her in my room… Easier to plan as well…
They took the stairs three at a time, Isaac supporting and nearly carrying her up. She was gasping and choking on her own spit and vomit. He was about to mimic her due to the weight on his joints. Isaac's student ID slaps against the scanner, and the door hisses open.
There was the shouting, of course. But in the bubble of these two worldviews.
It was silent.
The moment the door seals behind them, Xuě Xīlián collapses.
Quietly and gracefully, as a princess would.
Or that's what she wished to show Isaac.
She folds at the knees, head hitting the wall as she slides down, hands clawing at her face like one may rip the pain out. Her cries are as truthful as her screams. Isaac stood there frozen as Xuě Xīlián, the formal and stoic girl who carried herself like ice and steel through 127 years of mental existence.
Completely.
Shatters.
In front of Isaac, as he did in front of her.
She was swept under by memories—the experiments she'd endured, and the ones she'd inflicted on herself. Every fragment that had birthed her tomophobia surged back at once. None of it was eased by the strength of a Monurgist being used to sink her teeth into her trembling lips.
It was Isaac's first time seeing a face being exposed.
Not helped by the request she made.
"I-Isaac… I'm s-sorry… I'm so sorry… P-pass me a razor… P-please."
'A story need not develop a character's past for the reader to grasp all that he needs.'
"I won't allow it, Xue'er."
Is it… Sadness? Grief? Hate? Despair?
"I'm not asking… I-Isaac… Please…"
The girl slowly crawled and began her reach towards Isaac's toiletries.
No no no… It can't be.
"Xue'er! Stop!" He grabbed her from the back, wrapping himself around her throat and arms.
She was far stronger than him.
He knew this and let her go before closing the windows and blinds to hopefully shun all witnesses of the upcoming scene.
Maybe, to simulate the ambience of her past.
And as she seized his unused razor.
I understand…
The blade crumbled against her skin, not before leaving slits where the metal stripped.
But she tried and tried again.
It's akin to longing.
Xue'er…
I'm sure she's already received enough comfort, and no one forced her to continue to Cultivate.
A 7.47x slower worldview is already painful enough for her.
Why would she, or anyone that cares for her, wish for her to continue an impossible path?
But they would have some exceptions… The scarring of her hands for someone of royalty doesn't match combat or cosmetic neglect. Seeing as she is actively harming herself in those specific spots…
Maybe…
.
.
.
"Calm down, Xu'er… You're doing great… Just relax."
The blade used began resisting the skin, slowly dulling the incision tool.
"Monadite Scapel."
A blade capable of piercing her skin was used to open up her meridians.
"It's not that painful, Mother…"
"Yes… You're the strongest girl I know,,, More than your me and your father…"
.
.
.
Her family agreed to her departure to Elenos… On the condition of reaching the Order of Fermionic Conditioning and letting them conduct experiments on her…
Wow…
A Monurgist who lacked the Monaduon Density to ever ascend. A Wave Binder whose Thaumitonic Output barely flickered enough to be noticed. Worse of all, a human whose sensory time dilation is and to be so grotesquely warped that calling them alive would feel like an insult.
It's a slow, unending punishment for a life already 'starved'.
.
.
.
"Ma… It's the girl who shall not collapse her wavefunction, as dictated by the Ancestors."
"The one Heaven refused to test."
"A lukewarm Monurgist… How sorrowful."
.
.
.
But the only place she was 'fed'… The only place where she was praised consistently…
The only place where she felt the joy of parental love every day.
Was in an operating room.
Smiling, while being incised wide open at her parents' praise.
…
My god…
Her beauty and brilliance meant nothing.
Her unique gifts meant nothing.
It all meant nothing.
All of it can go to shit.
In the eyes of people other than Xue'er's parents, she would always be the Cultivator who has no Dao. If not, a Dao of Nihilism.
Her life led nowhere but suffering.
She. Is. A. Failure.
.
.
.
Hah…
It is truly unfortunate.
The grief of one can be turned to hatred as quickly as it came.
I understand her fully now…. No | Media Literacy | needed.
It's quite annoying… How does one cry louder after suffering less?
'I think we are the same, you and I.'
Perhaps she hadn't learnt it yet. Hasty generalizations are what lead to methodological errors.
It was the one error on Xuě Xīlián's part; it could not even be called an error.
Isaac Mun.
A deprived, worst-of-the-worst individual.
Who took such an affectionate and gracious proclamation of friendship.
As an abhorrent insult.
How dare you… How dare you compare yourself to me?
