Chapter 26
Nolan
I watch as Ciel wobbles back outside, Jack already reaching to steady him like it's second nature. They settle back into that bubble of theirs on the pool chair, the world falling away like it always does when they're together. And I just… sit there.
Thinking about what he said.
And damn it, he's right.
What am I hoping to accomplish by constantly telling him not to trust Jack? By hovering like a storm cloud, waiting to shout I told you so the second something goes wrong? Even more than me, Ciel knows the risks. He's not dumb. He's not naïve.
He's lived through hell.
So what do I want? To tell him to stop hoping for some magical nice alpha? To cut him off from the one shred of hope he's found?
Or is it that I want him to look at me instead?
To finally see me, not as the backup plan or the loyal best friend, but as the person who's always been there?
What about me is enough?
I have no job. No stability. I can't give him a house, or safety, or even the damn baby vitamins he needs. Can I keep him safe? Provide for him? Be the father his son deserves? Hell, not even that—what about his emotional and physical needs?
The memories sting, unbidden. Nights on the run. His heats the way he suffered through them, and me? Standing helpless. We tried before. I wanted so badly to be what he needed.
But I couldn't. Not enough to ease him. Not enough to satisfy him.
Nothing hurt more than taking him back to that bloody bastard during his heat because I couldn't do anything for him myself.
Life is so damn cruel. I love him so much, but I'll never be enough. Not the way he deserves.
So what do I gain by constantly being a rain cloud over his first real bout of peace? What's my endgame here? Do I expect him to always live in fear, to distrust everyone just so he'll only trust me?
When I'm not enough?
The bitter truth settles in my chest like a knife: Ciel is the strongest person I know. I've watched him bleed and still find a way to laugh. I've watched him shatter and pick up his own pieces while the world turned its back on him.
And he's right—what kind of life is it if you never let yourself breathe? If you never take a risk, never allow yourself a moment of joy just because you're afraid it might end?
That's what I've been asking of him. To live braced for impact. To never relax, never trust, never hope.
And if I'm being brutally honest? I'm not just scared that Jack will hurt him. I'm more scared that Jack won't.
Because what happens if Jack really is the good guy? What if he actually gives Ciel everything I never could—safety, love, a home, a family? What if they have their happily ever after?
What happens to me then?
Where does that leave me, when I've built my whole world around him—and he finally finds one that doesn't need me in it?
*
Ciel is asleep, knocked out cold on the couch, his breathing soft and even. He looks so small like that, curled on his side with one hand draped protectively over his stomach.
I can't help it—I smile.
Leaning down, I press a kiss to his forehead, careful not to wake him. Then I straighten and quietly slip out.
I need answers.
Jack's not hard to find. The faint sound of rhythmic thuds leads me straight to the home gym.
When I push the door open, the sight makes me pause.
He's there—shirtless, sweat-slick, fists flying into the heavy bag with precise, brutal efficiency. His movements aren't sloppy or amateur; there's control there, muscle memory. He's fought before. Fought a lot, maybe.
My eyes narrow slightly. Another mystery to add to the pile.
But that's not why I'm here.
"What are your intentions with Ciel?" I ask, my voice cutting through the steady thud of his punches.
He stills. Both hands press against the bag to stop it swinging, and then he turns.
There's an amused glint in his eyes. "Oh my, what is this? The meeting with the in-laws?"
"I'm serious." My arms cross over my chest, my tone flat.
Jack lets out a long-suffering sigh, grabs a towel off the bench, and wipes his neck. "You really don't quit, do you?"
"Answer the question."
"Fine." He throws the towel around his shoulders and meets my stare without flinching. "Nothing."
I blink. "Nothing?"
He lifts his hands in mock surrender. "I mean it. Obviously, I like him." A small, self-deprecating smile tugs at his lips.
"He's… impossible not to like. But it all depends on Ciel, Mr. Beta Guard Dog."
My arms tighten across my chest.
Jack shrugs like it's the simplest thing in the world. "If Ciel wants to be friends, that's okay. If he wants more, that's okay too. If he wants me completely out of his life, then I'll walk."
His expression softens, sincerity replacing the earlier humor.
"I'm just… here. So my plans with Ciel? They're whatever his plans are with me."
I study him. Looking for the smirk, the glint of malice, the telltale flicker that this is all an act. But there's none. Just Jack, sweaty and annoyingly handsome, saying the kind of thing I've always wanted someone to say about Ciel.
I hate that it sounds genuine.
"Not what you were expecting, huh?" Jack tilts his head, that faint smirk returning.
"You want me to have some evil master plan? Sorry to disappoint."
I glare, but the heat's gone out of it. "If you hurt him—"
He cuts me off, voice steady. "I won't."
The worst part?
For the first time, I believe him.
And that terrifies me more than anything.