"Here you go, kid, as you requested. Some hemp rope, about twelve meters of the turtle-"
"Why do you call it a turtle?" Issei asked, raising a curious brow at the man which was met with an irked scoff.
"Because a hemp rope properly secured is as tough as a turtle shell, now quit with the questions." the man answered roughly.
"Okay." Issei conceded with a slightly lowered tone.
The man rummaged almost wearily through the large bag he'd collected the assortment of items Issei had asked him to bring, fishing them out one by one.
"Right…a mother load of hemp rope, half the damn blankets the man owned, denim needles and a bunch of paracord…alright, anything else, kiddo?" the man asked, rolling up and folding the bag into roughly the size of an apple in his hand.
"Yes, can you give me the fob for the beauty over there, Mr. Collins?" Issei asked, eagerly pointing at the Kawasaki Tomcat ZX-10 which had custom reconfigurations and modifications on the engine parts, clearly the result of a skilled mechanic tinkering with the machine.
Issei had picked up the habit of calling the motorcycle Mr. Ozawa owned a 'beauty' from watching Yusaku Matsuda in action. The fedora-donning actor truly was Issei's personal James Bond inspiration.
Issei looked expectantly at the man who was looking back and forth between him and the motorcycle in utter confusion. Collins was a relatively tall, average looking man with the exception of a somewhat muscular figure, long unkempt brown hair, trashily trimmed beard and camo pants.
"The tomcat? That old beast?" Straussen finally spoke, his eyes locking onto Issei for an instance, before he let out a humorless laugh and slapped his knee. "Kid, on a scale of 1 to infinity I think you broke the crazy-scale! You expect me to let you drive that thing when you're barely out of your diapers?"
"If you don't, I'll show the police you've been breaking into the house that I technically own."
"What the hell are you talking about, brat?"
Issei smirked. The trap was set, time to spring up his secret weapon. He pulled out a photograph and waved it in front of Straussen. The man eyed it suspiciously, his eyes tracing the back of the photograph as his expression became ever more anxious.
"Give me that!" he growled as he snatched the photo from Issei who showed no resistance, as if Straussen had done exactly as he anticipated. Straussen's face went a bit pale and his eyes widened as he realized the contents of the photo.
"W-what is…when…HOW did you-?!"
"A spy never reveals his tricks, Mr. Collins." Issei said with his best noir detective impression, tipping the trilby hat that fate had gifted him earlier.
"Tch, damn kid, you're not a real fucking spy, get it through your head. You don't even know the first thing about being one. And the hell are you tipping that fifty dollar Costco fedora at me for, it's either fake, from the trash or stolen!" Straussen berated Issei, his face almost red with anger. It was as if Issei's very play-pretend insulted his existence.
Issei faltered a little and, showcasing his own anger at Straussen's accusation, snatched the photo back and stomped his foot, puffing his chest out, trying to appear as manly as possible.
"Wha-N-NO IT'S NOT STOLEN! IT WAS GIVEN TO ME BY-"
"Fate? What a bunch of Disneyland ballooney, stop living in your little comics and face reality, you little clown. Go around acting like a tough guy and you'll end up hurting not only yourself but your poor parents, too." Straussen snapped at Issei and to the boy, his face appeared almost demonic, a great shadow cast over his features.
"S-SHUT UP, SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP-! I DIDN'T STEAL ANYTHING!" Issei screamed back at him at the top of his lungs, wishing the man'd just disappear or at least stop telling him these nasty lies. "Mom and dad will never get hurt, as long as I and Kumo are there!"
"Okay, okay, Jesus, kid, calm down!" the man shushed Issei with a finger and knelt down to his level to whisper, looking observantly around to make sure nobody had heard the little brat. "Don't be waking up the entire neighbourhood, someone's going to hear you and think I'm involved in a robbery while roping in a minor."
"S-so you'll give me the fob?" Issei sniveled a bit, on the cusp of tears. The man's words had cut deeper than Straussen had realized.
"Yes…Yes, I will." Straussen sighed, relenting to the whiny little demon and going round back into a room. After a minute, he returned with the long-awaited fob in one hand and a few safety equipment for motorcyclists, like a body vest. "But you ain't going nowhere without these first."
"But I want to feel the wind breezing through my shirt, as I-"
"Eat through a straw for the next three months after crashing the bike. Like I said: You. Aint. Going. Nowhere. Without putting these on." Straussen punctuated each word and syllable, pushing the equipment into Issei's hands and monitoring him to make sure he's got it on. "Listen, brat, I don't know what you're doing, where you'll be doing or even how, but if you're going to go on some crazy adventure at least make sure you're well protected."
"..." Issei was silent.
