26th of December, during the same time, streets of Tokyo
Ruby is pacing down the crowded streets of Tokyo, her body weakened by exhaustion, feeling like she is about to collapse, but she continues pushing as her breathing becomes more and more irregular to a point where even her thoughts start to turn giddy. [1]
Aqua…
Why do you
always have to do everything
on your own?
Is it so hard to
finally let
people help you?
The streets around Ruby are filled with festivity, people who are out with their families and friends, enjoying the holidays.
God damn it
you are
acting like you
are the only capable person.
Like you are the only person
on this planet that can
do this.
Is it because of Ai?
Cars and trains pass by her, filled with people who all have their own destinations, their own joy, problems, and guilt to carry.
Because you
couldn't protect her?
Don't you see that your life
is important too?
You only have…
No, that's not it,
Some birds fly out of the leafless trees, while other birds land in the same trees just a few moments later.
This isn't about
revenge for Ai anymore,
you solely want to protect
me now.
Don't you?
You are trying to give
me the chance
I never had,
not as Aqua and Ruby.
But as Gorou and Sarina…
A few stray cats are close by; they are fighting, fighting over the few warm spots that the outside world has to offer during the harsh winter.
But you deserve this chance too.
Your other life was also cut short.
Barely thirty,
You also had your entire life ahead of you…
And Kana.
She really only has this one chance.
Sarina died because she… she had bad luck.
It was cruel, it really was,
but this is just the way life goes.
Aqua, stop playing god,
deciding who gets to live and who doesn't.
It starts to snow heavily, the humans stop walking and start to search for cover, the cars stop driving, the birds stop flying, and the cats stop fighting.
Sarina's…
My Death…
it wasn't unfair
it was unlucky.
But Kana's…
This is still her first and only shot at life.
If Kana dies because of you…
Because of us.
Because our problems dragged her into all of this…
I could never forgive you…
"Damn it."
Ruby whispers to herself. Her entire body aching as she keeps going, ignoring everyone and everything around her, just focusing on the way ahead and the crumpled piece of paper she clutches in her hand, on which she has Hikaru's address written down. It's not far anymore.
26th of December, during the same time, Hikaru's apartment
The snow outside of the penthouse stops falling, and the blood stops hitting the floor, while even the hands of the old clock that was carefully pushed against the wall earlier stop moving too.
Bright…
Metallic…
Red…
Blood…
Cold…
Loud…
Shiny…
Black…
Silent…
White…
…
What…?
What happened…?
Why does Kana look like that?
Why is her face red, is she bleeding?
Did Kana hurt herself again by accident?
Should I go over and help her? Like always.
She just has to take better care of herself otherwise…
No,
no,
no,
no,
He didn't–
She isn't–
He didn't really–
No–
Why would he–
I'm dreaming
She is–
Why is–
What
He isn't moving. Why is nobody moving?
Why are my knees cold? Am I touching the floor? I don't remember kneeling.
Why do I smell blood? Did I cut myself somewhere? If so, I can not feel it, I can not feel anything.
I failed–
NO
I need another one–
Tsukuyomi reverse time,
please.
Just 10 seconds, 20, please.
I will make it right.
What do I do?
What do I do?
WhatdoIdo?
So much blood?
I need to do something?
Why?
Why didn't I?
…
Aqua falls onto his knees. No, he doesn't; he is standing in front of Kana, she is uninjured, Kamiki, on the other hand, is lying next to her, mangled and disfigured. He can't look up at Kana's ruined face. Even if he could, he wouldn't.
Oh my god-
This is all my fault.
myfault…
my fault-
Why was I born?
I dragged her into this?
…into this world
I dragged her…
My actions did this
caused this.
She needed me
The room stays silent, probably. Aqua is most likely kneeling by now, while Kana's face is certainly still bleeding, Akane could be doing something, and Kamiki is also still there.
Why are you even here?
Why are you here?
Here listening to this…
Aqua
You made it this far.
I should be impressed.
Is this the end?
Does it end here?
Aqua
Are you enjoying this?
This
My suffering
I see you
Still there, I see.
Aqua
That's… dedication…
Tsukuyomi.
Finally, the hands of the clock move again, just once.
Aqua still hasn't decided if his world should continue.
I-
I shouldn't have-
What have I-
Why did I do this
Why did I
Why
I shouldn't have-
…my fault…
…she got hurt?
It is…
Just breathe
In
Out
In
Out
I can fix this
I can fix this
In
Out
I can do it
What am I thinking
I can't fix this-
Nothing can.
Too dumb-
Too weak-
Too slow-
Too careless-
Too scummy-
Aqua can suddenly hear screams; they seem far off, unimportant. Why would anybody be screaming right now? Can't they just wait? I'm thinking right now.
