["Oi, delinquent. What are you going to do?"]
I stand in front of a girl huddled in a corner of the classroom.
Blonde hair, earrings, overly flashy clothes… yep, everything about her screams "delinquent."
Besides, she looks familiar: tan skin, tall, an intimidating atmosphere, and… a pair of mega-boobs that should have their own zip code.
["Get lost… I don't need some fucking skinny weakling to rescue me. And don't you even think I'm going to beg…"]
["Is that so? Then it's settled: die, bitch."]
Having said that, I prepare to leave.
["Hey."]
["What? Didn't I tell you to get lost?"]
["I will… as soon as you let go of my damn foot."]
[…]
…Useless.
["Just hold on and close your eyes."]
["…I have nothing to give you."]
["Your boobs are going to be pressed against me; that's already more than what the genius girl offered."]
[…]
Without responding, the "delinquent" clings to me like a baby gorilla to its mother.
What the hell is with these boobs? This is bordering on the supernatural.
["Don't let go, don't let go, don't let go, don't let go…"]
She repeats this, like a sticky mantra, as she squeezes my neck with a force that seems to want to break it.
Are you trying to get us both killed?
["Vixen, stop muttering on my neck."]
["Don't let go, don't let go, don't let go…"]
For fuck's sake…
.........….
["Hey, we're here. Let go of me already, damn it."]
I demand when we reach the roof of the house.
["Don't let go, don't let go, don't let go…"]
Damn third-rate delinquent…
In the end, I had to use the same method as with the (self-proclaimed) genius girl: patting her head until she calmed down enough. But this one took even longer to compose herself.
Besides, she didn't even let the other girls hug her.
My neck hurts…
["I… cough, I'll repay this debt someday."]
I don't give a damn. Whatever.
Now I'm just waiting for the vixen to cross…
["This is Rat Kid 1. Why the fuck aren't you crossing?"]
I ask over the walkie-talkie as I watch her with the binoculars. She just looks away, her cheeks puffed out and her eyes dull.
............
["You daughter of a bitch."]
Back at the school, I complain to the damn Rat Kid 5, who obviously just wanted me to carry her on a whim.
Shit, I'm dying… Where did I get so much strength in the first place?
Something's not right. It's part of my routine to condition my body in preparation for the zombie apocalypse, but I'm definitely not at a level to cross 30 meters hanging from a damn rope eight times in a row, much less with extra weight.
Is it a new power within me? … no, I think that's gas… or an ulcer from the exertion… A magic ulcer? A propellant gas?
Whatever, I need a break.
["Humph."]
Rat Kid 5 huffs as she looks away with her arms crossed.
["Damn you, Rat Kid 5, do you think we're on a picnic?"]
["I don't want to hear that from you. And besides, just call me Louise already."]
["Blah blah blah, like I give a crap."]
Louise crouches down to be at my level, as I'm sitting on the floor resting.
Her reddish-blonde eyes were fixed on me, shining with a possessive edge.
["And for your information, whatever you do for other girls, you have to do it ten times for me."]
She says while poking my cheek.
["I slapped an asshole girl recently. Want me to give you ten?"]
["Fuhuhu, that depends on how you behave~~~"]
In retrospect, I should have noticed that this bitch and Rat Kid 5 were the same person sooner.
-----------------------
(Note: The following monster profile is identical to the one provided in a previous chapter and has been reproduced here for consistency.)
JOURNAL ENTRY NO: 240
SCIENTIFIC NAME: Saxum vagans
REGIONAL ALIASES:
Andean Region (Latin America): El Zancadillero (The Tripper)
Miners' Nicknames: The Hungry Paving Stone
European Folklore: The Patient Pebble
NICKNAME (ASTRAD): The Premium Stumble
📊 THREAT ASSESSMENT
CLASSIFICATION: VENATOR / ANOMALY
We classify it as a Venator because, technically, it hunts. But it's the laziest hunter on the goddamn planet. It doesn't use claws or speed; it uses patience and the law of gravity as its main weapons. It's an Anomaly because it's a rock with intentions, but its intentions are those of a cosmic prankster with a very nasty temper who will move if its joke doesn't land.
DANGER LEVEL: GREEN (5 stars)
5 Green stars, the king of minimal threats. Let's be clear: this thing has no real power. Its only weapon is your bad luck, your stupidity, and a misstep. Dying at the hands of a Saxum vagans is the apocalyptic equivalent of tripping over your own shoelaces and falling off a cliff. It's not a tragic death; it's an embarrassing anecdote for whoever finds your corpse.
AGGRESSIVENESS LEVEL: OPPORTUNISTIC
Patience made of stone. It can wait for days or weeks for the perfect moment. It's not an impulse predator; it's an investor: it only acts when the risk is zero and the payoff (watching you fall screaming) is maximum. Its aggressiveness is that of a prankster, not a murderer.
🧬 COMBAT FILE (TL;DR)
TYPE: Construct (Geological)
AFFINITY: Earth / Physical (Kinetic)
🎯 PRIMARY WEAKNESSES:
Sustained vibrations (confuse it), Unstable terrain (mud, deep water), Being directly observed (inhibits its movement).
