The day of doom had arrived.
That's not me being dramatic. It literally felt like doom. The invitation had circled today's date in ominous red ink, like the kind villains use to write ransom notes.
I'd woken up with a stomach ache, a zit the size of a fireball and a burning desire to fake my own death. Unfortunately, my dungeon landlord doesn't do excuses.
"Stand still!" Mirae snapped, tugging at the collar of my borrowed suit jacket.
"It's choking me!" I croaked, clawing at the tie.
"That's because you don't know how to wear one properly." she huffed, tightening it another notch just to spite me.
I stared at myself in the mirror. Imagine a sleep-deprived convenience store clerk stuffed into a penguin costume, except with less grace.
That was me.
"Do I really have to wear this?" I groaned.
"Yes" Mirae said flatly. "The invitation said formal attire. That means no sweatpants. No store apron. No T-shirt with a soda stain shaped like Jeju Island. A suit, Hanseok."
"That soda stain was legendary." I muttered.
She shot me a look sharp enough to slice a t-bone
The Goblin Coupon Gang barged into the room then, each wearing what I can only describe as cursed fashion.
One wore a bow tie made entirely of ramen packets.
Another had a cape of duct-taped coupons that fluttered dramatically every time he spun.
The leader wore sunglasses three sizes too big and held a clipboard like some kind of mafia accountant.
"Manager!" the leader barked. "We are your entourage!"
"Entourage?" I blinked.
"Yes!" another goblin shouted. "All famous managers need entourage! It make you look important!"
"Do you even know what entourage means?" Mirae asked.
"No!" they chorused.
I buried my face in my hands trying to ignore them.
Meanwhile, Spicy sat on the counter, tail wagging, looking smug.
He was wearing... a bowler hat.
Where he got it, I'll never know.
"I fancy" he declared in his tiny toddler voice.
"You're not even supposed to come" I told him.
Spicy blinked at me with big round eyes, then patted his own chest.
"I sneak."
I sighed. "Don't sneak."
"I sneak" he said again, already waddling toward the door.
Dungeon materialized from the shadow of the soda fridge, leaning against it like a tired stage manager.
"You realize you can't control him, right?"
"Don't encourage him" I snapped.
Dungeon smirked.
We gathered at the front of the store. Mirae looked like she was about to drag me by the tie if I resisted, Spicy was humming the world's worst spy theme and the goblins were handing out fake autograph cards with my name on them.
"This is humiliating" I muttered.
"This is branding" the goblin leader corrected. "We build hype! Customers love hype!"
I was about to argue when the letter shimmered back into existence, glowing with golden script.
"Step forward to begin transport."
"Oh, wonderful" I muttered. "We're doing ominous magic portals now."
"Not ominous" Dungeon said with a grin. "Efficient."
Mirae grabbed my arm before I could back out.
"Come on, boss. Let's get this over with."
The goblins saluted. "Coupon glory to Manager!"
Spicy jumped onto my shoulder, whispering, "We sneak."
Dungeon just laughed.
The moment I stepped through, the world tilted.
Colors warped. Gravity lost its meaning. My stomach decided to revisit breakfast in graphic detail.
When it ended, we were standing in what looked like... a hotel lobby?
Except the chandelier was made of floating skulls, the reception desk was staffed by a three-headed demon wearing a bow tie and the background music was suspiciously similar to elevator jazz.
A banner stretched across the lobby:
"Welcome to the Annual Dungeon Shop Meet!"
And in smaller letters below:
"Please keep dueling and sabotage attempts to the designated areas."
I froze.
Mirae froze.
Spicy whispered, "Papa doomed."
Dungeon leaned close to my ear, grinning like the devil itself.
"Welcome to the big leagues, Hanseok."