If you have truly loved me. We wouldn't have been standing here.
I pouted looking in the mirror while applying the red lipstick. To fake the boldness to fake the show.
If he cared, I wouldn't been alone for 24 hours, pushed to a courtroom, called for a divorce session privately. So why should I show him that I'm dying here. Asshole.
The heels made the sound of my arrival cute clear in the hallway as blood dripped on the cold floor like love leaving it's stains.
Leo didn't looked at me again. Like he suddenly remembered he works for Nicolo Marcelli. Not Sofia Marcelli. The merciless look has washed all over him. No hint of joy, pain, or something that beats for me...
The door's metal handle was pressed awaiting my judgement. Unannounced this time.
I didn't do any wrong. I was not at fault. Yet my hands turned blue at the sight of inside
It seemed like the judgement has already been made- everyone, every pair of eyes decided to look up at me, except the one I wanted… who didn't even bothered to turn.
He was sitting straight, military straight. Hairs perfectly done like usual. The only case is, I'm looking it from behind this time and not from the front, with big grin like usual.
It seemed like the earth is swallowing my feet, I couldn't walk. The cold bloody smell of injustice in the Judge cabin was quite too strong too ignore.
A soft finger slightly touched my back, I looked up and it was Leo. His eyes glinted with pain, and maybe sympathy. Like he knows, he knows how Nico's silence ruining me inside out. But he still pushed me to walk, like my father would if he was alive and witnessing my divorce without my will.
A sigh released loud enough, leaving goosebumps over my shoulders to the finger-tips. This asshole didn't even bothered to look at me! He believes the media! The one that could be bought easily!
My black sandals made a slight cold noise each time, in the silent room, before finding it's way beside him, with shivering confident. I gulped the tension as I looked at him. There was no emotions on his face. And that made my chest heavy, did I even mean anything to him from the start? "Nic" my voice came out like a shattered piece of glass cutting my throats and bleeding my eyes all again, all wet.
And he, he still didn't bother to look at me, he still didn't bother to face me, to look at me in eyes, to know more about my side of story! I didn't cheat on him!
A slight squeaking noise from the leather chair pulled my attention to his finger which was almost about to rip its skin and leather off its arm, and it kind of gave me a satisfaction, that I was affecting him just as his coldness was affecting me. So maybe he does want to know the truth. He does want to hear my part! A mere action lit a hope in me, and flushed away all the bitter thoughts I had about Nic from my head.
"Mr. & Mrs. Marcelli, do you both want to file this divorce?"
The divorce paper was already staring at my face. It was kept right in front of me on this table. The only matter of fact, I decided to look at it now.
My whole world is about to crumble if he signs it. I can't bear to loose him!
Once upon a time, it was the marriage contracts citing that I was about to be his wife. I didn't felt so much pain back then compared to what I was feeling now looking at this Divorce papers staring at my face.
I don't want to divorce him. I didn't do any wrong!
I was screaming at the top of my lungs. But the voice could barely come out of my mouth. My throat pained as I bite my inner cheek controlling the tears. Taking sharp breathes as it pained my chest.
Maybe he too don't want to file the divorce, he is just stirring drama to show me he could be as ruthless with me as he is with his business partners, probably why he took me to a court right? Am I being delulu?
To confirm my thoughts I decided to snap back at him. His jaw was clenched tight and sharp. He was staring at the paper just like I did. But there was no hint of emotions in his recluse eyes, it was plain brown and calculative. Like he could sign it any second and walk away from four years of marriage easily.
Yes this marriage wasn't as pretty as showed on the covers. It was twisted, dark, passionate, but it has it own kind of obsessive possession that complemented our nature completely and truly.
But now it clearly means- He hates me. He fucking hates me.
My chest rose up with heavy thoughts, I was about to loose him forever. Because looks like he is about to sign that hella shit!
"Mr & Mrs. Marcelli, do you both agrees to divorce?" the judge patiently asked again.
Boiling my anger even more, because clearly if this old man said this thing again, he might sign it! He might sign it any sooner!
Oh I wish to stand up and slap this old man and tell him to shut up. Doesn't he knows that pressuring a couple to sign this paper will end their life forever!
I didn't answer the judge absurd question. I couldn't answer. Nor did I stood up and bullied the hell Outta him. Hoping that my loud silence clearly answered his question. I don't want the divorce, and my pride is intact. Just like Nicolo's.
Nico finger taps on the cold table dominatingly, like a watch beeping it's second-hand, never forgetting to give you the sweetest ride of hell.
I gulped. As the room started to filled in his intoxicating perfume that he wears, full of secrets, and black rose being crushed to death as sun kissed his neck. Beads of sweat swirled from my forehead.
He believes me right? He believes me? Why can't he believe me!
