Chapter 51: Omaha Situation
"Name's Jesse McCree, my tactical ability is a flashbang, and my special move is 'Deadeye'—can take out any enemy below half health in my line of sight." Ron took a step back and calmly removed the woman's hand from his chest.
"Tactical abilities? Special moves? Is this some new pickup line you're trying out? I..." Christine moved closer again, but before she could finish her sentence, Ron shut the door in her face.
Ron stood outside the door, genuinely puzzled. He was well aware of his effect on women. He didn't consider himself a saint and wasn't immune to temptation by any means.
But even if he was a player, he was a player with standards. A man's energy was valuable—he couldn't waste it on subpar options. Ron decisively chose to knock on Sheldon's apartment door instead.
Inside, Howard was showing off his new smartphone's "intelligent" voice recognition: "Check this out, this is amazing. Call Leonard Hofstadter."
The phone responded: "Did you mean Helen Boxleitner?"
Slightly embarrassed, Howard pressed the voice button again and spoke clearly into the device: "No, no, no. Call Leonard Hofstadter."
The phone: "Did you mean Temple Basset?"
"Let me try," Leonard took the phone. "Call McFlurry McFlurnstein Blah Blah Blah..."
Leonard mumbled some nonsense name, but miraculously, this time the phone understood: "Calling Rajesh Koothrappali."
Rajesh looked confused: "Why are you calling me for?"
The next second, his phone rang. Raj pulled it out and saw Howard's name on the screen. "This is pretty high-tech, but also kinda racist."
"Are you guys done making fun of crappy technology? Can we start playing Halo now?" Sheldon complained to his friends. "We were supposed to start at 8 o'clock, and it's already 8:06."
"Alright, let's get started," Sheldon said, settling contentedly into his spot on the couch. "First, we need to figure out how to make up for those lost six minutes. Should we cut gaming time, bathroom breaks, or snack time?"
Ron pushed the door open at that exact moment. "Or you could do an elimination system—after each round, the lowest scorer sits out and does some chores. I'd be happy to sub in."
After a day of combat, playing some games to unwind sounded perfect. Besides, as a broke PC gamer in his previous life who only bought Steam games on sale, he'd never even tried console gaming and was curious about what all the fuss was about.
"Absolutely not!" Sheldon hated anything that disrupted established routines. "This is a sophisticated military simulation. It's incredibly complex. You have to master countless weapons, vehicles, and tactical strategies, not to mention the intricate storyline..."
Sheldon kept rambling on until Ron finally cut him off. "Sheldon, what exactly do you think I do for a living? I literally blew up a laundromat in this city with rocket launchers this morning."
Sheldon immediately shot back: "Impossible! Heavy weapons are prohibited within city limits!"
"Feel free to check the latest news on your phone."
Ron gestured to Sheldon's smartphone on the coffee table. Sheldon did as suggested, and Ron was finally satisfied to see Sheldon's shocked expression: "Okay, fine, you win. But you can't jump right in—you'll have to start as a substitute."
Ron shrugged indifferently. He wasn't much of a gamer anyway, so he might as well learn by watching. All five guys were getting settled and about to start when the door opened again.
Ron had unlocked it with his key but hadn't bothered to lock it behind him. Sheldon finally lost it: "What now?!"
This time it was Penny who walked in: "Sorry, Ron, I didn't realize she was bothering you earlier. Hey, can I hang out here for a while?"
Ron barely had time to wave dismissively to show he didn't mind when Leonard immediately went into full white-knight mode: "Of course! What's going on over there?"
"There's this girl, Christine, an old friend from back in Nebraska. She called saying she was coming to California, and she actually showed up wanting to crash at my place."
Howard looked at Ron with obvious envy: "Living with two gorgeous women—man, I am so jealous of you right now."
"If you can guarantee your mother won't use her Jewish guilt tactics to trap me in your house forever, I'd be happy to trade places," Ron replied with a shrug.
Sheldon pointed at his watch irritably, reminding everyone, "It's already 8:08!"
Leonard immediately made a shushing gesture and continued listening to Penny, who kept venting: "Ever since she got here this morning, she's been parading around my apartment bragging about all the guys she's hooked up with back in Omaha—which is basically every guy in Omaha.
She even hung the skimpiest lingerie you can imagine in my bathroom to dry!"
Howard had already crawled over from the couch like a hungry wolf the moment Penny started talking, hanging on every single word.
Ron, feeling helpless, collapsed onto the sofa and asked Rajesh, "So you never sorted things out with that tattooed chick from the bar last time, right?"
Rajesh shook his head, then nodded. Seeing Ron's confusion, he whispered, "It started out great, but Howard finished way too fast, and I never got my turn..."
Ron rolled his eyes. This was the classic example of a guy who talked big but couldn't deliver. He had no idea how Howard would ever manage to win over Bernadette, that petite powerhouse with her PhD in microbiology.
Sheldon slammed his game controller down in frustration. "I apologize for my earlier outburst. Who needs Halo when we have the real-life soap opera of the Omaha party girl?"
Leonard tried to be diplomatic: "I don't think she's that bad."
"Oh, she absolutely is. She has zero boundaries. One time, we were..." Penny stopped mid-sentence. "Wait, where's Howard?"
"Good evening, beautiful. I can tell you're new in town," Howard's voice drifted over from Ron and Penny's apartment next door, making Ron feel slightly nauseous.
The guy really wasn't picky. But remembering that 300-pound woman from last time, Ron felt somewhat relieved. At least this one was normal-sized, and Howard wouldn't need emergency medical assistance.
But now his apartment was occupied for the night. Which raised a very practical question: where was he going to sleep? Even though they were buddies, Sheldon definitely wouldn't want to share his bed.
(End of Chapter)
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