Chapter 112: Hikigaya: My First Kiss, Gone
"It hurts…"
Her voice was soft but pierced Hikigaya's ears.
Hikigaya: "Bear with it. It'll be over soon."
Karuizawa nodded resiliently, tears sliding down her cheeks, dripping onto the bed.
Her back was done; next was her abdomen.
There was an unignorable scar, a mark of her past.
"Want to do this part yourself?"
"You do it…"
Karuizawa turned to face him, sitting directly in front of him, making him even more embarrassed.
He kept his head down, avoiding other areas, gently applying the ointment to her scar, the place she feared most. As he did, her body trembled uncontrollably, and without warning, she hugged him.
With no shirt, her cold body temperature sent a shiver through Hikigaya.
Karuizawa Kei tightly closed her eyes, as if unwilling to face any of this. But as Hikigaya Hachiman applied the ointment firmly, she couldn't suppress the fear in her heart. She clung to him tighter, tears streaming down her cheeks, soaking his clothes.
Karuizawa opened her mouth and bit down hard on Hikigaya's shoulder.
The pain shot through him, but he let her bite without a sound.
Hikigaya had never experienced bullying like this himself, so he might not fully understand the feeling. If asked whether he could empathize, his answer would be vague.
When Yahiko had punched him before, every time someone seemed about to hit him there again, he'd have an instinctive, uncontrollable reaction, sometimes even overreacting. For Karuizawa, a fragile girl, the scar on her abdomen carried a past likely far worse than that punch.
So, when someone threatened that scar again, she lost all resistance. Even now, as Hikigaya tried to help, showing that scar to him had already taken all her courage.
She would feel pain, fear, unease, and terror.
All of it stemmed from that indelible scar.
It was like a mental wound, forever etched in her mind.
Soon, Hikigaya finished applying the ointment to her abdomen, then quickly moved to her thighs, calves, and other areas.
Karuizawa didn't put her clothes back on. Leaving the ointment exposed maximized its effect.
She seemed to know this well, likely from past experiences of similar situations.
She no longer felt shy. Perhaps time had dulled their senses, and both had adjusted to the atmosphere.
After applying the ointment, they remained at an ambiguous distance. Hikigaya wanted to leave but couldn't feel at ease leaving the girl alone.
Karuizawa, even more so, didn't want to let him go. In this endless night, she'd faced loneliness and unease countless times, staying awake until dawn.
"Once I return to school, I'll submit my withdrawal application. I won't make things hard for you, so… stay with me a little longer."
"It's not you who should withdraw. You made a mistake, but it doesn't justify this."
Hikigaya was clear: if Karuizawa left while those four stayed, the school would be broken. Everything he pursued would collapse.
"I don't get you. Why didn't you stand by me before, but now you're helping me like this?"
"You were wrong before. You should've apologized properly."
Before Hikigaya could continue, Karuizawa choked out, "You just don't care about me, do you? Even now, with my clothes off, you don't feel anything, so you're this cold. If it were Sakura, Kushida, or Kamuro, whether they were wrong or not, you'd take their side, right? Am I wrong?!"
Hikigaya shook his head, rejecting her childish notion.
"I don't believe you. You're a liar. Everyone's a liar. They all said they'd protect me, but every time it comes to this, I'm left alone… I want someone to protect me too…"
Karuizawa was on the verge of breaking down, her voice growing more choked, her words barely audible.
But Hikigaya could only lower his head helplessly. If she thought that, she was gravely mistaken.
"Sakura, Kamuro, Kushida, they all helped me in my toughest moments, but not blindly. I can't ignore their help. As a person, that's a debt I can't forget."
"I'm not like you think. When they're wrong, I'll point it out. When I'm wrong, I trust they'll correct me. And I'm helping you not because I need a reason."
"You need help, so I'm helping, provided you're on the right path."
Perhaps his words calmed her. Karuizawa wiped away the tears welling in her eyes, her face full of regret.
"If I'd apologized back then, would it have come to this?"
Hikigaya gave a wry smile. "Maybe not, maybe so. But either way, I'd stand by you and face it together."
"I don't have great strength. When faced with overwhelming force, I can only run. But if it comes to taking a beating, maybe I can take it with you."
Amid her choked sobs, Karuizawa let out a clear, crisp laugh. "What's that? So we're just getting beaten up?"
"You can still run."
"That's not very strong of you."
"We're both weak. In that, we're the same."
"That's pretty pathetic."
"At least we can share the misery."
