She held on too tightly to something that was already slipping away.
Now she's the one who has to let go because her soulmate let go long before her.
The sky bled pink and orange, as though the world itself was being torn open, the last light slipping beneath the horizon of Noctira like a wound closing.
Colors fading like a field of tiger lilies left too long beneath a low-hanging sun, its honey-glow mirroring the gold in my eyes.
Once vibrant and full of life, now withered, soulless.
Will that become my future as well? The thought spiraled.
I wondered if they ever had souls to start with. Or if what we call absence is only a soul too different for us to see.
I paused for a moment, watching the world fade into the night, my hands clenched at my sides.
As if watching Thayer's life slip away again.
And how I have to feel him slip away one final time, his soul, from my body.
Undoing the soulmate bond, the tether between us—the selfish, desperate choice I made before his final breath to keep him here with me, even when he never asked to stay.
His voice weaves through my thoughts, faint but steady. "You're still holding on."
Not for much longer, I told him, though my fingers clenched tighter, refusing to loosen.
The council told us to wait until the city was asleep. They didn't share their reasons, but I knew why.
It's easier for me to disappear or die while the city slept peacefully under the stars without anyone noticing.
It's better they believe I just ran off in the night back home to Solence, Thesira, than find out I lost my life in some dangerous, what?
A procedure? A severing?
Even now, I still don't fully understand what I was walking into—only that it could take more than my life. It could unmake who I am. Something meant to free us.
The wind moved crisply through the orange-tinged, red-leaved trees of Noctira, just a whisper, but their presence loomed, almost intimidating, waiting to see if I broke before I even got there.
Their shadows stretched long behind me, fading into the night as I walked.
Maybe it was their way of letting me know I could do this.
I looked up from where I stood on the firm dirt path, as the branches swayed above me and the five-pointed rustic leaves rattled like maracas in the wind.
A root lifted under my boot, and I pitched forward, catching myself just before my face planted the ground.
Or maybe the trees were warning me, turn back now, before I lose my life along with his.
I stood back up, brushing the dirt off my golden leather suit, which had been tracking all my vitals for the last few weeks now, as I trained for this day.
Still, I stood there not moving, contemplating.
But if I didn't go, I would still lose myself.
A lose-lose situation.
"You're stalling," Thayer said, his tone a tense line running through my thoughts.
I'm thinking.
"Thinking won't change it. Just keep walking."
He was right, I had to see this through.
I began my step and thought about what would happen next.
The Threadcutter, the one who would be doing the severing, didn't have much experience with this. No one did, since most people who would have qualified were back home.
My home.
They hardly ever ran into the soul woven here, so he performing this procedure with little experience scared me.
I had a bad habit of dwelling on the negative, on what could go wrong.
Whispers about him only ever reached me. Some called him a savior, while others called him a monster who cut too deep.
But meeting him a few weeks ago, he assured me he knew what he was doing, even without much experience. He said it as if he knew more than he let on.
"Maybe he doesn't tell us everything," Thayer said as if he knew more than I did.
What is that supposed to mean? I eagerly waited fr a response.
"It's not my place and I don't even know what I'd be sharing." He vaguely said before going silent.
Sounds of cicadas filled my ears, the bats swimming like they're drowning above, trying to stockpile their meals for the season of decay.
Fireflies remain low to the ground, flickering for their soulmates in the warm glow that lingers here. I used to think their light was proof that love could always find its way. Tonight, it feels more like a final plea.
I wondered if I still believe in a soulmate. Maybe... but not the way Solence does.
Their city lights and protected sky made it so no one would even realize cicadas, bats, or fireflies still existed. Atropa doesn't just control what people see—it controls what they believe is real.
Narcissistic leaders charm their way into maintaining their positions, and no one ever raises an eyebrow.
Until I did.
And now they want to silence me before I get the chance to speak.
"They can try, but silence isn't your destiny, not this time. You've been quiet your entire life, but there is a voice inside you waiting to be heard."
There was a chill in the air, and I could feel the goosebumps rise on my skin under the suit. I always felt cold, and I wished I hadn't left my jacket, so I rubbed my arms to try to warm up, but rubbing the leather was pointless.
The breeze carried the scent of maple, reminding me of the first day I arrived here. It wasn't a good memory, far from it, but the smell of the tree was much stronger then, still new to my senses.
Once I saw the dim-lit building in the distance, its shape swallowed by the night as if it had grown from the darkness itself.
The guards in forest green leather tech suits stood like shadows given form, their movements too still and precise, barely noticeable in the night.
There are no windows to shatter the smooth black walls, no glass edges to catch the moonlight, nothing to suggest anyone ever looked out at the star-filled sky. Only the low, constant hum of something unseen inside, as if the building itself is breathing.
The longer I stared, the less it felt like a building and more like a void waiting to swallow me.
I knew this was the final night I would be like this.
With every step, my anxiety intensified, my chest felt like a brick had been driven through it, and my thoughts spiraled, but I knew this day was inevitable.
Although I'm not sure I would have voted for this if it had been up to me alone. But I knew it was the best for both of us.
I knew what needed to be done—even if it hurt. Even if it meant unraveling the last piece of him from me.
Physically and emotionally.
The threadcutter told me that much.
Then Thayer's voice, soft and bare, pushed through to the front of my mind,
"To sever a soul-thread wasn't just painful; it meant wiping away the pieces of someone embedded inside you."
"Their Love."
"Their Memory."
"Their Guilt".
"It wasn't one single thread to sever. It's many weaving threads."
He had gotten better at speaking to me, moving around inside my mind freely and in control.
I wasn't sure what would remain of me once he was gone.
The journal still pressed tightly against my side, its pages aching with things I hadn't yet spoken aloud, things only he and I knew. Hasley's final entry echoed in my head: "Some threads are meant to hold us together. Others are meant to be cut."
I could still smell the flowery lilac perfume. Hasley must have worn it every day to leave the scent behind in her writing.
But it wasn't the only thing she left behind; if it weren't for her, I don't think I would've found the push I needed to follow through with this.
I took one last look up at the now starry sky and spoke aloud, 'Thank you, Hasley, for opening my eyes,' then I continued forward.
Each step toward it felt like digging my own grave, and the hum in the air vibrated through my bones.
They were waiting for me.
I had to remind myself that we already made the choice.
Even if the path opened behind me, I wouldn't turn back.
These doubts were merely the chill in my feet.
Saying goodbye wouldn't be easy. But it would be the first goodbye I would have the chance to speak.
All the other goodbyes in my life were silent and unheard. Or so I thought.
In Solence, silence is not the end. it is merely a space where the dead linger, eagerly waiting to be heard once more.
His voice remained tender and steadfast.
"Silence isn't the end here either. As long as you never forget me, I'll always be with you—in your memory."
I felt like that line was always told to make the person left behind feel better about the loss because the truth is, you never see that person again. They're just gone from existing here.
And existing here with me was all I ever wanted from you.
But want has never been enough.
Before I ever set foot in Noctira, before there was a night that changed everything.
Before I knew what I would have to let go of, there was a day in Solence—when the sky didn't bleed, and I still believed love could save us both.
In Solence, the sky was protected. But even there, hearts broke in secret.