Chapter 12: Inner Despair
After Aijin came back from grocery shopping, his mother called him into the living room. He found his mother and sister, Shuna, sitting there.
"Yes, Mom?" Aijin asked.
"Sit down here," his mother instructed.
Aijin obeyed and sat.
"Where have you been?" she asked sharply.
"Grocery shopping," Aijin replied.
"You can't be this late for just grocery shopping. Tell me where you've really been," she pressed.
"In grocery shopping, I met a friend, and we kinda hung out," he admitted.
"A friend, huh? Is a friend more important than your studies?" she scolded.
"Huh!?" Aijin blinked.
"Listen, Aijin. I won't hear any more excuses. You are falling behind in exams, so you need to study hard. Look at Kaiyo—he gets so much better results than you. If you get results like that, you're nothing but a useless child to me."
(Is 92% really low…?) Aijin thought.
"Are you listening?" his mother snapped.
"Yeah," he answered quietly.
"Don't waste your time on these useless things. Focus on your studies."
"Y-yes, Mom."
She left the room, and Shuna smirked. "Serves you right," she muttered, leaving as well.
Aijin returned to his room, his mind heavy with despair.
(I'm useless… oh, right. Mom has always treated me this way when I got my results since childhood. But I never talked back to her…)
---
A flashback swept over him, eleven years earlier, when he was six.
"Mom, can I go play outside?" young Aijin asked.
"No, you can't. You shouldn't be with those children—they might harm you," his mother replied firmly.
"But Mom…"
"No, just focus on your studies," she said, cutting him off.
The next day at school, a boy approached him. "Aijin, can you come play with us in the evening?"
"No, I can't. My mom won't let me," young Aijin replied.
"Why even ask him? He's always like that. He's weird, has a weird voice… he's just a freak," another boy sneered.
Before the first boy could apologize, Aijin had already left.
(Why? Why does it have to be me? Why am I like a prisoner in this house? I can't go outside, I can't play… WHY!?) He cried silently, careful that his mother wouldn't see.
At that moment, his father entered. "Aijin, why are you crying?"
"Dad… doesn't Mom love me?"
"Why would you ask that?"
"Who treats their own child like a prisoner? I can't go outside to play, my classmates call me weird… she just focuses on studies!" He sobbed, his small body shaking.
"Aijin, listen," his father said gently.
"Why should I? She always behaves like this! I wish I didn't exist here!" Aijin shouted.
"AIJIN!" His father's hand struck his cheek.
Aijin grabbed his face in shock. "D-dad…"
"First, listen to me." His father hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean to, but your mom isn't a bad person."
"Dad… are you crying?"
"Of course, you stupid son of mine. Not only me, your mom would also cry if she heard this."
"Why would she?"
"After your four sisters were born, my mother always taunted your mother, saying she couldn't give birth to a boy. Your mother was sad, felt useless, and complained constantly. I tried to cheer her, but she remained the same. Then, after two years, your brother was born—but not Kaiyo."
"Shocked I have a brother? Where is he?" young Aijin asked, wide-eyed.
"His name was Akinobu. My mother, your mother—everyone was happy. Then a few years later, Kaiyo was born. Those who thought your mother was useless were silenced. But…"
"But what?!"
His father's voice trembled as he continued. "When Akinobu was eight, he died in a car accident."
"Shocked and disbelief W-what?! He died?!"
"Yes… after that, your mother was traumatized. She didn't eat or sleep, always thinking about him. A year later, you were born, and she returned to her usual self. She named you Aijin, similar to Akinobu. She didn't want you to go outside because she feared you might face the same fate. As for study pressure, she wants a bright future for you, unlike Akinobu."
Aijin sobbed quietly.
"I'm begging you, Aijin. Don't say these things in front of your mother. Please listen to her, and I'll talk to her to allow you some playtime. But never make her sad. She loves you more than anyone."
"I will, Dad. I will," young Aijin promised.
---
Aijin never played or went outside except for school. But in fifth grade, two boys approached him.
"Yo, what's up?" said Raito.
"Hi, Kuroya," said Ryo.
"Oh, hi… do I know you?" Aijin asked hesitantly.
"Let us introduce ourselves. I'm Raito Okade," the first said.
"I'm Ryo Kobayashi," the second added.
"Oh, I thought you two were brothers… you look alike," Aijin said.
"Many people say that," Raito chuckled.
"You've been alone, so we thought we could be friends," Ryo said kindly.
"Please don't worry… I don't want to be a burden," Aijin replied.
"Grabs Aijin's hand Let's go, Aijin!" Raito said.
"Where?" Aijin asked nervously.
"To play baseball," Raito said.
"But my mother wouldn't let me," Aijin protested.
"Just tell her we're going to play baseball," Ryo suggested.
Aijin hesitated, then called his mother. Raito snatched the phone. "Hello, aunt. Aijin wants to play baseball with us—please let him!"
"Yeah, please," Ryo added.
"Sorry, kids, but…" Aijin's mother started.
"Don't worry, take him, but be careful," Aijin's father interrupted through the phone.
"All right!" Raito said, cutting the call.
"Let's go," he cheered.
"Wait, I can walk myself," Aijin said.
---
The team was losing, and Aijin was the final batter.
"We already lost. Aijin just came; he can't do much," Ryo muttered.
"Let's go, genius! Show us what you've got!" Raito encouraged.
The first swing missed.
"Come on, Aijin! We believe in you!" Raito shouted.
"Yeah, come on! You can do it!" Ryo added.
(If they believe in me… I have to do it.)
The second swing missed.
"Don't worry, Aijin! One more chance!" Raito called.
"You got this! Focus!" Ryo cheered.
The third swing connected perfectly. A home run.
"I did it! I finally did it!" Aijin ran, exhilarated.
"What a play, Aijin!" Ryo cheered.
"Yeah! Amazing, man! You're a natural!" Raito said.
(These two… they're really something else.) Aijin thought.
---
They became best friends for the year, playing games, hanging out, and studying together. But as the year ended:
"You're leaving us," Ryo said sadly.
"Sorry, guys, my father's transfer… I can't stay," Aijin cried.
"Don't cry, man," Raito said, also sobbing.
"But Raito… you're crying too!" Ryo laughed through tears.
They hugged each other tightly.
"Let's take a picture together," Ryo suggested.
"Sure!" Raito and Aijin agreed.
They took the picture for the last time. Aijin held the photo, silently wondering about their lives.
(I should visit them when I get the time… but how do I tell Mom?) He touched the scar on his head.
---
Suddenly, his phone rang.
"Hello, Mui?" Aijin answered.
"Aijin, Yuzuhara told me we'll go to the picnic in two days," Mui said.
"That's good. Aren't you talking to Yuzuhara too much?" Aijin teased.
"WE DON'T HAVE ANYTHING AND I HATE HER, SO BYE!"
Even in a rough society Aijin accepts reality—but in his own way. The picnic was coming soon.
[ END OF CHAPTER 12 ]