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Chapter 18 - Expectations

Expectation is suffocating.

Obsession is tiring.

They finally began to respect me

—for who I was—

and it filled me with joy.

It warmed me. I drank it in.

For a while, it felt like air.

Then the air turned thin.

Praise folded into rules.

Compliments built a cage.

Slowly, I was boxed in.

I did not notice the lid closing.

They judge and they blame.

They refuse to ask; they have already decided.

In their heads I became an outline—neat, immovable, finished.

When I moved, they called it wrong.

As if they've already created a version of me

in their minds.

I learned to measure every step by their quiet nods.

My laughter grew careful. My choices small.

I wore the shape they preferred like a borrowed dress—

stitched tight to please, tight enough to choke.

I started to be afraid of their disappointment.

Not because I feared them, but because their expectations had learned to control me.

It is exhausting

trying to meet their impossible expectations.

I stood tall in a self I no longer recognized—

afraid to try, afraid to break the statue they admired.

I told myself to hold steady. To keep what I had earned.

Afraid to lose everything I achieved.

But inside, something thin and stubborn began to ache—an urge to escape.

They call that losing yourself.

I call it finding the parts worth keeping.

Loving the unpolished edges. Smashing the image they built so I could breathe.

In short,

They put you up high and then they throw you away

With a replacement in hand.

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