Chapter 19
In Her Dreams
Day 78
Her dress was off white with big prints of blue and red flowers. The skirt was pleated around the waist line, and there was a giant bow in the arch of her back. Samuel noticed the row of oversized buttons traveling up her back. Briefly, he wondered how she would manage to dress herself without the sisters. Random thoughts like this had been popping into his head. Lately, he has been too weak to worry about them.
Samuel was quite sure that she was using this opportunity to cling to him. He had allowed this, so he could get closer to the creature. He had to convince it that he trusted it. The creature did seem to like the verbal sparring that had developed between the two. He said, "I can walk. Will you please stop trying to hold me up? You do know that you can't be trusted when you start talking about poles?"
The creature put its foot down nearly on top of his. She said, "No. And I have not been speaking about poles. Samuel, you should not speak about such naughty things at a time like this."
He gently placed his leg against her leg. With light pressure, he moved her leg away from him. He said, "If you keep doing that, you're going to make me trip."
She smiled with glee and chirped, "No. No, you cannot be trusted to walk on your own. If I do not watch, you will run to the big animal and ride away. Then you will go hunt vicious wild animals. I have so few eyes left to find you. No, I will not let go." She dared not speak what was truly on her mind; even if he already knew. Well, first, he allowed me to grasp his arm. Now he has rubbed his leg against mine. Oh, to be touched...
He stopped and looked at her. Tiredly, he said, "Mercy, please go sit down."
She didn't want to lose the closeness she now felt. With a pout she said, "No, I will not."
He had learned to tolerate her better. But sometimes she was just too much. Frustratedly, he pointed and said, "You can cheer me on from over there."
"But?" She started to say.
Samuel cut her off. As he spoke, she fidgeted like a young child who had to go pee. "Yes, you told me how much you like the touching, holding and hugging. Can I be free from the touching, holding and hugging attempts for a little while? Please. I'd like to walk on my own while I still can. I promise you that I'll do no riding or hunting."
Mercy's lips stuck out like an exaggerated childish pout. She sat in her chair and mumbled, "I will allow this, but I do not like it."
He sat and tapped two of his fingers on the arm of the chair. After a pause, he said, "That is because you are very sneaky about touching and holding, and you most definitely can't be trusted with a poking stick. Mercy, you are going to need to be more careful. The pain will make me grouchier. Later, I will begin to lose control. I may not be able to stop myself from lashing out. In the last days, I will be jumpy and mean. After that, I may not be much. I mean. They may not be much of me left."
She folded her arms and planted her right foot on the ground. Sternly, she said, "Samuel, you have said that before. I will say my words now. I will need four or five days. When all is ready, I will ask one last thing of you. You will have a choice. All choices will be hard. You will make the right choice. No choice you make will be wrong. No choice will leave you alone. I have seen to that. If you agree to choose. I will free all of the remaining sisters."
He asked, "That's your plan? You want me to pick blindly?"
She responded, "No. You only have to agree to the choosing, for the sisters to be freed. The choices will be given to you in four or five days. You will choose the fate of things to come. You will choose the fate of Mercy. You will choose what is saved from this world."
He wondered as he spoke, "Your plan was to have someone else decide your fate? Are you really going to free all of the sisters? Why?"
Mercy continued, "Not someone else. You are the plan. You are my unpredictable plan. You may be the only one left who can see all of the choices. It has always been you. We waited, and we have searched. It has never been someone else. Samuel, I have not said this to you before. But in you lies our demon. Only our demon is worthy. It is Mercy's hope that she can become worthy."
The term 'Mercy's demon' still confused him too much to speak about it. So, Samuel inquired, "Worthy of what?"
Mercy sat still. She bowed her head as she said, "That is what must be decided."
He inquired, "What about the sisters? Will you really free all of them?"
She crossed her ankles and tugged on the hem of her red, white, and blue dress. She explained, "If you agree to choose, all of my sisters will be completely free of Mercy at the time of the choosing. The choice made will not affect this. Will you agree?"
Samuel answered, "Alright, I agree. But I will make any choice I feel is right."
She smiled like a crazy serpent and said, "Yes, that is best. It is what we want. No, it is what we need. Have I told you what I want? I have several things I am going to do to you when this is done. I mean, things I want done to me? I have several things I want you to do to me. No. Maybe, it is things we will do together?"
They had already spoken about the coming of his end, many times. He interrupted, "Hey, I know. But could you please stop? I don't like talking about what you want to do to me or me to you."