My eyes blurred with tears, and more tears and it started falling like a gushing stream of waterfall. I had to sniff hard to breathe. Pulling everyone's attention at me.
"Were you in the same room as his?"
His voice cut sharp through my thoughts. Almost shaking me in confusion. And my blurred actions.
I sniffed hard before managing to speak out something, "Nico." I sniffed again. I was sobbing fucking badly. In front of everyone.
"I asked you something Sofia." He was blunt. He already fucking believes the forged evidence!
He didn't looked at me when he asked. His voice was cold as stone. And he expected no bullshit. If I pushed him more, if I dared lying, or ignore it- he might stand up, walk away and leave me forever. Which is the last fucking thing on this planet that I want!
I gulped. My chest was paining, and my fingers were cold and numb like I was sitting in the Antarctica. And this was maybe my only chance to tell him the truth. He would listen to me wouldn't he! I said to myself. Bracing up. "Yes—" the word cracked out of me, raw, trembling. This was not the opening line I was planning to say but I started with it anyway. "But—"
The pen In his hand slashed across the page before my breath even finished. A clean stroke. Final. He stood, the weight of a thousand goodbyes in one single movement.
"Give her whatever shares in the property she wants." He thinks I'm a beggar!? A fucking gold-digger behind his property! I cheated him, because I wanted his fucking property!?
He walked out the room, while his mens followed him obediently.
He was walking and leading them all like a storm in full authority. Leaving me alone in the punishment I don't deserve. In the room alone, with a fucking divorce paper he signed.
"Ugh, Ms. Sofia…" Judge now didn't addressed me as Mrs. Marcelli. But with my first name, giving me the reality check. He really left me!
I stood up and rushed towards the door. Towards him before it's too late. He thinks I cheated on him, but I didn't!
"Nicolo" I screamed his name from the top of my lungs for him to stop. But he didn't , he was walking like I was the ghost in a room. Like my voice was inaudible. All his man stopped in the middle, looking at my terrible condition, and my woobly running show in heels towards him.
If I, myself would have told the old Sofia, who was back then worried about marrying Nicolo and planning his murder to rescue herself from this wedding, she would have laughed at me. Thinking that I must be telling a lie.
But with time, we bloomed. And I cannot imagine myself without him. I grabbed his muscular forearm and turned him to face me with absolute energy I had left, "Fucking hear me." I demanded. Roaring like a lioness for the last time maybe.
He sighed irritatingly without giving me the satisfaction of him looking into my eyes. Like suddenly I was the girl he spent one night stand with and now they expect more and he is like, not again.
"Look at me!" I yelled furiously at him. "I'm not a fuck toy I'm your fucking wife!"
"Was. Was my wife." He snapped back. Staring deep in my soul now. His eyes met mine with no mercy no love. He closed whatever distance we had between us with his firm steps. "You did what you wanted to. And now I am doing what I want to."
"That is not true!" I stomped my feet with pure irritation. "You didn't fucking hear my part! I was not-
"Stop lying at my face now! I should've known better before marrying into your fucking family. Leo was right, I shouldn't have married you. You were useless for me anyway." he scoffed.
And his words cracked me. Leaving my mouth open dramatically. I was useless to him. This is what who I was to him? Useless? "I regret marrying you and spending time with you." He was spitting venom at my face.
My hands dropped from his forearm and he looked at it for millisecond with a burning sensation in it, witnessing my bruised knuckle a little too longer, than he should after saying all of that. "Don't come to my mansion ever again. Your belongings will be delivered at your doorstep." That was soft and slow like a bandaid to the harsh things that has just cut me into two.
And he started to walk farther away from me. Until there was no sign of him. In the whole hallway.
And I was left alone again, feeling exactly how I felt when I was five year old. My vision blurred, as I fell onto the floor and tears gushed over like a waterfall. What a peice of jerk! How easily he left me and walked away. This is what all these years meant to him? Useless, nothing, regret?
I screamed my lungs out. No woman should every go through this!
.....
"Its okay. We can manage." I said to myself like I did back then. After a solid 5 minutes of mental and emotional breakdown.
I decided to walk back into the room where everything shattered in seconds. To sign my exit from his life too.
I fucking hate courts.
"Umm, you need a tissue?" the old man asked gently. I accepted his offering.
"Thank you." I blow out my nose. Finally able to breathe before it felt all stuck again. "Where should I sign now?"
"Do you need any share in his pro-
"I don't need his money." I cut in. "Now where do I sign?"
The old man looked at me like maybe I was dumb or just a total complex case. Because any woman would have taken a fine fat share in the money. In his money.
But he pointed out the signing part to me anyway beside his sign… I took in the view of his perfectly cursive signature by making mine beside it.
I'm officially back to Sofia Lastman.