Evidently, Marius Cloud's vivid description—backed by Professor McGonagall's own words—felt far too convincing.
Many students couldn't help but visualize, in grotesque detail, just how filthy the Sorting Hat must be. Upper-year students began squirming in disgust as they recalled the time they had naively and willingly worn that thing on their heads. Some looked so sick they might not even be able to stomach the feast afterward.
And as for the first-years… the very idea that they'd soon have this "garbage can" dropped onto their heads was enough to drain the blood from their faces.
The worst part? Marius wasn't even exaggerating. Think about it—a thousand years of student scalp oils and dandruff with zero cleaning? He made a fair point. Even Marius himself started inching farther from the Sorting Hat the more he thought about it.
"Ahem!" McGonagall finally coughed, breaking the mounting tension. "Silence, please!"
It wasn't until she tapped her wand sharply on the table that the chaos subsided.
At the staff table, Hagrid wore a wry smile. Marius had managed to cause a scene not once, not twice, but multiple times… and he'd only been at Hogwarts for half an hour.
Order was restored at last, leaving just Marius and the Sorting Hat locked in a staring contest.
To be fair, Marius couldn't help but admire how expressive the old rag was. For an inanimate object, that hat was surprisingly animated.
"Don't just stare at me!" the Hat barked, clearly irritated. "You're a student—you have to wear me! Doesn't matter how dirty I am!"
The Hat even puffed up a bit, proud that it still had the upper hand over this infuriating boy.
"You're right. I can't do anything to you…" Marius said thoughtfully, nodding. That immediately put the Hat on edge.
Then Marius turned to Professor McGonagall. "Professor, I believe one of the most important duties of a teacher is to care for the health and wellbeing of their students."
He then gestured to the first-years below, most of whom looked positively green. "I fear none of us will have the appetite for dinner at this rate. Wouldn't you agree that my suggestion is worth considering?"
This is all your fault! McGonagall thought bitterly, but even she had to admit the idea of the centuries-old, unwashed hat made her slightly queasy. A simple cleaning spell certainly wouldn't hurt.
"Hey, wait a min—!" the Hat started to protest as McGonagall raised her wand.
Too late.
"Whirlwind Cleanse!"
In a flash, the Sorting Hat looked decades newer, its fabric visibly brighter and less crusty. But its attitude? Thoroughly deflated.
"Lovely spellwork, Professor McGonagall," Marius applauded with perfect timing.
"Thank you for the compliment, Mr. Cloud," McGonagall said, clearly done with the nonsense. "Now would you please put on the hat?"
"This boy's quite a character…" murmured one of the professors, as hushed murmuring spread across the staff table. Unlike the others, Dumbledore simply nodded with the barest smile, his half-moon glasses flashing in the candlelight.
A student who couldn't act directly, yet knew how to leverage the pressure of the crowd to push those who could—it was a rare talent indeed. In Dumbledore's experience, people with this kind of instinct often grew up to become leaders who moved nations.
But whether that was a good thing or not… remained to be seen.
Marius gave the now-dazed Sorting Hat a smirk and whispered, "See? I may not be able to do anything to you myself, but there's always someone else who can. That's the trick."
The Hat gave a defeated humph and wished—not for the first time—that it had a dog to throw at this boy. But once Marius placed it atop his head, the Hat did its duty and began the assessment.
Almost immediately, the Hat's tone changed.
"What the—?! Bloody hell, your mental strength is ridiculous! Relax, would you?! I can't sort you like this!"
The Sorting Hat, at its core, was a magical artifact enchanted with a modified version of Legilimency. Unlike ordinary Legilimency, it didn't pull precise memories—it read general impressions, tendencies, and character traits to match students with their ideal House.
But the spell had a major limitation: it worked best on the unguarded minds of young children. Marius, however, was another story. His mental strength was at the level of a fully trained adult wizard—Level 3 in magical terms. His mental defenses were so solid that, even without formal Occlumency training, the Hat couldn't pierce through a thing.
"Heh… I love watching you struggle to do your job while still having to pretend you're in charge of Hogwarts' sacred traditions," Marius thought cheerfully.
Despite the mental sass, he did loosen his mind just enough for the Hat to get to work. Truth be told, even he was a little curious where he'd end up. After all, both his parents had been Ravenclaws. That didn't guarantee Slytherin.
"Hmmm… troublesome, very troublesome indeed," murmured the Hat. "You're just as tricky on the inside as you are on the outside…"
At those words, upper-year students perked up. The Hat usually made its decision swiftly—rarely did it hesitate.
This only fueled the intrigue surrounding Marius Cloud, who was already something of a first-year legend… even if no one actually understood why.
"You've got undeniable courage," the Hat continued. "You've done things most adults wouldn't even dare. Gryffindor would suit you well…"
Marius figured it must be referring to his brief but very real encounter with Voldemort. Fortunately, the Hat couldn't see the details, just the impression of danger and bravery.
"Yet your intellect and breadth of knowledge are astonishing—Ravenclaw would be proud to have you. And I must admit… you're more diligent than I expected. That earns you points for Hufflepuff as well."
"Still… that noble lineage of yours, that deep-rooted pride and cunning—how could I not consider Slytherin?"
"Now here's the problem," the Hat continued.
"Excavator enginee—wait, what?! No! Stop it! What in Merlin's beard is going on in your head?!"
Apparently, Marius's random mental tangents had started leaking through and infecting the Hat's thought process.
"Ahem—now, here's the real problem…" the Hat re-centered itself and declared loudly enough for all to hear:
"Which House should you go to?"
--------------
T/N:
Access Advance Chapters on my
P@treon: [email protected]/PokePals