I pulled my mask higher over my face and dipped my cap low as I leaned against the wall, waiting for the others to finish changing to get ice cream.
"You can rest easy over here," Seung-hyun said quietly, sliding in beside me. His smile was faint, almost apologetic. "Not many care about the trainees in this company."
I blushed, scratching my cheek. "I know. It's just… I'm used to covering my face."
Color rose in his ears as he waved his hands frantically. "Oh no no no—I didn't mean to make it seem like you were—"
I laughed, easing his panic. "You're fine. No offense taken."
He let out a breath, shoulders sagging. "I was hoping to get closer to you, but it seems like I just did the opposite. Just so you know… I'm socially awkward."
That made me chuckle. "Good. Me too. I had a hard time getting along with my former members."
His eyes widened. "Really?"
"Yeah. They didn't bully me or anything, but… there was always distance between me and them. Except for one guy. I was close with him."
Rowan Park's face flashed in my mind—rookie of the year, the nation's sweetheart, my only real friend back then. I still felt betrayed by him, but at the same time… I couldn't bring myself to hate him. He was there for me when no one else was.
Seung-hyun tilted his head. "All of them must've been really good. Even the trainees who didn't make the debut line must've been amazing."
Sihun had been a gifted dancer and vocalist, all soft lines and an innocent kind of beauty that made people stop and look.
Junho was the kind you couldn't dislike—an all-rounder with easy charm, the boy-next-door face you could trust.
Byungho, though—he carried himself like he was already on stage. A rapper who owned the room the second he stepped in, his presence towering as much as his height. Staff whispered about his looks constantly, calling him too mature for his age.
They were the kind of boys you knew were made for the spotlight. Voices steady even when the choreography pushed them to their limits. Handsome in different ways, but with the same undeniable pull.
I nodded. "They were. All of them."
He hesitated, then smirked nervously. "So… big egos, right? Not that you're—"
I laughed again, shaking my head.
Yeah. I was definitely going to get along with this guy.
"Some were self-centered," I admitted. "Not everyone, but… there were definitely a few."
His gaze flickered. "Did the paparazzi go crazy every time you left the building?"
I studied his expression—part curiosity, part disbelief.
"I don't know what it's like in HY-PE," he continued, "but I bet everyone goes wild for the trainees over there. Starlite's… unheard of. Climbing up to fame here? It's no easy feat. Most people ignore us."
For a moment, I didn't know what to say. His honesty hung heavy in the air.
"You want to become an idol, right?" I asked finally.
Seung-hyun nodded without hesitation.
"I know it's hard to get into the big companies," I pressed, "but… did you try?"
His shoulders slumped against the wall, his voice low. "I did. I got rejected by most. I made it into SYP once, but they dropped me."
I nodded slowly, guilt pricking my chest. I probably shouldn't have asked.
But his voice grew steadier as he went on. "My dream is to be an idol. I don't want to do anything else. So… I auditioned for everyone. Every company. And when Starlite accepted me—I took it. I don't even know why. But… here I am."
The door swung open and Minho stepped in, stretching his arms lazily. "What are you two whispering about?"
"HY-PE," Seung-hyun muttered.
Minho's eyes lit with curiosity. "Ahh, so tell us. How's it really like?"
I froze. The question cut deeper than I expected. Memories rushed back uninvited—the suffocating white practice rooms, mirrors that reflected nothing but exhaustion, the endless hours where sleep was a luxury, and the fear that tomorrow might be your last day as a trainee.
"It was tough," I said finally, pulling my mask off. My voice sounded rougher than I meant it to.
Minho and Seung-hyun leaned closer.
"You're surrounded by insanely talented people," I continued. "Every day felt like survival. If you didn't improve fast enough, you were cut without hesitation or bombarded with criticism and humilation." I inhaled, my chest tightening. "Every second I was awake went into training. One mistake—you're cut. Just like that."
Their expressions hardened.
Tae-yang walked in just then, catching the end. His arms folded, gaze locked on me. "And the trainees?"
I let out a hollow laugh. "They were all gifted, all polite on the surface… but friendships?" I shook my head slowly. "Friendships were fake. At the end of the day, we were all clawing for the same spot. You learn fast that loyalty means nothing when someone else's dream depends on replacing you."
Silence stretched. Even Minho's grin had faltered.
"And the staff?" Tae-yang pressed.
