Chapter 09: [Business and Pleasure] - Part 1 – Products and Prizes
"Pleasure in the Job puts Perfection in the Work" - Aristotle
*DOOM*
November 09, 2011 – Dragon King (Shiro Ito) ascended and became a lesser God of Darkness. This was felt by nearly every magic user and psychic on the planet. They also felt the dark gods' complete demise. It wasn't just a fading done by most Gods, but a complete destruction that scared the crap out of those who could sense it. Absolute Destruction is a power that all beings fear.
November 10, 2011 – Green Lantern (Alan Scott) and Jade (Jennifer Hayden) reported what happened on the Ritual Island to the Justice League. There is a lot of arguments about jurisdiction and League involvement. Doctor Fate seemed the most upset that he wasn't involved in a major mystical event. Since Rorschach didn't appear, saying he had to consolidate his resources before the next 'Big Boss Fight', I had to be the one to explain things.
November 11, 2011 – Rorschach went online with footage. The world now knows he was responsible for killing the man responsible for the Day of Dragons in China. Rorschach is being called the smartest man in the world and there are also documentaries on the Justice Society playing because the original Green Lantern was involved. There are a few idiotic politicians saying Rorschach needs to be controlled.
Yeah, good luck with that.
November 12, 2011 - Doctor Fate ordered me to appear at the Tower of Fate. I don't take orders from the Justice League, but I decided to talk to the man.
*DOOM*
Tower of Fate
Salem, Massachusetts
November 12, 2011
1st POV
"You want me to eat your cursed stuff?"
"You have proven to be completely immune to the mystical forces, both light and dark. You assisted the Amazons in the destruction of their cursed magical items and you proved yourself a weapon against Dragon King's ascended form." says Doctor Fate/Nabu bonded to the Atlantean sorcerer-priest Khalid.
I suspect this is retaliation for not involving him in the fight against Dragon King. Doctor Fate is the representative of the Lords of Order on Earth and is supposed to handle world threatening mystical events. Rorschach didn't invite him and doesn't acknowledge his calls.
The Items range from normal looking crystals and gemstones to things that look supremely evil.
A solid black Egyptian ring with a cobra holding a black stone. An emerald and gold necklace. A faceted ruby the size of golf ball. A smooth, perfectly round black pearl the size of a baseball. A sapphire in a circlet.
"These gemstones contain the souls of dark sorcerers. As long as these items exist the souls are bound to the mortal plane and pose a threat."
"Phylacteries?"
Phylactery (also sometimes called a soul jar) was the name given to the repository used to store the life force of a lich in Dungeon & Dragons. There are similar items include the One Ring in Tolkien's, the Horcruxes in Harry Potter, and Koshchei the Immortal's needle. Even the Helmet of Fate may be considered this for Nabu.
"Correct. An Ancient Egyptian worshiper of Apep. A Queen who stole the bodies of young women. A hedonist who sacrificed villages for his pleasure. An Atlantean tyrant who ruled for nearly a century as an undead. The crown of a royalty that brainwashed its descendants. All corrupt souls that disrupted the natural order of the world."
I cut off Doctor Fate's speech when I pick up the black ring and pop it my mouth. Tastes like bad Halloween candy to me, but I get it down and I can hear a faint scream. I feel something rush out between my insanely sharp teeth and I guess it's an Ancient Egyptian soul. Necklace and Ruby quickly with similar results, and a sour fruity flavor. Never ate a Pearl before, but it oddly tastes of the sea salt. As the Pearl shatters, the soul screams out and vanishes from the world. In the case of the circlet, I avoid damaging the crown and only bite off the gemstone.
"Is the circlet safe now?"
"Yes. The gem was the Phylactery. The remaining item is merely a historical item."
"Where is the circlet from?"
"Vlatava"
"I'll have Rorschach fix it and return it to Vlatava."
Doctor Fate opens a chest and places on an object on the table. I can't believe my eyes at what I am looking at. It's a puzzle box with surfaces covered in black lacquer and intrigue gold. I have watched Hellraiser and recognize the Lament Configuration. I encountered many demons in the depths hell that found pleasure in pain, but I never thought I would encounter the French-made instant portal.
I don't give Doctor Fate a chance to explain, I just bite down on the box. I never noticed before, but I can unhinge my jaw! I can honestly say it's the worst thing I have ever tasted and I have to resist the urge to vomit despite missing internal organs. I do spit out a couple of spiky chain links. Once the last bit of material is dissolved, I feel a power up.
I point at a bare wall and release an extendable, elongated, barbed appendage with a spear-like blade at the end. It actually scraps the wall's surface sending out gold sparks of magic.
"Can you not damage the tower?"
"Can you not feed me Portals to a Sadomasochistic Hell dimension?"
The next on the menu is a thick leather-bound parchment book. There is a demonic face formed by the wrinkles on the leather cover. I have a feeling it's made of human skin and inked in human blood. Isn't this partial cannibalism? Some part of me isLex Luthor.
"My past incarnations have attempted to destroy this book using magical and mundane means. If you hadn't appeared I would have considered use of nuclear and particle weapons."
As I take a bite, I feel my fragment of Rorschach's Gamer react. It takes me a minute and Doctor Fate's hand are glowing with power as if worried. He looks ready to portal me into space if I trying anything.
"Why can I now speak many languages?" I ask in the ancient Babylonian language that is Nabu's native language. Then, I ask in Atlantean of his host, "I barely speak Canadian English and I don't even speak Quebec French."
Doctor Fate pauses, letting the glow fade from his hands.
"The Book had a minor ability to translate it's writing to match the language of the reader. The book is a Cognito-hazardous, so as a person reads it, it alters their mind. Eventually, the reader would willing read from the spells and summon the horrors it can unleash." says Doctor Fate, as he watches the grimoire with the huge bite dissolve into dust, "At least that is what it used to do."
I activate my Gamer scene and look at my Abilities.
