I struggle to suck in air. The smell of his aftershave and the warmth of his skin. The pull between us, it's unnatural. If I wasn't pre-occupied trying to breath, I'd be concerned about my health. I don't think it's safe for a heart to beat this fast. He chuckles, a warm and magnificent sound. 'Do I leave you breathless tiny human?' He smirks and moves in closer. I didn't even think it was possible. Sparks of what feels like warm electricity ignite in the places where our bodies meet. There is no space left between him and the wall im prisioned up against. We lock eyes and just before I feel like I'm going to pass out his lips come crashing onto mine.
I sit up right, panting and holding my chest. What in the high heavens is going on?! This is the third time in the past two weeks I've had these sort of dreams. I run my thumb over my bottom lip, I swear I can still feel where his lips touched mine. A shiver runs down my spine. A dream has never felt so intense, so real.
There's a knock at my bedroom door, it's gentle but it still startles me.
'Maggie, are you awake sweetheart? Can I come in?'
'Ehhh yeah, of course' I respond as I quickly wipe the sweat from my face and comb through my hair with my fingers. I feel nervous and fidgity as if Claire is going to be able to sense the dream I've just had. I start to question my sanity as her kind and smiley face pokes around the bedroom door. She hands me a cup of herbal tea and perches on the bottom of my queensize bed.
'How did you sleep sweeite?' She asks.
Out of all the foster homes I have been placed in the past 14 years, Claire and Simon have made me feel the most welcome. Even if it has only been two weeks. They have this way of making me feel at ease and they appear to genuinely want to take care of me. This isnt something I have experienced as of yet. Its starting to grow on me. I smile and take a sip of my tea, it's delicious and easily a new favourite of mine.
'I slept great thank you' visions of the dream creeping back into my minds eye, causing my cheeks to warm. I look out the window into the dense forest at the back of the Stuarts yard. This place is truly beautiful.
I look back to see Claire studying me with her kind eyes. 'How are you feeling about your first day at school? Do you feel ready? I can always speak to your case worker and ask for a few more days?'
'No, im fine. Thank you' I try to give a reassuring smile. In all honestly I just want to get it over and done with. Starting a new school always sucks. Its not so much the challenge of finding the right classrooms or knowing where to sit at lunch. It's the questions and looks of sympathy when people find out I've spent the majorty of my childhood in care. I know people mean well but it makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't want sympathy or pitty. I want to move on and forget. More then any thing, I just want to be normal.