Chapter 1 – Welcome Package From Hell
Pain.
That was the first thing I felt when I woke up. Not the soul-crushing agony of being hit by a truck. More like… a sharp, stabbing pain in my pride.
I opened my eyes.
Stone ceiling. Dim red glow. The faint smell of sulfur and—was that… burnt marshmallows?
I sat up on the cold floor and immediately regretted it. My hands were chained together with something glowing faintly. They didn't burn, but I still got the strong impression they wanted to.
"Good. You're awake," a voice said, smooth as silk and twice as dangerous.
I turned.
Birnal. Still tall, still horned, still somehow looking like she'd just walked out of a magazine cover titled 'Temptation for Idiots'.
"W-where am I?" I asked.
"My home," she said, walking in slow, deliberate steps that I swear were designed to make me nervous. "Welcome to the Demon Realm. Population: mostly things that want to eat you, and a few that want to keep you around for… other purposes."
My brain short-circuited. "O-other purposes?"
She smirked. "Relax, human. If I wanted to seduce you, I'd have done it while you were unconscious."
"...That's not very reassuring."
She handed me something. A small leather pouch. I opened it to find… a rock.
"…This is a rock."
"It's a demon coin," she said matter-of-factly. "Currency, weapon, snack, depending on the day. You'll need it."
"Great. First day in hell, and I'm already playing Survival: The Budget Edition."
She ignored me and tossed a bundle onto my lap. Inside: a black tunic, boots, and a cloak that smelled faintly of smoke.
"You'll wear this. Humans don't last long here without blending in."
I frowned. "Won't the horns be a dead giveaway?"
She leaned in close, golden eyes glinting. "You're assuming you won't have horns soon."
My stomach dropped. "…I feel like I should be more worried than I am."
"Oh, you should," she said with a smile that could end nations. "But first—orientation."
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Birnal dragged me—literally—into the streets.
The city looked alive. Not in the poetic "full of energy" way. I mean the buildings actually pulsed faintly, like they were breathing. A tavern's doorframe yawned as we passed. The cobblestones whispered to each other. A shop sign turned its carved head to glare at me until I looked away.
We stopped in front of a stall with a sign shaped like a screaming skull.
"Food," Birnal announced.
The stallkeeper, a squat demon with three eyes and a permanent scowl, shoved something into my hand—a warm, glowing ball.
I sniffed it. Smelled sweet. Took a bite.
Birnal slapped it out of my hand so fast I thought I imagined it.
"That was a soul crystal," she hissed. "Biting it is… rude."
The stallkeeper gave me a look like I'd just licked his cat.
"Right. My bad," I said, wiping glowing crumbs from my mouth. "Tastes like candy though."
"Of course it does," Birnal muttered. "It was candy. To the soul inside it."
I decided not to think too hard about that.
At the next stall, I pointed at a round loaf of bread and asked, "How much?"
The baker burst into tears. Birnal yanked me away again.
"What?!" I protested.
"You just proposed marriage," she said.
"I—WHAT?!"
"Long story. Don't point at baked goods here unless you're serious."
By the time we reached the city's main square, I was exhausted, mildly traumatized, and 50% sure the cobblestones were trying to trip me on purpose.
Somewhere in the distance, something screamed. Not in pain. In enthusiasm.
Yeah. This was gonna be one hell of a second life.