"Sounds kinda nice."
"Yeah, doesn't it?"
They locked eyes, and in the quiet, they both let out a heartfelt smile.
It was the kind of helplessness only the weak could understand.
Karuizawa wiped her tears again, a spark returning to her eyes.
"Hikigaya, I don't want to drop out. I want to stay in this school. It's harsh, but I want to experience three years as a normal student, and…"
Hikigaya lowered his head, muttering, "I won't let you drop out."
Karuizawa froze, her words halting, her mouth slightly agape. It was the first time she'd heard such words.
"You'd really go that far for me?"
Hikigaya's expression was serious, still recalling the events. "If you have no reason to leave, you shouldn't be forced to. You're not the one in the wrong."
"What were you going to say after 'and'?"
Karuizawa's beautiful eyes lingered on his face.
Without waiting, she threw off the blanket, her graceful figure exposed again. She hugged his head and kissed him without hesitation.
Time seemed to stop. Hikigaya was stunned, his mind blank. In all his years, he'd never experienced this.
It was beyond his rationality. In that moment, he shed his logic, becoming an ordinary person. He initially tried to pull away, but Karuizawa held him tightly, and he eventually let her embrace and kiss him.
Karuizawa was no different.
Everyone who'd bullied her, judged her by rumors, or saw her in class thought she was loose and dirty. But no one knew this boy was the first to choose her so firmly, the first she'd given her first kiss to, the first she was determined to win.
His kindness, resolve, and help had melted her heart. From now on, before him, there was no proud Karuizawa shell, only Kei, a girl who saw him as her world.
Her mind was blank, her last shred of rationality gone. She didn't know why she acted so impulsively.
Many had promised to protect her, only to abandon her. But this boy never promised protection. He said…
He'd take the beating with her.
Yes, he couldn't protect her. That was all he could do.
But for Kei, that was enough.
Their kiss paused the world. The room fell silent, all noise becoming a beautiful interlude, weaving her love into reality.
After what felt like forever, struggling to breathe, they parted.
Kei's cheeks were flushed, her eyes regaining their light, fixed on him.
Hikigaya, embarrassed, didn't know how to ask. Perhaps not asking was best.
Kei chuckled softly, her gentle smile shining. "You asked what I meant by 'and.' I'm telling you now…"
"And I've found my reason to stay in this school."
"Hikigaya-kun, please help me. I don't want to drop out."
Hikigaya nodded solemnly, replying softly, "I will. I absolutely will."
…
[Service Club, dead silent.]
[Yuigahama Yui tried to lighten the mood, forcing smiles and changing topics, but the room's focus was on Yukinoshita Yukino.]
[Even the usually mischievous Isshiki Iroha stayed silent, too scared to speak.]
[Yukinoshita appeared unchanged on the surface, which made her all the more terrifying. Even Hikigaya, sitting beside her, felt the oppressive aura.]
[If she lost her temper, it'd be less alarming, she'd have vented. But this wasn't Yukinoshita if she did.]
[Seeing no way to deflect, Yuigahama blurted, "Hikki, you saved another student from dropping out. This class can't function without you, haha!"]
[Though a tease, it pushed Yukinoshita's limits. She smiled, her gaze deadly, sweeping the room before settling on Hikigaya. "Oh, yes, Hikigaya-kun, this class really can't do without you."]
[Hikigaya: "It's not as dramatic as you're making it, Yui. You're exaggerating, right?"]
[Yuigahama: "Right, right, not that dramatic!"]
[Yukinoshita pressed a finger to her lips, calmly saying, "Oh? Is that so? Seems these girls can't do without you."]
[Her expression didn't shift, like a calm interrogation, silencing the Service Club. Even Miura Yumiko, who often clashed with Yukinoshita, had never seen her this terrifying. It was a different feeling, far too different.]
[Normally, if Miura disliked Yukinoshita, she'd trade barbs for petty revenge. But now, challenging her would be suicide.]
[Yukinoshita glared at Hikigaya, placed her hand on his thigh, and pinched hard, venting. "Not talking? So you agree?"]
[Hikigaya: "Of course… of course not! How could I? There's a saying, no one's indispensable."]
[Yukinoshita tightened her grip, making his face pale. "You think I'm that easy to fool, Hikigaya-kun?"]
[Hikigaya was engulfed in thigh pain, and with no one stepping in to help, he felt despair. He couldn't think of words to persuade her.]
[After enduring the pain, he forced calm. "Yukinoshita, how do you feel reading your old diary?"]