"Guess Kenzo didn't teach you that when he had you wrapped around his finger with those fake stories, huh?" Straussen sighed defeatedly and rubbed the back of his head. "You're going to have to stop living in these fantasies one day, brat. Being a spy ain't action sets and bangin' babes."
"...You're a jerk, Mr. Collins. I don't know how Mr. Ozawa was ever friends with you!"
Straussen paused at that, his face going blank and Issei involuntarily trembled, fearing he'd incited his ire again. But to his surprise, the man just barked with laughter.
"You know, that's a mystery I haven't answered myself either, haha! Never got along with that guy much. But I guess it's because we go way back in Central America." He wiped a small tear from his eye and exhaled whimsically as if he hadn't had a good laugh in a while. "Ah, whatever, you'll understand what I mean soon."
He tossed the fob at Issei after the boy was done putting on the helmet and turned around.
"Oh and, if you want to black mail someone don't show them your only evidence and make sure to have hundreds of copies." Straussen turned to look at Issei from over his shoulder and smirked, waving the photo mockingly. He stuck his tongue out. "Like taking candie from a baby."
"Grrr…YOU'RE AN ASS!"
He had practiced this on his Mom's laundry dozens of times. Too many times for his mother's patience, just enough to master the procedure.
Lay out the blanket and cut it into a circle, after which he reinforced the rim by folding the edge over once and sewing a simple hem using the denim needles and some of the hemp thread.
Next came the attachment of the suspension lines, remembering to cut the paracord into eight segments. The next sequence was the trickiest part to get down. He had to space them evenly across the rim, tie them securely through reinforced points of the blanket and hemp rope, composing all of it into a strong knot at a central point.
Finally, with the rest of the hemp rope, he made a haphazard harness, looping it around his armpits in an X-shape and fastening it to the central suspension knot.
He also tied the trilby hat with a bit of the rope to secure it to his head so it wouldn't fly off. He wouldn't have his gift from fate getting carried away to some other less deserving kid.
"Alright, now to do a little test!" Issei said and did a few high jumps. The harness stayed secure as a lock. It was looser than a real one, but that was okay. He didn't need something perfect, just enough to succeed in his super-special-surprise attack to catch that mysterious girl and the mean adult unawares!
Mr. Ozawa, I wish you were here to see me…!
He felt a pang in his chest as the memory of a wrinkled old smile and kind attentive eyes flashed in his mind briefly before he pushed it away. He smiled, stuffed the blanket-parachaute sloppily in his bag, got on the moped, turned the fob and laughed as he heard the engine roar.
"Easy, girl, easy!" He patted the rear of the moped as if it was a horse, squeezing in the brake lever just like he read in those old-school biker race magazines his dad kept from his teenage years. Positioning himself in a way his small lithe body could steer the machine while riding was already tricky, he didn't want to fly off it, too. "There!"
After he found the right position, he retraced his memories again. He looked on ahead towards a curved turn at the end of the street which ascended to an elevated hill-like part of this neighborhood. And just over that peak, was the Sakura Park.
He gulped. He'd have to be at top velocity, like those old Golden Age Motorcross Bikers who used the old take-off platform on the north-western entrance of the Sakura Park to perform the craziest 'daredevil stunts'.
"They don't make motorcross highlights like they used to! They're watering it down for the new generations! Why, back in my day-"
Issei smirked, despite his nervousness. He would always tune out his father when he got started about his bike and motorcross obsessions. But he was thankful. He learned a lot about the mechanisms of these scary bi-wheeled machines from his dad.
He checked if everything was in place again and revved the moped back to life, barely suppressing a scream as he accelerated through the streets and up the uphill turn.
When he reached the top, Issei felt as if he would soil himself just from the scenery. Although he could see the entire Kuoh east side of Kuoh town and all the familiar streets connecting a neat, if slightly randomized network, he was still staring down at a steep slope. He gulped as he looked down towards the Sakura Park, right at the western entrance and more specifically the old decrepit, disgustingly huge ramp which was used for those lethal motorcross stunts.
"A g-great spy…laughs in the face of death…a-and pulls through!" he rehearsed the words Mr. Ozawa had spoken to him when describing the nature of true, top-tier spies and sped up the moped further.
It didn't take long for the moped to descend at terminal velocity, or for Issei to start screaming. It took every ounce of strength and bravery in his little body not to let go of the handle bars of the moped.
"Not yet, not yet, NOT YET-"
The wind was whipping him, making it hard to keep his eyes open, but he managed to not veer off just long enough to reach that huge terrifying ramp at the western entrance to the Sakura Park. He pushed the moped to its limit and flew off the ramp, reaching so high he felt like he would hit a cloud.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" all he could do was scream. He looked below and his soul exclaimed in sanctified joy.
YES! The Great Dragnarok's mind succeeds again!