"Harsh," I said flatly. "Rules so strict you stop having a personal life. Everything—what you ate, when you slept, how you spoke—was controlled." My throat tightened, but I forced the words out. "It wasn't training. It was… conditioning."
No one spoke. Their eyes lingered on me, as if I'd revealed something I hadn't meant to.
Tae-yang finally gave a slow nod. "That's how it usually is with big companies."
I let out a long breath I hadn't realized I was holding. "The only good thing about them is this—if you debut under HY-PE, success is guaranteed. They have the connections. The power. That's what keeps people enduring it."
The room was silent except for the faint hum of the air conditioner.
The others nodded, their expressions unreadable.
"I don't know which is better," Minho admitted at last. His voice sounded small in the thick silence—like he'd put words to the thought none of them wanted to say.
And just like that, their eyes drifted back to me. Waiting. Measuring.
For the first time, I realized—the others weren't just listening. They were comparing. Between their struggles in obscurity, and my survival in the machine.
And somehow, I wasn't sure which path was worse.
The last of the members stepped out of the practice room.
"We're ready!" Diego called, voice bright.
Jiwoo threw in a random dance move as he trailed after him, earning a few chuckles.
We walked together down the quiet hallway, our sneakers squeaking softly against the floor. It was silent, but not awkward. The kind of silence that felt like it was waiting to be broken.
Sure enough—
"Ay, Kai. I have a question," Diego said, sidling up to me.
The way he asked made my stomach twist. "...What is it?"
"First you have to promise you'll answer honestly." He stuck out his pinky, eyes wide with mock seriousness.
I blinked at it, then glanced at the others for help.
Minho patted my back with a sigh. "That's just how our maknaes are. You'll get used to it."
Reluctantly, I hooked my pinky around Diego's. His face lit up like he'd won the lottery.
"Yes!" he cheered.
A pit of regret settled in my stomach. Oh no… I shouldn't have agreed to this.
"So," Diego began dramatically, "earlier today, my members and I made a bet. It was right after you finished performing Moove by Jaemin—"
I raised my brows. The others looked just as stunned as me.
"Since when did we make a bet?!" Minho sputtered.
Diego rolled his eyes. "Ignore them. They're backing out because they don't wanna buy us ice cream."
"Yup," Jiwoo chimed in, smirking. "Cowards."
I frowned. Where is this going?
Diego stopped walking, turned to me, and locked eyes like he was about to interrogate a suspect. "Kai… you can be honest with us. We won't tell anyone. Just answer me straight."
The others froze, waiting.
"...What?" I asked carefully.
Diego narrowed his eyes. "Did you get plastic surgery?"
I blinked. My jaw almost hit the floor. "...WHAT?!"
The members' stares burned into me, dead serious, like whatever I said next would determine the fate of the nation.
For a moment, I tried to hold it in—then it burst out. A cough, then a laugh, then full-blown hysterics. My knees almost buckled as I clutched my stomach, laughing until tears blurred my vision.
The others just stared, dumbfounded.
Finally, I wiped my eyes and wheezed, "No! I've never so much as let a needle touch my face."
I laughed again.
"I told you!" Diego shouted, high-fiving Jiwoo. The two of them hugged, bouncing around like kids who just won the lottery.
"Wait, wait, wait," Minho said, grabbing my shoulders. His gaze was intense. "You've never done any kind of surgery? Not even small cosmetic stuff?"
I shook my head, still chuckling. "Nope."
Seung-hyun leaned in close, squinting at my face like I was an exhibit. "No way. Your eyes and nose… they seriously look like they've been touched up."
"Told you it was natural!" Diego crowed. "WHICH MEANS THE HYUNGS ARE BUYING ICE CREAM!"
"YEEEAAAH!" Jiwoo hollered, pumping his fists.
"Guys, quiet down," Tae-yang said sharply, though I swore I saw the corner of his mouth twitch.
Minho wasn't finished though. "Okay, but seriously—have you ever gotten, like, botox or something? Wait—can I touch your nose?"
I shrugged. "...Sure?"
He immediately grabbed and yanked it.
"OW!" I yelped, swatting his hand away. "What was that for?!"
Minho's eyes went wide, like he'd just uncovered a government secret. "Wow. It really is natural!"
"I literally just told you that!"
Seung-hyun shook his head in awe. "Unbelievable. God really does have favorites. You check every single Korean beauty standard box."
"I didn't even think Koreans could naturally have those features," Minho muttered.
I rubbed my sore nose and sighed. "That's because I'm half American."
"HUH?!" they all chorused in unison.