[Yukinoshita paused, caught off guard, then thought seriously. "Sometimes I can recapture that mindset, but mostly I can't, even if I wrote it."]
[Hikigaya: "Exactly. Things we wrote or recorded, years later, we can't even understand ourselves. So how can we expect others to empathize or understand us?"]
[Yukinoshita was stunned, as was everyone in the Service Club.]
[His words held truth. People often seek mutual understanding, but most times, they can't even understand themselves.]
[Hikigaya continued, "That proves my point, no one's indispensable. What you said must be wrong."]
[Yukinoshita sighed helplessly, pressing a finger to her temple. "I'm convinced by your twisted logic. But that's no excuse for causing trouble with others."]
[Hikigaya muttered, "Clearly, I'm the one in trouble here."]
[Perhaps the improving atmosphere let Yuigahama, Isshiki, and the others chuckle lightly.]
[Truly, it was twisted logic.]
[Horikita's Class…]
[Hasebe Haruka: "What's going on? So, Karuizawa, you just gave up your first kiss like that?"]
[Karuizawa, naturally shy, could understand her mindset in the video but felt embarrassed with so many watching outside it.]
[Karuizawa covered her face, unable to hide her blush. "I don't know, don't ask me. Maybe I lost my mind, maybe not… Anyway, I don't think I was wrong."]
[Her words silenced the class. She was the second to openly declare her feelings.]
[Everyone knew Sakura Airi's feelings for Hikigaya. Kushida Kikyo never publicly admitted hers, and after her true nature was revealed, no one pressed her, knowing better.]
[Karuizawa's open declaration, regardless of Kamuro or Kushida's bias toward Hikigaya, meant she was now Sakura's rival.]
[The class's atmosphere grew awkward. Sakura's gaze turned unprecedentedly sharp, clashing with Karuizawa's, sparking intense tension.]
[Sakura: "Are you sure your feelings don't carry other motives?"]
[Karuizawa, still embarrassed, didn't dislike Sakura. Though she'd seen all of Hikigaya's actions before, she'd never felt this way. She never imagined she'd develop such feelings for him.]
[In a way, she was the latecomer. Having shown her true self, she saw no need to act superior, especially toward Sakura.]
[Facing Sakura's question, Karuizawa shook her head, at a loss. "I don't know…"]
[She couldn't face her feelings fully. She wanted Hikigaya to herself, but knew monopolizing him was impossible. Still, she wouldn't abandon the thought.]
[Did her feelings carry other motives? She wasn't sure. If Hikigaya hadn't saved her, hadn't pulled her from the mire, would she feel this way? She couldn't say.]
[Then, the silent Kushida spoke. "No need to overthink. Everyone's just doing their best. There's no set outcome."]
[Kushida's words silenced the class again.]
[Everyone quietly wondered: Was Kushida admitting her feelings?]
[No one asked, but the question took root in every Horikita class member's heart.]
[This made Karuizawa Kei's heart grow even more anxious. Only in moments of such worry could she realize how much her feelings had been consumed by the boy.]
[Horikita Suzune watched the class gradually unite around one person, momentarily stunned.]
[This was outside the video, yet they were chasing someone who seemed like a virtual character within it. If it was just one person, Horikita couldn't understand or accept it. But in this class, more and more people were changing because of the video, forcing her to take it seriously.]
[In a way, it wasn't just changing everything inside the video, it was altering everything outside it too. Everything seen, known, and understood was shifting because of this person.]
[Hikigaya, your influence is simply too powerful.]
After what had happened, Hikigaya Hachiman left Karuizawa's room. She had invited him to stay the night, but that was far too daunting for him. He feared he wouldn't be able to control himself, so he fled.
He couldn't take advantage of her gratitude to do something like that, it would be fake.
Of course, Hikigaya wasn't entirely thoughtless. He only left after ensuring Karuizawa could rest alone.
After all, enduring such an ordeal in a single day would leave a massive psychological scar, even on the toughest person. Karuizawa was just a girl, she was probably crying in bed now, maybe even facing nightmares tonight.
That's what Hikigaya thought.
But in reality…
Karuizawa was rolling around on her bed, her cheeks flushed, blooming with color. Even with the air conditioning on, her body felt scorching, her heart racing uncontrollably.
The scene from earlier replayed endlessly in her mind. Perhaps out of shyness, she buried herself under the blanket, as if completely forgetting the pain and scars on her body.
Indeed, love was the most powerful healing medicine.
(End of this chapter)