[At Apartment - Night]
Yu Han stepped inside, his shoulders hunched, trying to make himself small, trying to bottle up the whirlwind of emotions raging within him.
"Yu Han, you're home!" Yang Zi's voice, bright and welcoming, cut through the silence. He was in the living room, perched on the edge of the sofa, a book forgotten on his lap.
The moment his gaze landed on Yu Han, his easy smile faltered. He was too perceptive, too attuned to Yu Han's moods. He immediately stood up, his brow furrowing slightly.
"Come fast, I've cooked your favourite dumplings – chicken filling, just how you like them."
Yu Han forced his lips into a semblance of a smile, a brittle, fake thing that felt unnatural on his face.
"Wait for me," he managed, his voice a little hoarse. "I'm going to take a shower." He didn't wait for a reply, practically fleeing towards the bathroom.
The bathroom door clicked shut behind him, plunging him into a temporary sanctuary.
He stripped quickly, his clothes falling forgotten to the floor, and stepped under the cool spray of the shower.
The water did little to douse the fire of his internal turmoil. He stood there, naked, his gaze involuntarily drifting downwards.
His cock, still soft and somewhat shrunken from the night's events, was a stark reminder.
Li Hao. The name, the image, assaulted him. Li Hao's head, bent low, his lips... sucking. A wave of heat, shame, and a bizarre, unwelcome thrill washed over Yu Han.
"Fuck, Yu Han," he muttered, his voice choked with self-loathing. "What the fuck did I just do today? That was so… so humiliating." He dragged a hand through his wet hair, gripping it tight.
"How could I face him now? Ugh, I hate you, my body. Why the fuck did I melt on his kiss? Why did I let him touch me like that?"
He felt a profound sense of disgust, not just for the act, but for his own reaction. "I'm dying... I'm literally dying from this shame."
He slammed his fist against the tiled wall, the dull thud echoing in the small space. His mind raced, spinning faster than the water swirling down the drain.
"Is Li Hao a gay?"
The thought, which had been a whispered secret in the back of his mind, now screamed for attention.
"No, no, no, how is this possible? Look at him... his masculine body... those muscles... his big hands... his d-i-c-k..." His voice trailed off, a new, forbidden image flashing in his mind.
"What the fuck, Yu Han!" He slapped himself hard across the cheek, the stinging pain a poor substitute for the agony in his head. "Just stop it now, or I'll be in a mental hospital. Seriously, stop thinking about it!"
But the questions wouldn't cease.
If Li Hao was... then what about him? "Am I a gay?" The words were barely a whisper, yet they felt like a shout, reverberating in his skull.
"Ughhh, no way. This is not possible. That's fucking wrong. I can't be." He shuddered, trying to shake off the unsettling realization that the kiss, the touch, hadn't been entirely repulsive.
In fact, his body had reacted with a shocking intensity he'd never experienced before.
After a while, the water finally turned cold, jolting him back to the present. He stepped out, his hair still dripping, sending rivulets down his neck and back.
He grabbed a towel but made no move to dry himself, lost once more in the labyrinth of his thoughts.
As he padded into the living room, the faint scent of fried dumplings greeting him, Yang Zi's gaze immediately snagged on his wet hair.
"Dumb-ass," Yang Zi chided, his voice a mix of exasperation and affection. "Wipe your hair, otherwise you'll catch a cold in this harsh weather. Come on."
Hearing Yang Zi's words, a strange idea sparked in Yu Han's troubled mind.
He paused, his gaze fixed on his friend. "Yang Zi..." He hesitated, then blurted out, "Yang Zi, could you please help me dry my hair?"
Yang Zi's expression shifted from concern to utter puzzlement. He slowly put down the plate of dumplings he was about to set on the coffee table.
"Why do you want me to dry your hair? Did you break your hands?" He eyed Yu Han suspiciously, as if expecting a prank.
"Please, Yang Zi, just do it," Yu Han insisted, a new urgency in his voice. He needed to know. He had to figure this out.
Yang Zi sighed, a frown deepening on his face. He grabbed a clean towel from the sofa, his movements reluctant, and paced towards Yu Han.
He stood behind him, the towel draped over Yu Han's head, and began to gently rub his wet hair.
Yu Han, however, wasn't focused on the drying. He subtly tilted his head, trying to catch Yang Zi's eyes in the reflection of the glass coffee table, then turning slightly to look directly at him.
Yang Zi was so close now, his hands in Yu Han's hair, his breath warm on Yu Han's ear. He could smell Yang Zi's familiar scent, a mix of his laundry detergent and that subtle, earthy smell that was uniquely his.
