Lillian sat naked on a river bank. It was summer here, and she was letting the heat from the sun dry her, after washing in the river. After two weeks of traveling with Castor she had become comfortable in his presence. The same could not be said for him. He was pointedly not looking in her direction while washing himself quickly in the river waters.
He was naked except for a small silver chain with a coin-like pendant around his neck. Lillian could see the scars criss cross his wide shouldered body. The man looked like he had been taken apart and stitched back together multiple times. He probably had.
"Have you no shame girl?" He called from the river. "I can feel your eyes on me."
Lillian averted her vision out of respect. She honestly did not understand what all the fuss was about. But it certainly seemed to bother other people. They either wanted you to look, or did not want you to look, or wanted to look at her. A body was a body to her, nothing special.
"We have been traveling for two weeks now? how much longer do you think it will take - for us to get to the jump docks?" She asked.
They were on their way to meet an old friend of Castors. Someone he said, that could help them with reaching the black beast. But with the Bastard Son hunting them, Castor thought it best to leave their jump ship hidden. They also left Quanta along with it, a fact that it was very unhappy about.
They had folded space to a planet on the outskirts of a border kingdom, sitting between the Holy Rellian Empire and the Khannite. Once arrived they had slowly sunk the jumpship deep into the ocean, hiding it.
From there they had traveled by foot, and cart, when they could hitch a ride, towards the capital. They did not have much left to go.
"Won't be too long now." He replied. "Should be there this afternoon."
Castor was true to his word. Once they had got clean and dry they spent the rest of the morning walking, before luckily catching a ride on a hay cart also bound for the jump dock. By afternoon they had arrived.
There are three jobs that a knight is responsible for. The first was war, defending and attacking planets, and claiming the glory and spoils that went along with that.
The second was baby sitting factory moons, keeping the kingdoms and empires flush with drones.
The third and most mundane, was to run the jump ship networks that all kingdoms required. It was the only way to trade people and goods between planets. A knight, along with their warlord, would take a jumpship and make a series of jumps at pre-ordained stops. At each stop, there would be a lengthy process of first moving the jumpship towards the city docks - a jump ship folding space-time was a very loud affair and was not appreciated when done over buildings. Then once at the docks, there would be another long process of people and items mounting and dismounting.
The whole situation was terribly boring, making the noble knights in question nothing more than a glorified bus driver. So often these jump ships became homes away from home for the knights. The top layers of the massive jumpships becoming manors in their own rights. Where the knight would keep their entourage and host nobles from the worlds they traveled too.
This was not the part of the jumpship that Lillian and castor boarded. They were in the undersection. Not quite the bottom layers, as those places held the heavy cargo and then the animals. but only up enough layers that you could still smell the results of packing so many animals together.
Castor had managed to get them aboard with a number of fake documents that he had brought along for the journey. They made their way down the length of the vessel, which took some time given the size of a jumpship, and sat in the cabin area that they were assigned to. It was a small cramped affair, fairly dark, the human made layers cutting off most of the internal lighting that the jumpship provided.
There was only one other passanger with them currently, a girl, shorter than Lillian, but looked only a little younger. She was wearing a wide brimmed straw hat, tilted back so Lillian could see her face. She had shoulder length brown hair and brown eyes. They very briefly made eye contact.
Lillian's heart skipped a beat.
Castor was saying something to Lillian, but she couldn't hear him. What was that?
There was a... something in her chest. A tightness. Was she sick?
The girl in front of her moved slightly, getting more comfortable in her seat. She had taken her hat off and then tucked some hair behind her ear. That simple motion left Lillian spell bound. Her chest remained tight but now there was a new feeling in her stomach, like she had eaten a bunch of butterflies and they were all flapping around in there.
What was going on? Was she having a heart attack?!
She turned to Castor, to get his attention, he was talking about their plans, going over the details of what they should do once they arrived, it went in one ear and out the other. But looking at him seemed to settle the feelings in her chest and stomach.
Maybe she was not dying? She motioned for the flask he was carrying, containing a really weak ale. She drank deeply, noticing her mouth was now parched. She focused on the drink, on the words Castor was saying. She settled, she was not going to die. She was okay.
The girl sitting opposite her took off the thick jacket she was wearing. Leaving her arms and shoulders exposed.
Lillian choked mid swig. She was dying, she was going to die right here, it felt like her chest was about to explode. She could not breath. What in the grace of her grandmothers god was happening to her?
As she coughed and spluttered, Castor showed concern. "Are you alright girl?" He said, "You've gone as red as a tomato." He put his hand against her forehead to check her temperature. She wanted to tell him that did not work, but she could not find the words.
