"Are you trying to sound like a dumbass, kid? Of course people can change. It's not an insurmountable issue. Addictions are conquered, habits are stopped, and viewpoints shift."
"Yes, but…what if someone's, say, a murderer? Do you think even then they can change? I mean, is it too late for them? Like, they're not stuck to be the person they are forever, right?"
John's face curled up In disbelief. He began to walk once again, his footsteps creating a steady rhythm that Josh struggled to match. He sighed, partly in exasperation, and partly in frustration.
"Look kid. I give a speech to everyone I take to Tiga before they get there. It's really not that serious. I like you, though. You seem curious and a little shy, but that won't cut it where we're going. What you need is to be strong, and not so vulnerable. Let me give you a clue on to how you should act, as a man."
The buildings drifted past in a blur. The many streets they crossed began to fade away as Josh pulled his hood over his head. His earlier question, the one he'd so desperately been searching to find the answer to had been dismissed rather unceremoniously, with little to no consideration. He allowed the man's voice to fade as he tuned him out, turning his focus inward instead. He knew he should be listening to the man, to be preparing for what's ahead. But the way he had been treated made him feel as though he had been discarded, like a dirty sponge, used up and forgotten.
*Just like that? He dismisses my question that easily? Well—no. That's not it. I know why he didn't care about my questions. He does this with everyone. I didn't hit it off with him, or strike a chord in his heart. I'm not special to him. He's simply one of those people. The ones who can and do speak to everyone. The ones who always know what to say and how to start a conversation. The ones who make everyone around them feel special to them, even if they're not.*
*And I do know the truth. People like that scatter their kindness to all, not just me. They're the ones who make sure no one's left out. That no one's forgotten. That everyone feels close to each other. I can't find it in myself to despise them for it, as there's certainly no reason for it. After all, it's a kindness…in a way. No, I don't hate them for it. But I hate what it does to me. What they do to me. I hate the illusion they provide me with. The one they imprint on you. Because the truth is, we're not close, are we? Not at all, in fact. We met only mere minutes ago! What am I to him except another task that needs to be done? What am I to him other than one among many, a face in a crowd?*
*There's nothing left other than for me to listen to the rest, I guess.*
"Hey, kid you listening?"
"Yeah."
"Then repeat what I said back to me."
"Ummm…"
"That's what I thought. Now, pay attention this time."
John cracked his knuckles and slipped his hands into his pockets. His gaze lifted to the sunny sky, surveying the scenery, his eyes wandering from one drifting cloud to the next. A breeze stirred, ruffling his brown hair.
John glanced at the boy beside him—the boy whose demeanor was one of one who hid himself from the world, and hoped for no trouble. He gave off the air of someone who'd been spoiled and sheltered their whole life, yet somehow encountered problems they were undeserving of. He was at the age that John believed all humans became too old to be regarded as innocent and someone who needed to be guided all the time, also too young to be on their own and remain without guidance. He was in the span where he decided whether or not he would rise or fall. Whether he would be successful or a failure. It was apparent to John that the boy had been through hardships he'd ultimately not yet progressed from, caught in suspension—willingly or not.
Why was John able to see right through him on their first encounter? In truth, he very closely resembled someone that had been one of John's closest treasures.
At last, he broke the silence and began to speak.
"If you want to fit in at Tiga, you're going to need to grow up. You don't strike me as the type of person who's hit maturity yet. I think you're still pretty young, right?"
"16, sir."
"Yeah. When I was 16, I was still a blistering idiot, myself. So I happen to know what I'm looking at." John sighed, his pace slightly diminishing. "But let me tell you this now: you can't cry. All right? If people see that there, you're done. Outcast. It's cruel, but that's the way it is. The truth hurts. Over at Tiga, there's groups of four maximum. You can fly solo, but it's heavily advised not to. If you cry once, if you show that vulnerability, show your true feelings, expect to be alone. Cry once, show them that weakness, no one will want you in their group."
"Now, that doesn't mean you get to be an asshole either, though. If you're rude to people, it'll come back and bite ya in the ass. So be decent, but don't be soft. That's something that's easily blurred. You don't have to be weak to be kind. However, the fact still remains that you're in the big leagues now kid, and people want your position. And they're gonna do what they have to do to get it. They don't play nice, they may not follow the rules, and no one trusts anyone, that should include you as well."
"I've basically already said this, but I want this engraved into you: above all, don't be weak. Don't slack in your studies. Don't slack in your training. Thankfully, neither's required since you're able to make your own choices, but that'll basically equate to dropping out. You only get a free pass if you're top squad, and that takes one hell of an achievement. Groups want a man. And that's how a man should act.
"So tell me, what branch are you?"
*Branch? Don't tell me…there's magic here or something along those lines? Is he referring to something similar to a skill tree? No, I doubt he even remotely knows what that is. So…what does he mean?*
"Umm…the third?"
"Any specific categories yet? You should really start looking into one. After all, it'll definitely play a major part in choosing what division you and your squad are assigned to."
"I—uh, no. Not yet at least."
*Goodness gracious. Can we please arrive already? This is taking far too long. *
"I see…it's never too late to pursue a different branch you know. The way I see it, once you learn at least 3 different skills, that's when you should start focusing on that branch. I hear there's a new student this year that has the potential to master them all. If she does that, that means she'll be the strongest here in the Empire. Which is good, considering the current situation with the world right now. What with the Orotsuki, the Solaris, and everything. I want you to do good kid, okay? Surround yourself with who you want to be like. Whether it's because they're smart, strong, or friendly, you find a group you can rely on and you stick with it."
"I also want you to stop with your shyness."
The last remark from John caught Josh off guard, prompting a frown to be pulled across his face. Heat rose to his cheeks and he turned red in embarrassment, shoving his hands into his pockets. He hesitated for a moment, his words catching in his throat, before he forced himself to reply.
"I can't help it."
John sighed again, rolling his eyes to look at the sku. Grey storm clouds had begun to appear in the distance, drifting lazily like lilies in a still pond. This world had taught him many lessons, and among them was this: old habits are never beyond repair. No matter how many times you've given in to them before, they can still be broken. You just have to want to stop.
"Let me tell you something kid. You are the only person who can help yourself."
"…I know…"
Josh fell quiet, and John did the same, the only noise left the ponderous sounds of their footsteps. Josh no longer cared to look at the passing buildings, nor the scenery slipping away beside them, instead, he trudged with a head full of advice. His footsteps grew louder and louder in his head as the minutes slipped by. At last, after twenty minutes of silence, they arrived at their destination.