Chapter 68: Leonard's Speech
"Maybe you should wear pants," Sheldon pointed at the video feed from the toy car on Howard's laptop, clearly showing what Penny was wearing under her skirt.
"Ahhh!" Penny screamed, clutching her skirt and fleeing. Leonard, ever the hopeless romantic, was torn between chasing after Penny and continuing to admire the view on screen. Ultimately, the latter prevailed, and he remained motionless.
This is life, Ron thought, watching the four scientists discussing how Howard would perform "cybernetic" surgery on his own robotic body after becoming a robot.
This is life—the daily grind is pointless.
Even if he had to sit on the couch and watch Sheldon and Leonard bicker over a speaking invitation, Ron didn't want to see the ugly faces of Uncle Joe's crew or Hank's meth-cooking brother-in-law.
Regardless of the reason, drug trafficking was wrong.
"Ron," Howard and Raj approached him again, looking sheepish. "When are you free to take us to the bar again?"
"Why, you still haven't sealed the deal with those two chicks you picked up at the bar last time?" Ron looked at them with some surprise.
The two tattooed girls—the ones Caroline had gotten into it with last time—based on his understanding of these two nerds, they were already rare and top-shelf material.
Ron had seen them enter the hotel together, right? How could they blow it?
Could someone really strike out with girls they brought back to a hotel room?
Howard's face reddened with embarrassment. "Everything was going fine until I was helping her undress, and my class ring accidentally got caught on her temporary tattoo sleeve, tearing it off..."
Okay, that was the most ridiculous excuse Ron had ever heard, but it sounded perfectly natural coming from these two weirdos. "Alright, can I ask where exactly your ring got caught?"
"Up top!" "Down below!"
The nerds replied simultaneously, then looked at each other in confusion.
"Lucky bastard!" Howard sneered enviously. "I only made it to first base!"
"Okay, I'm not against taking you to the bar again, but I need you to help me with something!" Ron pounced on the opportunity.
He'd just been wondering how to trick Howard into doing some work, when unexpectedly not only had Howard offered himself up, but also included Raj as a buy-one-get-one-free bonus.
"Of course!" Four eyes stared at Ron excitedly. "Even if you want us to help you rob Fort Knox, that's fine!"
Ron waved his hand. "Easy there, my friends. Don't worry—if I ever planned to rob Fort Knox, I wouldn't ask you two to join me. You couldn't even carry a single gold bar between the two of you."
"I just need you to help me make some high-tech toys. You're probably the only people I know who can pull that off. And of course, I'll pay you for it," Ron reassured them, seeing Howard hang his head in shame over his lack of upper body strength.
Honestly, in the United States, finding a few muscle-bound guys was easy enough; he had several among his college buddies!
But finding decent tech talent was incredibly difficult.
It wasn't that the US lacked tech talent—as the world's leading superpower, it attracted talent from around the globe. But most of them were locked up in high-tech companies and universities, making them incredibly difficult to recruit.
Ron wasn't so arrogant as to think his modest funding could support a major research project, and he didn't think it was necessary.
He simply assigned Raj the design work and Howard the hands-on construction, modifying existing remote-controlled toys. Ron outlined his vision and requirements to the two nerds, and Howard agreed almost without hesitation.
"This is really doable?" Ron had good reason to suspect Howard was overselling his abilities.
"Of course there's no problem. It's just a quadcopter drone. At most, it'll need a remote control sensor and the storage compartment you mentioned." Howard confidently turned on his computer again and started designing.
Raj occasionally contributed his expertise to perfect the design, and even the argument between Sheldon and Leonard nearby didn't distract them.
"This letter is from the Institute for Experimental Physics. They want us to present our paper on the properties of supersolids at a conference on Bose-Einstein condensates," Leonard said, his voice rising with excitement practically bursting from his shorter-than-average frame.
"I know, I saw it before I threw it in the trash." Sheldon opened the refrigerator to get some water.
Leonard looked confused: "Let me clarify the issue here. Why did you throw it away?"
"Because I have no interest in going to the Rose Ballroom of the Marriott to face a bunch of strangers who like to nitpick. They won't recognize that the person giving the presentation is a true genius!"
Ron shrugged helplessly. Same old smell, same old recipe—Sheldon was still as narcissistic as ever.
"I don't know if you'll regret not going," Howard said, joining the conversation without looking up from his sketches. "Their reception is going to be epic."
"Yeah," Raj nodded in agreement. "Their reception is going to be incredible. They'll have all-you-can-eat Maine lobster. If you're not going, how about giving me your spot?"
It was true that even wealthy Indians like Raj couldn't resist a good deal.
"It's not about the reception," Leonard said irritably.
"Of course I know you care about the recognition, not the party itself, right? Dr. Hofstadter, seriously, I really think you should see a shrink."
Ron mercilessly called out Leonard's fragile ego.
"Ron, that's the most insightful thing you've said in all the years I've known you." For the first time, Sheldon looked at his neighbor with newfound respect. Ron, without moving from the couch, tipped an imaginary hat in acknowledgment.
Earning Sheldon's praise was truly rare.
"I don't need a shrink," Leonard protested. "Sheldon, we have to go to this conference."
"No, I'm not going."
"Fine, whatever, I'm going alone." Leonard decided not to continue arguing with the unreasonable Sheldon and headed back to his room to find appropriate clothes.
Sheldon objected, "No, and you can't go either, because I'm the first author."
"Don't be ridiculous—you're first author because it's alphabetical order!"
"I let you believe that so you wouldn't have to face the embarrassing fact that this paper was entirely my idea. I didn't mean to be so blunt, but honestly, I feel sorry for you."
Sheldon finished by adding, "You're welcome."
The two scientists helping Ron design his "toy" also looked up—even they could sense the tension escalating.
(End of chapter)
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