It was just as he had predicted with his 'Mosaic Vision'. All the pieces aligned with near perfection. Though there were a few instances while preparing for his grand entrance where he doubted the validity of this 'higher logical thinking' Mr. Ozawa taught him.
But he had no time to think, he knew the moped would slam into the ground and likely kill him. His childish mind couldn't understand the physics of it, but he knew instinctively. That is where the makeshift parachute came in.
He jumped off the moped just as it lost momentum and with a maneuver he had rehearsed ten thousand times over in his mind, dreams and from his parents' couch, he swung the bag and released the blanket hemp parachute, letting the makeshift harness jerk him as air punched at him again. His fall snapped into a fast but gradual descent.
And with a botched attempt to steer the thing, he landed squarely on top of the man that had chased him.
"GAH!" he howled in pain as Issei's full weight slammed down onto him, effectively toppling him to the ground.
Issei briefly winced in sympathy and wondered if he should check on the man, but the second his eyes landed on the girl and his unconscious dog next to her, he only had one mission on his mind.
"W-wait, i-it's not what you thi-" the girl stammered out after realizing how the situation must've looked like to the boy.
"Kumo, no! Grr, I will stop you, agent of the evil Diablo Organisation! Raaah!" Issei charged with seemingly reckless abandon, all traces of tactics seemingly ditched for righteous self-deluded fury. But that is what the young 'spy' wanted her to think. At the last second, he feinted and did a dramatic spin into a throw, hitting her with one of his impromptu flour-smoke-bombs.
"Bleuh…p-please…j-just listen t-to…me…" the timid girl barely said through coughs and sneezes as she breathed in flour particles. She moved her hands in strange patterns and spoke words he barely understood. Her body began to glow.
Woah, this must be…the evil organisation's new light technology! Even Goldfinger* didn't have that!
Issei, not waiting to see what effect the light-altering technology the girl was using would have, jumped and did his best to dropkick her. His feet slammed into her chest and she flew, stumbling and rolling on the ground a few feet away.
"Ow!" she cried out.
"Yowl!" Issei hissed similarly as he fell on the ground, as well. If he hadn't caught himself with his hands he was pretty sure he'd have gotten a light concussion. Even then, his arms now hurt like hell from taking the brunt.
It looked so easy in the comics!
Issei jolted up and got off his feet clumsily, hurrying to make sure the evil agent was fully neutralised. The girl was still recovering, though she seemed more confused than in pain. This was his chance!
SMACK!
A loud smack reverberated across the park and it took Issei a second to realize it was his cheek that was hit. A second later, the itchy stingy feeling set in. And by the time he landed on his butt, the pain fully arose. It stung as hard as when his mother would slap him for crossing a line and messing up real bad.
"Wha…"
"You little shit, that ought to teach you some damn manners!" Gou, the man whose precious trilby hat was the only thing on his mind right now, loomed over Issei with a fierce, almost maddened glare. He looked like a man devolving from humanity. "Not only are you a thief, you're a goddamn menace to society. I mean, speeding through with a fucking moped, jumping off that old ramp and crashing in the middle of the park- did your Mom drop you on your head when you were born or wait-haha, maybe the stupidity is fucking GENETIC!"
Issei shivered, never having been berated so harshly by an adult before. Even Mr. Collin and his mother's chiding and angry yelling paled in comparison to this. He wasn't even shouting that much nor was the man as physically imposing as either Mr. Collin or his Mom. It was the sheer…nastiness in the words and his glare that creeped and shook Issei to his core.
He gained a moment of boldness born from primal anger when he started insulting his Mom.
"Don't talk about my Mom like tha-"
"I can say whatever I damn well please, you brat!" He growled at Issei and stepped forward, immediately cowing the boy. "That woman oughta be assumed. You're lucky she's not here to see me rip your whole family a new one."
"M-Mister…t-that's enough…" The silver-haired girl tried de-escalating the situation, but her pleas fell on deaf ears. She stood from the side, unsure of what to do.
"Y-you're evil, s-stop saying mean things about my Mom-!"
"Shut up! And give me that!" Gou cut him off again, his patience practically non-existent at this point as he harshly snatched the trilby hat off Issei's had, snapping the small cord holding it and making Issei yelp in pain. With a hum of relief and a smirk of snobby satisfaction, Gou put his beloved premium hat on and glared back with disgust at Issei, who was now on the verge of tears.
"I won't tell your 'dear Mama' and I won't call the cops. But just so you'll think twice before stealing from others-" he grabbed his wrist roughly, enough to leave prints and raised his hand, his face twisting into his earlier furious scowl as he prepared to slap the daylights out of the trembling boy. "-I'll teach your misbehaving ass a lesson your daddy never gave you!"
