Chapter 205: A Chance Encounter at the Bar
"Don't worry, Howard, I won't steal your thunder. I can pretend to be into Leonard." Ron turned around and put on an exaggerated gay expression, which Leonard couldn't stand.
"Ron, that's not going to work. Even if a girl knows you're gay, she'll still try to see if she can turn you straight." Howard said helplessly, "Unless you bring a boyfriend, you know?"
Howard was stating the obvious truth. Just like men wouldn't be deterred by a lesbian—they'd simply assume the woman hadn't met the right man yet, and he just happened to be that guy.
"Bring a boyfriend?" Ron rubbed his chin thoughtfully. Meanwhile, Gisele was wrapping things up with the team, Fiona had returned to Stanford at Ron's suggestion, and Max and Caroline were working at the diner. Their cupcake business had been struggling lately, forcing them to focus on other income streams.
Megan was on location filming, and Paige's abilities couldn't be exposed. That would cost her the peaceful life she'd built and make her a prime target for extremist groups and intelligence agencies worldwide.
So...
"Well, I do have plenty of options, but today probably won't work," Ron sighed helplessly. "I'll ride shotgun later, and Penny will sit in back with you two. I'll try to keep my mouth shut."
"Alright, let's change the subject. Tell me more about the mother of my future children, okay?" Howard finally gave in, eagerly asking as soon as they got into the car.
"She's absolutely charming, Howard. You're going to love her,"
Howard pressed anxiously. "So how did you describe me to her? Did you mention my body fat percentage?"
"No, I wanted it to be a surprise." Penny rolled her eyes, already second-guessing her decision.
"You should be grateful she didn't mention it," Ron interjected. "Because it just so happens that my body fat percentage is the same as yours, but I have over ten times the muscle mass."
Ron hit the gym three times a week, spending at least two hours each session, and ran daily. That was the secret to his impressive physique.
This one comment immediately made Howard panic: "Hey, man, she's mine! You can't interfere!"
"Relax, I have no intention of doing that. I'm perfectly happy with my current arrangement. I spend every day with a different woman, and I get Sunday off. This must be God's design." Ron made the sign of the cross.
If God knew Sundays were being used for that purpose, He would surely send down lightning to strike him dead!
"I told her you're an aerospace engineer and you speak five languages..." Penny tried to reassure Howard, but he interrupted mid-sentence.
"Six! Including Klingon," Howard corrected.
"Trust me, Howard, you'd better tell her you only know five languages. No woman gets excited about your ability to speak Klingon, unless she's a nerd like Sheldon.
In that case, you might as well just date Sheldon. I'd approve of that."
Ron was halfway through his comment when he suddenly remembered that Howard had actually helped Sheldon find a female companion who could speak Klingon, but Sheldon chose to stay with Amy. When watching the show, Ron had felt bad for that woman.
But now that he'd truly become Sheldon's brother, Ron could only conclude that any woman who married a guy like Sheldon was incredibly lucky.
Think about it! That poor woman would have to endure Sheldon for basically her entire life!
"Oh, and I also told her that you have an unhealthy attachment to your mother."
"What!" If they hadn't been in the car, Howard would have practically jumped through the roof.
"Okay, I was just kidding." The car stopped in front of a house. Standing at the doorway was a petite blonde girl wearing glasses and a red cardigan. Penny waved, "Hi there! Bernadette."
"Oh, Penny, thank you for setting me up with such a handsome gentleman. You must be Howard, right? Want to slide into the back seat with me?" The look Bernadette gave Ron made Howard want to bang his head against the window.
"Uh, Bernadette, that's Ron, and this is Howard," Penny quickly made the introductions. Ron watched Bernadette's enthusiasm visibly deflate, and with it, Howard's chances.
"Damn my devastatingly good looks!" Ron cursed internally.
But there was nothing he could do about it. Who told him to be born with such an irresistible face? It wasn't Ron's fault.
Howard muttered under his breath, "Look what you've done."
"I can't help it. It's not my fault. If anyone should be held responsible for this situation, I believe it should be Mr. George and Mrs. Mary who live in East Texas," Ron said, deflecting responsibility. "Maybe you could give them a call and file a complaint."
Bernadette got in the car and they started moving again. The atmosphere became incredibly awkward, so uncomfortable that Howard could only make small talk to establish his presence.
"Penny said you're waitressing while going to school, right? That's impressive. What's your major?"
"Microbiology," Bernadette answered distractedly, sneaking glances at Ron in the front seat through the rearview mirror.
"Cool, you can study me anytime."
Bernadette looked confused. "I don't understand what you mean."
"Isn't microbiology the study of tiny organisms?"
"I know, that's my field."
"So, look at me—I'm small and delicate like a microorganism," Howard's voice gradually trailed off. "Okay, that was supposed to be a joke."
"Are you sure about that?" Bernadette looked skeptical, and Ron couldn't help but facepalm. This pickup line was truly pathetic. Few normal men would mention being small and delicate as a selling point, especially in America where masculinity was valued.
This wasn't some other culture where men could become celebrities just by looking pretty and having soft features. In fact, in Ron's hometown, those young, pretty Korean pop stars would probably get their asses kicked just for walking down the street.
Howard decided to change tactics: "Do you like science fiction?"
"No," Bernadette said curtly.
"What about role-playing games?"
"You mean bedroom stuff or something like Dungeons & Dragons?"
"Either works." Howard flashed his trademark lecherous grin; he was into both.
"Neither."
"Do you like magic?" Howard tried to perform a little trick to show off his skills.
"Not interested."
"Okay." The handkerchief, half-pulled from his sleeve, was stuffed back inside.
