["This is unheard of. How is it that no buses are running?"]
I complain at the usual bus stop, kicking a rusty can. The silence of the street is the only answer. No traffic, no voices, nothing. Just trash on the asphalt and a stale wind that smells of rust.
Ah, and the gossiping sons of bitches hiding in their houses. Well, they're not important anyway.
Why is there no transport? Is it still not working? Where did my taxes go? Damn rat kid government.
"Grii…"
As I was cursing everything that inhabits the earth, a familiar growl catches my attention. I turn my head and see them: three giant rats, dragging a half-dead man across the sidewalk.
["HELP, PLEASE, SAVE ME, I BEG YO... U... It's you from before…"]
The déjà vu hits me full force. The scene feels familiar, as if the universe ran out of budget for new animations and is recycling frames.
The man gasps, pleading, stretching his hand out to me.
["Please… help… me…"]
He looks at me as if I were his last hope. From his face, it seems we know each other… Who are you? Bah, it doesn't matter.
"Grii."
["Oh, right. It's the rats from before."]
Now the rat kid understands why it seemed familiar. They're the ones who owe me one.
The one in the center, the largest, tilts its head in a gesture that is both a greeting and a question.
"Griii."
["The cat escaped? Bad luck."]
"Grii."
["I live up here. My territory."]
"Grii."
["There's nothing I particularly want. Maybe some other time."]
"Grii."
["That guy? I don't know him."]
"Grii."
["I wouldn't eat something that ugly."]
"Grii."
["Feel free to visit… but I think my pets would attack you."]
"Grii."
["A piece of clothing… Well, I guess that would work with those guys. Ah, and the humans who aren't the girls from before have nothing to do with me."]
As the lead rat approaches, I take off one of my scarves and wrap it carefully around its neck. I can grab another one when I pass by a supermarket, so I don't mind.
["Well, I'll be on my way. And… be careful with contaminated food."]
Since we know each other, I warn the giant rat about this suspicious, unknown guy who annoys me for some reason.
"...Grii."
The lead rat seems to have understood. Good, it's easy when you speak the same language.
Why can't my moron neighbors be like the giant mutant rat leader?
[…]
When I finish strengthening interpersonal relationships, the lead rat growls with satisfaction and they leave, dragging the poor devil who looks at me as if I were the monster. What a weird guy. Better luck in the next life, bro.
............…..
The rat kid's journey has already lasted a day and a half. I'm a little behind schedule because I decided to take the time to confirm the status of the girls' families who were on the way to the city.
It was a truly epic journey; you should have been there. There was everything, except sex. Whose great idea was it not to bring any girls?... Damn you, past rat kid.
There's not much to say about the general situation. The city is still plagued by monstrous insects and giant animals. It's not that all the animals mutated, but enough to fuck up your life.
The delinquent's apartment building was especially annoying because the nearby building had become a kind of giant wasp nest.
As for other humans in the area, they are extremely cautious.
Most stay out of my sight, watch me from their houses, or run in the opposite direction from where they see me.
During the first trip, I was quite wary because of that, but after seeing videos of morons like "the hyenas," who represent the best of the "antisocial gang members" cliché from apocalyptic worlds, I'm no longer surprised.
Besides, this makes things easier for the rat kid.
I still haven't seen any humanoid creatures, but the beams of light connecting to the planet in the sky now seem to be bigger… Nothing important.
On the other hand, the bridge connecting to the city seems to be more damaged than I anticipated. I'll probably have to borrow (politely) a boat.
["Well, let's leave tomorrow's problems for tomorrow."]
It's already night. I'll check the bridge at dawn.
........
I'm trying to sleep in a room that smells of floral perfume and a chemical error.
"NYAAAAAAAAAAAAWROOOOOOO!"
Tomorrow is going to be a tough day. I need to sleep.
"NYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Yes, sleep…
"NYAAAAAAAAAAWROOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLL!"
["AS SOON AS I KILL THAT DAMN CAT."]
Damn you. Now you'll see why they call me the sniper god.
I get up, grab the rifle, and open the window in a fury.
"NYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAWROOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!"
