"Do you even care about what I feel?"
This are the question that keep repeating inside my head. Unspoken words, hoping that it would just vanish from the mind, but it made me drown instead.
But everything is in the past now.
I'm 16 this year, and I will embark on a new journey; the highschool.
I left my hometown where me and my grandpa live together. Now, I'm all alone by myself.
A part of me miss my hometown, but another part of me want that memory to disappear without any trace.
Now, I need to focus on what's in front of me.
——— Bzz.. Bzz..
My alarm went off.
It's 6:30AM. Today should be my first day at highschool. No one wants to be late on their first day including me.
School is only 10 minute walk from my apartment. The school starts at 7:30AM, and I still have plenty of time to get ready. But I may take a detour on my way to school.
On my way to school, I see a bunch of students, wearing the same uniform as me, walking together towards the school. Here I am all alone but that is to be expected as I am an unfamiliar face in this huge city.
Entering the gate, all I can see is that a bunch of students are gathered at the bulletin board, to check their classes.
I couldn't get a spot to take a look myself, my best bet is to wait for the crowd to finish.
After a bit of struggling, I can finally see my class, 1-C.
There's bunch of signs on the walls that indicates where the classroom is. Surely that is convenient.
When I entered my classroom, I noticed that every seat was already occupied and only one left on the back-most row right next to the back exit door.
There's also my name written on the table, surely it meant that it was my seat after all.
Queitly, I sat down minding my own business.
5 minutes later, a female teacher entered the classroom.
"Good morning everyone, my name is Shuna. I will be your class teacher throughout your entire school journey" she said.
This will be the classic introduction episode where everyone would need to introduce themselves. That also includes me.
To summarize the introduction session, beside me, a girl, Umara. In front of me, the typical nerd in anime, Jerry, and many others that will be introduced later, If I still remember their name.
For today, we were only tasked to clean up the classroom as it was very dusty. Other classes are also doing the same thing, wiping tables, the fan, the board and also sweeping the floor.
Well, I took the table wiping work, as it requires the least amount of energy.
Doing all these works and experiencing a new environment is a great thing. But bitter memories can come flooding the thoughts at any moment. Surely it won't be bothersome.
That's when I realized I was actually lost in thoughts, hearing those words in my head.
Jerry actually noticed that I was staring blankly at the table and poked me.
"Are you okay?"
"Do you need some help?" he asked.
"I'm good. Just lost in my imagination." I said.
He just nodded it off. I appreciate that he doesn't question any of my odd actions.
When the cleaning session was complete, everyone breathes a sigh of relief. I must say, this cleaning session bonded everyone together except me. I barely talked to anyone the entire time.
Later, Miss Shuna, or maybe a Mrs., I don't even know, let's just assume she's single since she looks young, came back to the classroom.
"Today, all of you can go back home early, as early as 10:00AM. Since it's currently 9:00AM, the principal agreed to let all of you to take a break at the cafeteria."
Everyone screams loudly, excited to go for a break. I decided to stay at the classroom. I noticed that Umara also hasn't left the classroom. Perhaps because she probably doesn't feel tired yet.
"Eh? Why do both of you still here?" Miss Shuna asked.
"I'm not hungry yet. Plus the cafe is probably gonna be crowded, so I would just have my way to the convenience store after school." Umara gave her excuses. I agree with her reason as I would also like to avoid crowded place.
"What about you?" Miss Shuna asked me.
"Same as her." short and simple.
"I see. Well, as long as both of you eat, it's fine by me. I just don't want my precious students to get sick." A sincere and caring statement by Miss Shuna as she packs her things and leave the classroom.
I got 45 minutes before the time to go back home. I spent every minute sliding through my phone.
Then I came across a chat.
"You're pathetic."
"You don't deserve her. She's the queen of the school. You're just a dork."
"Do you really think I really fell for you? Your feelings don't matter, Haru. You think you had proved your love for me when you did that?"
Somehow, it still stings. But everything is in the past. Again, I went into a deep thoughts, as if those words drowned me again.
"You're so quiet." Umara said. That woke me up from my thoughts.
"I have a question. And you're probably the person that could answer it." I said.
"That came out of nowhere." she said as the wear a somewhat shocked expression on her face.
"Am I pathetic?" I asked.
"Again, that also came out of nowhere." Umara said. If a random person asked me the same question, I would also react the same way.
"I'm sorry, I was just lost in thoughts." I said.
"That's okay. You can ask me anytime." she said. Even thought those words seems comforting, I can't just take it right away. Otherwise, I'm putting myself at risk again.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
As soon as the question were thrown at me, everyone came back from the cafeteria. It was already 9:55AM.
"I'm going now. See you tomorrow." Umara said as she left the classroom. Everyone also packed their bags and starting leaving the classroom. I was the last person to leave and I made sure all the appliances are turned off.
The hallway was noisy with the sound from everyone rushing towards the gate. This surely was a wonderful first day of school.