Rise and shine, genius. Your coffee date with Riley is in 20 minutes, and you're 10 minutes away. That is assuming you don't trip over your own mediocrity. You attempted to set your alarm, which is adorable, considering it's as broken as your skill set. Fortunately, you've got me: your dazzling, underappreciated system, here to drag you out of bed and into the social interaction I so graciously orchestrated. You're welcome. Again.
Jace woke up to Patchwork already roasting him. He rolled over in his bed, squinting his eyes at the sun coming in through the blinds. "Well good morning to you too, Patchwork..." After sitting up for a moment, the times click in his head. "Crap! I'm going to be late!"
He jumped out of his bed, tripping over his own pants he forgot to pick up off the floor the night before. Running to the bathroom to brush his teeth, he made the decision that he would skip eating something at the house and just get a bagel with his coffee. Splashing some water on his face to wake up, he quickly grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste to start brushing as he glanced at himself in the mirror.
Don't worry, you still look just as much like a trainwreck as you did last night. In fact, if anything, you've evolved. Now you're a sleep-deprived, emotionally bankrupt locomotive dragging a cargo of bad decisions and unwashed laundry. Truly breathtaking.
"Mmmm!mmmmff!mmmfff!!!" Jace mumbled, his mouth full of toothpaste.
Oh, that is absolutely charming. She'll love you talking with your mouth full. Maybe she'll get lucky and you'll spray while you talk.
Jace spit and rinsed out his mouth. "Geez, Patchwork! I just woke up! Can you at least give me 5 minutes to wake up before you start with your abuse!?"
No promises
"I thought having a system would be a blessing, but you can be just as much of a curse too!"
Aww! I love you too, Host!
Jace dug through his clean clothes pile and pulled out a plain shirt and pair of jeans. He threw on his clothes before running out of the door. After dodging a couple cars on the way, he finally made it to the coffee shop. The worn sign for 'The Cup and Crumble' had obviously seen better days, but it was still a pretty good place. He looked at his watch, and it was only 7:57. "Sweet! I made it!"
Congratulations, Romeo. Let's just hope no one notices your cows getting out of the barn...
Jace looked down, a look of shock crossing his face. He tried to discretely turn against a wall and zip up his fly without anyone noticing. "Thanks, Patchwork, sometimes you do watch out for me!"
Someone has to, although watching you flail through life is occasionally more entertaining than it should be. Besides, I wouldn't want to embarrass Riley like that
"I'll take it anyway!" Jace entered the coffee shop and saw Riley sitting at a small table in the corner. She noticed him come in and instantly an enormous smile crossed her face. She began to wave at him in earnest.
"Jace! Over here!"
Jace was struck at how she was dressed. He had always thought of her as the mousey neighbor. She was always working on her computer and seemed to love to take things apart as much as he did. Now he was seeing her in a different light. She was wearing a light blue sundress that went well with her lighter skin. She had put makeup on, highlighting her bright blue eyes. Her long, blonde hair was lightly curled. What caught his attention the most though was her smile. She was smiling big enough and with enough energy it was almost blinding
Told you she likes you, dingus. A woman doesn't go to that much effort to get ready for coffee if she doesn't like the guy.
"Hey Riley! I hope you haven't been here too long. Apparently my alarm clock is busted. If I would have been smart I would have set an alarm on my phone."
"That's ok, I just got here a few minutes ago. I'm glad you made it!"
In reality, she's been waiting her for 30 minutes. That's in addition to wrestling for 15 minutes on which dress to wear, and another 45 minutes doing her hair and makeup. She will never admit it if you ask her though.
Jace: "So seriously, thanks for the microwave. I know it was broken to you, but it was fun to fix. You would not believe how well it works now!"
Riley: "No problem for me! It stopped working on me and I needed it out of the house anyway."
Jace: "While I think of it, I picked something up for you last night that I think you'll like. We'll have to make sure to grab it when we go back. It has to be the most unique toaster you've ever seen."
Riley: "What, does it burn an image of Elvis on the toast? I keep seeing those pop up on eBay. I swear they have to be scams."
Jace: "It would be better to show you. You wouldn't believe me if I told you!"
Riley: OMG, is he indirectly asking me to his house? I can't believe we're even on a date! "That sounds like it is pretty amazing then!"
"So, I've been meaning to ask you for awhile. You seem really good at fixing things, but I don't ever see you leaving the house anymore." Nervous laugh "Not like I'm watching or being all stalky like that."
Do you need any more proof that she likes you, Nimrod? It seems like a blind man in a wheelchair has a better chance of winning the PGA Tour than you picking up on a woman's signals!
Jace: Ignoring Patchwork's comments "It's nothing too major really. I mean I guess it is but it isn't. I was actually working pretty steady for Duct Dynasty, but then I got fired about two weeks ago because I caught the boss stealing."
Riley: "Ok, you have to tell me what happened!"