Yet, Yu Han felt nothing. No racing heart, no struggle to breathe, no electrifying spark.
"When Li Hao came this close to me, my heart started racing and I struggled to breathe," Yu Han thought, a pang of confusion hitting him.
"But right now Yang Zi is so close to me... why can't I feel anything?" He stared into Yang Zi's eyes, searching, hoping for some flicker of the same intensity he'd felt with Li Hao. Was it the gaze?
"Or maybe because Li Hao also looked in my eyes..."
Driven by a sudden, desperate urge for clarity, Yu Han impulsively cupped Yang Zi's face with both hands, turning him fully towards him. Their eyes locked.
It happened in an instant. Yang Zi's eyes widened in alarm, a flash of pure shock.
Before Yu Han could even process it, Yang Zi's knee shot up, connecting with Yu Han's leg just below the kneecap.
A sharp pain bloomed, and Yu Han lost his balance, stumbling backward and collapsing onto the floor with a thud.
"Yu Han! What has gotten into you?" Yang Zi practically shouted, his face aghast. He took a hasty step back, as if Yu Han was contagious.
"Did you... did you want to kiss me?"
Yu Han, rubbing his sore knee, scrambled back to his feet, a strange mix of pain and exhilaration buzzing through him.
"Yes!" he exclaimed, perhaps a little too excitedly, or just with raw curiosity. "Come on... one kiss. Just one."
Yang Zi pushed him away, his face contorted in disgusted horror.
"Fuck you, Yu Han! Ughh, look at my goosebumps!" He shuddered visibly, rubbing his arms. "What the hell? Are you serious?"
"Just one kiss," Yu Han pleaded, his voice now serious, devoid of any playful teasing. "I want to figure out something."
This time, Yang Zi sensed the genuine earnestness in his friend's tone. His anger began to recede, replaced by a deep concern.
He stepped closer again, though maintaining a careful distance. "What do you want to figure out? Tell me."
Yu Han looked at him, his mind reeling. He wanted to explain the whole thing, every mortifying, confusing detail of his encounter with Li Hao.
He wanted to confess the chaotic thoughts, the self-doubt, the disturbing new sensations.
But the words caught in his throat. He knew Yang Zi hated Li Hao with a fiery passion, and he couldn't bring himself to utter Li Hao's name, let alone explain the intimate details that involved him.
He didn't say anything. The silence stretched between them, thick with unspoken questions. Yu Han just turned and sank onto the sofa, and just answered,
"Nothing."
Yang Zi sat beside Yu Han, his brow furrowed with worry as he looked at Yu Han's pale face.
"What's wrong, Yu Han?" he asked gently. "Is something bothering you? Tell me."
Yu Han just shook his head, a weak smile on his lips. "I'm just hungry," he said simply. "Let's eat."
After dinner, Yu Han quickly excused himself, retreating into the quiet of his room. He closed the door, leaning against it for a moment, his mind a whirl of confusing thoughts. Li Hao.
That was the name repeating itself in his head.
"Why does Li Hao like me? he wondered, walking to his bed and sitting down. The things Li Hao had done today were not normal. Why the fuck did he give me such a pleasurable moment?"
Yu Han squeezed his eyes shut. "Li Hao, what are you?"
Suddenly, all the memories of their intimate interactions flashed behind his eyes. The passionate kiss that Li Hao had given him, so deep it had taken his breath away.
The way Li Hao had kissed his whole body, leaving a trail of fire everywhere he touched. The incredible sensations of Li Hao's touch, soft yet firm, sending shivers down his spine.
And then, the memory of Li Hao's mouth—the way Li Hao had given him a blow job, making him tremble with pleasure.
Yu Han felt a jolt shoot through him. His body was suddenly filled with goosebumps, his skin prickling. He shifted on the bed, feeling an undeniable heat spread through him.
His cock… his cock straightened and became hard, throbbing with an insistent ache. Yu Han cursed under his breath.
"Fuck… fuck, what is this?" he muttered, his voice hoarse. "My body… what happened to my body? Ughh, Li Hao, what did you do to my body?"
He couldn't stop himself. His hands moved, almost on their own, finding their way to his pants. His mind was completely filled with Li Hao – Li Hao's face, Li Hao's touch, Li Hao's taste.
He pulled his cock free, his fingers wrapping around it, moving it up and down. A shiver ran through him, his breath catching in his throat.
He closed his eyes, picturing Li Hao, letting the images consume him. His body arched, a soft moan escaping his lips as he pushed faster, chasing the feeling.
He reached climax, a wave of intense pleasure washing over him, releasing warm white liquid onto his hand.
And as he did, he couldn't help but moan Li Hao's name into the silent room.