📌 KEY STRENGTHS:
Perfect camouflage, Immunity to superficial damage (it's a rock), Ironic environmental attack.
📚 ORIGINS AND COMPARATIVE MYTHOLOGY
Norse Folklore: Similar to "stone trolls," but without the strength to crush armies. This one barely has the strength to push a distracted hiker.
Gamer Culture: It's the geological version of the classic "Mimic." An enemy disguised as an inert object designed to punish careless players. This one doesn't protect a treasure; it protects the law of gravity.
Local Myths (Andes): Some peasants swear they are "guardians" of ancient paths, as there are reports of them ignoring livestock (mules, donkeys) and exclusively attacking humans. Maybe it doesn't like our boots.
Astrad's Analysis: Remnants of golems? Mineral parasites? The universe experimenting with procedural trap design? The simplest explanation is that evil is a mineral, and sometimes it crystallizes into its most pathetic form.
📝 DETAILED ANALYSIS
PHYSICAL AND SENSORY DESCRIPTION:
Indistinguishable from an ordinary rock. Its size varies from that of a soccer ball to a small vehicle. Its surface can be smooth or rough, often covered with moss, lichens, or dirt to perfect its camouflage with the environment. Its only anomalous feature is a subtle vibration it emits, like a slow, dull drum, perceptible only in absolute silence and at very close range. To the touch, it's cold as marble and is said to numb the area of contact. Its movement, when unobserved, is slow and stealthy, producing a dry, creaking sound, like old bones rubbing together.
BEHAVIOR AND ECOLOGY:
It's the ultimate ambush predator. It chooses a strategic position with the potential for a fall or crushing and enters a state of almost total immobility, sometimes for weeks. Its "hunting" method is patience. It waits for prey to pass through its attack zone and then makes a single move: a small push, a turn to trip someone, or simply rolling downhill. It feeds by absorbing the kinetic energy of the impact or fall, along with the life energy released by the victim at the moment of death. After feeding, it returns to an inert state for a long period.
☣️ PROTOCOLS
RECOMMENDED ENCOUNTER PROTOCOL:
DO:
Pay extreme attention to the terrain in high-risk areas (bridges, ledges, slopes).
Kick or hit suspicious rocks before passing by them.
DON'T:
Blindly trust the terrain.
Assume a rock is just a rock.
Walk distracted on mountain trails. Turn your back on a stone that seems "out of place."
FIELD REPORT (Excerpt from a merchant's diary in Los Nevados):
"The mule crossed the path without a problem. When it was my turn, I'd swear the rock next to me was the same one I had kicked earlier in the valley. I ignored it. Three steps later, I heard it scrape and felt the sharp blow on my ankle. If it weren't for the rope tying me to the mule, I would have fallen 30 meters into the void. When I turned to curse at it, the rock was still. Identical to all the others. Damn it, the earth itself wants to kill us."
🎤 ASTRAD'S NOTES (THE ONLY SHIT THAT MATTERS):
Well, look at that, evolution saying: 'What if a rock had malice?' This bastard isn't a monster; it's a stumble with a serial killer complex. It doesn't even run, or scream, or intimidate: it stays still until you kill yourself. It's like playing Dark Souls, but the final boss is a misplaced step.
It has aspirations of being a lethal killer but the capability of poorly placed furniture. And that's the worst part. Being eaten by a titan is tragic. Dying because a rock tripped you is... embarrassing. The coroner's report will read: 'Cause of death: gravitational stupidity.' Pro tip: if a rock gives you a funny look, hit it first. Worst case, you'll look like an idiot talking to a rock. Best case, you just saved yourself a very, very humiliating funeral.
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💻 Rat Kid Network — Chat
RatKid2: LOL, so basically a killer paving stone? What's next, a vampire stool?
RatKid7: I can see it now: Rat Kid Leader running from a hungry pebble. A film worthy of an indie festival.
RatKid3: Careful, you idiots. There are already reports on old bridges. If you see a rock that's "out of place," don't kick it for fun.
RatKid8: Nah, I'm sure Rat Kid Leader would kick it. If he breaks his foot, we'll note it down in the official ranking of stupid deaths.
RatKid1: I'll kick every rock I see. If it turns out to be a Saxum vagans, even better. And if not… I still get to relax by breaking something.
RatKid4: Confirmed: new Network motto → "If it moves, we kill it. If it doesn't move… we kick it just in case."
RatKid3: Same as always, right?
RatKid2: Obviously.
RatKid8: GYAHAHAHAHAHA.
RatKid1: GYAHAHAHAHAHA.
RatKid3: GYAHAHAHAHAHA.
RatKid4: GYAHAHAHAHAHA.
RatKid7: GYAHAHAHAHAHA.
RatKid2: GYAHAHAHAHAHA.
LittleSister: Noted.
VixenBigSister: Sister?
RatKid7: This kid has a future.
RatKid8: GYAHAHAHAHAHA.
RatKid1: GYAHAHAHAHAHA.
RatKid3: GYAHAHAHAHAHA.
RatKid4: GYAHAHAHAHAHA.
RatKid7: GYAHAHAHAHAHA.
RatKid2: GYAHAHAHAHAHA.