["Alright now, you annoying cat, I'm going to put a bullet in your…"]
"Flash…"
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"
["…eye…"]
When I open the window, I come face to face with a beast that fills the entire frame. A super-developed cat, with matted fur.
["…left…"] "GRRRRRRRRRRR"
"NYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWROOOOOOOORRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLLL!"
If I had to say what part of that cat catches my attention the most… Besides it being a super-developed cat… It would be the fact that both of its eyes have been removed, and that it's covered in old scratches and bites.
"Flash."
I slam the window shut and reflect for a bit on the events occurring in front of me.
"Flash." "Grrrrr." "Flash."
I open the window to check that it wasn't an illusion, but I close it immediately.
"Flash."
["Die, you filthy cat."]
"Ploop."
I declare with confidence and fire my rifle point-blank at its chin after deciding to face the super-developed cat.
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRR"
But it doesn't even tickle it. Looking closely, I'd swear it's bigger than before.
"GRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA."
["Mister Cat…"]
"Clank."
The cat charges, shattering the window. I roll across the floor, dodging its claws by millimeters, but I think I left some pieces of flesh on them.
["OOOOOH, I'm telling Kiti you broke her window!"]
I manage to grab my things and get out of the room into the hallway. The genius girl's house is a mansion. How did this thing get in?
What? Oh, yeah, it was Kiti's room. I know because of the size of her panties.
By the way, very childish for her age. It's the same for all the ones I've visited. I know they were their rooms because of the size of their panties and bras.
I took some as souvenirs. I mean, proof. Yes, proof that I did fulfill my part of the deal.
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA."
"CRACK."
As I think about the good things in life, the cat bursts through the door in a stampede that wrecks the house.
["I was kidding! We'll say it was like this when we got here, okay?!"]
"GRAAAAAAAAA."
As it lunges to catch me, I jump back and pass under it. My target is its balls, a direct shot for a gender change. "Secret jutsu of the hidden leaf village"... It doesn't have any…
"Pop."
I still shoot towards its anus, but I miss by millimeters.
[[...]]
I roll across the floor and stop on the opposite side. The cat also ceased its movement.
["…Miss?"]
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA."
Women...
…...
As I think about the problems of female menstruation, I go up to the third floor, followed by the cat that destroys everything in its path.
By the way, the genius girl is a millionaire; this house is a huge mansion. Now that I think about it, how did the damn cat get in? There's a huge wall. Stay on your side of the world, damn it.
"NYAAAAAWROOOO!"
The first thing I see upon reaching the third floor is the damn cat responsible for the whole situation.
A small, white, fluffy, and very smug cat.
Has the super-developed cat been following me since before? Details.
"Nyaaa."
Noticing my presence, the domestic cat looks at me with hostility. No, arrogance? You want a fight?
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAA."
["WHAT THE HELL, WOMAN? YOU'RE SUFFOCATING ME!"]
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA."
"Nyaawww~~~"
When the filthy cat looks at the super-developed one, its tone changes, its gaze is suggestive. Is it flirting?
A white, fluffy cat is flirting with a beast that's twice my size…
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA."
"Nyaw?"
I guess that was a rejection. Is it that surprising? What's your success rate?
["Let's go, Romeo."]
I grab the cat and jump out the window. If I save it, maybe its owner will ignore the destruction of her property. Well, "your cat's girlfriend destroyed it," I'll go with that.
"NyawwAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAA."
Annoying.
......….
JOURNAL ENTRY NO: 023
SCIENTIFIC NAME: Felis arcanum
REGIONAL ALIASES:
Urban Folklore: The Alley Cat, Familiar
Occult Circles: The Silent Guardian
The Network's Nickname: The Nine-Lived Min-Maxer
NICKNAME (ASTRAD): The Cat with Cheats
📊 THREAT ASSESSMENT
CLASSIFICATION: ELEMENTALIS
This is the true classic of classics, (cat + magic = Obey your new master). That little thing with cute eyes and the character of a tyrant isn't content with just scratching your arm or shitting on your pillow. It will set your ass on fire with a fireball or push you off the roof with a gust of wind.
