Chapter 8: Royal Diaper Disaster and the Great Cake Rebellion
In the majestic Obsidian Flame Palace—crowned with dragonbone spires and vampire-carved marble—legends were born, prophecies whispered, and magical history forged.
But not today.
Today, the greatest crisis facing the palace wasn't a demon invasion, an astral rift, or a mana anomaly.
No.
It was a missing diaper.
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The Day Begins… Explosively
Phoenix Bennith Nightshade, divine heir of the Dragon Emperor and Vampire Empress, Starborn of the Tenth Path and the future strongest being in the universe… had pooped his royal pants.
And then vanished.
"Seraphinaaaa! He's gone again!!" screamed Elowen, her wind magic buffeting the hallway tapestries as she zoomed past bewildered maids.
"Gone?" Seraphina's eyes widened. "He's only nine months old! He can't walk!"
"He can teleport!!" Elowen wailed. "Or at least vanish dramatically! I was changing him, turned around for one second, and poof!"
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Operation Poopstorm
In less than a minute, the entire palace was on High Alert Level: Phoenix.
Princess Valeriana activated her earth runes to search for movement underground. "Nothing yet! Check the bath chambers!"
Princess Nyxaria melded with the shadows, whispering to floor-bound spirits. "He's not in the west wing."
Princess Lysithea summoned ancestral ghosts for tracking. "They refused. Said, and I quote: 'We didn't die for this.'"
Even Empress Rose Nightshade paused mid-meeting with a vampire trade envoy.
"Excuse me," she said coolly, vanishing into mist. "My son's butt has disappeared."
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Meanwhile, in the Royal Kitchen...
Chef Gorgo, the palace's seven-foot-tall half-ogre pâtissier, was preparing the day's dessert masterpiece: a mana-infused triple-layered strawberry starcake with elder-dragon whipped cream.
Then he heard something.
Thud.
Then a tiny giggle.
He turned and beheld the horror.
There, crawling across the counter like a giggling white-haired menace, was Phoenix—naked as the day he was born, eyes glittering mischievously, frosting on one cheek.
"No no no—LORD PHOENIX, PLEASE—"
It was too late.
Like a lightning bolt with a sugar craving, Phoenix slammed face-first into the cake.
FWOOSH.
The cake exploded with a burst of pink mana frosting. The baby squealed in delight as the magical explosion dyed the kitchen—and Gorgo's face—bright strawberry pink.
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One Hour Later…
"I am going to strangle him," muttered Princess Aislynn, wiping cake from her hair. "I had plans today."
"Plans? You stare at snowflakes and hum to yourself," retorted Celestielle.
"They harmonize with my mana core, thank you very much!"
The sisters stood, drenched in pink frosting, surrounding their tiny brother, who sat in the middle of the destroyed kitchen floor, burping happily.
Phoenix blinked.
Then unleashed another royal toot of astonishing power.
Thalassa, standing too close, was blown backward into a stack of jelly pies.
"THAT'S IT! HE'S A WEAPON!"
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Royal Disciplinary Tribunal
Later that day, an official "Court of Baby Crimes" was assembled.
A hand-carved crib was rolled into the throne hall, and Phoenix was placed upon it as if it were a defendant's chair. The sisters, dressed in dramatically oversized robes and using kitchen ladles as gavels, began the trial.
"Order in the hall!" Seraphina declared. "This tribunal will now hear the case of The People vs. Phoenix Bennith Nightshade, aka The Cake Goblin, aka Lord Fartblaster."
Elowen raised a hand. "Motion to add Diaper Dodger to the title list."
"Approved."
Nyxaria stepped forward. "Your crimes, young prince, include: teleporting mid-diaper change, destruction of a state-sanctioned starcake, use of biological warfare—twice—and unauthorized frosting ingestion."
Phoenix giggled and clapped.
Then hiccupped, sending a pulse of light through the floor that turned the marble pink again.
Lysithea sighed. "That's... the fourth time this week."
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Butler Reginald's Memoir Entry #492
> "When I first took the royal oath, I never imagined I would one day have to duel a sentient pancake created by magical food fallout. Nor did I expect the prince to have such creative control over mana frequencies this young. He melted my spectacles... with a smile.
I now carry two emergency diapers, an enchanted whistle, and a shield blessed by the Witch Empress herself. One must be prepared."
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Royal Bath Time
Bathing the heir of fire, shadow, and stars was a task no one dared to do alone anymore.
It required:
Two sisters on splash duty (usually Thalassa and Aislynn).
One with divine speed to intercept escapes (Elowen).
One with light shields to protect the bathroom walls (Celestielle).
And one with a song strong enough to calm baby tantrums (Lysithea).
Tonight, however, Phoenix had other ideas.
He had discovered...
BUBBLES.
And with a flick of his tiny hand, he supercharged them.
A single enchanted bubble filled with spatial mana grew the size of a sofa, picked up Lysithea, and floated her out the window.
"I CAN SEE THE BIRDKIN CAPITAL FROM HERE!"
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An Audience With Dad
That night, after the bubble-rescue, frosting cleanup, and a lengthy tantrum over his missing sock (which was in his mouth the whole time), Phoenix was brought to his father's chamber.
The Dragon Emperor, Rudeus Bennith, was in the middle of forging a galaxy-shaped blade with living stardust when Phoenix was placed in his lap.
The blade froze.
The stardust twinkled.
Then the baby grabbed the stardust, clapped... and ate it.
Rudeus stared.
"…He consumed weaponized cosmic energy," he said slowly.
Phoenix hiccuped again. The runes on Rudeus's arm shifted color.
"…And altered my bloodline glyphs."
Empress Rose entered the chamber. "He also turned Seraphina's hair blue."
"I noticed."
The emperor looked down at his son, who yawned innocently.
Then smiled.
"…He's perfect."
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End-of-Day Cuddles
Despite the chaos, the cakes, the bubble attacks, and the spontaneous magical burps, the day always ended the same.
Phoenix was wrapped in enchanted silks and laid in the grand cradle overlooking the stars.
Each of his nine sisters came to say goodnight.
Seraphina kissed his forehead. "Tomorrow, we learn not to melt library scrolls, alright?"
Thalassa tucked in a plush turtle made from cloud cotton. "No more cake bombs, little wave."
Nyxaria whispered, "You're chaos... but you're ours."
And Empress Rose, ever graceful and cold to the world, leaned down and whispered to her son's ear.
"You may be the strongest being in the universe, Phoenix. But here, in this palace… you're our little moonbeam."
He snuggled closer into her arms.
And somewhere, across Arcania, a volcano sneezed frosting.
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Author note:
I hope you like it