Richard Johnson was a handsome man, with fair golden skin, short, neatly combed blond hair, pointed ears, intense golden eyes, not very tall but not short either, standing at about 1.75 meters and with the athletic physique of a swimmer.
Yes, he was a magnet for women, from young to old.
Furthermore, he wasn't having a good day.
It all started aboard a cruise ship. He was enjoying life as usual, far from those pure-blooded idiots of Godora or the hybrid idiots of Dark Star. As a hybrid of Godoran and Elf, he didn't look very different from a common Godoran, but still different enough to be considered a paria.
So Richard, or Rick as his friends call him, was drinking the strongest and cheapest drink he could find and looking for a woman pretty enough to hold in his gentle embrace.
Sure, he had to go and sleep with a Seimante, a race that possesses muscles larger than their thighs combined, but the females had enormous breasts and buttocks, so...
That crazy woman practically drained him dry, he swore he never wanted to see her again in his life, but life isn't really easy. A few hours later, he discovered that the Seimante was actually a gangster's wife. That was the beginning of his unfortunate situation.
Well, to sum it up, he was chased by gangsters and stole an escape pod, along with a few bottles of expensive wine along the way, but hey, who was counting?
He managed to escape, good for him, but as he drifted through space, heading towards the nearest inhabited planet in his capsule, he soon grew bored and did what he does best: drink himself to death.
The problem? He woke up with an overwhelming urge to urinate, an equally severe hangover and a confused stupor that barely allowed him to get to the bathroom without vomiting.
Of course, he couldn't find the bathroom and felt that if he walked any further he wouldn't be able to hold on, so he chose a random wall, aimed and shot.
He didn't hear the door closing behind him, or he heard it and ignored it because his headache was killing him, the depressurizing noise was also ignored, as far as his agonized face, irritated by the sound, could bear.
Finally finishing emptying the contents of his bladder, he let out a long, relieved groan. Feeling extremely thirsty, he was ready to pull up his trousers, go back to the cabin and look for water, but he saw a red lever just as he was about to leave.
Remembering his mother's teachings, he knew he needed to flush after using the toilet. He had gone to the toilet, right? Well, he didn't quite remember, but it didn't matter at that moment.
He pulled the lever.
Rick is a Grade C Pugilist, which means that even if he were sucked into space, he wouldn't die immediately.
Instead, his pants were sucked out when air was expelled from the craft, just like him, but in a completely different direction.
He put his hands to his neck as he tried to suck in air, but nothing.
In that brief moment of life or death, his confused mind became clear enough to know that he had messed everything up.
He could hold out for a few more minutes before dying in the vacuum of space.
This was the end of Richard Johnson, all the women in the star system would mourn the loss of their divine figure.
The next few minutes passed as Rick rambled on, growing increasingly confused about everything he hadn't done, about his decisions and especially about all the women he'd slept with, he wondered if they would miss him.
He came to a conclusion, no, nobody would feel it, his mother was the only woman who had ever truly loved him before.
It was a shame, if he had a second chance, he would want to find a woman who truly loved him... or at least sleep with enough women to fill the void in his desolate heart.
Yes, perhaps the second option would have been a better choice.
He fainted soon after having that thought, saddened not only for himself, but for all the women in the galaxy who had lost him.
//-//
Black Spider looked at the golden man with the erect penis stuck in his ship and remained silent for a long moment, all the clones around him were the same, sensing that the world was much stranger than expected.
-Can we switch ships?- Black Spider wondered quietly, regretting having opened the shields.
Finally, he sighed and stopped the ship. Using a retractable claw, he pulled the alien inside. It had no heartbeat. Ringo's clone entered its body and saw that it was still possible to save it. Quickly, it began to work, making its heart beat again.
The man's eyes widened as he gasped for breath, but the clone put him back to sleep. Instead, it began to sift through his memory, but when it realized the man was just a self-employed mercenary with a penchant for chaos when it came to drinking and women, it stopped.
If Rick were a pirate, his fate would be horrible, but since he was just an unlucky fellow, Ringo wouldn't harm him.
The clone returned to Black Spider's consciousness and looked at the thoughtful man. In the next moment, Ringo's clone began to see the future based on the decisions he made regarding this man.
It took him a few minutes to stop and look at the man with renewed interest.
Richard Johnson, in the futures Ringo could see, became his good friend most of the time. Richard was chaotic, a force of nature, but when he considered you a friend, he would go to great lengths for you.
He didn't ask, he just stood by her side while drinking a bottle of whiskey, with a carefree smile on his face.
Black Spider smiled, it seemed he had found his true first crew member.
He had a clone put pants on Rick and woke him up again.
Rick jumped up as soon as he woke up, getting into a fighting stance, seeing a series of guys dressed in black with helmets, plus a bald guy with a mean face and a spider tattoo on his neck, his instincts were on high alert.
-Hey, calm down, Small Worm, nobody's going to hurt you.- Black Spider chuckled briefly.
-A small... small worm?- he asked, bewildered.
The next moment, he seemed to remember something and looked down, seeing himself wearing black trousers like the men around him, his lips trembled.
Ringo had removed the alcohol from the guy's system, he didn't want to talk to a drunk. Not only that, but he also cured his hangover, so Rick was more than fine now.
-Did you save me?- The man asked, lowering his guard slightly and narrowing his eyes.
-That's right.- Black Spider agreed calmly. -Now you owe me.
Rick's lips trembled and if he weren't on an unknown spaceship, he would have already turned to run.
-Well... my savings are a little low...- Rick finally sighed. He had been saved, so he really wanted to pay the ransom, but he only had a few hundred Enas in the bank. Would that be enough?
-No problem, from today on, you'll be joining my mercenary group, welcome.- Black Spider patted the man on the shoulder with a "gentle" smile.
Rick was stunned for a moment before letting out a soft, confused -What?