The galaxy's bounty board flashed again, displaying the universe's latest and most lucrative prize. The holographic image was a grainy but imposing picture of a hulking, armored figure with a face scarred like a shattered moon. His name and reputation were infamous across a dozen systems.
TARGET: Drazek "The Meteor Fist" — Warlord, gladiator champion, suspected moon thief.
REWARD: Enough credits to buy a small moon (and probably Drazek's old one).
Aetherion, currently in the Starbreaker's small galley, was halfway through a plate of pancakes shaped like constellations. He wiped a bit of syrup from his chin and glanced at the bounty board, his eyes more focused on the blueberry nebula on his plate than on the warlord on the screen.
"Looks tasty," he remarked, his voice muffled by pancake. "I wonder if they have Drazek-themed breakfasts at the bounty station. Like, pancakes shaped like moons. And maybe a little extra syrup to represent a moon getting… you know."
Before Lyra could protest his choice of bounty, or his choice of breakfast, the Starbreaker's comm crackled to life with a sudden burst of static.
"Step away from that bounty, Aetherion," a smooth, smug voice said. The tone was so perfectly calibrated for maximum annoyance that it felt like an attack in itself.
The holo-feed lit up, displaying a man who was the complete antithesis of everything Aetherion stood for. He was tall, his armor was a sleek, polished crimson that gleamed under the light, his hair was perfect, and a smirk was plastered on his face that was so dramatic it seemed to have its own internal lighting.
"Kairo Vex," Lyra muttered under her breath, a knot of old rivalry tightening in her stomach. "Galaxy's second-highest ranked bounty hunter. All flash, no substance."
"And soon to be number one," Kairo said, his voice dripping with theatrical flair. He pointed a dramatic, armored finger directly at the camera. "Because I'm taking down Drazek. And you… you're yesterday's news."
[System Note: Who is this guy? He's not even in the top 10 of 'Most Attractive Hunters.' His armor is too shiny. He needs to calm down.]
Aetherion blinked, completely unfazed by the dramatic monologue. He gestured at the screen with his fork. "Oh hey, uh… Kevin?"
"Kairo!" the rival snapped, his smug demeanor cracking for a brief, furious second. "It's Kairo Vex! And I challenge you to a hunt-off. First to bring in Drazek wins. Loser quits bounty hunting forever!" The challenge was accompanied by a flourish and a pre-recorded sound effect of a dramatic crescendo.
Aetherion just took a bite of his pancake sun. "You guys are very intense about your work."
Drazek's fortress was on a jungle moon, a place so wild it was crawling with beasts the size of starships. The air was thick with humidity and the roars of unseen predators. Lyra was on high alert, her hand never far from her blaster. Kairo, true to his word, flew in with a precision assault squad, their sleek, silent dropships landing in a perfect formation. Every move was calculated, every weapon was optimized, and every moment was being filmed for his personal brand.
"This is how professionals operate," Lyra muttered, watching a holo-screen of Kairo's tactical map. "He's using a three-pronged attack to distract the larger beasts while his main assault team infiltrates the fortress from the weakest point."
Aetherion, meanwhile… wandered in with Lyra and Nova, carrying a picnic basket.
"Strategy?" Lyra asked, her eyes darting nervously at the giant, six-legged creature with a head shaped like a rocket launcher that was currently lumbering in the distance.
Aetherion pulled out a thermos of coffee and several bottles of syrup. "I'm thinking jungle brunch."
Nova, who was now clutching a pancake-shaped pillow, giggled.
Meanwhile —
Kairo was in his element. He was a master of his craft, a force of nature. He blasted through beast after beast, his crimson armor shimmering as he dodged their attacks with balletic grace. Every move was perfect for the cameras he'd brought, every explosion was timed to make him look like a hero.
His comm crackled with a report. "Sir, we're approaching the fortress. Looks like the entrance is heavily guarded. Heavy cannons and a laser grid."
Kairo smirked. "Good. Get the explosives ready. I want this to be a spectacular breach." He was at the top of his game. He was number two, and with this bounty, he would be number one. Nothing could stop him.
Then, a massive, impossible shadow passed overhead. The jungle went silent, the roars of the starship-sized beasts dying down into confused whimpers. Kairo looked up, his smug face replaced by one of profound, utter shock.
He saw Drazek's fortress… the entire structure, a thousand tons of steel and stone… being carried through the sky by Aetherion like it was a beach ball. The warlord's guards were screaming, falling off the side, and the fortress itself was wobbling dangerously.
"What the—" Kairo started to say, his perfect hair momentarily mussed by the sudden wind. His perfectly choreographed plan, his perfectly executed assault, had just been rendered completely and utterly pointless.
Back at the Starbreaker
Aetherion dropped the fortress onto the deck of the ship with a loud, metallic clang. It caused the entire vessel to rock like a toy boat on a rough sea. "Okay, done. Who wants pancakes?" he said, completely oblivious to the chaos he had just caused.
Kairo arrived seconds later, his crimson armor covered in monster slime and jungle debris, a look of murderous fury on his face. He slammed a fist on the ship's hull. "You stole my bounty!"
Aetherion shrugged. "Nah, you were still playing tag with the pets."
Nova waved shyly from the open ramp. "Hi, Mister Kevin!"
"It's Kairo!" he yelled, his voice cracking with rage.
[System Alert: New Rival Added: Kairo Vex (Permanently Annoyed)]
The System's note was the final insult. Kairo stared at Aetherion, at Lyra, who was trying to hide a smile behind her hand, and at Nova, who was now eating a pancake shaped like a star. This was not a hunt-off. This was a cosmic farce, and he was the punchline.