Chapter 77 Extra 5: Blake's Lion Heart (Sirius's POV)
Sirius Black pushed open the heavy black door of number 12 Grimmauld Place, with its chipped paint. For the first time in his life, he felt a desire to explore this mansion that he hated with all his heart.
He maintained an indifferent demeanor as he walked through the long hallway - more than twenty years ago, when he and Regulus were still children, they had tried riding their first toy broomsticks here.
They had walked along the hallway, staggering off the ground, delighting in the air, followed by panicked house-elves.
Then they rushed towards the ceiling, knocking the row of bright gas lamps to and fro.
In the flickering light, a faint smile appeared on Sirius's thin face, but it quickly disappeared.
He walked on, passing velvet curtains that were full of moths.
He didn't hear the familiar curses again.
A desperate sob was heard from behind the curtain. An old, hoarse woman's voice kept calling out: "My son... my boy..."
At this moment, she gave up her pride, arrogance, stubbornness and prejudice, and called out heartbreakingly like any ordinary mother in the world.
Sirius showed a look of disgust, but did not stop for a moment.
Mother - she has only one son, and it is not herself that she calls out to.
With a trace of scorn on his lips, he walked past the clothes hanger made of the giant's leg, and his childhood memories suddenly attacked his brain.
Yes, he remembered how they had tried to climb to the top of the clothes rack - that was the highest point in the world that children thought of - and had fallen down and burst into tears.
They were still very short at that time, and the troll's legs were like great trees to them.
The two Black brothers looked very similar. They had the same black hair, the same gray eyes, and the same arrogant expression. However, Regulus was two years younger and always looked a little smaller.
Regulus always liked to follow Sirius, and the two brothers went on adventures together. They would climb on the legs of trolls, smash the gold and silver in the cupboards to the floor, mess with the house elves in the kitchen, throw pots and pans all over the floor, and run away in the face of their mother's angry shouts of "Sirius! You lawless little bastard!"
When did their relationship change?
Perhaps it was because of the father's repeated frowns and comparisons, and the mother's repeated partiality and reproaches, that a gap gradually appeared between them, and their relationship was no longer as close.
"Sirius is two years older than Regulus. He should be more mature and sensible than his brother. If they did something wrong, it must be because the older brother took the lead and led his younger brother to do it, so of course he should be blamed." Once, he passed by the living room on the second floor and heard his mother say this to his father.
"Don't beg for mercy on your brother's behalf. You're still young and don't understand." Every time after scolding him, his mother would always say to Regulus, "Be good and listen to me. Don't learn from your brother and don't let him lead you astray."
He stood there with his neck stiffened, pretending that he didn't care.
But in fact, he was jealous of Regulus, jealous to the point of madness.
He once thought that Regulus had taken away his parents' love.
But he later discovered that this had nothing to do with Regulus. They simply loved a son who was obedient and listened to them. He was rebellious and difficult to bow to his parents, so they loved the child who was willing to bow.
Regulus was a kind child, he could not completely rebel, he always did not want to disappoint his parents. He wanted to play naughty with Sirius, wanted to laugh wildly, but if his mother frowned, showed the slightest sadness, he would retreat.
He would hide the slight envy of Sirius's self-willed ways in his eyes and obey any education his parents gave him - no matter whether that education was full of unfounded malice and stupid old prejudices - he hoped his mother would smile more and his father would be proud of him.
"Mom always has the best for us. She wouldn't harm us," Regulus said. "She told me that pure-bloods are born noble. This is the underlying logic that keeps wizarding society running, and this is the basic rule for survival in wizarding society. Whether you agree or not, everyone must abide by it. Although I still don't understand the reasons she said, I don't want to rashly oppose her. I don't want to make her sad."
"She's poisoned you!" Sirius said angrily. "Why should people be divided into different classes? Why should some be exploited while others can just sit back and reap the benefits? Do you really think that mounting a house-elf's head on the wall is a form of beauty, a form of art?"
"But they enjoy it," Regulus said. "Kreacher said that he has always dreamed of having such a home. He thinks it is a great honor! Why can't you respect his thoughts? He just wants to serve the Black family. He is very happy every day and he doesn't want to go anywhere."
"Regulus," Sirius said, staring at this brother who was once familiar but now seemed a little strange. "I don't know you anymore. I find that I seem to have never understood you."
"Don't say that, Sirius," Regulus said uneasily. "We'll always be brothers, won't we?"
Later, an acceptance letter from Hogwarts gave Sirius Black the opportunity to leave the Black family home. He boarded the express train that changed his destiny and met his like-minded friend James Potter.
James wasn't a brother, but he was better than a brother. He understood what Sirius meant by equality and freedom. He was willing to go wild, play, and have fun with Sirius, rather than being bound by rules and becoming a hypocritical snob. He didn't care what kind of parents Sirius had, nor did he care whether he was a Slytherin. He said, "I think you're a nice person."
Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor by the Sorting Hat, which made his parents ashamed. When he returned to the Black mansion, Regulus had become even more unfamiliar.
