The warm glow of a small bedside lamp mingled with the last traces of sunset disappearing beyond the horizon.
Though the day had been filled with sunshine, it felt unusually cold.
Tang Li simply sat there quietly, gazing at Ji Yu's sleeping face, so focused that he almost lost himself in the sight. The ingredients lying obediently on the cutting board in the kitchen were no longer fresh, but he didn't move until he heard the faint rhythm of her breathing. Then, he gently set them down, half-closed her door, and decided to cook something himself—maybe a warm meal could comfort her.
It was already well past June, yet the weather still changed without warning—just like Ji Yu's mood: bright but without warmth in the daytime, and overcast, silent, and tearful at night.
Raindrops began to patter on the streets of Yuzhou, quickly turning into a torrential downpour. The rain washed the dust from this bustling city, but it could never cleanse the grime in people's hearts.
He lifted his head toward the window—sheets of rain, lights flickering in countless homes.
No one would notice a girl quietly shedding tears in the dark. Whatever happened tonight would be buried by the rising sun tomorrow.
Hiss—
The pan was hot. Green peppers and pork strips sizzled the moment they hit the oil. Tang Li held the lid like a shield, fending off the splattering oil while fumbling with the spatula.
Before long, the fragrance drifted out of the kitchen… and into Ji Yu's nose.
Fresh rain hadn't cooled the air; it was still stifling. Firelight danced against his sun-tanned neck, sweat beading along his jaw and dripping to the floor.
One plate of stir-fried pork with green peppers, one of spicy kimchi, and a tomato-and-egg soup he'd tasted over and over to get just right—this was the limit of Tang Li's cooking skills.
The rice cooker was already on warm mode. He scooped half a bowl for Ji Yu and filled his own to the brim, then covered the dishes and padded barefoot to her room.
The moment his hand touched the door, Ji Yu—already awake—sensed someone there. She lifted her head with effort, her eyes devoid of their usual brightness, clouded instead with gloom.
"Ji Yu, you're awake."
His tone was carefully balanced—not too close, but enough to show his concern. It was the way he knew she felt most comfortable.
"I made a few small dishes, Chef Ji. Care to give them a taste?"
He wanted to bring up her situation again, but looking at her fragile state, he decided filling her stomach came first.
Helping her up as though she were recovering from an illness, he guided her to the main seat. Only then did she notice her pajamas—clearly women's clothes.
"My clothes… you changed them?"
It was a murmur, tinged with shyness and uncertainty. She knew he'd carried her from the bathroom, knew she'd been unclothed at the time.
Tang Li averted his eyes, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. "Yeah… but I swear I didn't look! Really!"
"…That's fine then."
Not looking was one thing. Looking was another. But Ji Yu stopped there. After all, it had been her who lost control earlier, and he was still a guest in her home.
"This cooking is… strange."
During the meal, she critiqued him with all the severity of a head chef. "The pork strips are cooked, but the peppers aren't? I can't even imagine how you managed that."
"Ahem… first time cooking, go easy on me…"
Tang Li set down his chopsticks, ready to clear the table so she wouldn't have to eat the failed dishes.
"Hey, don't move them. I never said it was inedible. Or do you really want me to only eat what I make myself?"
For the first time that evening, a hint of light returned to her eyes. Without that earlier scene under the shower, Tang Li might have believed she was actually in a good mood.
After dinner, Tang Li dutifully snatched up the dishes to wash them, leaving Ji Yu to her own quiet.
The clink and clatter of plates came from the kitchen. Ji Yu didn't touch her guitar. Instead, she turned on the TV and switched to a sketch comedy program.
The exaggerated performances and perfectly timed punchlines drew waves of laughter from the studio audience—but couldn't lift Ji Yu's heavy mood.
When Tang Li finished drying his hands, he sat down beside her.
The show had reached its peak, laughter erupting from every seat in the audience.
Tang Li felt nothing. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ji Yu's head lowered again. He hesitated… then spoke.