[Omnilingualism – The user is able to read any written language or visible text. The user is able to speak any spoken language of any sentient they encounter.]
At least Blackfire and Starfire won't have to kiss anymore random people. All they have to do is kiss me after I encounter them.
Doctor Fate places a skull in front of me. It looks like a normal male human skull except its composed completely of clear crystal and the mandible is fused to the rest of the skull. Even the teeth are made of the same clear crystal. I look through it and see some prismatic light. When I look directly at the eyes, they pulsate with a white light.
"The crystal skulls are psychic resonators, amplifying the psionic powers of those that glaze into its eyes. It also drives the user mad with power over time. This one nearly caused a near disaster in Russia in 1960 and because of Kent Nelson listening to his wife I was powerless to stop it. The forces of chaos could have invaded this world, but that fool cared more about his personal life than the Fate of the World."
I take a big bite before Nabu can rant anymore. You have a new fanatical host, get over it already! The psychic crystal doesn't taste half bad. It's sweet, but not too sweet, and a there a taste of fruit punch in it. It takes me a minute to eat the entire crystal skull, but I do consume and destroy it.
"It was mildly radioactive." I notice the flavor.
"The Russians tried to destroy it with a nuke after the disaster. It didn't work."
Doctor Fate places a small statuette in front of me. It's made of a dark blue-green stone that remind me of the sea. It resembles a crouched humanoid with the wings of a dragon and the head of an octopus. It stands on a pedestal with marking that I can now read. Evern without the new ability I could read them because I'm a fan of Lovecraft's works.
"How many of these nigh-indestructible curse items do you have?"
"I have been acting as Doctor Fate for over thirty-eight hundred years."
"Oh joy."
*DOOM*
November 12, 2011 – I learned Doctor Fate/Nabu has a massive collection of cursed magical items and dark artifacts. Most of them tasted horrible and for the first time I got indigestion. I must have devoured more than a thousand items. At least I got a few new abilities. The Whip fist is a cool weapon/attack and I had fun experimenting with languages, I had Starfire learn Ancient Chinese from me, who learned it from our new Shadow Sorceress Jade Chan. She already knows Modern Chinese from Superboy. Blackfire already learned Ancient Chinese from Jade.
November 17, 2011 – Cognito Inc is releasing more and more products. 3D Food Printers, Water Purifiers, Air Purifiers, Auto-sorting recycling bins, Sanitizing cleaning robots, and other products that are coming off the shelves as quickly as stores can stock them.
In the medical field, Cognito Inc has create flash cloning of organs for transplants, artificial blood micro factories for hospitals, skin regenerators, bone mending machines, and hospital beds with advance medical scanners. They even introduced soft polymer medical care robots that look suspiciously like Baymax from Big Hero Six.
November 21, 2011 – The White House now has a pair of upgraded Liberty Prime robots guarding it. The Cognito-made Mark II Liberty Primes – also known as the Sentinel Primes - are painted the patriotic red, white, and blue, making them look like the Iron Patriot from Iron Man 3. When not moving on command or saluting confirmed veterans and running their "Patriotism Subroutine", they are like new age statues to patriotism and capitalism. There are some critics complaining about them being near the White House, but they were silenced when one the Primes fired its "Liberty Laser" and destroyed a dozen flying men. Those men turning out to be Rheelasian terrorists who intended to bomb Washington with their metahuman powers.
November 23, 2011 – "Weird Science Rick" acting as a representative of Cognito Inc had a meeting with Atlantean Royal Family.
*DOOM*
Atlantis Meeting
Poseidonis, Atlantis Continent, East Atlantic Ocean
November 23, 2011
3rd POV
Poseidonis is a large underwater city divided into five sectors. Both the Conservatory of Sorcery and the Science Center are located here, and it is the seat of power of King Orin and Queen Mera.
Neo masquerading as his TV personality persona, "Weird Science Rick", stands before the King and Queen in his typical commercial attire in one of their 'Dry Rooms' for surface diplomats. The guards checked for weapon or magical items, and found nothing. Thanks to his Gamer's abilities they will never find anything unless he lets him. Though the King and Queen know "Weird Science Rick" to be the "George Foreman" of Cognito Inc., they still aren't taking any chances, given the new super-conglomerate has Rorschach on retainer.
Which of course brings up a more pressing question...
"Why did Cognito Inc. send the actor from their commercials?" King Orin asked. "I was expecting someone like a scientist, or a businessman."
"The politically accurate term is 'Sales Representative'," 'Weird Science Rick' said sounding only slightly offended. "If you're waiting for the other guy, he doesn't get out much, so he just sent me as his intermediary," he said pulling out what looked like a high-tech hearing aid from his breast pocket; a pocket that only moments before were confirmed as empty by the guards. "Worst part of the job, I tell ya," he hummed flicking some kind of switch once it was in place.
Circuitry lighting across the tiny piece of metal, the next moment he began to jerk around sporadically like a drunken puppet or a short-circuiting robot, his cries of- "Wa-kika-herger!" -so-disturbing they caused the guards to grip their weapons, while the King and Queen shifted uncomfortably in their seats. A few seconds later he came to a stop and slumped forward on his feet like an inert robot. Before one of the guards could check if he was alright, the Sales Rep suddenly stood straighter, eyes fluttering open until irises of gold shone out at them, a completely neutral expression on 'Weird Science Rick's face.
"*Urp* Yes, what is it, what do you ya want?" 'Weird Science Rick' said in a jaded, irritated voice that clearly wasn't his own.
"Who... are you...?" King Orin asked warily, assuming this to be some sort of science-based form of Possession.
"For all intents and purposes *Urp*, you can call me 'Dr. Genus'. I'm Cognito Inc.'s founder and resident super-genius," Neo replied with a flippant wave, leveraging his [Acting], [Deception], [Persuasion], and [Subterfuge] Skills for maximum effect, to genuinely convince them that there was-in-fact an 'other guy'.
