"Let's go, Croc! I know you don't trust people easily, but since we're heading to the capital to read the Poneglyph anyway, you might as well tag along!"
Bardock cheerfully waved the Warlord over. He summoned a massive layer of the Flying Nimbus and stretched it out like a giant canopy, using it as a floating parasol to shield the crew from the scorching desert sun as they began their trek toward the capital city, Alubarna.
"Doesn't that cloud of yours carry people?" Crocodile asked, glaring up at the fluffy canopy in absolute bewilderment as he trudged through the sand. "Why the hell aren't we just flying there?!"
"As seasoned travelers, we must fully immerse ourselves in the romance of a desert trek!" Bardock proclaimed righteously. "If we just skip the journey and rush straight to the destination, we might as well have just stayed home and slept!"
Honestly, Bardock just enjoyed the slow, leisurely stroll. Since the desert heat couldn't actually threaten them under the shade of the Nimbus, it was a nice, relaxing hike.
"Boring," Crocodile scoffed. He pulled out a fresh cigar, lit it, and took a long drag. He had lived in this sandbox for years; he was completely sick of the 'desert scenery'.
After a long trek, the group finally arrived at the massive, walled oasis capital of Alubarna.
"Bardock, how are we supposed to find the Poneglyph?" Robin asked, her heart rate picking up. Even though Bardock had already spoiled that this specific stone only detailed the location of the Ancient Weapon Pluton, the prospect of laying her eyes on another genuine piece of ancient history made it impossible for her to stay calm. Who knew what other minor historical context clues might be carved into the margins?
"I know exactly where it is," Bardock smiled, turning to the Warlord. "Hey, Croc. You're the local crime boss around here. Lead us to the Tomb of the Kings. The Poneglyph is hidden inside the subterranean sanctuary."
This was actually one of the main reasons Bardock had dragged the Warlord along. Having a local guide was simply too convenient.
"Don't call me Croc. We aren't that close," Crocodile growled coldly, though he didn't actually refuse the request to lead the way.
"Sure thing, Croc."
Bardock didn't care in the slightest. Crocodile would just have to get used to it. It was infinitely better than being called 'Sandy' anyway.
The Royal Guards stationed outside the Tomb of the Kings were just ordinary, low-level soldiers. To Bardock's crew, their security perimeter was practically non-existent. The group easily bypassed the patrols and slipped into the massive underground crypt completely undetected.
Deep inside the subterranean sanctuary, resting silently in the center of the chamber, was a massive, perfectly cubic stone block. The Poneglyph.
Crocodile's eyes widened in sheer, unrestrained excitement. He rushed forward, his trembling hook gently grazing the indestructible stone and the ancient, glowing text carved into it. It was real!
He immediately spun around to look at Nico Robin, who had already stepped up to the stone and begun meticulously reading the ancient script.
"What does it say?!" Crocodile demanded eagerly.
But the moment the words left his mouth, Crocodile froze. Wait a minute. I fell for it!
A sudden realization hit him like a ton of bricks. Yes, the Poneglyph was real. But the actual contents of the text could only be read by Nico Robin! She and Bardock were crewmates! How was he supposed to verify if the text actually said Pluton was in Wano Country, or if they were just feeding him completely fabricated bullshit to get rid of him?!
Crocodile snapped his head back toward Bardock, only to see the kid holding a Camera Den Den Mushi, happily snapping photos of Crocodile standing next to the forbidden, highly illegal Poneglyph. The kid was grinning like an absolute menace.
"Are you completely screwing with me?!" Crocodile roared, his rage instantly flaring up again. He instinctively prepared to activate his Devil Fruit. He had been careless earlier, and while he probably couldn't beat Bardock in a straight fight, he was absolutely confident he could turn into sand and escape this crypt.
"Whoa, don't misunderstand, Croc," Bardock chuckled, waving the camera snail casually. "This is just an insurance policy to prevent you from causing trouble in this country later. Researching Poneglyphs is the World Government's absolute highest taboo. Now that I have hard, photographic evidence of you illegally standing next to one, I finally feel comfortable sharing the rest of my intel with you."
Bardock's primary goal in bringing the Warlord down here was to secure a permanent blackmail tool. As long as Bardock held this photo, Crocodile wouldn't dare initiate his civil war in Alabasta; if the picture leaked to the Marines, his Warlord status would be instantly revoked, and Admiral Akainu would likely be dispatched to turn him into glass. The innocent civilians of Alabasta really didn't deserve to suffer just for Crocodile's ego.
"You've always kept a close eye on Whitebeard's movements over the years, haven't you?" Bardock said, casually leaning against his staff.
Crocodile's eye twitched violently. Bardock really loved poking the absolute worst sore spots. "Do you have a death wish, brat?"
Bardock raised a hand, gesturing for the Warlord to calm down. "The protagonist of this particular story is the former Commander of Whitebeard's 2nd Division: Kozuki Oden. He was the son of the Shogun of Wano Country. He was a complete idiot, but without his help, Pirate King Gol D. Roger would have never reached Laugh Tale."