What happened during the two years he went to Hogwarts and was separated from Regulus?
Sirius believed that his mother must have been constantly instilling the concept of pure-blood into him. The "oldest and noblest" Black family had "eternal purity" as its motto.
They would never allow the Black family to have another son like Sirius who was sorted into Gryffindor, let alone a second son who did not advocate pure-blood wizarding bloodline.
Regulus entered Slytherin House. Rumors began to spread about the Black family. People said that Regulus was better than Sirius, and that the Black family preferred Regulus to be the heir to the Black family, to restore the glory of the Black family's pure-blood lineage.
"You idiot!" Sirius scolded him as they argued at the fourth-floor stairwell that year. "Why do you believe this nonsense? Pure-blood supremacy? Despise for Muggle-borns? You weren't like this before!"
"No, I've always been like this," the thin, beautiful, black-haired boy said sadly. "You're right. I'm afraid you've never understood me. I'm a Black through and through. The glory of Black needs to be passed on, and if you treat it like trash, I must carry it out."
"They're all a bunch of lunatics, a bunch of control freaks!" Sirius said anxiously, "Can you stop being such a coward? You have to step out and see things from a different perspective! Not all families live this way, and not all wizards hold the same values. You're confined by this house, you have to look beyond it!"
"Sirius, dear Sirius. I'm afraid I can't do it. We can't change our origins, let alone our parents. We enjoy the comfort and convenience brought by our status, and we have to bear the responsibilities behind this status." Regulus said calmly.
"Even if they trample on innocent people, bully, insult and exploit them, just because they are not pure-blood wizards?" Sirius said with a face full of sarcasm.
"You're talking to me about innocence? Isn't Severus Snape innocent? Aren't you the biggest bullies? What did he do to deserve being bullied by you like that?" Regulus looked at his brother unconvinced, as if he had heard something ridiculous.
"Don't mention that Snotlout to me! How dare you get involved with that greasy scum who practices the Dark Arts?" Sirius said contemptuously. "Why don't you ask him what he's up to with Mulciber and the others?"
"How about you, like you, sticking with that reckless and arrogant James Potter every day? How disgusting! I think he is more like your brother!" Regulus suddenly sneered, "This is the difference between us. I will never betray my family and beliefs!"
"You idiot! Cowardly Slytherin!" Sirius shouted at him angrily.
"You're the fool! Arrogant Gryffindor!" Regulus looked back at him haughtily.
"Bang!" They said harsh words to each other that were unforgivable at that age and slammed the door of their room.
After his falling out with Regulus, Sirius was no longer bound by the family's constraints. He ostentatiously hung a permanent Gryffindor flag charm on his room wall, along with pictures of motorcycles, Muggle girls in bikinis, and himself and his Gryffindor brothers, to emphasize the vast difference between him and his family.
Regulus, on the other hand, silently and restrainedly nailed a sign on his door saying "No entry without my express permission" - Regulus Arcturus Black.
With strong disagreement with each other, they never entered each other's room again.
Brothers who were once close and blood-related are now separated by a wall and become strangers.
Instead of opening their doors to each other, they close their hearts.
What was there to be nostalgic about? In this family, no one understood me. My pure soul was stained, and my passionate heart was pierced.
Not long after, during an argument with his mother, and after decades of being harshly criticized, abused and violently treated, Sirius left home without looking back and went to live with his soul brother, James Potter.
Standing in front of Regulus's door, he stroked the imposing little sign. The handwritten letters were neat and tidy, just like Regulus himself. He had always lived a very strict life within the invisible framework drawn by his parents.
How could such a stern person break through the numerous barriers carefully woven by his parents, disguise himself as a Death Eater, and quietly stand against Voldemort?
A strange feeling churned in his stomach. Sirius closed his eyes and pushed open the door to the room he hadn't entered since he was a teenager.
It was a room that smelled of Slytherin.
The silver and green decorations suddenly overwhelmed him.
The bed, the walls, the windows...everything was filled with silver and green that made Sirius feel suffocated.
Next to the bed was a picture of the Slytherin Quidditch team.
Sirius picked it up and quickly found Regulus - the 16-year-old was sitting slightly arrogantly in the middle of the front row - he was a very good Seeker.
"Why did you join the Death Eaters?! Do you know that it will destroy you!" Sirius once yelled at Regulus.
He still remembers the game that day.
After the ball game that day, he ran to find Regulus, who had obtained the Golden Snitch, hoping to break the deadlock and say "Happy Birthday" to him, but accidentally discovered the Death Eater's dirty mark on his arm.
"Do you think this is a mark anyone can bear? I was the first Death Eater to be recruited by the Dark Lord before graduation. Mother said I was her little hero, and Father was very happy too..." Young Regulus boasted to his brother who had been away from home for a long time, his eyes full of ambition. "Just wait, brother, the glory of the Black family will shine brightly in my hands."