"Are you... actually controlling your Sales Representative?" Mera asked nervously.
"What part of 'he doesn't get out much', did you miss?" 'Dr. Genus' questioned irritably. "I don't have time to *urp* galivant around the world like Indiana freakin' Jones if I'm going to solve the world's problems. Right now, I'm working on your problems; you're *urp*welcome," he said pulling a baseball-sized drone from his left lab coat pocket; again, a pocket that had been searched and deemed empty. Tapping a series of keys on the drone's exterior, a moment later it floated out of his hand and projected an extremely realistic computer image onto the floor. "Right now, there are 5.25 trillion macro and micro pieces of plastic in our, correction, your ocean, 46,000 pieces in every square mile of open sea, weighing up to 269,000 tones. I stopped eating ocean-fresh seafood because I know their bellies are filled with bits of plastic and their flesh is laced with industrial chemicals. I also know that plastic pollution is so severe, that Atlanteans have considered going to war with the surface world, if not just completely barring international trade by seas on a semi-permanent basis."
It was one thing to see the statistics in written form, but to see a live, up-to-date picture of the world's oceans, the beautiful blues spattered with flecks of red, like blood, only reminded him of what the surface world was doing. What he might have to someday do if he was going to save anyone on the one planet humanity had to its name.
"I also know that eighteen hundred children need treatment monthly for poisoning related to plastic and petrochemicals. The same number of kids that die of cancer in the US annually. With all that in mind, I have a solution."
Withdrawing from another allegedly empty pocket, the guards and guard captain ripping their hair out at the sight of it, Neo drew out a 250 ml (8.5 Fl oz) metal bottle. Pouring out its contents onto the floor, revealed a clear translucent jelly-like blob with blue sparkles that made it only somewhat pleasing to the eye. Withdrawing an ordinary plastic bottle, he then tossed it into the blob on the floor, which to the King and Queen's shock the blob surrounded like an amoeba and dissolved.
"What... What is that?" Mera gasped. The average lifecycle of surface world plastics was 450 years, but she and her husband had just witnessed a complete and total annihilation of it in less than a few seconds.
"This is a blob of polymer-based nanorobotics controlled by quantum cells. It breaks down plastic and petrochemicals to increase its own mass and the extra mass can be converted and extruded as recyclable materials," 'Dr. Genus' explained with all the casual ease of one talking about the weather.
As if to illustrate his point, and on cue no less, the blob extruded a plastic pellet roughly the same mass of the plastic bottle, which 'Dr. Genus' picked up and stuffed into his pocket.
"Even as we speak, these blobs can filter micro-plastic from seawater. On a much *urp* larger scale, I give you, the great Garbage Patch!"
The projection on the floor thusly shifted upward into a screen displaying the aforementioned Garbage Patches. An enormous gyre of marine debris particles caused by the effects of ocean currents and increasing plastic pollution by human populations, the circulating ocean currents created massive floating islands of plastic and garbage in the oceans, some of which reached the size of small islands. The very mention, let alone the display of these patches, caused both Atlanteans and oceanic environmentalists to spit blood.
The Big Five include the Great Pacific Garbage Patch (which has the highest density of marine debris and plastic), North Atlantic garbage patch between North America and Africa, the South Atlantic garbage patch located between eastern South America and the tip of Africa, the South Pacific garbage patch located west of South America, and the Indian Ocean garbage patch found east of south Africa.
To everyone's collective shock, all Five Garbage Patches were being devoured by Five Giant Blobs. The blobs are a little different than the tiny 250ml one that ate water bottle. They are immense translucent blobs that could fill entire football fields. Inside them are colorful flows of liquified plastic and chemicals. There are also immense amounts of water flowing through the massive thing. Polluted water is sucked in and clean sea water is pumped out complete with marine plants, animals, and microorganisms.
One of the feeds shifting focus, revealed a number of humans trying to get close to one of the blobs. One of them clearly a scientist attempting to get a sample of the translucent material, was foiled repeatedly as the blob actually moved away from the bucket like a living thing recoiling from something repugnant. Even when the scientist offered a piece of his own boat as bait, the Blob simply ignored it and went about its work.
A group of environmentalists at another Patch got a little too close on their rubber raft. They were pulled inside the gooey nanomechanical entity and then tossed back out minus any plastic they were wearing. One woman must have been wearing pure synthetic clothing because she pops out nude. Thankfully, the censorship program that hid Rorschach's face and privates back in China, also protects her privacy and identity. The environmentalists are quickly pulled out the ocean onto nearby metal ships.
A wannabe foreign superhero attacks another of the Blobs. He flies in at high speed and releases red energy beams from his hands at the blob. The beams burn a hole in the Blob with incredibly ease. The hole then closes and vanishes. He tries again and again and again, but the Blob has an absolutely massive amount of plastic to feed its regeneration. Finally, he collapses from exhaustion and falls into the blob. He's then tossed out naked.
"The naked thing only happens if you're wearing synthetic clothing," 'Dr. Genus' said with a wave of his hand as the cameras zoomed out, still showing rubberneckers being spat out nude.
"These things won't turn into city-destroying kaiju, will they?" asks King Orin. "Not that we don't trust Cognito, but we do have a long history of eccentric scientists not thinking of everything."
"What do you take me for? A hack?" he rebuffed. "No, I accounted for every possibility and perfected their programming and subroutines well before releasing my Ocean Cleaners for live *urp* testing. They don't harm living creatures and can't go outside established target areas. Thanks to the ocean currents they don't even need to move at all; they just have to wait for all the garbage to come to them. Any deviation from their higher programming causes them to 'coagulate' into a large rectangular mass like a raft, and, barring that, I can always send out a Kill Code on my own."
On one the screens, there is a series of explosions and hovercraft decloaked a couple hundred meters from one of the blobs. It's then hit by several more explosions that cause it to drift in the blob, where it and its occupants are stripped of polymers and gasoline.
