Fury boiled inside me as I looked at the blonde effortlessly flirting with my boyfriend. I'm not one to instantly rage towards both parties, but my so-called boyfriend made no move to stop the blonde's hand when she placed it on his arm.
Smooth. If we hadn't been at a party where I knew no one, I would've already gone to stop it. But I didn't dare do that in front of so many people. My anxiety wouldn't let me.
I couldn't be too mad at him. A man's mind is predictable. The blonde was beautiful, dressed in a purge costume. Full white with a tutu skirt, pantyhose, and a corset. My eyes were drawn to her, so there was no way other guys could keep their eyes off her. It did anger me that she targeted my boyfriend. I swear if no one was-
"You gonna keep staring at them?" I was interrupted by a familiar voice. I turned my head to see my boyfriend's best friend. He stood at 5'10 with brown hair that he hid with a hat. For someone I hear to be quite fun, he looked too dull to be at a costume party.
"You got a problem with that?" I answered with a hint of anger. I never got along with this guy, so it angered me even more that he had to interrupt my train of thought.
"No." He smiled at me. "It's just that you have a hint of jealousy in your eyes." He sipped his drink while looking in the two's direction. His cocky tone annoyed me. He wasn't of legal drinking age, but he knew people, so he was always drinking. I hated it. It disgusted me.
"What do you want, Isaiah?" I turned to look at him directly, "You seem to want something, so cough it up." He smirked as he set his drink down, giving me all his attention.
"That girl your boyfriend, my best friend, is talking to happens to be my ex. " He stated with a slight bit of aggression in his voice. " And I'd rather she not be on top of him like that. It pisses me off." He glanced in their direction, anger filling his eyes.
A smile found its way onto my face as the realization hit me. He wanted to make her jealous and piss my boyfriend off by using me. The thought made me laugh with mischief, two with one stone. Perfect.
"So?" I asked as I leaned against the pole beside me. "What's your plan?" I crossed my arms to appear serious. A smile appeared on his face as he turned to look at me again.
A bit of doubt hit me. Was this the right thing to do? But it faded quickly by the touch of someone's hand on my arm, pulling me out of my stance.
"How about a dance?" He laughed. I could feel a bit of heat rushing to my cheeks as his fingers intertwined with mine, and he pulled me with him. I quickly waved that feeling away, dismissing it as just being surprised.
"What?" I yelled. We were approaching the area where all the music was. It was hard to hear, and I had lost sight of my boyfriend and the blonde.
Confused and overwhelmed, Isaiah let go of my hand. I was stranded in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by people I didn't know. The anxiety began to rise, and I could feel my head starting to spin. I stood there awkwardly, looking to see if I could find Isaiah.
Of course, he pulled me in just to leave me alone. Shouldn't have trusted that asshole. Once an asshole, always an asshole. The song had flipped to something sexual, and the people around me had started to grind on each other to the rhythms of the music. That was my cue to get out of there. Fast.
I looked around to find an opening to bolt out of there. Luckily, people had moved in just the right way to give me an exit to leave, or so I thought. I took one step before I felt hands grab my waist from behind and pull me in. My whole body tensed, and the air froze with me.
"Relax," Isaiah's voice came from behind me loudly. "It's just me." He loosened his grip, and my body relaxed instinctively.
" What're you doing?" I grabbed his hands and moved them off my waist. I moved to face him to see if I could read his face. But I couldn't read him, and I didn't know if maybe that was cause he was close to drunk or if he was just good at hiding his emotions. I could see a slight smile form on his face as he took one of my hands to spin me. I couldn't help but laugh at the move. I was 5'9, so it wasn't easy for him to spin me. It didn't help that I wore 1-inch boots to match the rest of my costume.
I dressed up as a pirate because it was easy and took little effort—or, for me, it did. I wore a tan and orange corset with a loose white top under it to give it this thrown-together look. My brown boots matched well with the burgundy leather pants, trying to keep all the colors warm-toned.
The pirate hat I had bought from Amazon threatened to fall off my head as he spun me around. I grabbed it to avoid it flying off my head and hitting someone nearby. The song genre had flipped from sexual to upbeat and fun, so luckily, the grinding trains had stopped. I felt his hand leave mine again, leaving me spinning by myself. I stopped turning to join in the jumping to the music. I'm not a dancer, so I could only jump to the music. The only dancing I did was in my room at midnight. And it wasn't pretty.
