Naufal gently stroked Raisa's hair, the five-year-old girl sound asleep in his arms. The faint scent of frangipani still clung to Raisa's clothes, remnants of her mother, Chintya's, funeral ceremony that had just concluded. Raisa's cheeks were still damp with tears, but now she was calm, sleeping peacefully in Naufal's embrace. Silence enveloped the atmosphere, accompanied only by the loud chirping of crickets from the darkness.
Siska, Chintya's neighbor, sighed deeply. Her face looked tired and sad. "She wouldn't stop crying earlier, Bang," she said, her voice hoarse. "Thankfully, after you came… she calmed down, and even fell asleep. But I'm worried, what if she wakes up after you leave? Can't you take her home with you?"
Naufal looked at Raisa with mixed feelings. Pity and sympathy mingled with a bitter feeling that was hard to explain. He saw a reflection of himself in Raisa's still innocent eyes. Many residents in the housing complex mentioned the resemblance between Raisa's face and his.
"I need to talk to Mama first," Naufal replied softly. He knew that telling his mother about Chintya's death would be a heavy blow. His mother still harbored deep wounds from his father's affair with Chintya years ago.
Siska nodded, her eyes welling up. "Poor Raisa, Bang. She must be confused because she suddenly lost her Mama. She keeps calling for her Mama. She said she's thirsty, she's hungry, she wants her Mama to feed her. My heart breaks seeing her." Tears streamed down her cheeks. "She's still very little, Bang. She doesn't understand what's happening."
Naufal was lost in thought. He couldn't deny this bitter reality. Raisa was his half-sister, the child of the woman who had destroyed his parents' marriage. The wound was still open, even though years had passed. He still clearly remembered how his mother was devastated when his father ran away with Chintya, taking the money from the sale of their house as well as their education savings.
"I'll leave Raisa here for now," Naufal said finally, his voice heavy. He carefully laid Raisa on the bed. He straightened the thin blanket slowly. "I'll come back here tomorrow."
Siska nodded weakly. "Okay, Bang." She looked at Raisa who was sleeping soundly, then looked at Naufal with eyes full of gratitude.
Naufal took out money from his wallet. "For snacks or Raisa's needs here," he said.
"Thank you, Bang," Siska said, her voice still trembling.
"Let me know if anything happens. I'm going home," Naufal said, then stood up. He patted Siska's shoulder lightly, as if giving support.
"Be careful, Bang," Siska replied.
Naufal left the house, walking towards his car. He sat behind the wheel, taking a deep breath. The night air felt cold, piercing his skin, but the coldness was nothing compared to the coldness of the feeling that was pressing on his heart. He started the car engine, then drove his vehicle along the road that was starting to quiet down.
Throughout the journey, shadows of the past continued to haunt him. His mother's sad face, the tears that never stopped flowing, the words full of hurt that came from her lips. All of that echoed in his ears again. He felt guilty, felt responsible for what had happened, even though he knew he wasn't entirely at fault. He felt he had to do something, had to fix everything, even though he knew it wouldn't be easy.
But, on the other hand, he also felt sorry for Raisa. The little girl was innocent. She didn't deserve to bear the burden of her parents' mistakes. Naufal felt called to protect Raisa, to give the love that Raisa might never have fully received from her mother. He had to be a protector for Raisa, a responsibility he had never imagined before.
He arrived at home, entered and put the car keys on the table, walked to his room, throwing himself onto the bed. However, sleep did not come. His mind was still filled with Raisa's face, a small face full of sadness, and the image of Chintya who was gone.
He reached for his cell phone, contacting Siska. "How is Raisa?" he asked.
"She's still sleeping soundly, Bang," Siska replied. "Thank you very much for your help."
"You're welcome," Naufal replied. "Let me know if anything happens."
"Definitely, Bang."
Naufal disconnected the phone. He looked back at the ceiling of his room. How to tell his mother about Raisa? Leaving Raisa with Siska forever was impossible. Not to mention putting Raisa in an orphanage.
The bedroom door was knocked on before being opened. Adelia stepped in.
"Mama saw your room light on. That's why Mama checked."
"Yes, there was a little business after leaving the office."
"Have you eaten?"
"Yes, Ma."
"Well, then. Take a shower and rest. Must be very tired, right?"
"Yes. Mama, please rest. Are you leaving for Jakarta tomorrow?"
"Yes," Adelia replied while walking to the door.
"Ma," Naufal called.
"Yes," Adelia turned around.
Naufal walked up to Adelia.
"There's something I want to tell Mama."
"About?"
Naufal was silent for a moment. It felt like the story was trapped at the end of his throat.
"About you and Sinta?" Adelia guessed.
"No..."
"Then?"
Naufal took a breath, hugging his mother while saying, "Stay healthy always, Ma. Accompany us until we succeed."
Adelia smiled, patting Naufal's back.
"Definitely, Son."
That morning, Naufal was reading files on his desk when a call from Siska came in.
"Hello..."
"Bang, Raisa is having a tantrum. She's been crying non-stop since earlier. We're confused."
"I'm still at the office. I can't just leave," Naufal said.
"Try talking to Raisa," Siska requested.
"Okay."
Without waiting long, the phone was connected to Raisa who was still crying.
"Raisa, what's wrong again?" Naufal asked.
"Where's Mama?"
"Didn't Raisa see yesterday that Mama was buried? Pray for Mama, okay? Don't cry."
"Where's Abang?"
"Abang is still working. Raisa stay with Kak Siska first. Later after work, Abang will go there. Later Abang will buy a doll for Raisa to have a friend to sleep with," Naufal coaxed.
"Abang sleep with Raisa? At Mama's house?"
Naufal was silent, not answering.
"Abang sleep here?"
"Later Abang will see Raisa," Naufal promised without answering the child's question. "Don't cry. Abang has to work first."
"Okay."
"Be good with Kak Siska."
Naufal hung up the phone. He leaned his head back on the chair. It felt very heavy. On one hand, he felt very sorry for Raisa's condition who was forced to lose her mother at the age of 5. Meanwhile, the whereabouts of her biological father, who was also Naufal's father, were unknown. Raisa was all alone in the midst of the fierce city. She only had Naufal as her place to lean on at this time as her eldest brother. But how to bring Raisa to the public. This was not a matter of bad thoughts that people would throw about who Raisa was to him. But about Adelia's wound that would reopen if Naufal had to reveal who Raisa was in order to be able to live in the middle of their family. Not to mention facing the harsh rejection that would surely be thrown by his grandfather and his two uncles.
Naufal was in a dilemma.