The diary was not a simple book. It was a part of him. He never allowed anyone to touch it except the youngest, because she did not know how to read. After all, she was just a child, one who barely talked to anyone. A shy little girl.
The diary was his birthday present when he turned seventeen and entered his final year in school. Its purpose was simple, to write down the things that were too hard to say out loud.
She opened the diary. The first page had a drawing, a childish one. She turned to the next page. There, he had written about his past. The past he did not want to recall. Once he had a happy family, a loving mother, and a caring father. But he lost everything in an accident. Everything his father owned, money, property, gold, was stolen by his own uncle. The last act of mercy his uncle showed was to drop him at the gates of an orphanage. From the son of a wealthy family, he turned into a stranger. But heaven did not abandon him. He was adopted by the late head of the orphanage, who gave him a new name and a new life.
He had written almost everything he remembered from his past. She turned the page and found her own name. It was about their first meeting. A small smile appeared on her face as she read.
She kept turning the pages. He had written about every child in the orphanage, even the ones who were adopted. In the last four years, no one had been adopted. But she never felt the urgency to send the children away. They had all become her family, her reason to live.
She read every single page. And she realised, even this diary was not enough to carry his pain. She understood him more than he understood himself.
Finally, she reached the last page. His last entry.
"Today was full of fun. Never thought this day would come so early. So many things happened today, most of them golden moments. One thing I must be proud of myself, convincing others. God surely gave me that talent. With my sweet words I convinced sister to spend time with us. I planned everything from the start of the day. First convincing sister, then the market trip. Thankfully uncle gave me a lot of money as a gift, so I did not have to worry about expenses.
But sister kept nagging about saving money… here and there… blah blah. I have had enough of this. I already saved half a million. Not enough, but at least it will last a couple of years until I find a new job. It is not like we spend money like this every day.
It had been a long time since we all went shopping and ate together. At evening we went to the largest market. I bought a camera. It was expensive, I know. She will surely yell at me and will not let me touch it once we get home. But what does it matter? At least I can capture beautiful moments. That is all I want. And I had a surprise for them too.
We did some crazy shopping. I even bought a big teddy bear for the youngest. She loves fluffy toys. She is our princess. How could I let her have a small one? Never. As her brother, I want her to enjoy everything.
I bought things for all of them. I know they do not ask much for themselves, but I cannot let their childhood pass the way mine did. They need to grow with love.At last we ate food. It was delicious. But with family, it became nectar. Ha… if only time could flow like this forever… I wish I could live my whole life like this.
I said goodbye to them because I needed to prepare a special gift. I went to the camera shop and after some talking, they agreed to my request. Such nice people.While walking home, my mind recalled Takumi's words. His father had pressured him to seek my answer about that day. The day they came and proposed the deal. My mind became numb, heavy with an unthinkable burden. I ran away from him because I did not know the answer.
On the way, I bumped into a man. I apologized. He gave me some advice. I ignored it. But when I looked again, he was gone. So many strange things happened today. My mind is tired.I sat in the park, cooled my thoughts, and thought about the deal.
The deal was tempting. Accepting it could change everything. My siblings could get a better life. A real family. A mother and father. They could receive the best education, live happy lives. I would not have to give up my education. I could go to college and become whatever I wanted. Big sister could live freely and even get married soon.But… crap. What am I thinking? How could I let go of everything? They are my everything. But if they get everything, then so be it. I wish only for their happiness, even if it means sacrificing my bond with them.
Still, why do I feel pain? I should be happy. This is an opportunity that came walking to us. And the youngest, Yui, could finally have a real mother. That is what she needs most. She is just a child.I still remember that rainy day when I found her. Her tiny hands holding my finger while she slept.
I want Miyu to become happy. I want Ren to be a doctor, just like she always said. I want the twins, Kenji and Emi, to live healthy lives instead of fighting over silly things. And big sister… she is already at the age of marriage. She should find a good partner soon, otherwise she will grow old alone.If this deal goes through, it will hurt for a while. But time heals. They will move on, build new lives, and maybe forget the past. I think a few visit enough for them and after all they understand in future, when they mature.
But deep down, I do not want this to happen. I am selfish, thinking of my own desires. But it is not in my hands. It is in big sister's decision. I know she will never allow it. She raised us. How could anyone watch their family be torn apart? For her, we are her whole world, her reason to live.At the end, all I want is their happiness. If there is a way where no one has to suffer and everyone can stay together, that is all I need. I just want to see my family smile."
The diary ended with a smile, but tears began to fall. She realized she was a fool. A fool who could not understand her closest ones.
Her heart sank into deep thought.
Suddenly, a loud knock echoed through the house.
Miyu and the others rushed in, carrying a wrapped box with a note on top. Miyu held it tightly so no one else could touch it. She had picked it up from outside.
They all believed it was a gift from their brother Haruto. Their faces were bright with excitement.