Ron was getting desperate. "Miss, could you please stop staring at me? You're making Howard feel like he's got a target on his back!"
"Leonard, just drop me off at the sports bar up ahead. The person I'm meeting is waiting for me there." Ron hadn't made any appointment, but he couldn't stand the awkward tension. If he actually went to dinner with them, Bernadette might genuinely become interested in him.
It wasn't about whether she was attractive or not. The important thing was that Ron didn't want to give up his one day off per week. That was promised by the Almighty to hardworking Americans, and Ron was definitely hardworking.
"No problem." Leonard pulled over to the curb. Ron got out quickly. If he stayed any longer, Howard would really be screwed. Of course, he couldn't go home now because he had nothing to do there.
Ron could only head to the sports bar for a few drinks to kill time, but then something incredible happened.
The moment Ron walked into the bar, a petite girl at the counter turned around at the same time. Ron was stunned: "Bernadette, why are you here?!"
That's right, the girl sitting at the bar in athletic wear looked exactly like Bernadette. The only difference was probably the clothes and glasses. This girl wasn't wearing glasses.
"Pretending to bump into an old friend and then making your move? Such a classic pickup strategy."
Ron casually squeezed past another guy in a tracksuit who looked like he was about to claim that seat, and sat directly next to the girl. "Ron Lee Cooper. Believe it or not, ten minutes ago, I was in a car with a girl who looked almost exactly like you."
"I'll pretend to believe you. What's next? Are you going to tell me her name is also Hope Ann Gregory?" The girl set down her drink. "Okay, maybe you're a gymnastics fan and you recognize me as a washed-up gymnastics star. You look more like a football player though.
But your pickup line is pretty stale. Want an autograph? Where should I sign?"
"Gymnastics? Autograph?" Ron asked, puzzled.
Hope said nothing, simply pointing to the sign above the bar. It was covered with photos from past Olympic gymnastics competitions, even displaying a few medals. Even the TVs in the bar were showing gymnastics competitions.
Based on the date, it was today's coverage.
Ron realized this was a gymnastics-themed sports bar. No wonder she'd said that.
"Okay, I have to admit I'm not much of a gymnastics fan, but you're right about one thing: I was a football player—the star quarterback who led the Harvard Crimson to back-to-back national championships."
Ron extended his hand again. "As an apology for the mistaken identity, could I buy you a drink?"
"Absolutely," Hope agreed, gently shaking Ron's hand.
She was feeling down today, and coming to the bar was meant to be self-medication, so she certainly wouldn't mind a free drink.
"Two bourbons, neat, on the rocks." Ron took the glasses and slid one toward Hope. "I've never really followed gymnastics; it's pretty niche, but that girl on TV looks talented."
"That's my protégé," Hope said without enthusiasm. "But maybe not for much longer."
"Maybe she'll win gold? That would give you a shot at coaching Team USA." Ron was well-connected in the sports world; several of his college teammates were still playing professionally.
His former teammate Spencer worked as a sports agent.
"That would be amazing."
"Really? Training an Olympic champion doesn't even make you happy? You're pretty hard to please." Ron clinked glasses and knocked back his drink. "Another round."
"I don't care if she wins gold or not. All I care about is that the legacy my coach left me turned out to be bullshit," Hope said, her eyes glazing over. "You said you saw a girl who looked just like me? What's she like?"
"Bernadette—my buddy's girlfriend. They'll probably get married and have at least two adorable kids. She's waitressing now, but it's just part-time. She's using the money to pay for her microbiology degree. I bet she'll end up working for some major pharmaceutical company."
Since they were strangers, Ron simply told Hope about Bernadette's future. He also quietly tried to recall if he'd seen this actress in anything else.
Ron had a general understanding of how this world worked. It was probably a parallel universe made up of movies and TV shows. If the same actor played different characters, they would most likely be look-alikes.
Like the multiple people who looked like Dwayne Johnson, or his old teammate who worked as a sports agent and bore a strong resemblance to Hobbs.
The problem was, "The Big Bang Theory" cast wasn't particularly famous, and he couldn't recall them in other major productions.
"You really want to sleep with her, don't you?" Hope was quiet for a moment, then suddenly said this, making Ron nearly choke on his drink.
"What! Hey, didn't you hear me? She's my best friend's girlfriend, and they're probably going to get married someday. Do I look like the type to backstab a friend?" Ron protested, wiping spilled bourbon off his shirt.
Hope said nothing, just stared at Ron with wide eyes.
Ron felt a bit guilty. "I'm really not that kind of guy."
"I didn't say you were," Hope replied, but her sullen expression disappeared. Instead, she licked her lips seductively, like a kid who'd discovered a new toy, and deliberately pushed out her chest.
"But don't you want to find out? From now on, you can call me Bernadette. That's her name, right?"
"Yes." Ron nodded, but immediately realized something was wrong.
More than wrong—this was dangerous territory!
"I don't even think about trying that. It would be too wrong, and do I look like someone who's short on female attention? I..." Ron didn't finish his sentence before his mouth was covered by something soft.
Ron almost instinctively pulled her closer and kissed back.
"Mmm..." Hope was practically breathless from the kiss, her face flushed red, and she immediately melted back into Ron's arms: "I have a room at the hotel next door. Want to come back with me?"
"I told you, I'm really not that kind of person." Ron said righteously.
Yes, that's right. I, Ron Lee Cooper, am such a gentleman who doesn't give in to temptation.
Hope continued whispering in Ron's ear: "I used to be a gymnast, won a bronze medal, and my body is very... flexible."
"Uh... I'm in."
(End of chapter)
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