Chapter 173
Ciel
There's no time left.
My heat is looming around the corner. I can feel it—the restlessness, the way my skin is more sensitive, the way Jack's scent lingers on me longer than it should. I can't keep ignoring it.
I take the suppressants and look at myself in the mirror.
It's time to make a decision.
I really don't want to, though.
I'm so scared. I get into my head when we're intimate, and I often end up freezing. My body remembers things my mind wants to forget.
The way my consent was optional. The way pleasure was never for me.
But I don't want the heat to take away my choice.
I've spent my whole life having choices taken from me. My father decided my future. The dukes decided my body. The world decided my worth.
Not anymore.
I set down the suppressants.
I'm going to do this. Not because of the heat. Not because Jack expects it. Not because anyone is watching.
Because I want to.
Because I'm choosing it.
***
Richard Roderick
I slam the tablet down.