She placed the box on the table and glanced at her big sister, but her mind was lost elsewhere. Her sister shook her, pulling her back to reality.
With trembling hands, she opened the note.
"We deeply apologise sir for being late. As an apology, please accept a small gift from us. Have a good day."
Inside the box was an album and a large wall photo of all of them together. Their smiles lit up the picture.Her eyes turned numb, tears pressing to fall. But she controlled herself. She forced a smile, wearing a mask like a joker, hiding her true feelings. She did not want to spoil the children's joy.Miyu grabbed the album and began showing the photos to everyone. The children laughed, pointed, and teased each other.On the other side of the room, she held the wall photo tightly in her arms.
Time flowed on like water.After three weeks, one morning, Uncle arrived earlier than usual. His face looked pale, his eyes had lost their light. He stood at the door and knocked.
From inside came a gentle voice, "Coming."
With every step that drew closer to the door, Uncle's heart pounded faster. His legs trembled, his hands shook. He grabbed his left hand tightly with his right, forcing himself to stay calm.Shasa opened the door with a smile.
"Uncle, good morning... is there a reason you came so early?"But Uncle did not answer. His silence was heavy, as though the words were trapped in his chest. Finally, he whispered, his voice faint, "Shasa, get ready soon. I am waiting outside."Without another word, he turned and walked away.Shasa stood still, confused. She wanted to call out, but something in her heart told her to stop. Maybe he had a reason. She hurried inside, changed her clothes, and came back out. She sat in the car.The ride was quiet. Neither of them spoke. The silence grew heavier, pressing down on both of them. Uncle's face was blank, almost like a puppet. Shasa kept glancing at him, but he avoided her eyes.
The car finally stopped in front of the station.
Shasa's mind filled with worry. She stepped out, each thought becoming louder than the last. Inside, an officer greeted her politely, but his expression was serious."Madam, please follow me," he said softly.They guided her into a room. In the middle lay something covered by a white cloth. The air was cold, heavy with silence.
The officer bowed his head. With a low voice he said, "We are sorry. We tried our best, but it was already beyond our hands."
He slowly pulled away the cloth.A body lay underneath, lifeless, impossible to recognise. Shasa's heart stopped. Her hands shook as the officer placed a report in front of her.
"We found this body near the place where he was last seen. By the time we received the report, it was already too late. The body was fully decomposed. We conducted tests, but could not confirm with certainty. Still, the details we matched point that it belongs to the person you described. We are truly sorry."Shasa's voice burst out in pain and anger.
"You… how could you pick a random body and claim it is him? And try to convince me with this fake evidence? Are you even officers? You cannot even do one thing right!"The officers lowered their heads.
"No, madam, we do not mean to fool you. All the evidence we found points to the fact that this is his body. We understand it is not easy to accept the truth… but it is real."
Her anger rose higher.
"Again and again I am saying it is not him. Why are you trying so hard to convince me? Was it him? Was he the one who ordered you? If it was him, then I swear I will make him pay for this!"Her words were filled with fire, but also deep pain.The officers called for Uncle. He entered the room, his eyes wet.Shasa rushed to him, grabbed his arm, and pulled him close to the body. Her voice trembled as tears filled her eyes.
"Uncle, look at this! What nonsense are they spouting? You know, right? Please tell them to stop lying to me. Please…"
Uncle hugged her tightly, patting her head, his own tears ready to fall. His voice cracked as he whispered, "They are telling the truth. Please… for the sake of everyone… accept it. He is no longer with us."Those words broke her completely. Her knees gave out, and she fell to the ground. A sharp pain rushed through her heart. Tears burst out uncontrollably.
"No… no… this cannot be true!" she cried, smashing her hands on the floor until they turned red.
Uncle tried to stop her, but the pain was stronger than his hold. Finally, he lifted her up, holding her close, and led her outside.At the entrance of the station stood a man. It was Takumi's father, Tanka Hiroshi. He watched silently. When he saw their broken faces, his lips curled into a faint smile, one filled with hidden evil, as though he had gained victory without lifting a finger.
Uncle carried Shasa home. In the hall, he closed the doors and windows for privacy. He sat her down and began a deep conversation.
From the corridor, Miyu happened to pass by. Curious, she peeked through the small gap in the door. She saw their serious faces, but could not understand what they were saying. She thought it was adult talk and quietly stepped away.Before leaving, she heard a single word through the muffled voices. "Funeral."She tilted her head, confused. The word was strange to her. She walked to the kitchen, where Aunty was feeding the youngest while the other children played.
Miyu sat down and cuddled the youngest child. After a moment, she looked up at Aunty with innocent eyes.
"Aunty… Aunty… I have a question. I am curious about something."Aunty smiled warmly. "Oh, our little one wants to ask something. That is something new. Tell me, what is your question?"
Miyu leaned closer, her voice soft and curious.
"What is funeral?"