"Then… what stupid things did you do?"
Ji Yu couldn't stand the heavy atmosphere anymore and forced herself to ask.
Yang Wenhong didn't answer. She no longer stared at Ji Yu, just curved her lips on one side into a disdainful, cold smile.
The silence grew even heavier.
"I mean… why would you do that?" Ji Yu awkwardly tried to save the conversation, not wanting the air to sink into complete deadness.
"Haa…"
Yang Wenhong let out a long breath. "Because I wanted to destroy the image of myself in his heart."
She collapsed into the chair as though relieved, her smile not so much mocking as self-deprecating.
That answer left Ji Yu stunned. She couldn't understand. What was the point? Even if you played the fool and embarrassed yourself, the person you liked still wouldn't care. In the end, all you'd gain was your own misery.
Ji Yu didn't dare breathe too loudly. Her eyes dimmed as her thoughts deepened.
"Since no matter how hard I worked to make myself better, I still couldn't get close to him, couldn't carve out a place in his heart… then maybe if I ruined every possible way of approaching him, I'd finally give up."
Her eyes were smiling.
The corners lifted, carving channels for the tears that had gathered.
That thought… was almost fascinating.
Ji Yu pulled a few tissues from the box and handed them over. Then she leaned back against the wall, listening quietly.
"But I still couldn't give up. Even when I forced myself to make a fool of myself, humiliated myself… I still couldn't let go."
How could anyone give up so easily? The more foolish the things you did for love, the deeper the obsession carved into your heart.
Ji Yu stayed silent, keeping a polite smile as she listened.
"Do you know why I like him?"
Ji Yu blinked.
"Because he's amazing. Perfect."
"Because his classroom was right behind mine for all three years of high school. Every morning, he'd arrive early for self-study. Every afternoon, he'd slip quietly out the back door to play basketball. Every time I inspected his class, he could answer the teacher's questions with ease."
"Because after sports, even drenched in sweat, he never smelled bad. Because when he finished playing basketball, he'd generously buy water for his teammates. Because whenever someone helped him, he'd always smile and say, 'thank you'…"
Ji Yu was entranced. That blockheaded face became clearer and clearer in her mind.
"I'm from an ordinary family. No big ambitions, no grand ideals. My parents, uncles, aunts… everyone put their hopes on my younger brother. I was always overlooked. Even when I ranked in the top hundred of the grade, they weren't happy. When my grades slipped, they just said it was expected. Only when I got into Yuyang University did they treat me like some sort of surprise."
Her fingers clenched the blanket so tightly her knuckles turned pale. Ji Yu felt thankful, at least, for having a gentle mother and sister.
"My family… is ordinary. Vulgar, even. They'd fight over the price of eggs going up by ten cents. Being with them made me feel suffocated, ashamed, like I wanted to run far, far away."
"But Tang Li—he appeared."
"In those rebellious years of mine, he was the most perfect person I had ever met, completely different from anyone I had known before."
She took a deep breath, then rested her head lightly against Ji Yu's lap.
"I've already been in university for two weeks. I've met so many people better than Tang Li. But I still only like him."
"Yes, I know. I know I'm not that pretty. I know I don't deserve him. But why should I give up? The world is unfair from the start—why should I settle? Why should I aim lower? Why should I let go?"
Her voice grew sharper, her body trembling against the blanket as her words spilled out, thick with a nasal edge.
Ji Yu placed a hand gently on her back, soothing her.
Abandon?
Just because fate dangles something beautiful before you, then snatches it away the moment you reach out—telling you you never deserved it?
Yes, the world is unfair. But humans still cling stubbornly to their obsessions.
Tears mixed with the hum of the fan. Ji Yu could only offer the quiet comfort of her hand.
"If Tang Li and I ever broke up, maybe I'd cut it clean and never look back," Yang Wenhong murmured.
Ji Yu stayed silent. She didn't quite understand these girls' conversations. She had never dated, not even had a crush back when she was still a boy.
But her heart ached softly. Looking at this silly girl who had given so much for love only to sob like this beside her… she felt something stir.
When Yang Wenhong finally quieted down, Ji Yu smiled sincerely. "Then why not go after him? If you just keep pining from the shadows, you'll only hurt yourself more."
Yang Wenhong lifted her head, eyes misty, expression hazy.
"I know what you're trying to say. Tang Li and I are just friends. But even if all this jealousy spills out, why not change yourself into the kind of person he likes and try?"
Ji Yu wasn't good at comforting people. Even she knew that back then, Tang Li's excuse of not knowing her was just that—an excuse. A clean, merciless excuse to avoid entanglement.
"Heh… haha… Do you think I'm stupid? He never liked me in the first place!"
"Not knowing me? How could that be? People can remember over three thousand names in their lives. How could he not remember someone always right beside him?"
"More than him not liking me… I'd rather he never liked anyone at all."
Ji Yu had no reply. The hand she had placed gently on Yang Wenhong's back was brushed away, falling back to her side.
No wonder the word "obsession" carries such a negative meaning. To wait endlessly for an impossible hope—it only tears a person apart. Turning a once-lovely girl into someone who would rather her crush never love anyone at all.
Watching Yang Wenhong's back as she walked toward the bathroom, Ji Yu thought for a moment, then quietly slipped on her shoes and left.
Could she ever truly fit into a circle of girls?
She couldn't. And she didn't want to.