Iasei winced, closing his eyes and silently crying out for his Mom. But the sharp pain never came. His cheek didn't feel another burning sting. Instead the air rippled as something moved between him and the man.
"H-huh?" Issei sniveled out. When he opened his eyes, the girl, the assumed evil agent, was standing in front of him, guarding him while in a strange stance to which the closest reference frame Issei could think of was Jackie Chen.
Gou had been flung by…something, and was now on the ground, head down and ass up in the air as if he had skidded across the ground. The trail of grass perfectly matching his head size suggested that much.
Issei blinked. He was confused. This girl…wasn't she a bad guy? Wasn't she a secret evil agent sent to terrorize the town? That's why Kumo got bad vibes from her and chased after her. Kumo always sniffs out bad folk and was specifically aggravated by them. So why…
"W-why did you save me? I…I just attacked you!" Issei said, doing his best to wipe his tears and sound a little more manly, though the quivery inflection reared its head nonetheless. "We're enemies!"
The girl's head fell down a tad, as if she was sighing in annoyance. He couldn't see her expression as she was staring dead ahead at Gou, but he could sense she was furrowing her brows.
"W-we aren't…enemies. I-I never wanted to hurt your inugami, s-she came after me. A-and I tried explaining that, but you wouldn't listen." The girl finally answered, her voice clearing out despite the timid nature that seemed engrained in her character. It was as if talking to Issei made her more confident. "I-I sorta agree with him, you're insane…b-but that doesn't give him the right to hit you! Even once was too much!"
Issei's cheeks dusted with pink, the young boy feeling extremely flustered from embarrassment. His parents' words of advice about not seeing things in black and white resurging in his mind. Even Mr. Ozawa had warned him. He was so busy focusing on one aspect of the situation, he failed to consider another
I'm sorry, Mr. Ozawa, Mom and Dad. I'm not a great spy yet…I was dumb.
"O-oh…I'm…I'm sorry the-" but before he could finish his honest apology, Gou was on his face, spitting out grass and doing his best to dust himself off, almost scratching at his office attire to get every piece of dirt and foliage off himself.
"You stupid, fucking, ill-bred-graaaaah! You little brat, do you know how much this suit will cost the company? It's gonna come at MY expense!"
"P-please calm down, sir, I don't want anyone else getting hurt. W-we should talk things out!" Issei's silver haired protector spoke, her voice never losing its kindness and timidness, though there was an unmistakable edge to it now. The 'stay put or get put down' kind.
Gou spat and rolled up his one sleeve, clenching his fist and stepping forward, his face dark with rage and utter resentment.
"You know what, I don't care if you're some special ops ninja trained in the art of ninjutsu or whatever, I will teach you BOTH a lesson to remember! I'm going to beat you both blue unless I get an apology for…for everything!"
Issei shuddered despite himself. He hated that. That weakness and queasiness inside, but this was the first time an adult had treated him so nastily and actually threatened him. This was wholly different from when his Mom threatened him with a sandal or when Dad would smack him over the head. What he felt was sheer, raw anxiety and an impulsive fight or flight response.
The girl in contrast, seemed vigilant, if only a little more on edge.
"Now, come here you little unruly undisciplined fucking bra-"
But right as Gou came close to them, fingers wrapped harshly around his wrist digging in enough to draw a bit of blood, making Gou freeze, his face slowly twisting from anger to unmistakable anguish.
"If you're gonna bully someone at least don't pick on kids less than half your age." a flat, sardonic feminine voice said.
"Who are-GWAH!" Before Gou could even react, he felt something slamming into his face, his nose crunching as a fist smashed into his mug, sending him flying straight into a trashbin.
"Fuckin' loser." the woman grumbled dryly as she flicked her wrist before putting her hand on the curve of her hip.
The kids finally felt a wave of relief hit them and looked towards their mysterious savior. She was a somewhat tall and lean woman with a toned, curvaceous figure and fair skin. She was a very beautiful lady, around the age of thirty, though her gaze held a maturity to her far beyond those years. She had dark blueish-brown hair matching her onyx eyes. Her well-endowed body was hugged by a jet-black suit that revealed the voluptuous lines. Despite being objectively attractive, that was overshadowed by the sheer chilling aura her sharp face and stifling presence exuded onto the world. Her face was scrunched up a little in a fierce glare. She had the gravitas of a kind of yakuza mob boss or at least the daughter of one.
Issei's eyes widened, sparkling like tiny stars with recognition, and his heart fluttered with a bundle of emotions. Mainly, excitement and unbridled, sweet childish joy.
"AUNTIE MIU!" Issei screamed in happy mirth, exploding into a run and practically slamming into the woman, who barely caught him and embraced him into a tight warm hug. As if a completely new person, her bone-chilling scowl melted into a far gentler expression.