But I wasn't alone in my jumping. Isaiah had joined the random group of 'jumpers' and me. We were all laughing and jumping to our hearts' content until I heard my name being called from behind me.
"Renae!" I could hear my boyfriend's voice faintly through the music, "Renae!" He called me multiple times, but I couldn't see him. I stopped jumping to look around, but still had no luck. He had to be close if I could hear him. Isaiah must've noticed me looking around cause he had stopped dancing and looked at me with confused eyes.
"I can hear Ryan calling my name!" I yelled. For some reason, the music seemed to have gotten louder. Any hint of happiness faded from his face, and he only responded with a nod. He grabbed me by the wrist and started directing me through the crowd. "Where are we going?" It was useless to ask. He didn't answer.
It didn't take long for me to figure it out. We ended up back at the pole we were before. Once we reached the pole, he let go of me and sat at the nearest open seat. It wasn't far. Too many people were focused on the dance floor to be sitting around.
He rested his face in his hands, letting out a long sigh. I wanted to ask what was wrong, but didn't want to pry. It's not like we were close enough for me even to care. Isaiah and I had a Hate-Hate relationship; we couldn't stand each other. That could be because I was dating his best friend. I was surprised he even approached me in the first place, although I think the alcohol might've been affecting his judgment.
"Renae!" I heard my name once again. I turned to see my boyfriend walking over to me. "Hey, where have you been? You're standing here one second, and the next, you're not. It scared me for a second there." He had removed his mask, which you could tell was getting hot for him. Sweat covered his face.
"I kept Isaiah company while you were flirting with other girls." I scoffed. His face changed from concerned to confused.
"What?" He replied as he placed a hand on my face. "Are you feeling ok?"
"I'm not..." I sighed and removed his hand from my face. "I think I might need some fresh air, so I'm going to take a walk."
"Oh...How about I go with you?" He chirped. "It's getting quite hot in here anyway." His smile was as big in that moment, but something felt off.
"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to decline your offer, sir," I said, holding my hand up in protest. I just need a moment, is all." That big smile faded into a frown, but reluctantly, he agreed to give me a minute.
I left the bar, unhappy with myself and where I was. I was 17 and at a bar with my boyfriend, who's 18 and a barback. I have nothing against them, but everyone there just seems okay with teens drinking, and it doesn't sit right with me. Not to mention the blonde flirting with my boyfriend; it just caused this feeling in my gut that I couldn't deny.
I walked along the waterfront, looking out on the water, hoping someone would respond to my worries and ease my mind. But that was asking too much. The slight moonlight and waterfront breeze were just what I needed to calm my nerves.
I found myself wandering down one of the many boardwalks, and I could feel a smile on my face again as I rested against the railing. Despite the calming nature of midnight, I couldn't shake this feeling of uneasiness.
"Maybe it's time I stop trying to mend something that fell apart a while ago," I whispered, a tear moving down my face. "I can't even keep my advice." I raised my head to the sky, praying for direction. I dropped my head in defeat, laughing a little. "I feel like this may be a punishment, and I don't know what for. God...Could you at least give me a little guidance?" The tears were falling faster now, and I went from standing to slowly dropping to the ground. The rush of all the emotions I had been bottling up had overflowed through me, causing me to bawl into my own hands. I turned, leaning against the railing and pulling my knees to my chest. I buried my face into my knees, my emotions flowing out in the form of tears, and hyperventilating.
I had sat there for what felt like forever, wallowing in my ocean of tears. It was necessary to help me clear my mind and think about all my emotions. I wasn't fully calmed down yet; a few tears would emerge every minute. I lifted my head to lean against the railing, taking deep breaths to soothe the hyperventilating. My eyes closed as I took one big breath and held for a few seconds, but I was interrupted by my name.
"Renae?" I heard the same voice as earlier. "Is that you?" I jump up, wiping away any evidence of my crying spell.
"Isaiah?" I laughed. "What ya doing?" I tried to seem happy, but I failed because his concerned face intensified.
"Hopefully your dream job isn't to be an actor cause you'd suck at it." He joked, looking away. I giggled at his joke through tears; I felt the emotions returning. "Ryan's looking for you." He shoved his hands in his pockets, looking at the ground. He seemed a bit upset as well.
"Oh, yeah..." My smile dropped as fast as it came.
