Time is a cruel joke when you're a mimic. No clocks, no sun, no changing scenery, just the same four walls and my own growing hunger. I've been stuck here so long I'm pretty sure the moss on the walls is starting to judge me. So, what do you do when you're basically a fancy, living chest and dom't want to go insane? You make terrible puns.
Like "Why don't chests ever get lost? Because they always keep their contents together."
Yeah, laugh it up, dungeon. I'm killing it. I try naming the cracks in the floor to keep my sanity, Gerald's the weird one with a spider tattoo gone wrong and Susan's the nosy crack that judges my lid for looking too polished. I'm so bored, I even try talking to myself.
"Hey, if I was a human, I'd probably be dead by now. Oh wait…"
Yeah, sarcasm keeps me alive, barely. Hours? Days? Weeks? I don't know. I don't have a way to tell anymore and frankly, it all feels the same, dark, silent and hungry.
Then, like a mirage, a flicker of light, torchlight! Someone's coming.
I feel it in my fake ribs, excitement, hunger and a dash of finally something different. The footsteps echo, nervous but determined. A young guy. Fresh. Clumsy. You can tell he's new to this whole dungeon game. About twenty years old, hair a mess, boots scuffed, sword probably hasn't even sliced anything yet. But hey, he's got spirit and that's delicious, probably. He spots me, the perfect chest sitting alone in the dark. I can see the dollar signs or whatever adventurers see in their eyes. He grins like he's won the lottery.
"Treasure" he whispers practically drooling.
And then his hand reaches out.
I'm not just going to wait around for him to finish his speech. I snap. The lid flies open. My jaws clamp down, sharp teeth sinking in. His face freezes. His eyes widen. Then panic and I swallow him whole.
Yeah, that's right, down the hatch, no chewing. I'm efficient like that.
Honestly? It's kind of embarrassing how easy it was. Like stealing candy from a newbie.
"Welcome to the menu, rookie." I mumble to myself, slamming my lid shut. I kind of feel bad for him, but at the same time I feel great.