"Hey, little guy, how's my favourite 'spy-agent' doing? You still out there saving the world and shit?" the woman, Miu, smiled affectionately at the boy, pressing him tight against her endowed bosom and planting a nice hard kiss on his forehead before letting him breathe.
"Haha, uhm, n-not yet, Auntie Miu, but I…" he looked around at the mayhem they had caused around this side of the park. The moped which had conveniently crashed in the park pond, Gou lying in a pile of trash, Kumo unconscious and the several trails in the grass from all of them flying and fighting each other. He looked back at the silver-haired and a pang of guilt struck him. "I…I think I actually messed up bad this time…like, real bad."
"Ah, sweat it or leg it, kid, how bad can it-" then Miu followed his gaze on the different localized trails of destruction the four had left and her eyes widened, her lips puckering to let out a somewhat distraught whistle. "Yeeezus…yeah no, this is bad and is that-a moped in the pond?!"
Issei's cheeks flushed with utter embarrassment and shock. He had completely forgotten about his transport in the midst of being verbally assaulted by Gou.
"Uuuh…yes?"
"Did you drive that thing?!" she asked incredulously, staring back at Issei as if he were some mischievous spirit who had just burned down her home.
"No…" the boy sheepishly answered, his voice betraying his guilt.
"Issei, I've known you since you were a little potato wrapped in a blanket, answer honestly."
"I…a-a spy never reveals his tricks!" whatever meager imitation of a poker-face he had managed completely broke and his faltering voice said it all.
"Christ on a stick, Miki's gonna have my head. And what in the world happened here?!" Miu asked, frowning, with Issei noticeably 'shrinking' beneath her intense gaze.
"E-excuse me, Miss…M-Miu?" the silver-haired girl finally found her courage to speak up and grab the attention of aunt and nephew who had temporarily been absorbed in their meeting.
"Oh…Hi, little girl! And what might your name be?" Miu was only briefly startled by the girl's presence and odd appearance before she regained her composure. Miu was a crude woman, but for some reason young timid girls were easy for her to deal with, mostly due to her side-gig as a kendo instructor, but also…other experiences.
"I-It's…uhm, it's…" the girl looked around and played with her silver locks nervously, as if she was worried someone might be eavesdropping. Her tone dropped to a whispery voice. "I-I'm not really supposed to tell you, so can you just call me…'Gen', for now?"
"Genny, huh? I like it, has a nice cute ring to it. Kind of like the American 'Lenny'!" Miu responded cheerfully, before lowering her head towards Issei and smirking at him with a teasing glint. "Damn, ten years old and already a better player than your daddy, huh?"
"W-WHAT?! NO! EW! Aunt Miu, I just met this girl and we were…well, we kind of fought just a minute ago, but…"
Issei shuffled around, praying to any god that could hear him to find the right words to explain his 'situationship' with the (admittedly cute) strange girl. Miu's teasing glare-sneer made it hard not to keep his composure from being thrown in complete disarray. Thankfully, the girl, Gen, herself spoke up.
"I-I can explain what happened, it's all just a chain of misunderstandings, but first I need to-"
Just then they heard the rustling of trash and leaves as Gou got up from the pile he had crashed into when Miu sent him flying with a killer punch. The man let out a sound akin to a groan of pain and a growl.
"AH! This fucking bitch broke my nose, gah! Stupid fucking whore!" he wailed as he put his hand on his nose, trying to feel out the damage to his face and stop the bleeding. He stumbled and nearly fell back on his ass, but with a wobbly step re-discovered a shaky balance on his two feet. "I swear to God, whoever just did that will-"
"Will what?" the aforementioned assailant's voice shook him to his core and he flinched with a gasp when he looked up to see Miu standing a few feet away from him, her arms crossed and glare boring into him like he was less than the trash he had gotten up from. "Please tell me what you and all five scrawny feet of you are gonna do to this 'stupid fucking whore'."
"Wait…no, no way! Y-You're…Miu Umehara?!" Gou said her name as if he was uttering the name of some mythical beast, his anger and daze-induced anguish replaced by astonishment and wariness.
"Ah, so you're not a total ape, I see." Miu said, tilting her head in faux amusement.
"U-uhm, how does that…rude Mister know your aunt?" Gen asked Issei, who stared at her blankly for a second as if she had asked him how someone knows 'Einstein'.
"OH, it's because Auntie Miu is the National Kendo Champion. She's basically only lost to two people in her career. She's pretty famous in Asia. And I think America, too." Issei said, his lips curling into a smug little grin, eyes fiery with pride at his aunt's great achievements. She, too, was a big inspiration for him, though to a lesser degree than great agents like Mr. Ozawa or Yusaku Matsuda's characters.