"I did of course leave some cloaked combat drones nearby in case some government or supervillain group tried to upend my project," 'Dr. Genus' added with a dismissive wave.
"So, what do you get out of this?" asks one of guards, while the other glares at him for his lack of protocol.
"Plenty of things. For the world, I get to show off that I'm a super-genius who cleaned up the world's oceans when their own governments were too greedy, lazy, incompetent, and/or all-of-the-above to do. I can also say Cognito Inc. products contain 100% recycled plastics, since I'm practically getting this shit for free," he said as a large shipping drone de-cloaked, collected tons and tons of plastic pellets, and then flew away before re-cloaking. "For just me, just because I don't go to the beach anymore, doesn't mean I don't care about what, for all intents and purposes, is an uninteresting backwater planet in the middle-of-nowhere space," he said in the casually-dismissive tone reserved for low-value plots of land instead of, well, the 'cradle of humanity'. "I'd rather not have to hunker down and wait out the next World War when things get so bad that Atlantis' patience on the matter bottoms out. I've done the math. It'd happen sooner than you'd realize."
The surrounding Atlanteans nodded at the possessing man's logic. As much as Aquaman played 'The Fool' for the benefit of the surface dwellers, he was still the king of a nation that surrounded all others, and with but a single writ could utterly cripple international trade on the surface world.
"And it's not just the oceans, after that whole shitshow in China I've got plenty of material to work with," he said patting around 'Weird Science Rick's' pocket before pulling out a bottle of whiskey and chugging it down, the guard captain now banging his head against the wall. After several deep chugs, the possessed TV personality's cheeks starting to flush red. "Ooogh... Forgot this guy was such a lightweight. Where was I again?"
"China?" Mera groused.
"Right, that. Anyway, the Chinese government is still a physically and mentally crippled mess, so I've been sending in Iron Legion drones to clean up the destroyed cities. Not only do they do search and rescue, but they have higher success rates than what little China can afford to mobilize. Not that high a bar, but, whatever," he shrugged, swaying slightly on his borrowed feet. "Oh, and they've been cleaning the environment too; toxic chemicals in the drinking water, poorly-shielded radiation sources, pollutants in what little breathable air is left, etc. etc. etc. to the tenth power. Not only have we been providing clean water, food and shelter to the citizenry as humanitarian aid, we've also been exfiltrating any endangered species."
"Forgive the accusatory tone, but all of that work can't purely be for the sake of offering humanitarian aid," Mera mused.
"Not completely untrue. I also needed a foothold into the country."
"For what purpose?" Orin questioned warily.
"Asia supplies a whopping 81% of the world's ocean plastic," he stated, one of the nearby viziers upending the contents of his stomach. "Whether they want to or not, all of Asia is going green. It's not like China can do anything about it. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if the entire nation fractured a full century early."
"There have been reports concerning nuclear material going missing in some areas." adds the same mouthy Guard. "Some News groups are saying Rorschach took it."
" . . . OH! That," 'Dr. Genus' shrugged after a moment. "Does the name Arlen Aquali ring any bells?"
"Arlen Aquali? Of the Exemplary Guard?" the guard captain questioned, the mouthy guard gulping audibly. "What of it?"
"Arlen Aquali of Poseidonis found out his little brother was trafficking narcotics to the surface world, but he and his son were all that was left after the Purist bombing. You'd originally planned to turn in your brother's boss, claiming he was working undercover, but that plain failed when the boss was killed by a vigilante on the surface world," 'Dr. Genus' said casting a not-so-discrete look at the mouthy guard. "With the operation destroyed, you got your brother a clean job back home and tried to bury the evidence. However, Black Manta learned the truth and blackmailed you for classified information, leveraging your love for your brother against your loyalty to your King, whom Atlantis is still divisive of due to his diluted heritage," the scientist-possessed TV personality summarized, the guard from before dropping his weapon to the floor and bowing his head in shame.
"How did you know all of that?" asks Queen Mera as the guard began to confess.
"It was Rorschach that killed the Head of the Atlantean Drug Cartel. He made the mistake of coming to Hub City. After that it was just a matter of following up on any survivors. Figured it'd be prudent to let you know of any traitors in your midst, even if nothing would've come of it."
"But what about the nuclear material?" Orin questioned.
"Oh please, does it look like I need to steal fissionable material from a dying country on its death throes?" 'Dr. Genus' asked dismissively. "My Arc Reactors are self-sustaining and make that shit look like D Batteries. If nuclear garbage is going missing, it's either someone else, or a cover-up to make Rorschach and by extension me, look bad."
" . . . So... all the world's garbage and ocean-bound plastic will come to your garbage-eating 'Blobs'?" Mera questioned getting back on track. Sure, it was amusing like watching a detective show, but not the reason they were all there.
"More or less," Neo replied as the Blobs began to release purified seawater high into the air like Old Faithful. "The water cycle should do the rest. Anyway *urp* there's too many variables in play to give you a concrete estimate of when the oceans will be clean, but at the very least, once they are clean, any garbage going toward the Great Garbage Patches will only have a one-way trip. If I tried to take over garbage management on land, everyone would panic and think I were trying to take over."
"Could you?"
"Huh?"
"Could you take over?" Orin questioned aloud.
"If I wanted to, sure, but that *urp* just sounds like a lot of work I'm too-lazy to do," 'Dr. Genus' replied with a flippant wave of his hand. "Any other questions?"
"Why request this meeting at all if you were going to mobilize your Blobs anyway?" Orin questioned.
"So, no-one else could take credit for *urp* cleaning the world's oceans. I might live on dry land, but the state of the world in general is still my concern, so even if in some bone-headed move you denied me permission to use the Blobs because of some stupid macho Atlantean thing, I would've done it anyway."
It wasn't a complete impossibility that Dr. Genus would've been denied permission to do his plan. Several Atlantean kings of the past would've done so out of principle because Dr. Genus was of the surface world and the seven seas 'belonged to the Atlanteans'. Of course, this was something Mera was more-aware-of than her husband, though he had some inkling about why the man chose that particular wording for his response.