DANGER LEVEL: YELLOW (4 stars)
4 stars, but it's a deceptive rating. Sure, it's a cat, and it probably dies from a single gunshot. The problem is hitting it while it's making the ceiling collapse on you. Its real danger is its genius for orchestrating fatal "accidents." You don't know you're in a fight until you've already lost.
Besides, I suppose the power of each one varies according to its magical ability, intelligence, and cunning.
Can they all use the same magic? Do some have special magic? Too much to unpack.
It doesn't even have to fight you, since you probably don't know it's a magic cat. So, it will wait for its opportunity with relentless patience.
For now, let's just focus on what's important. Always remember the equation.
(cat + magic = Obey your new master).
AGGRESSIVENESS LEVEL: REACTIVE
Its aggressiveness is that of a sovereign being that does not tolerate offenses. It won't start a conflict, but if you threaten it, invade its territory, or it just plain dislikes you, it will react. They tend to avoid direct confrontation; they don't need to. A series of unfortunate and very well-calculated events designed to remove you from its sight in the most efficient way possible is enough.
🧬 COMBAT FILE (TL;DR)
TYPE: Beast
AFFINITY: Variable (Basic Elemental Magic: Fire, Air, Earth) / Psychic (Sapient Intelligence)
🎯 PRIMARY WEAKNESSES (Theoretical):
Its own feline body (it is physically vulnerable), Catnip (causes disorientation and euphoria), Sensory overstimulation (lasers, high-pitched sounds).
📌 KEY STRENGTHS:
Human-level intelligence, Versatile and subtle elemental magic, Perfect feline stealth, Ability to go unnoticed as a normal animal.
📚 ORIGINS AND COMPARATIVE MYTHOLOGY
Medieval and Renaissance Folklore: It is the real explanation behind the myth of witches' familiars. The tales of cats that served sorceresses, that seemed to understand human language, and that caused misfortunes to their masters' enemies, were likely describing this same entity.
Egyptian Mythology: It is associated with the goddess Bastet, suggesting that perhaps they are not a recent mutation, but a secret and ancient bloodline that has coexisted with humanity since ancient Egypt, considered demigods for their intelligence and power.
Internet Culture: It fits with innumerable memes and theories about the "feline conspiracy," the idea that cats are superior beings who are only pretending to be pets. It turns out the joke was a half-truth.
Astrad's Analysis: An anomalous evolution? A magical creation of some lost civilization? Or simply proof that cats were always the smartest beings on the planet and are only now getting bored of hiding it?
📝 DETAILED ANALYSIS
PHYSICAL AND SENSORY DESCRIPTION:
Physically, it is indistinguishable from a common domestic cat. It can have any fur pattern, color, or size within the normal feline spectrum. The only perceptible difference, and only to a very sharp observer, is the intensity and focus of its gaze. Its eyes do not reflect simple animal curiosity, but a calculating analysis and an almost human understanding of its environment. There is no external physical manifestation of its power.
BEHAVIOR AND ECOLOGY:
It is a solitary and observant being. Its behavior is a magnified version of feline instincts. It defines a territory, establishes hunting and resting routines, and judges every living being that enters its domain. Its intelligence allows it to solve complex problems, manipulate objects in a rudimentary way, and understand causality at an advanced level.
Its "magic" is subtle and manifests as a limited control over the elements. It won't throw a giant fireball, but it can definitely set your pants on fire. It won't create an earthquake, but it could cause a stone to fall from a ledge just as you pass underneath. It won't summon a hurricane, but it could generate a sudden gust of wind to blow out your only match. When it attacks you secretly, its attacks are always "plausible accidents."
Note: It is impossible to identify the limit of its power. It may be that in ancient times they were more powerful but have lost strength over the years. Or, it may be that simply no one they have attacked with their full power has survived to tell the tale.
☣️ PROTOCOLS
RECOMMENDED ENCOUNTER PROTOCOL (Theoretical):
DO:
Treat every unknown cat with cautious respect.
Offerings of food are the universal greeting.
Observe its behavior; if it seems too intelligent, it is.