"N-National Champion?! W-woah, I didn't know your aunt was someone this special…must be nice, being admired by so many." Gen commented with a smile that didn't reach her eyes as her gaze fell on the ground and Issei could swear on his spiderman pyjamas he saw some sadness in her expression. This left him perplexed, but before he could dwell on it, the voices of his aunt bickering with the nasty Gou took his attention.
"What in the world are you doing here, Miu Umehara?! And why are you defending that little twerp there!" Gou seethed, pointing at Issei, who stuck his tongue out in mockery, his bravado healed completely now that he had his badass auntie to defend him. Gou bared his teeth as if to growl but Miu stepped forward and the sound came out as a cowardly whimper.
"First off, watch your filthy mouth when you're talking to him, that's my nephew!" Miu scolded him, drawing out each insult so he could feel the venom in her voice.
"...HUUHHH?!" Gou could only exclaim in complete bewilderment at this new information. A million questions circled through his mind, though Miu waited for none of those to arise.
"And secondly, can't a gal do her other job?"
"Other job? What are you talking about?" Gou asked, but his answer came from the source of his utmost annoyance.
"Oh, Auntie, are you here for the annual Amenominakanushi Shrine Blessings Parade?" Issei asked and Miu sighed with increasing exasperation.
"Right on, kido, but this year's preparations have been a bit of a bi-oops," Miu coughed midway through her sentences, catching herself before she blurred out a favorite word of hers that her older sister had forced her to not say around little Issei. Not until he was sixteen, at least, "A BIg hassle, yeah."
"Why? I thought the old aunts and uncles from around here come every time to donate." Issei said, tapping his lip in thought.
"Yeah, well, this year old folk season is dry and I can't exactly go around hunting for money like it's Halloween. The temple's been in a decline for decades, but it's especially bad these last few years, especially after…you know, that incident in Kuoh Park."
The three main players in the bickering game went deathly silent, as if the shadow of the Grim Reaper had briefly passed through them and none knew what response to utter. Gen was the only one unaffected by the dread the mentioned 'incident' brought.
"Incident?" she asked innocently.
"She's talking about the Bloody Christmas Tree incident. It was one of the most violent killings we've had in this country in maybe ten years." Gou answered her, regarding someone with some composure for the first time in the whole day. Then he cursed and mumbled. "Fucking psychopath, the guy who did that."
Gen nodded and put a finger on her lip, losing herself in thought, probably trying to recall if she'd heard about that. From the furrow in her brows, one could tell she was unfamiliar.
"Yeah, well, thanks to that, a whole lot of folks are a whole lot scared and have shelled themselves in their homes like goddamn turtles." Miu spoke up and then she turned to Gou who opened his mouth to speak, "And before you start going on about 'why is THE Miu Umehara on cleaning duty', I was a shrine maiden first and a kendo champion later. It's kind of family tradition."
"I was going to ask if you work alone…" Gou replied with a deadpan, though the slight blush indicated she had guessed right on the money.
"Well, yes, because this little guy's Mom, a.k.a my big sis-" Miu replied sardonically while whipping her head at Issei, who rubbed the back of his head and smirked, "Is too busy running around their house trying to keep him in line."
"The 'Fiery Demoness' is fierce, but she's yet to stop me from achieving-Ow!" Issei whimpered a bit and reeling back a step, now rubbing his forehead which had a comically reddened bump where his aunt had just lightly tapped him with a karate chap. But even a light tap from her was painful. "Auntie Miu!"
"Ah-ah, no calling your Mom a demoness, not in front of me, young man." Miu crossed her arms while chiding her nephew, "Don't think I don't hear about your little 'spy-escapades', the heck are you doing to get her this riled up?
"I only do as great spies do, Auntie! For it is my fate, as the Great Dragnarok-!"
Before he could fully initiate his spy-inspired tirade, Gen, to the joy of both Miu and Gou, cut through his voice and made her presence known again.
"I-I'm sorry, but when you said turtles, it actually reminded me of my original goal. Actually this whole thing started with a turtle…my turtle, to be precise."
Everyone paused and turned to look at her as if she was speaking an alien language.
"What are you talking about?" Miu asked.
"Yeah, what the hell ARE you talking about, crazy ninja girl?" Gou joined in the inquiry with his far more cruder approach,who moved up beside Miu who glared at him and stepped to the left closer to her nephew. "You're telling me we've been on this goose double-chase this whole fucking time, because of some stupid pet?!"
"Let her explain herself, asshole, or else you're really going to see why I'm a national champion." Miu growled at him when she saw the small girl almost physically 'shrink' into herself under Gou's increasing volume. The man glared back, but said nothing. He barely suppressed a growl when he spotted Issei making mocking gestures at him, but again he kept his trap shut. He didn't want another taste of a cracked noise and he knew better than to mess with someone who trained with a forty-seven inch bamboo sword daily.
