Chapter 111: Sheldon Learning Spanish
"My surname is Sheldon."
"No, it should be, my first name is Sheldon." Howard said while gesturing with his hands.
Sheldon followed suit: "My first name is Sheldon."
When Ron returned home, the first thing he saw was this extremely bizarre scene, but he didn't interrupt them. He went straight to the refrigerator to grab a bottle of ice water and started drinking. Sheldon, deep in his studies, ignored him completely as if he were invisible. Only Howard acknowledged him with a nod.
"What's with the hand gestures?" Howard asked, confused by his own movements.
"I'm copying you. I think in some languages, gestures are also part of the communication." Sheldon said matter-of-factly with wide eyes.
"Of course not."
Sheldon complained. "How should I know? As a teacher, I think you should eliminate your bad habits from your instruction."
"You know what?" Howard closed the textbook. "I'm glad you decided to start learning Spanish. That means once you master it, there'll be hundreds of millions of people to annoy, and I'll finally be free."
"Trust me, it's impossible." Ron flopped down in the middle of the couch, pushing Sheldon back to his "designated spot."
"I've lived with him for over a decade. I know this feeling all too well. Every time you think you've escaped him, he sticks to your shoe like gum, and no matter how hard you scrape or shake, you can't get him off."
"I don't get it. Ron speaks Spanish fluently, why don't you learn from him instead?"
Ron smiled but said nothing.
"In college, there was this Mexican guy in my class, so I learned from him. I asked him how to say 'Hello' in Spanish. Guess what he taught me?" Sheldon said indignantly.
Howard asked curiously, "What was it?"
Sheldon's eyes blazed with anger. "He taught me: 'Soy estúpido'—'I'm stupid.' I spent a week using that phrase with other Spanish speakers before I realized it meant I was calling myself an idiot."
Ron asked, "So, do you know how to say 'Hello' in Spanish now?"
"Burro venenoso dulce~" Sheldon said with a piercing voice and frightening smirk.
Howard rolled his eyes. "You just called Ron a sweet poisonous donkey."
"I refuse to apologize," Sheldon said, refusing to admit his mistake. "My Spanish is exactly as good as my teacher taught me."
"Hahaha~" Ron laughed out loud. "Sheldon, I have to say, your idiotic behavior is hilarious no matter how many times I witness it. Why is my dear little moron planning to learn Spanish this time?
Let me guess. Did you hook up with another Latina? Or did the university assign you a new teaching assistant?"
"Neither. I think the Mexican restaurant we frequent deliberately uses orange chicken to pass off as pollo a la naranja, so I'm going to confront them. I'm going to use their own language to shame them into honesty."
Ron shrugged: "Alright, when you've practiced enough Spanish and you're ready for your confrontation, remember to call me. It'll be hilarious. I plan to record it and add subtitles so I'll have something for Grandma's Christmas gift."
At that moment, Penny suddenly burst through the door: "Can I borrow your fire escape?"
"Sure thing." Leonard, who was eating takeout in the back, responded. Ron only then noticed that Leonard had been in the room the entire time. How low was this kid's presence?
Penny pushed open the window and hurled something outside: "Asshole, you forgot your iPad!"
"What happened?"
"Let me tell you what happened!" Penny's voice was full of rage: "That narcissistic bastard wrote about our sex life on his blog. Now everyone knows what positions I prefer!"
Speaking of this, Penny couldn't help but lean out the window and yell: "Go to hell, you self-absorbed prick!"
With that, she slammed the door shut.
"Okay, where were we?" Sheldon pushed his textbook aside and continued studying.
Howard jumped up immediately: "Hold up!"
"Hey, where are you going?"
"Maybe I need to hurry up and find that blog before someone takes it down," Ron said helplessly. He still couldn't understand why Howard, who had already experienced success with his company ventures multiple times, still looked so desperately hungry.
Leonard stood there frozen, rubbing his hands awkwardly. This was his first time encountering such a situation, and he had no idea what to do. Ron couldn't stand it anymore and gave him a hint,
"What are you still doing here? Your dream girl is right across the hall. If I were you, I'd go over there and comfort her right now. Don't you think this is your golden opportunity?"
"But I don't know how," Leonard paced nervously.
"You could try just going for it. If she starts using tongue when she kisses you back, that means you've got a shot," Howard suggested unreliably while reading the blog with a perverted expression.
"I didn't say that. Here's the playbook. Want to study it first?"
"I think that's solid advice, Leonard. Your biggest problem is that you overthink everything. If I were you, a woman like Penny would take three days max." Ron stood up.
Leonard hung his head, muttering uncertainly, "I don't have your build or your looks."
"What?"
"No, it's nothing..."
"Whatever." Ron took two steps before remembering Penny's usual behavior patterns. She'd probably come back and cling to Leonard's neck, which reminded him of the bullying he'd witnessed in high school.
However, Ron wasn't planning to bully him. Instead, he felt like helping him out. "Hey, buddy, want to switch rooms with me tonight?"
"What?!" Leonard's voice cracked with surprise.
"No! I object! This violates our roommate agreement!"
Sheldon protested loudly, but Ron didn't even glance at him. Sheldon was just the annoying little brother—his opinion was irrelevant.
"Yeah, I'll trade rooms with you. I don't want to be clung to like a koala by some woman who just broke up and needs comforting, getting my shirt covered in snot and tears."
Ron certainly hadn't suddenly lost interest in women. The main reasons were: first, Penny's looks weren't up to his usual dating standards; second, with Leonard as his friend, things would be awkward.
Third, and most importantly, he'd just received a text on his way back from the field. A woman he'd previously been involved with was flying in tomorrow, and he planned to save his energy for round two.
"Really?" Leonard was clearly tempted.
"Of course, my brother~" Ron hugged Leonard, narrowing his eyes. "Trade my room for one night, just two hundred bucks. How about it? Isn't that a steal?
Even dinner and drinks with Penny would cost more than that, but now you get to spend the whole night with her~"
Ron whispered in Leonard's ear like a smooth-talking devil.
Being loyal to your friends doesn't conflict with earning back the money he paid that little punk Carl today~
(End of Chapter)
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