"Might I ask you a question of a more personal nature?" Mera questioned.
"Shoot. Just, not literally. A personal deflector shield would kill anyone who tried."
" . . . Were you... drunk before this meeting started?" she questioned, processing the whole 'personal deflector shield' thing.
"Always."
"Okay, but why...?"
" . . . Arthur Curry."
"Yes?"
"Back when you lived on the surface world, did you ever enjoy a really good hotdog?"
"Sometimes."
"And how did you feel after learning how hotdogs were actually made?"
"Sick. Repulsed. Like I could never eat one again."
"Alright. Now, imagine having that feeling, but for everything in the god-damned universe! And I do mean 'everything'!" he cried manically, putting the guards briefly on edge before they remembered the whole 'personal deflector shield' thing. "'Ignorance is bliss' is quite literal because pretty much every miserable thing in this shitty fucking universe is fucked. And has been fucked since time began. You all experience mere islands of decency in a great cosmic sea of 'what the fuckery'; but me, knowing everything I do, how the universe actually works, those 'islands of decency' don't even exist anymore. If I weren't intoxicated all the fucking time to take the edge off the burden of my own brilliance, I'd have soberly improvised a Neutrino Bomb, ages ago and wiped out the entire fucking planet!" he admitted causing Orin's hair to stand on end. "Obviously I didn't, but the problem is I kept learning, kept inventing, and now the next time I soberly improvise a Neutrino Bomb, it won't just be powerful-enough to wipe out the entire planet. It'll be powerful-enough to wipe out half the Milky Way! And that's just low-balling it. I take out half the Milky Way, and the half that's left will probably fly off into space somewhere due to a sudden loss of cosmic equilibrium."
The statement in of itself was completely and utterly horrifying to behold, but the steady *gulp-gulp-gulp* of 'Dr. Genus' chugging whiskey with the body of his Sales Representative put a bit of a damper on that mood.
"Oh, and before you decide to tell your little playmates up in their little 'secret playhouse' anything, let me remind you that you all are pretty dangerous too. Not on a cosmic scale, obviously, but dangerous-enough that the people of this planet have a very legitimate reason to fear you."
Aquaman of course was aware of this. After all, it was he whosent the box set of "Injustice: Gods Among Us" DVDs to the Watchtower, portraying an alternate timeline where Superman went full-on tyrant because he had finally reached his breaking point. A 'breaking point' that Dr. Genus likely had to endure every day of his life because he 'couldn't un-see'.
"Anyway, both our secrets are safe. I had the last few minutes of conversation overlaid with static, so no-one knows about my alleged drinking problem, and no-one knows about your 'secret playhouse'."
Which was a relief, because if the world at large found out the Justice League had an orbiting space station no-one knew about, it'd probably spawn a huge international incident they'd never see the end of.
"I understand. You've created many wondrous things since surfacing, but your brilliance is as much a curse as it is a blessing," Orin conceded, waving for his guards to stand down from that last, massively-provocative statement. "I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to be so-smart that you have to hide from the rest of the world in a bottle. Although... couldn't you just use your science to... help with that?"
"Why would I do that. I already have the solution right here," he said waving the whiskey bottle, of which there were only a few dregs left.
"That's... not exactly what I meant..." Orin hummed.
"So, do either of you have any last questions, or can I get back to work? I'm trying to solve global warming, and I'd rather finish that off sooner rather than later."
"Ah! No, by all means, please, don't let us keep you any longer than necessary."
He couldn't be sure if Dr. Genus was joking about 'solving global warming', but if he was being serious and not treating it like a throwaway line, then the man might quite literally save the world. Sure, it'd be "good" for Atlantis if everything sunk below sea level, but more than 70% of the Earth's mass in of itself was more than enough of a kingdom.
"Alright *urp* then. I'll see you when I see ya," 'Dr. Genus' said fiddling with his earpiece. "Wa-kika-herger!" he then gurgled out as he shook about like a drunken puppet once again, the gold in his eyes going out before 'Weird Science Rick' fell on his ass. "Ooooogh... How long was I out? And why's the room spinning?"
"Ah, please take Mr... Rick, to one of our spare bedchambers so he can sleep the alcohol off," Orin ordered, his eye falling on the discarded whiskey bottle that'd fallen out of his hand as soon as Dr. Genus hopped out of the driver's seat.
*DOOM*
Doomsday Bunker
Same Time
1st POV
"I need to take a break from magic."
I was just watching 'Weird Science Rick' pretended to be body-jacked by his Rick self - Dr. Genus – when there was a small explosion in Jade's room.
After our battle against Dragon King, Rorschach conducted an interview to make sure Jade Chan was telling the truth and that she wouldn't start eating souls or cover the world with darkness. She also needed a medical checkup to make sure she didn't drag an interdimensional pathogen. We were the ones to do this because it was our mission and the Justice League might have problems with some of her actions.
After her being declared clean, she needed a place to stay. Since I'm immune to nigh everything and Raven's powers are similar to hers, she ended up joining my expanded Bunker.
Rorschach's bunker expansion was impressive as he added more than dozen rooms to the structure. He's also increased the defensive power of the Bunker, so even if the city above is nuked, we'll be fine. He even made it 'Batman-Proof', which in of itself was an accomplishment worthy of a 'Rick'.
"Tentacles?"
Raven and Jade are being held in the air by dozens of fleshy slimy tentacles, which have already managed to remove most of their clothing. The purple tentacles are coming from a glowing magic circle on a piece of paper on the floor.
"So, you decided to film a Hentai?"
"No. I was looking at magic seal in one of my books when Jade accidently activated it" says Raven struggling with the tentacles. Normally, she would use her shadows to slice them to bits, but she is having trouble concentrating due to the slime.
