He was gone!
Kalix pulled me back, hiding my face in his chest, as I cried, weeped in his arms.
My fist clenched against the smooth fabric of his shirt that was biting my skin.
Luca was gone.
My Luca was gone.
Tears kept streaming down from my eyes seeping in Kalix's shirt, even when I knew what had just happened, I still couldn't process it.
I was shattered from inside.
Kalix took me to my room, calming me down, making me drink water.
But that didn't matter anymore, I was dead too, just like Luca was.
I stood emotionless where Kalix was, sitting where he made me sit... but didn't try moving another inch by myself.
I was dead, just like Luca was.
The bouquet flashed In front of my eyes.
Your time is not far away.
It should've been me, I should've died.
"Y...you stay here... I will call Cecily for you."
Whatever he said, even while being audible his words, they were not making any sense to me.
With blank expressions, my eyes kept staring at the floor, so much that if I could, my eyes would've bore a hole there.
Soon Cecily was also back, and so was Cassian, she tried talking to me but I was quiet.
"Laurel, please talk to me."
She called out to me, asking me to talk but what should I talk about?
She was holdingy hands, trying to make me turn my face towards her, and she did.
"Please talk to me." She begged.
"About what?" I asked helplessly.
My heart had shattered, so badly that I condemned the day it would fix itself.
Her face fell at my question, she didn't say anything her anymore, instead looked at Kalix and shook her head.
Kalix tried talking to me, but I still couldn't felt like I could.
How should I calm down? What should I talk about? How can I...even talk?
"Don't do this!" The same raspy voice, the voice that calmed me down buzzed in my ears.
My ears piqued at it, as I got alarmed and looked around the whole room.
But he wasn't here...he was no longer here, he had left me.
Within a few minutes, Xavier and rest of Luca's friends...all were here.
But none of them came to me to talk except for Xavier.
Tried talking to me but didn't got any answer from me, Kalix had left with Luca's other friend to prepare for his funeral, I wanted to stop them...ask them to not go, to not bury him.
To not bury my love, but didn't had enough courage for it.
Everything was prepared on that day, and the funeral... it was tomorrow.
Kalix had gotten me discharged, but instead kf taking me to the apartment, he took me to the Millers estate, Logan greeted me with a wamr hug, rubbing and caressing my back, to console me.
But I didn't need it anymore.
At every time there was either a maid, or Kalix with me, Cecily also came to visit me, asked me questions.
And even when I knew the answer to them, I still couldn't find the courage to say it.
——————————————
The next day, I was sitting in front of the vanity as Cecily made a braid of my hair.
I stared at myself in the mirror, I couldn't cry even when I wanted to shed tears, because every time I felt like it, I could hear Luca calming me down, stopping my from crying, wiping away my tears from my cheeks.
And it hurts, because it was all in my mind, he wasn't here in reality.
"It's done! Let's go?"
Cecily said from behind me, as I slowly gave her a nod of my head.
Ever since my brain had confirmed that Luca was no more, I hadn't utter a single word, afraid that he might end up reply to me, afraid that I might feel the need of Luca in each and every word that I speak, which would break me further.
Helping me stand up from my place, she walked me downstairs where Cassian was waiting for us in the living room, with Ayla sleeping in his arms.
I quietly walked past him, no greetings or anything just went outside where his car was parked.
After Cecily sat on the front seat with Ayla, Cassian opened the back door for me, as I quietly sat on the seat.
The whole drive to the funeral home was deadly and suffocating, he was everything to my saddened and shattered life.
Ever since he came into my life, it was as if I had gotten a reason to live now, to fight fate even more strongly than before.
But what happened? The fate I tried so hard to oppose, stole the one and only man who had ever made me so secure that I, for the very first time felt genuinely happy when he confessed and called me... by my own name...not someone else's name.
My back was straight against the leather car seat covers, my eyes wavering over the view outside the windows.
A lone tear slipped from my eye before streaming down my cheeks as it drippes down on the black dress shirt I was wearing with a black pencil skirt.
It was for the funeral, for Luca's... funeral.
My eyes went to my plastered left hand, and then to my right hand's ring finger, where the band, Luca used to propose me was wrapped around it, when my hand was broken, the doctors had removed the ring while doing the treatment and later on when I was given it back I simply wore it in my other hand.
Admiring the ring on my hand, admiring the relationship it had made between me and Luca, it was in my daily routine.
But now...it meant nothing.
Cassian stopped the car Infront of the funeral home, as both of them got down off the car, I stared at beige painted building, looking simple yet horrifying at the same time.
The door was opened from outside, Cassian gave me a soft smile, stretching his hand out to me.
"Let's go!"
I quietly handed my hand into his, before stepping out of the car, the fresh breeze whooshed over my face and a warm feeling settled inside of me.
The king of warm feeling that was burning me from inside.
Almost everyone was there, Kalix, Luca's friends, their wives, some other people and lastly a man in late 50's standing beside Luca's casket, pretending to shed tears while talking to men around him.
His uncle.
Walking to me, every single friend of Luca came to greet me, while I stood there silently like a frozen person.
My eyes on the casket that was kept on the stage, flowers around it.
Tick...tick...tick...tick...
My heels clicked against the floor, and with exact four agonizing steps I was Infront of it.
His pale skin, deprived of life his cold body depicting any soul from him.
He looked so peaceful...he looked the same as he did before.
Countless tears began dripping from my eyes, as sniffes came out from my mouth, holding his freezing hand in mine.
I wished... I prayed, that only if it were a dream and I could change it, if only this was a lie...if only I had it in my hands.
I'm sorry... I'm sorry Luca... I'm sorry...for killing you ... I'm sorry...
I sobbed, my cries turned audible to everyone in that funeral home.
"Calm down... Laurel... please calm down."
It was Cecily, holding my shoulders, as she tried getting Luca's hand out of mine.
"D-don't!"
A one word beg came out of my lips, as I looked at Cecily as any helpless person would.
Leaving my hand, she nodded with understanding gaze.
The whole ceremony I stayed there like that, holding his hand, admiring him, regretting us...
If only I had said no to him, if only he wasn't in any relationship with me.
If only I had handed myself over to Kalix, when I still had time.
I stood there with him the whole ceremony, my eyes at him, while he lay there asleep.
Kalix, Cecily, Xavier even Cassian all of them came to me, all of them came to calm me down... All of them came to tell me to stop crying, all of them tried consoling me.
Everyone came, but just not him, just not Luca.
Not my man!
Wake up Luca, your Sarah is calling for you, I'm hurting Luca! Please come back, please come back like you always did whenever I got hurt... please wake up, please come back to me.
But he never did!
He never did, not when they told me to leave his hand, not when they closed his casket, not when they too him away.
He never did, he didn't come back, instead took my soul along with him too.