Why are they coming closer? Seriously, leave me alone. Go away. The screams continue to come closer and closer until he is finally back again. Standing in Kamiki's living room.
The room is silent. Who was screaming? Aqua's eyes gaze over to Akane; she seems to be even more paralyzed than Aqua was just a second ago. The grandfather clock on the other side of the room indicates that just a few seconds have passed by.
Aqua's head turns again slightly, his eyes landing on Kana, the blood is still flowing down from her chin, staining her clothes and the floor beneath her crimson red. She isn't screaming, she isn't begging, and she isn't pleading.
But Kana isn't numb or unconscious; she is very aware of what's happening. But even now, under all the physical pain and psychological pressure, determined enough not to break down.
It hurts–
So bad–
My face is–
It is on fire.
Make it stop.
Am I going to die?
There's so much blood…
So much blood…
I can barely see.
It's so hot and wet.
I don't want to die.
Let me go…
I'm sorry for everything,
my wrongdoings…
Maybe I deserve this…
dying like a worthless piece of trash.
But even if that's the case,
I won't accept it.
I just can't,
and won't.
Don't cry.
Not now.
"You-"
Kana's voice is quiet, but the room is so quiet, to Aqua it sounds like she is shouting.
"-piece of shit."
Aqua steps closer. It looks like her hair color is fading over into her face, covering her snow white skin almost completely. Tears slowly start to pool in her eyes as they meet Aqua's.
"Aqua, please- Look away."
Aqua stands frozen, unable to avert his gaze as her chin starts to twitch slightly.
"Aqua, please don't look at me."
Kana repeats, her voice fragile like speaking too loudly would break her.
Aqua finally obeys and looks down; almost immediately after looking down, he can hear faint sniffles.
He instinctively wants to look up — He lifts his head without even realizing it — but he can catch himself again before he gets a glimpse of her.
After a moment, he bows his head even further as Kana's sniffles progressively turn louder.
"So Aqua, now this is your chance, your chance to prove me wrong."
Aqua flinches at Kamiki's words; they're slicing through the air. They make Aqua feel, feel something other than despair and emptiness for the first time today.
"Like this you can't help Kana the failed actress back to her former glory, all you have left is Kana the person, you still have her character, feelings and personality. Now y-"
Aqua interrupts Hikaru's monologue, keeping his eyes on the plastic tarp-covered floor, getting nauseous at the smell of iron in the air and the sound of Kamiki's voice.
"ENOUGH… Please, just let me help her, cut her loose. I can't bear it any longer."
Kamiki smiles slightly, but nobody in the room is aware enough to even see it.
"You know I can not do that, not yet. First, I need Ruby, bring her over here, and I will cut Kana loose."
Aqua slowly turns around, now facing Akane, who is standing right behind him. Her Ruby imitation seemingly still flawless, maybe a bit too much so; she still hasn't snapped out of her trance-like state.
Her body is present, but her mind is repeating the same 2 words over and over again in a seemingly endless loop: My fault, My fault, My fault.
She snaps back as Aqua, who is now standing directly in front of her, gently shakes her shoulder.
"Ruby, we need to do something, fast."
Their eyes meet for a second — perhaps for a moment too long or a bit too deep — and Aqua grabs her arm.
"No!"
Aqua strengthens his grip, using more force than he intends to, but Akane doesn't react to it; she simply uses her other hand to tuck a strain of Aqua's hair behind his ear.
"My plan seems to have failed Aqua, I'm sorry for doing this, it's my fault that it even got this far, but there is one last thing I can do..."
Aqua stays silent; the light snow outside has evolved into a full-blown storm by now.
"I'm sorry, I said I don't plan on dying, and I still don't want to, but it doesn't seem like there's any other way. So please, I know… I'm selfish for requesting something from you, especially now. But please, let go of me."
Akane gently smiles at Aqua, her smile not quite reaching her eyes.
"No… No… No, No, No. NO, NO. That's unacceptable, you liar, there is another option, there must be something you overlooked in your analysis, Ak… Ruby. There has to be something… anything."
Akane gently cups Aqua's cheek with her hand, while her other hand gets so little blood it's a wonder it's still alive.
"There is no other way Aqua, and you know it. What will you do, save Kana, or save Ruby? The time is ticking. Tick, Tack, Tick, Ta-"
Kamiki abruptly stops talking, freezing mid-sentence, as his eyes snap away from the two. Aqua's grip also loosens a bit, but Akane doesn't free herself from his hold, since she, too, has stopped trying. Instead, both follow Kamiki's gaze with their own.
[1] I tried something differently with the internal monologue later in this chapter. I don't know if it achieved the desired effect, and I actually just wanted to experiment for a bit. Passages like this won't happen again, so if you don't like the way Aqua's internal monologue was displayed. Don't worry, it will be the only time. Feedback is welcome.