Jade says something muffled by the tentacle in her mouth. It looks like she attempted to summon her Kunoichi-Shadowkhan to free her, but the female shadow servants were also captured. Every time they attempt to slice a tentacle, it instantly heals or regenerates.
"Jade says 'It wasn't my fault! It pulled the dark energy from me and activated itself' I told you to be careful."
"How can you tell?" I ask as I get closer. The tentacles can't pick up me, do to me deploying my spikes and anchoring myself with my tactical telekinesis (something I have been working on when I get bored). It is still very gross and I'm getting covered in slime.
"I have a lot of experience with Blackfire's S&M."
I activate my Whip Fist and target the paper. The sharp-spike whip slices through the tentacles before piercing the paper. As it's pierced, the dark ominous glow fades and the paper turns to ash. The tentacles collapse to the ground lifeless and dissolve into purple goo.
Me, Raven, and Jade have one thing to say.
"I need a shower."
*DOOM*
November 23, 2011 – The Gen 13 Team have official become part of Young Justice. Caitlin, Freefall, Rainmaker, Burnout, Grunge, and Sublime have formed a Team under the organization. Jodi and Cassidy have also joined taking the temp names of Jet and Razor
The infusion of Lanterns and Amazons after Halloween was enough to create two teams by themselves. The Team has been rapidly expanding since Halloween and shows no sign of slowing down.
Bliss and Threshold have been neutralized by Rorschach, who implanted them with chips that removed their powers. We don't need any more mind controlling villains and from the scans he got, these two would be as bad or worse than they were in the comics.
As for the two near identical Priscilla Kitaen hybrid clones, things have got complicated. The death of Dragon King wiped out All Daemonites, possibly on universal level. The two clones are mixes of Human, Kherabim, and Daemonite genetics, which means they will need more healing.
December 11, 2011 – I got an interesting present from Neo. Deluxe Interdimensional Cable complete with a DVR that can hold 1 yottabyte. I don't know why I would need a thousand to the eight Yottabytes of storage, the estimated the storage capacity of the entire Internet, but I appreciate it nonetheless. I have it loaded up with the best anime, cartoons, action movies, sci-fi movies, nature and science channels I could find. When Cognito Cable starts up, he's going to be swimming in cash.
January 9, 2012 – I finally got to meet the Gen 13 crowd at Mount Justice.
*DOOM*
Mount Justice
Happy Harbor, Rhode Island
January 9, 2012
11:53
1st POV
"This is way cool and way weird at the same time." I say talking to Grunge. "I remembering walking up the road to buy Gen 13 Bootleg #8. Grunge: The Movie."
"The Movie!? They made a movie about me! Radical." says the surfer dude.
Percival Edmund "Eddie" Chang possesses the ability to copy anything he touches much like Kevin from Ben 10. He's always been an all-American slacker from Seattle (He was born in Hong Kong). His father was Team 7's Stewart Philip Chang – the Bulleteer.
"In a way. You were in a fast-food Restaurant with Roxy, when you started talking about what kind of Hong Kong martial arts film you would make. It then showed the film as you imagined it. The main stars being you, Roxy, and Caitlin. You had martial arts, agents with guns, and nude shower scenes."
"Sweet."
"Hey." says Caitlin, blushing at the thought.
Caitlin Fairchild was a shy, nerdy genius before her genetic potential was awoken. She was transformed into an Amazonian beauty possessing augmented muscle mass. She may possess immense physical power, but she is still a brainy girl on the inside.
"Don't be offended Caitlin. You being nude or near nude was a running joke in the early issues of Gen 13. An adorkable girl in an amazon body looking shy and embarrassed."
Caitlin blushes a deep red. She looks like she wishes she could punch me, but even with her superhuman durability she would break her hand on my grey hide.
"Somethings haven't changed." says Freefall, "Our first two missions, you lost your uniform both times. One of the villains refused to fight because he was too embarrassed by such a lewd woman!"
Roxanne "Roxy" Spaulding is Caitlin's half-sister. The wild daughter of Alex Fairchild and the daughter of a base commander. She was raised by her mother alone and was treated like "trailer trash" by other students at the Catholic school she went to. She triggered with the ability to control Gravity.
"There is even a cover with someone holding your bare breasts like in Janet Jackson Rolling Stones cover." I add, feeling my inner monster hum in pleasure. Grunge looks very happy, while Roxy can't hold back her giggles.
I toss a case to Caitlin who catches it despite her embarrassment.
"Self-regenerating nano-synthetic meta-combat uniform. In other words, it's a super suit crafted by Rorschach for you. Even if you get into an improbably fight that leaves you with a couple strips around your legs, this suit will repair itself."
"Your friend willing to help us, but not willing to talk to us?" asks Rainmaker
Sarah Rainmaker is a first nations meta. The Apache daughter of Stephen Callahan and his first wife is far less villainous than her younger half siblings Bliss and Threshold. Her powers first manifested while living on the San Carlos Reservation in Arizona. Her power is weather control much like the X-Men Storm.
"Rorschach is still considered Persona non Grata in the Justice League. He may be Government sponsored, but the League morally objects to his methods. "I explain as I hand her the uniform Rorschach designed for her, "This one will keep you dry and temp controlled no matter the environment and it make you feel like you're wearing ~nothing at all. ~"
"Why did you say it like that?" asks Sarah with a smirk.
"Other than a pop culture reference, just as Caitlin loses her clothing, you have many nude and topless scenes. You also had an infamous scene where you were putting suntan lotion on Roxy and started feeling her up."
Sarah still smirks. Caitlin is still embarrassed. Grunge has a happy smile on his face and I can imagine what he's fantasying about. Roxy's expression is not what I expected. Instead of shock or embarrassment, she is showing interest?
"This one is immune to heat, while not inhibiting your powers." I say handing Bobby his costume in a case, "The nano-materials used in these uniforms are superior to anything the League provides, even money bags Batman."