"He needs to know when you want to go home." He stated as he looked into my eyes.
"Um..." I struggled to speak. "I don't want to see him right now." I looked away to avoid eye contact. "Do you know someone else who could take me home?" I smiled as the tears fell faster. My attempt to seem okay only seemed to get worse the more I tried.
"I-" His hand moved towards me but stopped, and he swiftly put it back in his pocket. "Why not just go with him?"
"Isaiah...please," I pleaded. "Just help me this once; after this, I promise you won't have to deal with me anymore."
"What?" he asked. "Why would you promise something like that? Are you planning to leave Ryan again?!"
"I-" I sniffed, questioning every feeling going through me. "I can't do this...Ryan's still attached to Sofia; he's not ready for a relationship and needs to focus on himself! I can't keep being an afterthought; I can't just sit and wait for him to be ready! It's eating me alive!" I can feel my heart break and turn from sadness to anger.
"Oh, so you're only thinking about yourself." He scoffed. "Typical. You were the same when you broke up with him years ago, right?"
"You don't know anything," I cried. "You weren't there when I was breaking for months, feeling torn between staying to mend the relationship or doing what was best and leaving. Just because Ryan was happy didn't mean I wasn't silently fighting a war on the inside. So, no. You can't accuse me of being selfish; I'm trying to do what's best for us. A relationship with only one happy person isn't a relationship at all..." My voice faded as my heart fell into pieces.
"Oh..." He whispered, with guilt filling his voice.
"Of course you didn't know." I turned back to the railing, leaning against it once again. "Isaiah, Ryan was my first love, my first boyfriend. But that's no reason to stay; he needs to move on, and so do I. He'll be better without me. I'm sure of it."
Silence fell between us, leaving nothing but the soothing sounds of the water and the breeze. I wiped my face one more time, controlling my breathing once more.
"Fine. I'll take you home..." I heard Isaiah sigh from behind me. I turned in confusion, but he had already started toward his car.
"Wait!" I called as I gathered myself and caught up to him. I made sure to stay two steps behind him, as it felt awkward to walk next to him. I wasn't going to protest or question why the sudden change of mind. I was just going to accept the ride away from this mess.
We made it to his slightly beat-up SUV, which was a 15-year-old Dodge Journey. It was faded silver or more like a matte grey that used to be silver. He unlocked the vehicle, and I climbed into the passenger side. I was met with worn black leather seats and trash scattered on the ground.
"Ignore the mess; I wasn't expecting guests." I could hear sarcasm in his voice as he spoke.
"It's alright, I prefer it." I smile softly.
"Why?" He laughed as he turned the key to start the car.
"It's real; it shows that you're not perfect," I said, my eyes drifting to him. I quickly looked back through the window and into the distance, where there was just another car a few spots away from us. He responded with a quick laugh.
As the car kickstarted on, silence came with it, not a surprising thing. The trees fell behind us as he drove to the next town over where I lived with my grandparents. Being 17, I couldn't really live on my own. About 15 minutes of silence go by and we pull into my neighborhood.
"Thank you, Isaiah." I break the silence. He pulls in the cul-de-sac not saying a word in response. I lower my head in guilt, knowing that I fucked up. "I'm sorry about tonight, I just-"
"It's fine." He cuts me off. "I know how Ryan is, you don't have to apologize." He sighs putting the car in park.
"What do you mean?" I look up to question him and am met with him staring at me. In instinct I look back out the window. "You know...I should probably get inside, it's already...2:14am."
"Just know that I don't blame you," He sighs once again, "but he is my best friend. And I gotta be there for him."
I open the car door and step out. I turn to face him while holding the door open. "Isaiah, thank you again for the ride. And I hope that you can help Ryan become the best he can be." I say with a half-assed smile on my face.
I close the car door not waiting for a response and make my way up the driveway. Halfway up I turn back to see the car still sitting there.
"Is he making sure I get to the door?" I laugh and turn back walking the rest of the way to the door. Once there I type in the code and can hear the car drive off.
"Just another long day..." I sigh, exhausted from the night. Instinctively I look back as I close the door, but as I do I see a figure of what looks to be a man at the end of the driveway. I rub my eyes and look again, only for it to disappear. It has to be my imagination then, I have been up for more than 24 hours at this point.
I just ignore the thought and get ready for a shower and bed. I need some well overdue sleep.