Cheerfully, she said, "Samuel, I know these things may never come to be. I find great comfort in speaking about them to you. I do not know why. Maybe it is because it has been my hope that we do them together. And I do like saying the word 'rigid.' And I have a long list of things we can do with your poking stick. And the idea of you watching me when I...."
Samuel interrupted her, "Mercy, please. Give me a moment. It is not good for humans to talk about these things constantly."
She interjected, "Yes, like when we did not talk about peeing and poking? I have made both lists. And peeking was allowed."
He stated, "No stopping you, today?"
She went on like he hadn't spoken, "Did I tell you; I really enjoyed the peeking. And the touching. And the holding. And the hugging. The best was the peeking while hugging, holding and touching..."
At that moment, he just wanted to be away from her and her rambling speeches about her desires. He walked away as he said, "Goodbye, Mercy. I'm going to the house. It would be nice if you visited your sisters. Before you free them all. This may be your last chance. Don't be too creepy."
Day 79
The mule snorted. Samuel brushed the mule's coat and said, "Hey, old boy. I think I need to set you free. In a few days, I won't be any good to you. But until then, you get the good food. All you want. You'll have to fend for yourself, but you'll be fat. Thank you, Randolph, for taking care of the old man." He patted the animal's neck as he left the barn.
When he reached the chairs, he said to Mercy, "Randolph is loose. Tell your sisters to be careful when they steal food from my garden. Tell them the mule does not like hugging, touching, kissing, or the sisters sneaking around."
Her eyes widened as she spoke, "Samuel, you are moving very slow. Name what you need and we will help? Well, I will help. Very soon, I will have no more sisters."
The man rubbed his eyes, "You are all in red today. It's amazing that you can find so much stuff."
She wondered how humans existed with all this worry of life and death? She mused out loud, "Samuel, you appear to be very tired today. And you talk about things you consider unimportant?"
Samuel wanted to avoid talking about himself, or about his pain. He said, "Yes. Mercy, let's talk about other things today? Let us talk about unimportant things."
She placed a bundle between them, and she replied, "Alright. I offer you the contents of this bundle in trade for one hugging or three touching's."
He reached for the bag.
She waved her hand to stop him from touching the bundle and said, "The opening of the bag will cost you one hug or three touching with one holding. See, Samuel, I am being good. I did not say anything about touching a pole or peeing."
He scratched his beard and replied, "Hey, you're negotiating the wrong way. And yes, you're being very good. I'll give you one hand shaking and one pat on the back to see the contents."
The bargaining continued until Randolph ended up with the three tired apples Mercy had brought for him.
Day 80
She came with a whirl of color; he could not name. It was like a bright red exploding or strong pink on fire. She bounced and spun, seeming to hold all of the joy in the world. She flowed into the chair. She was liquid fire filling a cup. She brought a gift and hoped it would bring some joy to Samuel.
Samuel said with false cheer, "Good morning. Another of your grand entrances, I see. Do you want coffee?
She retrieved her cup from the hanging box and returned, "Good morning. Yes, please. I have found that we are very polite for enemies?"
The creature could really put on a show. He commented, "Yes, the politeness helps us not kill each other."
Mercy asked, "Did you like the entrance this morning?" She sipped from her cup as she tried to smile with the brightness of the sun.
He coughed an answer, "Yes. I believe you have found a color I can't name."
She moved to comment, but she abruptly stopped.
He held up his hand, palm toward her. He said weakly, "You know, I never could bounce and swirl like you."
She turned her eyes to the ground. She felt his time grow short and said, "Maybe, I will get to show you how, sometime. Someday, we really must do a bird dance together. Samuel, I do not like the way the world feels."
He answered, "You feel change coming. We both do. I don't believe, I'll come out to the chairs tomorrow." They were silent. No hallow gray-eyed sisters howled or moaned. They sat. The morning passed.
She offered, "I think, I will miss the sitting in the chairs under this tree."
He lifted the coffee pot as he replied, "I believe this will be my last time. Walking makes me tired. Oddly, I will miss it too. I say we finish the coffee?"
She lifted the cup, and she smiled sadly. She agreed, "Yes. May I walk with you back to the house?"
He said, "Alright, you can open the gate when you leave."
Mercy asked, "Do you want it left open?"
He replied, "Yes, that will be best."
Mercy pleaded, "Samuel, may I keep the cup. Will you give it to me? No one has given me anything for as long as I can remember."