"NO WAY!"
"That explains it!" Jiwoo gasped. "Your pale skin!"
"And your light eyes," Minho added.
"And your high nose bridge," Seung-hyun said, still analyzing me like a lab experiment.
"And the big eyes too!" Jiwoo piled on.
"And the height! He has it all!" Minho gushed.
"Is it your mom or your dad?" Tae-yang asked, curiosity in his eyes.
"My mother," I replied, walking ahead.
They erupted again.
"Then your mom must be really beautiful," Seung-hyun muttered reverently.
I groaned. This is my life now.
Yet at the same time, I didn't mind. This must be fate, right now, I'm truly happier than I ever was at HY-PE.
"There's the convenience store," I sang, pointing ahead. Honestly, I wasn't craving ice cream that much—but spicy ramen and ice cream? That hit different.
"Guess who's paying?" Diego sang while skipping like a five-year-old.
He spun around, shooting double finger guns at the others. "The hyyyuuuuunnngggsss." He dragged out the last note like he was auditioning for a musical.
Jiwoo clapped my back. "Don't worry, hyung, you're an exception today since it's your first day."
The bell jingled as we stepped inside. The smell of fried snacks and instant noodles hit me instantly, and my stomach growled loud enough for Diego to hear.
I made a beeline to the ramen aisle, grabbing two cups at once. "Which one should I get?"
"Get them both," Diego said without hesitation, already grabbing two extra spicy ones for himself.
I gave him a thumbs up. "I like the way you think."
"Should we get sausage too?"
"Of course. I'm getting an egg while I'm at it."
"We need drinks too!"
"Yes!"
It was like we were on a mission. Our arms filled so fast we had to grab a basket.
That's when Minho's voice cut in. "What are you guys doing?"
I looked up to see him and Seung-hyun glaring at the overflowing basket.
"We're supposed to be getting ice cream," Minho scolded.
Seung-hyun peered inside. "What is this?! You haven't even been here a minute!"
Diego and I exchanged a glance before bursting into laughter.
"We're hungry, hyung," Diego said, barely keeping a straight face. "Let us live."
"Um, no I won't." Minho crossed his arms. "We agreed to buy you guys ice cream—not feed an army!"
Seung-hyun examined the basket.
"Dang, you eat way too much, Diego," Seung-hyun groaned.
Minho turned back to me. "You must eat a lot too, Kai-hyung."
"I do," I admitted with a toothy grin.
Minho jabbed a finger at Diego. "Fine. I'll buy Kai-hyung's food, but not yours."
"Hey!" Diego gasped. "That's discrimination!"
"Nu-uh. We said ice cream, not… this!" Minho waved his hands dramatically at our mountain of snacks.
Jiwoo rounded the corner and his eyes zeroed in our basket.
He nearly tripped laughing. "What is all this food?!"
Tae-yang appeared behind him, rubbing his temples. "What is all this noise?"
Jiwoo pointed at our basket, wheezing. "LOOK!"
Tae-yang sighed the sigh of a tired parent, while Minho and Seung-hyun chuckled behind their hands.
"Well, is that all?" Tae-yang asked, already sounding done.
"Nope," Diego grinned and pulled me toward the freezer. He flung it open like a magician revealing his final trick. "We still need our ice cream."
We rushed to grabbed our ice cream, before coming back.
"Okay, we're ready!"
The members dropped their ice creams on the counter, and Diego slid the basket of groceries beside them.
"This was supposed to be cheap," Minho muttered.
"I'll pay," Tae-yang said firmly.
"No no—it's all good! It's on me!" I cut in quickly, my voice sharper than I intended.
If anything, I wanted to treat them. To prove myself. To start differently this time than with my old team.
But Tae-yang shook his head. "No, let me treat you."
Jiwoo clapped my back. "He's right. We can't let the new guy pay."
The others chorused their agreement.
"Guys—"
"Nope!"
"Stand behind us, Kai."
Before I could argue, the cashier—a middle-aged man with tired eyes—squinted at me. "Is this your new member?"
The group straightened at once.
"Yes," Minho said with a sly smirk. "Isn't he cool?"
The man's gaze locked onto me, and it felt like the air shifted. "You're… really good-looking," he said, almost breathless.
Heat crept to my face. "Ah—thank you…"
"How did Starlite manage to find a trainee like you?" he muttered, still in awe.
Jiwoo jumped in. "They scouted him through social media."