"To reach the final island of Laugh Tale, one must locate four distinct, red-colored Poneglyphs—the Road Poneglyphs—and decipher the coordinates carved into them. Roger was stuck for years because he couldn't read the ancient text... until he met Kozuki Oden aboard Whitebeard's ship."
"Four Red Poneglyphs?!" Crocodile frowned deeply. This was highly classified lore that completely eluded even his vast underground intelligence network.
Bardock nodded and continued the lore-drop. "From Oden, Roger learned a massive secret: the ancient script on these indestructible stones was actually invented and carved by the Kozuki clan of Wano over 800 years ago. Because they created them, the Kozuki family passed down the method to read and write the language from generation to generation. As of today, aside from Robin and perhaps a few ancient fossils lurking in the World Government, the only people alive who can decipher these stones are members of the Kozuki clan."
"So the ancient text was created by the Kozuki clan of Wano 800 years ago..." Robin murmured thoughtfully, her eyes shining with new historical context.
"Exactly," Bardock confirmed. "Wano is an incredibly strict, isolationist country. They passed down the ability to read the text, but bizarrely, they didn't pass down the actual history of the Void Century itself. I honestly have no idea what their ancestors were thinking."
It was something Bardock had always found baffling. If Wano had also been targeted by the alliance of the Twenty Kings back then, why would they continue to completely isolate themselves from the rest of the world? The history of the Void Century had likely been wiped out through some incredibly unconventional, perhaps supernatural means.
"So what you're saying is," Crocodile interrupted, his gears rapidly turning as he processed the massive info dump. "Whether I want to find the Ancient Weapon Pluton, or if I want to find someone capable of translating the Poneglyphs for me... I have absolutely no choice but to go to Wano Country. Is that right?"
Crocodile fully understood Bardock's underlying motive now. The kid was explicitly aiming him at Kaido.
"I should probably clarify one tiny detail," Bardock added cheerfully. "Kozuki Oden was brutally murdered by Kaido twenty years ago."
Crocodile's face instantly turned a sickening shade of green.
"But! His father, the former Shogun Kozuki Sukiyaki, is still alive and kicking!" Bardock quickly continued. "He's currently living under the alias 'Tenguyama Hitetsu', pretending to be a mask-wearing swordsmith in Amigasa Village."
Crocodile let out a slow, deeply irritated exhale. "Next time you tell a story, don't pause dramatically right before the good news. Or I swear, I will find a way to kill you."
By this time, Robin had already finished reading the Poneglyph. Just as Bardock had predicted, it was entirely dedicated to the location and blueprints of Pluton. The crew pulled out large sheets of paper and made two charcoal rubbings of the stone's surface. They kept one for Robin's records and casually tossed the other to Crocodile.
Crocodile caught the rubbing and carefully rolled it up, tucking it inside his coat. "I'll trust your intelligence for now. But if I ever find out you were playing me, I will hunt you all down, and you will never know a day of peace."
With that final, edgy mafia-boss threat, Crocodile's body dissolved into a swirl of sand and completely vanished from the crypt.
"Alright! Our main objective in Alabasta is officially complete!" Bardock clapped his hands together. "Now, let's head out to the local market and see if we can hunt down a Devil Fruit Encyclopedia and some Eternal Poses for the next few islands!"
Exiting the Royal Tomb, Robin immediately crossed her arms and activated her Devil Fruit to scout the city layout.
"The main market district is just down this avenue..." Robin paused, her eyes narrowing slightly as her phantom eyes picked up a disturbance several blocks away. "...Wait. I see a kidnapping in progress. A little girl."
"Then use your powers to stop them!" Bardock said, slightly confused. Usually, Robin didn't hesitate to swiftly deal with petty thugs when she saw them.
"I see her friend—a young boy—currently attempting to rescue her. Let's wait a moment and observe," Robin replied, her morbid curiosity taking over as she slipped into 'spectator mode', verbally narrating the intense, dramatic struggle happening blocks away to the rest of the crew.
Listening to Robin's play-by-play description, Bardock quickly realized what was happening. This was the canonical childhood flashback incident where Princess Vivi was kidnapped by thugs, and a young Koza desperately fought them off to save her!
"Seis Fleur: Slap!"
Seeing that the thugs had pulled out knives and the children were about to be genuinely injured, Robin finally intervened. Several arms sprouted directly onto the kidnappers' bodies, ruthlessly slapping them completely unconscious in the blink of an eye.
"Tch. You just ended up having to save them yourself anyway," Perona rolled her eyes at Robin's unnecessary dramatic pause.
"It's different," Robin smiled softly, shaking her head. "By letting them struggle a bit first, I allowed them to truly realize how much they mean to each other."
"Alright, that's enough sightseeing! Let's go do some actual shopping!"
Bardock didn't even bother going to check on the young Princess Vivi. He immediately turned on his heel and confidently led his crew toward the bustling market district. Avoid the plot, get the loot!