We looked at each other in awe of what the man said; the looks on our faces were pretty much asking each other the question, is this guy for real? The man crossed his legs and said,
"Don't worry, if I were you, I'd be making the same reaction."
I'd expected one of us would start talking by now, but just like me, the socially anxious introvert, they didn't even know what to say. Eventually Kita built up the courage to reply.
"O-Oh, W-, I-, Yes! I mean, hmm, are you sure we're the ones you want? "
The man chuckled a bit and told us,
"Remember the crappy band that came after you? The band that held the event for their album launch? I was that band's manager. When they submitted their demo to me, I was astonished by what they gave, but I didn't know that when they perform live, they would be this garbage."
What he said made me gulp, even though it wasn't even said about me. The man continued saying,
"I thought I wouldn't be able to find better, but when I saw you all perform, I thought that I found the one band that can actually hit big."
We all tried to compose ourselves. Many questions entered our heads, like, is this man legit? Is he lying? If he isn't lying, how can we know he won't just abandon us like that other band?
Kita took a sigh, and told the man,
"We'll think about it… Thanks…"
"Hehe, okay, but just saying, this is an opportunity of a lifetime. If y'all take it, your lives will never be the same again."
The man handed us the card, said,
"I'll pay for your food once you have made up your mind. Ingat kayo! " (stay safe)
And left.
We started panicking, making sounds that I'd imagine young excited teenage girls would make if a boy confessed to them in a chick flick (though I haven't watched any).
"Hol—oh my God," Kita said while tilting her head and putting her hand on it like it hurt.
Ellie, on her phone, said,
"He's legit… Tony Panaligan, music producer at Harana Records… I searched him up." Her voice was dead when she said that, more dead than mine.
"So girls, what do y'all think? " Kita said.
"I—God damn… I just wanted to eat," Nina said.
"It feels too good to be true…" Ellie said.
"B—but he's legit… You searched him up! " Kita told her.
I didn't say a word. They continued to repeat the same things, even though we all knew that deep down we were at a loss for words.
"Okay… You think we should think about it first? Just get back to him once we got an answer? "Kita asked us.
"Y—yeah, sure… Whatever…" Ellie and Nina murmured together.
I was just staring, still processing the situation.
"Uh, Tala? Girl? You okay? " Kita said, waving her hand in front of my eyes.
I snapped out of it and said,
"Yeah—yeah, sure… I guess."
"Y—Yeah, perfect… Once y'all have made up your minds, let's talk this out… Let's call it a day for now," Kita said, sighing right after.
We parted ways. Nina and Ellie went home. I tried to rush my way to the LRT station, hoping that Kita wouldn't catch up. But since the train took a while to arrive, she crept up behind me and said,
"Wh—What do you think, Tala? You were just zoned out during that entire thing."
"I—I'm just trying to take it in," I said, while refusing to make eye contact.
"This… This is all we ever wanted, isn't it? We worked our precious time into trying to get somewhere in the music world… It's about time that it all paid off," she said.
"Y—yeah, it is… I never thought this day would come. I always thought our time gigging at night every week was just a waste." I replied, while still looking away.
I don't know why I feel embarrassed. I didn't even do anything. WE didn't even do anything. I don't know what to feel about this. My dreams of wanting to be a rockstar are about to be fulfilled. Yet I'm too scared to take that 'nother step. As the sun starts setting, with the twilight entering my eyes, I bow my head down to avoid it. My hair, covering the entire front of my face to hide it more. I'm scared. I don't know how to feel. But in my train of thought, the presence behind me placed her hands around my neck. Kita leaned her head unto mine and, in a reassuring tone, said,
"Hey, even we don't know what to do, but I know you're very passionate about this. I'll let you make the call… whether you want us to accept his offer or not."
I started blushing. I tried to hide it from her, but she noticed, smiled, and said,
"I know you, Tala; even back in high school I already knew you wanted much more than whatever life has given you. I think this is your opportunity to reach your dreams. Nina, Ellie, and I will be there for you… Okay? "
A tear dropped from my eye, but it wasn't enough to make me cry. I softly pushed her away, and said,
"I'll think about it," as the LRT arrived.
The train was crowded. It was filled with a mix of college students from the nearby university and what seemed to be older people who worked jobs. Kita and I were barely able to fit in the middle of the LRT car, both holding on to the same pole. I was still looking down, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. When the train suddenly took a hard turn, my head accidentally fell on Kita's chest. I was able to hear her heartbeat for a few seconds. Embarrassed, I quickly got off, and I was finally forced to look her dead in the eye.
"I—I… Sorry," I told her.
For a split second I saw her face, astonished at what happened, only to be followed up with a small chuckle and a smile and her eyes closing. I chuckled a lil back, thinking that it was quite funny, and then looked away to the other side immediately after.
Looking out the window, I saw the city again. The police (now with more of them) were continuing their operations in pursuing the president's drug war. The rowdyness of Manila's nightlife can still be heard even inside of this train's carriage. I looked to the polluted waters. Though still a horrible part of this country, it looked beautiful under the night light; it almost placed a smile on my face.
As I was about to doze off, thinking that it couldn't get more peaceful than this, a very loud sound came from behind. Everyone in the train looked in that direction. In the distance, I saw the police with guns carrying a dead body out of the street. Assuming that's where it came from, I held onto Kita in fear. She did the same back. I let my guard down for a second, and it made me forget that this place is still a shitty place to live in. Kita and I held each other for the remainder of the ride. Not many words were exchanged except for the few when I accidentally stepped on her shoe.
Once the train stopped at the station we were supposed to get off at, we immediately rushed out, waving goodbye to each other with a smile, as if we didn't just witness extrajudicial killings a few moments ago. After a bit of walking I entered my apartment, still looking as shitty as ever, took off my jacket, and lay on my bed without tidying up as always.
I closed my eyes, trying to take in this big, busy day, while also thinking about the offer made by that Panaligan guy.
Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes and looked at the window. I saw the moon in the night sky, alongside the stars that surround it, with the stars shining so bright that they illuminated the scars on my arms. It showed clearly the flesh that was underneath my skin. It made me think, I don't want to be in this mess for the rest of my life, do I? With the definition of insanity on Google being repeating the same thing and expecting everything to change, it made me realize that I'm not too far from it. Kita Nina, and Ellie are on their way to enter college in a few months. All I'm doing is rotting here, only going out once every week to play in bars. I don't want to stay in this room, cutting myself for the rest of my life. This might the ONE chance I'll be able to escape this situation I'm in.
Grabbing my phone, I started typing in the band gc that I've made up my mind. I looked at the stars in the sky one last time before going to bed, thinking hopefully one day, I'll be able to shine as bright as them.