The cashier let out a low whistle. "You're good-looking enough to debut in one of the Big 4 companies." His eyes didn't leave me. It was like the rest of the group had disappeared, and suddenly, every fluorescent light in the store seemed trained on me.
No one spoke. Even my members, so loud a second ago, were quiet now.
"Sir, can we pay for the food?" Diego finally asked, his voice flat, eyes glued to the ramen like he'd rather be anywhere else.
The man blinked, snapping out of his daze. "Oh—oh, right. But… actually…" His eyes flicked back to me, widening with decision. "You know what? I'll give you everything for free."
I blinked. "Huh?!"
"Yes, yes—of course! Anything for you!"
A stunned silence fell. My members stared at me like I'd just bent reality. I couldn't help the stupid grin spreading across my face.
"Really?!" I asked, my voice cracking slightly with disbelief.
The cashier nodded fervently. "Yes yes! Of course! Anything for you!"
"Thank you sir!" My members all chorused.
–
"I can't believe we got all these stuff for free!," Minho exclaimed.
"I know, right?" Jiwoo said, equally excited. "Thank you Kai-hyung!"
Diego and I wolfed down our ramen like starved animals.
"I didn't pay for it," I managed to say through my stuffed mouths.
"It's thanks to your face that the guy gave it to us for free, though," Seung-hyun replied.
I busily ate the bowls of ramen in front of me. It was so good.
Diego and I shared glanced and nodded our heads with a knowing look that the food is so good.
"Do these kinds of things happen to you?" Minho asked.
"What things?" I asked after gulping my drink.
"Getting free stuff because you're good-looking,"
I thought about it.
In middle school, there were times where the street vendors would give me free food. But in Seoul, I don't recall ever receiving favorable treatment.
I mean most of the time I went out, I was always with my members or with cap and mask on. Besides there were a lot of handsome lads, I was considered average if anything.
"No,"
"No way!" Seung-hyun, Minho, and Jiwoo said in unison.
I licked the last bit of broth from my chopsticks. "There were a lot of handsome trainees over there. Even civilians were pretty good-looking. If anything, I was average-looking… maybe even on the uglier side."
"Okay, I'm gonna have to stop you there." Seung-hyun raised his hand, expression sharp. "I was a trainee for SYP. And in all my time there—I never saw a trainee who could compare to your looks."
I blinked at him, doubtful.
"I agree with Seung-hyun." Tae-yang's voice cut in, quiet but firm. "I was formerly a trainee for Circle Entertainment."
My eyes widened. "You were a trainee for Circle Entertainment?!"
A flash of Junho's face came to mind—my former member, who was about to debut there soon. He'd already found a good company, so why had Tae-yang left… to join an unknown one?
Tae-yang simply nodded.
"Did Starlite scout you through social media?" I asked.
"Yeah," he replied calmly. "But it was after I quit Circle Entertainment."
Minho leaned forward. "Tae-yang was one of their best trainees. He even produced songs for their artists."
"Seriously?!" I gaped.
"That's what made him stand out," Minho continued. "His producing. He's creative—comes up with hits out of nowhere."
I turned to Tae-yang, stunned. "Then… why did you quit?"
Silence. Tae-yang's gaze dropped, his eyes clouded with something heavier. For a moment, even Diego stopped slurping ramen.
"I…" He drew in a breath. "I lost passion. The rules were suffocating. I wasn't allowed to create the music I wanted. Even if I debuted… it wouldn't have been me."
The room stilled.
"And Starlite gave you the chance to make your own music?" I asked softly.
He nodded. "I only became a trainee because I love music. If I can't enjoy it… then debuting is nothing but a dry dream."
Minho broke the heavy silence with a small grin. "Tae-yang produced our debut track."
I smiled, shaking my head in awe. "Circle really lost a good one, huh?"
Tae-yang only shrugged.
"You're really nonchalant, aren't you?" I teased.
Seung-hyun smirked. "Most of the time he is. But on rare occasions his energy matches Diego's."
Everyone laughed.
"What about you guys?" I asked, curiosity tugging at me.
Jiwoo perked up first. "Oh, me? My parents never approved of this dream. Starlite was the only company in my hometown, so I auditioned with a friend and got in."
"What happened to your friend?" I asked.
Jiwoo scratched his head sheepishly. "Oh, well… he failed."
We all burst out laughing. "Poor guy," I chuckled.
My eyes landed on Diego.
"I got street-casted," he said with a grin. "Since I do gymnastics, I figured—why not give it a shot?"