"Regulus, do you know what Death Eaters mean? Do you know what they are doing?" The young Sirius suddenly stopped his anger. He looked sadly at the immature boy, this "brother" who was connected to him by blood, whom he could no longer understand or redeem.
"Death Eaters fight for lofty ideals and beliefs. We want to revive the glory of pure-bloods. You won't understand; that's okay, you don't need to understand. Just live the life you want. I won't interfere with you, and you don't have to tell me what to do." Regulus said proudly, his eyes full of naive and unrealistic longing.
"You are too naive. He will not bring any glory. He is killing and excluding dissidents. He is a madman! Your hand is the hand that holds the Golden Snitch. If you touch him, your hands will become dirty!" Sirius tried to persuade him with deep worry in his heart.
"Stop it, Sirius. I am the Dark Lord's most valued supporter. Don't speak like that to him in front of me. I have nothing more to say to you." Regulus looked at him disappointedly, picked up his broom, and flew away towards the sunset.
That was the last time the brothers basked in the afterglow of the same sunset.
At that time, Regulus still had illusions about Voldemort.
Sirius's eyes were complicated. If he had known then that two years later Regulus would regret it, betray Voldemort, and sacrifice himself, would he have tried to persuade his brother again?
It's no use, Regulus is so stubborn. It's a paranoid gene inherited from his mother.
They're all the same, Sirius thought grimly.
He casually opened the drawer of the bedside table, and inside was a weathered quill, a dried-up ink bottle, a book on dark magic, and a transparent box - inside was a small and exquisite golden snitch.
That was... Sirius identified it carefully... He tried to squeeze out a small piece of vague memory from his brain which had been ravaged by Dementors for a long time.
It was the Snitch one time they were playing Quidditch at home.
That's when my mother bought a brand new, competition-standard Quidditch set.
Sirius caught the Golden Snitch first, and Regulus was just a little bit away - he was extremely envious, rubbing his eyes, wanting to cry but unwilling to admit it, and stubbornly said that there was dust in his eyes.
Sirius left the Snitch with him, and the next day he boarded the train to Hogwarts.
——It was the first time the two of them had to be separated for so long, and he wanted to leave a souvenir for Regulus.
However, after experiencing so many twists and turns in the world and so many earth-shattering quarrels, he didn't expect that Regulus would still keep it.
With a thought, he gently opened the transparent box and took out the sleeping golden little thing.
It is still as new and clean as it was many years ago, without a speck of dust.
At this moment, the thief seemed to suddenly come to life and grew light silver wings. It fluttered up and down, and suddenly a hole appeared in its belly, and a small parchment scroll popped out.
How could this happen? Sirius's breathing stopped.
What was that? He seemed to be able to hear his own heartbeat.
What could be in there? He hesitated for a long time, as if he couldn't believe it was real.
Finally, he reached out to take it very carefully and slowly, for fear of breaking the illusory, slightly weathered, and foam-like parchment.
He unfolded the parchment carefully, bit by bit.
His mouth was dry and his hands were shaking so badly that it took him a long time to finish the task.
It was a letter from Regulus. It had waited for years in the empty old Black house, enduring the passage of time and endless vicissitudes of life, and finally, in this bizarre and sad way, it was delivered to the unique recipient in the world:
"Blood traitor Sirius,
By the time you read this, I'll probably be dead. Now, I can finally be honest - you were right, my beliefs were naive.
The cruel world in reality is completely different from what I imagined. The worship of bloodline and power made me blind and turned a blind eye to the evil around me.
I have discovered a secret of the Dark Lord, the secret of the Horcruxes. I will fight this secret with my life. It may not change the situation, but I must do it to find peace.
I place my hope in the future.
Looking back, I've always followed the rules, fulfilled my duties, lived according to my parents' expectations, and lived to continue the family's honor. For this, I lost my brother.
By the time I discovered the truth about this world, it was too late. It was too late for the Black family to turn around.
In this case, let me be willful for once. I would like to walk alone into the night after my faith is shattered.
P.S. I never disliked James Potter, I envied him. You, a blindly arrogant fool, have a lion's heart, you are more than just a Gryffindor... I really hope we can play Quidditch again like we did when we were kids.
Your brother
RAB"
Sirius suddenly felt dizzy.
He held onto the headboard of the bed - where the Black family crest and the motto "Always Pure" were carefully painted.
Beneath the motto lay a collection of yellowed newspaper clippings, forming a sprawling collage – all of them clippings of the Dark Lord.
"The Dark Lord's most loyal supporter," Sirius muttered softly, amused by the words.
He laughed breathlessly, and the sound became louder and louder, so loud that he couldn't breathe.
He slammed his body onto Regulus' bed, raising a cloud of dust from the silver-green bedspread. The dust choked him, causing him to cough and blinding him.
He stopped smiling. He rubbed his eyes vigorously, just like Regulus did when he was a child, as if he wanted to rub out the damn dust, rub it out, rub it out...
He covered his eyes with the letter, and tears suddenly flowed down his face that had been numb for a long time.