She recovered, looking away from the girl. It was her! She was doing this somehow. Maybe she had some sort of archeotech, maybe it was just witchcraft. But the girl in front of her was an assassin! Probably sent by the Bastard Son - to incapacitate and kidnap her.
She focused on calming herself, to slow her breathing. Then she looked at the girl again, to see if she had any hidden weapons. It was hot in here, a bead of sweat had formed and was running down the oh so long neck of the girl. Lillian found it hard to breath again, watching its slow decent down her skin. The girl wiped it away with her hand and fanned herself.
Lillian felt a pain in her bottem lip.
She was biting it.
Lillian looked away again. It seemed like if she did not look at the girl she was safe from her attacks.
A large family joined them in the cabin, a father with some roudy boys and a mother with a baby in her arms. The girl was polite, she stood up, allowing them to take her seat. The family smiled and thanked her.
But the girl was now stood right in front of Lillian!
Lillian dared not look up. If she reached out she could touch the girls thigh. Every so often the girl would shift position and her leg would lightly brush past Lillian's knee. Lillian wanted to die every time.
The boys on the other side started fighting, knocking into the girl, who fell forward into Lillian. They did not make contact, the girl had braced herself on the wall behind Lillian.
Lillian looked up, the girl looked down, her arm over Lillians head. They made eye contact for the second time. The girl smiled at her and said something in a language that she could not understand.
Lillian was a puddle of water, she was mush. None of her muscles worked, none of her bones were solid. She had reverted back to the clay that the gods had made people with.
Castor started talking to the girl, in the language she had spoken. Lillian could not understand a word of it. The girl's presence was suffocatingly close.
Castor eventually turned to her, "Lillian" he said, "Lillian..." he said again getting her attention. "You sure you're okay? I've never seen you this red. Look, make some room alright." motioning her to shuffle along. "Nara here can sit with us."
Lillian shuffed, away from the girl and Castor, leaving a space for Nara to sit between them, which was probably awkward once she thought about it. But the girl sat happily, continuing her conversation with Castor.
The bench was tight and Lillian could feel the girls side pressed against hers. She closed her eyes and focused on breathing.
And then she opened them again because closing her eyes made the girl's closeness way too intense.
Lillian breathed.
She breathed some more.
This was not an attack. This was her. Maybe when she had entered Quanta, something had opened up in her, She looked inside, she felt the edge of the hole that Quanta had left. There was something in there now, she could almost see it. Her secret self, the side of her that had feelings, the side of her that makes decisions that she would never normally make.
It was here, part of her. She was feeling something. This girl was bringing the feelings out of her. These were her own feelings and they were much more intense than what she had felt through Quanta.
She needed to talk to this girl, to know her. She steeled herself, trying to get her feelings under control.
She felt the lurch of the jumpship as it folded space-time. They had now changed planets.
The girl and Castor happily chatted for a while. Lillian could not understand a word, but remained transfixed by the sound of her voice.
What could Lillian even say to her?
The jumpship eventually reached the dock over the planet they had arrived at. The girl stood up to leave. Lillian looked at Castor, he did not get up. There was pain now, in Lillian's heart. This was not their stop.
It was the girls stop. She was going to leave. They were going to stay, travel to a different planet. Never to meet again.
Plans went through Lillian head, maybe she could leave Castor here, follow the girl. How well did she even know the man anyway. But without the man, stuck on a strange planet with no money, no plan... Maybe she could grab the girl, stop her from leaving until the jumpship had moved to the next destination. Keeping Nara with them.
That plan was a no go, Castor would stop her, and even though the girl was shorter than her, she looked tough, fit, firm. There was another feeling now, one she clamped down on quickly, and ignored.
The girl spoke a little more to Castor and went to leave. The pain in Lillian's heart was now unbearable.
Nara turned before leaving the cabin, and in broken Rellian she said, "Good bye Castor. Good bye Lillian." How did she know her name? Oh yeah, Castor had said it earlier.
It was all she could do to quietly say "Goodbye Nara."
For a moment she saw a black dog following Nara. It looked at her, surprised, then it grinned and faded away.
Nara left.
For the first time in her life, Lillian sobbed. The tears would not stop, it was ugly, if this was what feeling was like, maybe she did not want it.
Castor, never the one for being overly emotional, had no idea what to do in this situation. He patted Lillian's shoulder, looking very confused.
As Nara got further and further away. Lillians secret self submerged back into the deep recesses of her mind.
Lillian returned back to her calm and cold self. She wiped away her tears, and addressed Castors.
"I am okay. It is okay." She lied.
The hole inside her was bigger now, and having faced her secret self - she knew that monsters lived in those depths.