Everyone nodded.
"Diego and Tae-yang are the best dancers among us," Minho said.
Minho leaned back, arms crossed. "As for me, I auditioned at a bunch of smaller companies. Became a trainee at one, got pretty good, but never made the debut lineup. I quit. I went back home… then saw Starlite was recruiting for a boy group and decided to try again."
Jiwoo leaned back in his chair, ticking off names like he was reading a roll call.
"Jiwoo, Minho, and I have been here three years. Seung-hyun joined fifteen months ago. Tae-yang, eleven months…" His eyes landed on me. "And now, you."
Tae-yang's head tilted, gaze sharp. "How long have you been training, Kai?"
"Since I was twelve. So… eight years."
The table erupted. Chairs scraped, voices overlapped.
"Seriously?!"
"Eight years?!"
I lifted a hand lazily. "Mhmm."
Only Tae-yang didn't flinch. He sipped his water like he'd been expecting it. "You all saw his skills earlier. Why are you surprised?"
Minho leaned forward, eyes wide. "So that's what eight years of experience looks like…"
"What companies did you train in?" Jiwoo asked.
I hesitated, then dropped it flat: "…Only HY-PE."
The air stilled. Conversations strangled mid-breath. Even the hum of the AC felt louder.
"No way."
"Really?"
"You started at HY-PE?"
A ripple of awe went around the table.
"You must've been a really good dancer."
I snorted. "Nope."
"Then… a good singer?"
I leaned back, forcing the words out. "I was street casted."
Silence.
Shock, then admiration. Their eyes weighed heavy, like I'd just announced royalty instead of rejection.
I raised my hands. "Don't look at me like that. I was one of the worst trainees there."
A chorus of protests followed.
"Really?!"
"That's a lie, hyung."
"You made it to the debut line!"
"And your performance earlier was star quality."
"You're not bad."
I shook my head, a humorless laugh escaping. "Maybe not anymore. But back then? I barely scraped by."
Seung-hyun frowned. "Jeez, how good were those trainees if you weren't measuring up?"
"You still made it though," Minho added quickly.
"Yeah, probably for your visuals. Fans eat that up—handsome guys!"
"Don't talk like that Jiwoo!" Seung-hyun scolded.
I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. "All the trainees were handsome. That wasn't it. Truth is… I wasn't supposed to be in the group at all. I was ranked ninth. The only reason I made it into the debut line was because they liked how I united the group. It had nothing to do with my skills."
The room fell still. HY-PE's name weighed on all of us, the silence heavy enough that I could hear my own heartbeat pounding in my ears.
"Kai."
Tae-yang's voice cut through the air. I looked up. His gaze locked with mine, steady, unflinching.
"They chose you for a reason. Don't twist it into something less." His tone was quiet, but carried like truth. "This is HY-PE we're talking about. They have the best trainees in the country at their fingertips. If they put you in that debut lineup, it wasn't an accident. It wasn't pity. It was because you were good enough."
His words hit me harder than I expected.
"So stop acting like you don't belong," Tae-yang continued. "The Kai I saw performing today… he's an idol who's going to make it big. No company could've overlooked that."
For a moment, I couldn't breathe. Then, slowly, I smiled. "…Thanks."
Jiwoo gawked. "Wow. I didn't think someone like you could actually feel insecure."
"Chin up, hyung," Seung-hyun grinned. "We're gonna make it big together. I'm glad you're with us."
Diego leaned forward, eyes bright. "Yeah. I didn't think we were missing anything… but now? The group feels complete with you."
A warmth spread in my chest, unexpected, heavy. "I'm glad I finally accepted."
Minho blinked. "Wait. What do you mean—'finally'?"
"Did our company try to recruit you before HY-PE?" Jiwoo asked.
I hesitated. Then nodded. "Five times."
The room exploded.
"Five?!"
"Five?!"
"Hyung, are you serious?!"
I smirked. "If I'd said yes the first time… I'd have been training with you three years ago."
Jiwoo practically fell off his chair. "You what?! You dared to reject us?!"
"You could've been with us all this time!" Diego clutched his chest like I'd stabbed him. "I feel betrayed!"
"Please. If I was at HY-PE, I wouldn't have left either," Minho deadpanned.
"Kai-hyung was high-ranking there. You'd have to be insane to switch." Seung-hyun folded his arms.
Tae-yang groaned, rubbing his temples. "Can you guys not badmouth our company? They're literally debuting us soon."