"R-right, so, m-my dad said I-I can't really tell no-...uh, strangers much about it, but basically…I-I'm from an old family that has taken care of a special kind of turtle, black in color, which is kind of…a family heirloom, I-I suppose?" Gen said.
"You looked to be in a hurry when me and Kumo spotted you. Did you lose your turtle?" Issei threw in a guess, using his intuition to construct his reasoning, which got a little smile from his aunt, impressed by the deduction.
Gen nodded.
"Y-Yes, how did you know?" she asked, her purple eyes staring into Issei's brown ones with a kind of wonder. "A-are you some kind of genius?"
Issei blushed a little from the implied compliment and his face went even redder when his aunt nudged him with her hip and wiggled her brows. The boy coughed into his hand and struck a pose.
"A great spy never reveals his tricks, m'lady!"
"A great spy also doesn't announce he's a spy, you little-" Gou's dry sarcastic voice died like a lamb caught by a wolf when Miu threw him a side-glance, her dark eyes almost shimmering with a 'say another word and see what happens' energy.
"T-that's amazing, I can learn much from you. B-but yes, I-I lost the turtle."
"Okay, but you look distressed…like "my dad's kidnapped and I have to pay his ransom" levels of distressed. I get that the turtle is like a family-prized pet, but to get this upset?" Miu chimed in, but Issei beat Gen to the reply.
"You wouldn't get it, Auntie, we pet owners would die for our dear companions. I would fight anyone if they hurt Kumo…" he paused when he noticed Gou staring at him with an arched brow and Gen rubbing her arm. "O-Oh, I guess that kinda happened…wait, oh no, Kumo-!"
Finally remembering the whole reason he and Gen had a whole confrontation, Issei ran to where Kumo was laying on the grass. He put his head on her chest and sighed in deep relief when he heard her breathing was normal.
"Oh, oh Kumo…you're okay, you're really okay!" he then turned to Gen with a warm thankful expression, "Y-you really didn't hurt her!"
"Hurt her? Woah, woah, what in the heck happened? Issei, why is Kumo on the floor like me after a bad hangover and what does she have to do with little Gen here?"
"I can answer that." Gou cut in, finally getting back the authority to speak up, this time ignoring Miu's subtle glare. "The dog was sensing something on that ninja girl and then they had a fight right there. The girl might have your talent, Miu Umehara, because I don't know how, but she not only fought off the damn mutt, but put it into this state. I'm guessing she used nerve-chi point-bullshit-jutsu or something, I don't know."
"You're talking about pressure points. And that's not how it works, you can't just put someone to sleep. But that's like the least of my concerns." Miu said, shaking her head trying to absorb the new information and then looked at Gen, who seemed more nervous than ever. "You fought off Kumo? The Street Bark Demon? I've seen her fend off a whole pack of strays by herself one time. I'm ninety-percent convinced she's a juvenile wolf."
"We don't actually know what she is, but she is cute!" Issei chimed in with a mirthful chuckle and a much warmer face. Gen couldn't help but briefly share that smile, too. Her heart went a bit a-flutter seeing how much love Issei held for the dog.
"I-I didn't want to hurt her, but she kept attacking me, so I had to neutralize her in the least painful way I know."
"Yeah, but…how did you? I know pressure points, I've used them in my mixed martial arts training. This isn't that." Miu further inquired as to her methods and now all eyes were on her. Gen notably got nervous when attention was fully on her, but even more than that, something seemed to hold her tongue. Like a mental barrier or some law she had been forced to follow.
"I…I can't talk about it. I-I'm sorry you all got roped in, that's all I can say." Gen said shyly, tugging on the sleeve of her intriguing yellow jacket.
"Well, okay, keep your secrets, but how did…well how did this charade even happen?" Miu asked.
"It all started with-"
"I was-"
"Me and Kumo were just-"
Gen, Gou and Issei all simultaneously took this as a cue to start explaining from their perspectives which created a cacophony of overlapping sounds that quickly caused Miu a headache. She coughed and slammed her foot on the ground to get them to shut up, creating a tiny whirlwind from the force.
"Jesus H. christ, not all at once you nutjobs, this isn't an Orange Range concert. One at a time." Miu rubbed her temples as she sensed her headache was bound to increase, probably reaching its peak at her nephew's ridiculous tale, based on physical evidence in the park. "Okay, Gen, since you seem to be the root cause, why don't you start?"