Robert "Bobby" Lane, also known as Burnout, has been through a lot of foster families after his mother died. He never found anywhere to truly belong and held a lot of resentment to his biological father, government agent John Lynch. When his genes activated, he gained pyrokinetic abilities that make him like a moody Human Torch.
Rachel Goldman, Cassidy Cash, and Jodi Slayton are currently off somewhere with Cassidy's "sister" Harmony. Harmony is the biological child of Grifter and Zealot from another universe, while Cassidy is the artificial child of the native versions, but they consider themselves sisters. Harmony's parents have also seemingly adopted there missing counterpart's child.
There uniforms are put to the side and are each designed for their individual powers.
Rachel, also known as Sublime, can alter her density to become either strong and hard or intangible. It's almost identical to Martian density shifting. In another timeline she would have been the leader of DV8 Team, but in this one she is co-leader of the Gen 13 Team with Caitlin. Her uniform is designed to work with the density manipulation and protect against similar abilities.
Jodi Morinaka Slayton, known as Jet, possesses superhuman speed, agility, and reflexes due to her Kherubim/Human Hybrid. She is also a very skilled martial artist capable of competing with the Bat family. She also has an ability she didn't possess in the comics – the psionic energy whips that earned her father the name Backlash. Her new uniform helps her regulate the psionic energy so she doesn't overtax herself and suffer the Rush (a euphoric condition in which psychic energy overwhelms the user causing damage).
As for Cassidy Cash, Razor, other than the enhanced physical abilities from her mother's Kherabim physiology, Cassidy also possesses her father's rarely used telepathy and telekinesis. She doesn't like to use those psi abilities and prefers weapons (despite the Bat's dislike of guns). Rorschach's present to her includes a pair of semi-automatic particle pulse handguns, which can be adjusted from simple stun to armor-piercing blasts. Rorschach made them so they never run out of ammo (at least for next 10 years) and have hand print/DNA locks to prevent them from being stolen.
Suddenly, a translucent pink-purple whip strikes me in the head. The psionic energy ripples across my form and a less durable object would be sliced in half. The whips fade and Jet walks in with Cassidy and Harmony carrying shopping bags.
"Why did you hit me? I came bearing gifts." I complain, not injured in the slightest.
"Sorry, your friend Rorschach called me and offered me $500 if I hit you with one of my whips. He said you would be fine."
"I am fine, but why...?" my phone rings.
"Hi, Ash. Kherabim psionics are slightly different from human psionics, so I wanted to make sure you were immune." He casually says and I roll my eyes, "Listen, I found out some interesting news about those Cadmus Sigma experiments."
I listen and I am not really surprised at the news. I know this news will existential crisis in some of them, but I can't help but enjoying sharing knowledge. I live by my creed "Knowledge is power. Power is a Great Responsibility. Sharing my knowledge sets me Free!"
I hang up and turn at the assembled group.
"Ready for some answers about your pasts. It's shocking and will make you question yourselves "
Some of them look worried, they all nod and get themselves ready for the news.
"The Vietnam War occurred between November 1, 1955 – April 30, 1975. In 1964, International Operations - an American intelligence agency - was founded by the Central Intelligence Agency with the purpose of safeguarding the interests of the United States. One of IO projects was attempting to grant soldiers psychic abilities using a radioactive substance called Gen-Active. During the Gen 12 Project, Team 7 was exposed to the Gen-Active and there were some survivors. Those survivors made it home and had children in the '80s. It's 2012, so why are you all still Teenagers?"
There is a pause and complete silence. Slowly, everyone begins to realize their memories aren't matching up with the current timeline. They remember the 90s and I remember Gen 13 first appeared in Deathmate volume 1 in 1993. They should be in there late 20s early 30s.
"The Answer is Project Cadmus. Cadmus Alpha created Red Arrow and Superboy. Cadmus Beta created me, a squad of soldiers and scientists, and Genomorph partner Konami. Cadmus Sigma made you."
Horrified Realization. I do this even to my heroes.
"None of you triggered in this timeline. Mr. Lane and Miss. Goldman both have jobs in the government. Mr. Chang runs a store in Seattle. Miss Rainmaker is an environmentalist and also does work for the LGBTQIA2+ community. Miss Spaulding is a single mother working two jobs for her kid."
I step closer to Caitlin and look directly into her eyes.
"Dr. Caitlin Fairchild is a genius-level scientist and one of top scientists at Cadmus Sigma. She was the one behind the Gen 13 Project.", I say with a smile as Caitlin despairs at the actions of her genetic donor, "She created clones of the children of Gen 12 and modified them so they were the perfect age to trigger and so they would trigger. Some modified memories help Cadmus train their creations."
"So where is the... the real Caitlin?" asks Caitlin on the verge of tears.
"Dead. She was kidnapped by the Daemonite agents at the same time they stole the Gen 13 project." I state, snuffing out the growing anger of the crowd, "They forced her to work of them and when she failed to create what they wanted, they killed her."
"What did they want?" asks Caitlin, calming herself.
"They wanted to create superior Daemonites. Originally, they wanted your bodies, but they learned meta-genes somehow prevented them from gaining control. They captured a human psychic from New Orleans and created hybrid clones using Daemonite and Kherabim genes. The two surviving clones were brought back with you guys and are currently healing."
The same way Superboy is a hybrid of Kryptonian and human with genomorph acting as the glue, the Kitaens are hybrids of Human, Kherabim, and Daemonite genetics. Alpha whose, keeping the Priscilla name, has strong telepathic abilities. Her buffer sister Beta – given the name Maximilla – has more physical abilities and shape-shifting abilities.
Rorschach as his super-genius 'Dr. Genus' persona, can easily make clones and regenerate damage on a molecular level. The problem with the Kitaen sisters is the Daemonites were destroyed on universal-magical level. The universe was essentially rewritten so that all Daemonites can't exist. 'Doctor Genus' has to alter the twins so the universe doesn't see them as Daemonites on that level. At the same time, he can't remove the Daemonites genes without completely changing who they are.