It's wrong… Yeah… It's a fucking shitty move… Of course… What makes me any different from the villains of the later story after all my sins… There is no difference, duh… You force what she helped you from onto herself… Yes, I did…
And do I give a shit?
No!
Has she contributed anything to society? She still has a family, no? Has she been taken away from a future brighter than all? Has she had her life's work ruined by a single lecture? Has she, at the BARE minimum, died 3 times?
I don't think so! I mean… She definitely wants to kill herself now, don't get me wrong.
Wow… When have I ever been this angry—
Hah… 1st April…
The grief of one can be turned to hatred as quickly as it came.
He sat next to her and caressed her hair, slowly removing the shards of metal in her skin.
The truth is… Xue'er… I'm going to make you a portion of me… You want to say we're the same so quickly? Okay… Fine… Compared to Earth… You are this world's equivalent to me… We are similar in that sense… And such…
I'm going to show you the heights of narcissism.
He really did want a 'powerful friend'; it need not be Caelum.
The conversation that followed Isaac's acceptance of friendship was cadence. Isaac attempted to infer and predict all her emotional trajectories. It was a situation where he had to use his brain a bit more than he wanted, souring his mood.
He tried to manipulate her, if that was what he considered it, for she was a naive college girl, one that wouldn't prove his intellect in social dynamics. No matter how banal it was to do, hate is something that he held in recedent.
Why was Topological Anchor V2 activated through the second half of the conversation?
Yes, it was to give him more time to process all that she had said; that's the main reason. But on a secondary reason, it was to give him sufficient time to plot out the necessary ingredients to screw her over. The goals of the Monurgist could have come later; the inefficiency of Xuě Xīlián's nature wouldn't have made him think of her any less.
It's just that he wanted to wound her now.
By the time she realized the conversation was pernicious to her, Isaac had already lived through the consequences of it more times than she had internally, with a lesser mental dilation. He presented the most painfully true interpretation of her culture's practice at its simplest, giving her no time to build emotional defenses because she was already partly broken.
He had chosen to say the version of her tragedy that, theoretically, hurt the most.
But it would certainly lead to the largest growth.
As edgy and inhumane as he himself admits, his intentions were partially hostile, but in his perverted ideologies, in the new philosophy sprouting deep within him, were helpful to her.
Why?
Xue'er, ah… Every human dies… But not everyone LIVES.
I will not hesitate to become the object of hatred within her heart.
May she see me as a hellish demon wuxia/xianxia stories tell the tale of, the mara from Buddhism, or the twisted devil the Gnostics speak about in arcana.
If she is to see through my worldview and accept them, I will be forever grateful already.
I do not want her love… But rather her hatred, as it is what will transform her.
Because it is doing the same to me.
Strip me of Strength… Strip me of Status… Strip me of Safety… Strip me of Science…
But… These Higher Entities will never strip me of my strife and strive.
My speech and my smarts will help me survive this hellscape brought down by existences I can't comprehend, yet.
And to do so… I will amass Sciences greater than the Gods…
Xue'er…
If this Noësical world wants to be all scientific and shit. If this world wants to be a glorified play for higher-dimensional entities.
I should give them entertainment, right?!
My mind will act as the virus that will infect this game.
"As flies to wanton boys are we to the Gods; they kill us for their sport."
— William Shakespeare
Humans, whether intrinsically or subconsciously, show dissociation and inhumanity towards lifeforms they deem inferior. Unlike the citizens of this world, who were both emotional and intellectually brilliant.
Isaac was an alien.
To him.
What lifeform could be more inferior than artificial life as he is to those entities?
A violation of Pauli's Exclusion Principle, but also an obiter dicta in teaching Caelum the Clanker and me to gain/accelerate the use of his | Phylogenetic Root | Attribute.
Imagine… The gap between EAA's Caelum's power and my Clanker's would widen to such a great extent that comparison would be meaningless. One could call it Zeno's Paradox of a comparison.
If he can perfectly wield all 4 Sources of Science. Then who's stopping him from amassing critical mass to collapse his Dantians into black holes to absorb all the Thaumitons in this solar system, which leads to whatever the fuck the other two Sources of Science do?
Nobody is!
Aside from the | Plot Armour| being a potential violation of all science and math… I could upscale this Caelum from being a mountain to a small country-level threat… All the way to a galaxy-busting force of nature… What is cosmology to the narrative's favourite child? The story basically fucking revolves around him either way.
Why wouldn't I… It's a free game for me…
Logic shall override the grief I hold in my heart… Let it be passed to her…
One's wallowing in himself ends here, while the other's begin.
Let her sto— Let this story be reborn and stride on a path towards hatred.