Samuel felt a hint of joy rising in him as he spoke. "Little one, I can't give it to you; it's not mine to give. I've already given it to you; it's been yours since the first sip."
She smiled warmly, "Thank you, my friend." Her eyes were honey golden-brown. She fought the tears back. After all, creatures do not cry.
Day 81
Her dress was simple and tan. Nearly invisible stains dotted her skirt. She wore simple cream-colored open toe sandals. Oddly, there was no sign of gloves. She asked through the door, "Did you see the big animal?'
The man joked, "Yes, he wanted to borrow a book. He likes reading about apples."
The slim, dark-haired creature was completely confused. She asked, "When did the big kicking animal learn to read?"
He pulled on his boots and smiled at himself. He answered, "Oh, he's read mule most of his life. I have to read English to him."
She stood in the doorway. She asked out of confusion, "This cannot be true? Do you make a joke?"
The man explained, "Yes. The animal was curious. He poked his nose in to see. He might seem mean to you. But he can be very friendly when he knows someone."
She stated, "I have come to assist you in the walking of the short rock wall."
He replied, "Thank you for the offer, but the rock line will have to take care of itself. I'll make one last trip to the barn. After that, I'll sit and read until we're done, or I'm done."
She had grown quite used to speaking human. It became much easier as the sisters became much fewer. She said, "May I go with you? I will be careful of the big animal. Later, I would like to try to read again. Will you allow me the reading? I will entertain you by saying many naughty things while we walk."
Outside the door, they locked their arms. Samuel inquired, "Are you asking me to help you with your reading?"
Side by side, they walked to the barn. She answered, "Yes, I would like your help."
Samuel agreed, "Alright, but you have to bring your cup." We really are being polite. Maybe, there is something to this not killing each other?
She inquired, "I will get it. What do you do in the barn?"
He answered, "Put out more food for Randolph."
She paused as Samuel waited for her to speak. "I understand; we will not speak of this. I mean, we do not have to speak about this. That is not it. I do not say the words I want correctly. The time of choosing is near. I have words to say before the time is here."
He suggested, "I have been waiting for this. You can get your cup, and we can talk before you read."
She smiled like a snake then said, "I do like to read to you. I don't know why. I can sit in the chair by the window. You can lie in the bed. You must know. If you sleep; I will do the hugging. I do want to do the hugging... Sleep hugging, maybe?"
They continued later that day.
Mercy walked across the room. She lifted the shotgun and walked back towards Samuel. She said, "Samuel, the choosing is to be completed within the next thirty hours."
The revolver was nearby, but he did not reach for it. He simply watched her walk towards him.
She handed the shotgun to him. She laid her hand over his heart. "You must accept that this will be one of your choices. You must allow this to be a choice for the other choices to matter."
He replied, "I don't like this. Nothing says that I must like this."
She sat in the chair by the bed. Solemnly, she said, "It may be necessary. If it is the best choice, it must be done. I am glad you do not like it; even if, I still repulse you."
Samuel asked, "Mercy, if ending you is the best choice for us or the world; do you want me to do it?"
Her response was, "Yes, Samuel I do."
He agreed, "Alright. I had to hear you say it. I still don't like it."
Mercy continued, "I will have to explain many things for you to find the other choices. If you end me; my girl inside dies too. Our girl will die."
Samuel watched. He couldn't decide if she lied.
Mercy spoke, "The far place will die as well. The ending of just me is small. The ending of the others is bigger. This loss may be the cost for others to continue on this world. Yes, I know it is not my life that you cherish. It is the act of killing that you hate. Still, Samuel my friend I'm glad that you do not want to end me."
The man wondered as he said, "The legacy of Mercy becomes No-Mercy?"
She tried to smile when she answered, "Even now, I enjoy your using of the words."
He asked, "What are the other choices?"
Tears slipped from her eyes. "Yes, each of us has only one more choice. We can choose to live. This is when it gets harder again. We must choose how to continue. I wish to read until dark. Samuel, if you choose to pass. I will be left here alone. I do not want to be left here alone. Without you. Samuel, can I stay here and read?" I am Mercy. I do not cry.
He asked, "Alright, will you read out loud?"
She answered, "Yes, I will like that very much." I am Mercy. I do not cry.
He softly said, "Mercy, I do understand."
Mercy replied, "Good. Then you let me watch when you bathe. You do know, I enjoy the watching, and the peeking. And the touching and hugging are...." I am Mercy. I do not cry.