"O-okay…" Gen nodded in agreement, and stopped tugging on her sleeve. She coughed to clear her voice, "M-my father and I are part of a…you could call it a detective agency. It's similar in function. M-my father was in the middle of an operation, I-I was just going to stay at the local office he has in this town, b-but our turtle, y-you can him 'Wu', suddenly bolted out of the office door and into the town. By the time I had noticed he was gone…I-I couldn't even follow a trail. I-I picked a faint trace around this region and have just been following his steps across the streets. I am certain he went into this park before I got here."
"And that's around the time me and Kumo saw you. By the way, can you fix her?" Issei spoke up, asking the question he wanted to ask for a while now. He rubbed his dog's fur worryingly.
"S-she's fine and y-yes, I can wake her up. I-It's just…it might be preferable if we told our stories. S-she might be agitated and try to attack again."
"Don't worry, Gen, I'll protect you and calm Kumo down! It is what a great spy would do!" Issei said with his typical flamboyant boyish enthusiasm. Miu smiled, glad to finally see her nephew's usual bravado back. She briefly glared at daggers at that filthy man, Gou. Whatever he had said to her precious little angel, it had deeply affected Issei. She would hear him out next, if only to learn where he worked so she could get his ass fired.
"Okay, now, you." she turned to Gou, putting a hand on her hip and regarding him with a frown. "Let us hear your tell-tale."
"Tch, about time. I'm literally the victim of this circus, roped into some wild goose chase- or in this case a 'wild turtle chase'!" Gou fussed, dusting his shoulders off and sending a fiery glare at Issei who shivered for a second, before seemingly remembering he stood next to a National Champion that had just minutes ago nearly broken the man's nose.
That silent interaction didn't go unnoticed by Miu, who grabbed his ear and twisted.
"Less whining, more talkin, you slimeball."
"Ow-okay, okay, stop fucking assaulting me, you crazed bitch!" Gou demanded, recoiling after she let go of his ear. God knows he tried slapping her hand away. God knows she barely flinched. Something about the woman made his stomach feel a little queasy, but he couldn't recognize the emotions just yet. "Right, so, here I was just getting out of the Toei Office when-"
"You work at Toei??!" Issei suddenly sprung up, eyes sparkling like stars and his little feet fidgeting wildly like he was about to explode into little hops, "Did you do Dragon Ball Z? One Piece? Inyuasha-?"
"Oh no, another rabid fan." Gou groaned with the exhaustion of an underpaid japanese producer struggling to make ends meet while dealing with ridiculous people daily. Oh wait, that's exactly what he was. "You're like what, ten, twelve? Of course, you would be."
"Issei, calm down, you look like you're about to jump to the Moon." Miu said, putting a hand on Issei's shoulder to steady him. With how excited the boy looked, it was like someone had told him Yusaku Matsuda himself was visiting his home.
"Can I??!" he asked.
"No."
"Aw…" Issei moaned in disappointment. Miu chuckled and patted his hand. The boy pouted with slightly flushed cheeks and tried moving away but his strong aunt kept him in place and kept teasingly showing affection.
"I don't get it, though. How is a big jerk like you making such cool anime?" Issei blurred out which got an immediate sputter from both Miu and Gou, followed by a loud laugh by the former and a growl of pure anger from the latter.
"Pfuahahah!"
"You little shit, I will-!" but Miu's soul-piercing glare once again cowed him into submission and he had no choice but to fuss and grind his teeth like a fussy child. He saw her fist clench and he instinctively flinched and recoiled. "I-I mean, technically, I don't make anything. I'm in charge of managing and communicating with the teams, but I don't animate the scenes or do the audio and compositional effects."
"So you're like…the guy who does nothing, but tells everyone what to do. Wow, you're lame." Issei said with a genuinely disappointed sour look on his face and then to add further to the injury to Gou's ego, he stuck his tongue out and started chanting 'Mr. Useless'.
"Pfft!" Miu sputtered into barely controlled laughter again, muffling herself with a hand on her mouth.
If Gou ground his teeth and glared any harder, his teeth would shatter and his eyes would pop like an eye popper-toy. He used every ounce of willpower not to scream or cuss the arrogant brat out.
"I'm one of the guys that makes sure you even get a show and if you continue calling me useless, you won't be getting any new Dragon Ball content, dipshit." With the last of his patience, he barely strung out a composed reply, which felt more comfortable to squeak out as he saw Issei's face drop. "Yeah, that's right. I'm the Shenron who gives you your wishes. So you better fucking behave."
"Alright, alright, enough of this. Go back to your story, 'Mr. Useless'." Miu spoke up, her face no longer locked into a permanent glare and instead now regarded Gou with a bit of mocking amusement.
Gou seethed, but nonetheless complied, telling the rest of his tale. By the end, Miu just stood there, her eyes wide and her face betraying several emotions, which went from amusement to incredulity to sheer confusion and then a shock that shattered her composure. She slowly turned to her nephew.
"ISSEI, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!"