"It's just me here. If you want to cry, cry as loud as you want."
His deep voice lingered above her. Ji Yu looked up, meeting those gentle black eyes, and a wave of grievance surged in her chest.
"Do you know? I'm the only boy in my family. My mom and sister doted on me."
"I was a sharp kid. My earliest memories are of my sister holding me at night, sitting in the car, watching the night scenes of different towns."
"We moved a lot, but I never knew why. The night wind was cold, and my mom never let me open the window. But I didn't mind—the lights outside were beautiful."
"My sister used to smile a lot. She'd draw on my face, laugh as Mom chased her around, tie ridiculous braids in my hair, even shave my eyebrows…"
"But at some point, she stopped smiling. She'd help Mom cook, hug her when she came home from work, boil water and make her relax."
"It was like they switched roles. Mom would start teasing me instead. When she was tired, my sister would just hold me… for a long, long time."
"And then… I grew up."
The slender girl straightened her long black hair, leaned sideways, and rested her head on Tang Li's lap, eyes still fixed on the touching skit on TV.
"I hadn't even gotten to know the neighbor kids before my sister woke me in the middle of the night again and held my hand as we got into the car."
"When I woke up, we were high up—looking down at the highway, the tall buildings, and dazzling neon lights."
"It was the first time I'd seen something so beautiful. I wanted Mom and my sister to enjoy it too."
"But when I turned to tell them, I saw for the first time that Mom's cheek was wrapped in a large bandage. My sister, like me, was staring at the city lights… saying nothing."
"That's when I understood why we kept moving."
Ji Yu paused, got up, and fetched two glasses of milk from the small fridge—one for each of them. The cups were cute, with little ears on the sides and a long-tailed cartoon animal printed on them. She cradled hers in both hands and took a small sip.
"My sister was about to take her college entrance exams. I had just started sixth grade. To take care of me, Mom and my sister always looked for homes near my school."
"That's why… that man always managed to find them."
Rain pattered against the balcony windows. The TV show ended, replaced by a long, empty block of commercials.
"My sister could have stayed in one school and finished high school quietly, but she worried that man would hurt Mom, so she kept commuting from home. Every time he found us, she'd insist on moving again."
"By the time I entered junior high, my sister didn't go to college."
Her delicate nose twitched, almost like she might cry.
"In one year, we moved again. From the car, I saw another city, more neon lights. I peeked at Mom and my sister—still hurt, with no trace of excitement for a new life."
"That was the first time I felt a pain in my heart, like someone was squeezing it. I didn't even dare to breathe too loudly."
"I started doing chores. I'd save my allowance. Like my sister, I'd have dinner ready before they came home so they could eat something hot."
"I decided… I would grow up fast. I'd stand tall in our home and kick that man out for good, instead of moving again and again to see strange-yet-familiar midnight neon."
Tang Li placed a hand on her trembling shoulder, offering what comfort he could.
She turned toward him. Her indigo eyes shone—because of tears.
"Years more of moving, transferring schools. I finally grew up. I had the courage to face him."
"But that man… he gambled, broke the law, and got arrested. Sentenced to two years. I thought… in two years, I'd be strong enough to throw him out of our lives."
"But… but now…"
Her head lowered, hands pressing against her knees, teeth biting her lip to hold back the tears.
"If I were still a boy, I could protect them. I could be the umbrella over our home."
"From the start… without me, they would've been better off. They could have moved far away, to a place he could never find, and lived the life they wanted."
"But now… how can I protect them?"
The warm light fell over her head, casting a small, dark shadow on the floor. Even this cozy apartment couldn't warm it.
"Am I… just holding them back? Without me, they could have the life they deserve. My sister could go to college, bring home a handsome boyfriend to laugh with Mom. Mom could still find someone to keep her company… not waste her best years on me."
Her sudden outburst was raw and desperate. She struck her head with both hands, shattering all the gentleness she usually carried.
Tang Li understood now. The only thing he could do was hold the broken girl in his arms with all the gentleness he had.