DON'T:
Mistreat or shoo away a cat without reason.
Underestimate it for its size.
Assume that an unfortunate "accident" near a cat is just a coincidence.
FIELD REPORT (Fragment from an occultism forum, "The Urban Grimoire," 2018):
"…there was a tabby cat that was always in the alley behind my building. One day, a new neighbor kicked it to get it away from the trash. The cat just stared at him and left. The next night, a flowerpot fell from the neighbor's balcony, just as he was leaving. A week later, there was a small gas leak in his kitchen, only in his. And last month, a brick fell from the cornice and grazed his head. The neighbor moved out yesterday. The cat is still in the alley."
🎤 ASTRAD'S NOTES (THE ONLY SHIT THAT MATTERS):
Okay, let's be honest. All that bullshit about cats being the true masters of the internet and having us domesticated... it was true. It was always the fucking truth. This critter is simply the confirmation with evidence. It's not a mutation; it's a cat that got bored of the laws of physics and decided to install some cheats. It's the skin of a level 1 mob with access to reality's developer console.
And that's what makes it so fucking terrifying. It's not an epic monster. It's a threat that could be judging you from the sofa while planning how to make the microwave decide its true calling is to be a fragmentation grenade. It's not going to tear your face off with energy claws; it will make your phone charger cable develop a special affinity for your neck while you sleep. It's death by a thousand fucking 'system glitches.' A speedrunner of domestic accidents.
So the next time a cat stares at you, it's not because it wants to be petted. It's reading your stats. It's deciding if you're a useful NPC who gives good food or a bug that needs to be patched out of existence. And believe me, you don't want to be that bug. Its 'ignore' button is right next to the 'delete character' button. And its finger is very, very loose.
......….
< Chat Channel: #Rat_Kid_Network >
RatKid8: They will destroy us all, they will destroy us all, they will destroy us all.
RatKid10: LOLOLOL. What happened to you, bro? Are you now a slave to your feline master?
RatKid8: You have to listen to me. There I was, feeding the neighborhood stray cats as I always do, because, well, why not? When out of nowhere that giant mosquito son of a bitch appeared, but before I could neutralize it, a fireball turned it to shit. A FIREBALL! My first experience with magic came from a small, chubby orange cat (I named him Garfield.)
RatKid2: What? That's impossible.
RatKid8: How so? I lived it.
RatKid2: 8, are you a good person?
RatKid10: Also, a cat lover.
RatKid4: Smells like a trap.
RatKid7: You're lying, you're lying through your teeth.
RatKid8: Son of a…
RatKid4: Anyway, what's the drama? Isn't it a good thing? You got a protector. You've unlocked the "tamer with food" skill. Lol.
RatKid8: Technically, yes, but… I'm scared to think what will happen when I run out of food to give him…
RatKid10: well then you'll become the menu, duuuuh.
RatKid2: duuuuh.
RatKid5: duuuuh.
RatKid4: duuuuh.
RatKid3: duuuuh.
RatKid8: Rot in hell.
RatKid7: seriously though, what? do we shoot them? the file says their defense is making a piano fall on your head. you can't build a countermeasure for bad luck.
RatKid6: Shit. This explains my neighbor. The old man kicked an orange cat. The next day, the antenna fell off his roof onto his car. We thought it was the wind.
RatKid3: i don't think we need to declare war on an entire species, especially considering their personality. it's not like we're going to go around looking for fights with cats.
RatKid4: I agree, besides, the threat is not fully defined. if it turns out their mastery of the elements is stronger than expected, things could get ugly.
RatKid10: Wait… This means... my cat Fluffy, the one who always lies on my keyboard when I'm about to win a game... has been doing it on purpose all this time?
RatKid2: Probably.
RatKid10: ...Son of a bitch.
RatKid8: Great. Besides monsters, now I have to worry about stray cats judging me for my search history.
RatKid4: well what the fuck do you watch?
RatKid7: Approved. New protocol: if a cat looks at you funny, give it your food, apologize for existing, and get the hell out of its territory.
RatKid2: Approved.
RatKid3: Approved.