Neo actually sounded excited by the challenge.
"So, what are we going to do now. Everything we remember about ourselves is fake and the League didn't even tell us."
"Do? Do what you want. Free of everything, you are bound by nothing. Live the life that has been given to you. You have no past, but you have a future. Don't be held back by illusions."
*DOOM*
January 31, 2012 – Hawaii now has its own corporate sponsored super team. The team is composed of half-Atlantean water bender, a formerly Chinese plant manipulator, a fire manipulating metahuman, another metahuman girl that can swim through any substance (air, water, earth), an animal empath girl, and finally a huge blue-furred four-armed beast. The last two resemble more adult versions of Lilo and Stitch like from one of "those" sites.
February 13, 2012 – Holy Shit! Clark and Lois are expecting. I also heard a rumor that Talia visited Bruce with "good" news. Jonathan Kent and Damian Wayne, half a decade early! Maybe I should have Rorschach send them Butterfly themed baby cards because the Butterfly Effect is in effect. I'm going to ask Rorschach to increase protections around Lois and Talia, just to make sure no villain decides to go for the "nuclear option".
March 8, 2012- Jade C and me had a Date. We went to San Francisco. We saw some Dolphins.
*DOOM*
Bay Lovers Boat Tour
San Francisco, California
March 8, 2012
Evening
1st POV
"Just when I thought Flipper couldn't be ruined anymore."
One of the things I wonder about is how do I get in these situations. I never intended to let my powers and others change me. I was happy to give all my knowledge to actual heroes and let them do all the work. Then, I was reunited with a friend who had gained powers and wanted to play Vigilante/Super-genius.
I also started getting adventurous girlfriends starting with an extraterrestrial warrior princess. Then a half-demon sorcery princess. Now, a demon queen of shadows has joined the group after (negotiating* with the other girls. Did I get say? Not really. I may have the body of a nigh-indestructible god of destruction but I have the soul of a clueless man).
Jade Chan brought me to San Francisco to see the sites. It's her light counterpart's home in her home universe. She may have been born in that world's Hong Kong, but she grew as a person in San Francisco's Chinatown.
We are currently watching Dolphins from a tour boat with a large number of Asian tourists.
"What did they say?"
"One of them is really depressed the human girl he played with got arrested and his friend suggested they go find some baby porpoises to slaughter. Either that or find a sex party."
I remember watching Scientifically Accurate Flipper and WTF 101 on the Tube. Now I got to experience Nature in front of me.
"Eiyah. Since when can you understand Dolphins?"
"Since Doctor Fate took out his frustrations against Rorschach on me, by having me eat a thousand curse items. I can now speak any language of anyone I meet and Dolphins are hyper-intelligent with vocal abilities."
"Why didn't you tell him no?"
"I'm weak willed and after the first few items I started getting new abilities. Maybe I have a future gambling addiction."
"I don't consider you weak willed!"
"I am weak to beautiful strong women with bonus points for exotic skin color. I didn't even put up an effort against your suggestion to go to San Francisco."
"Are you regretting it?"
"I'm in beautiful city with an even more beautiful girl." I say then deadpan, "No."
"Those lines are so corny."
"You girls didn't teach me any new material."
Suddenly, the Dolphins start making loud noises.
"What the Fuck! There panicking about an evil bear in a flying fake ray coming to take them away from the sea. "
Jade's eyes shift from there human amber to demonic silver illuminated by red. She forms a steel shuriken in her palm from shadow magic, then tosses it into the air. The shuriken splits into two as it flies through the air, then it doubles again and again until sixteen shuriken hit an invisible object and explode.
Me, Jade, and the passengers the boat watch as electricity travelled across the surface of a cloaked ship. Iridescent glow spreads from the explosion points and when the entire ship is covered, the cloak finally dies completely. The reveal is a twenty-meter-long silver-gray ship shaped like a manta ray. The clearly extraterrestrial ship fires two tractor beams that latch onto the tour ship.
The angry captain of the alien space ship when rises from open hatch.
The captain of the ship looks like an anthropomorphic Polar Bear standing two and half meters tall (8'2) with red fur instead of white. It's also wearing heavy black/gold armor that wouldn't look out of place in Warhammer 40K if it wasn't on a red dyed Polar Bear. It carries a large hi-tech rifle that looks bronze and retro-futuristic. He's roaring at Jade in a rumbling distorted language.
"What is he saying?"
"He's yelling about how much it will cost to repair stealth ship. Didn't get the model number, but the price is thirty-five million Ursan Credits? He also confessed he's only getting twenty-five million per Mud Dolphin."
"Mud Dolphin?"
"It's a derogatory word for Earth-born Dolphin." I say to Jade as my mind does through the small dictionary that comes with learning the language, "There is also something called [Space Dolphins]."
The Captain of the Manta looks panicky when I say that word in his native tongue. He apparently captured one and its worth two hundred fifty million Credits, but it also had bounty hunters after his head. He's now demanding how we know and who did we tell.
He activates some sort of switch inside his power armor and minions join their master on top of the Manta ship.
The minions are translucent blue humanoids standing two meters tall (6'7) covered in pieces of gold-color armor. The armor doesn't cover the joints allowing for unnatural-to-human flexibility and featureless helmets covering their heads. They make a lot of noise, which reminds me of a bat-like monster I encountered during by tour of the inferno. I'm guessing it's some form of sonar, which could explain the lack of optics on the droids.
"The captain is telling his minions to capture us and kill the remainder on the boat."
"Then let's take the fight to him!" says Jade as jumps onto the Manta Ship. I follow her super leaping onto the ship.
The blue-and-gold droids fire blue plasma pulses from their hands. I'm guessing at first, they are at the lowest level used for stunning people and animals. Jade has a mystical barrier that protects her from energy-based attacks and I can't even feel the impacts. After a few seconds, they increase the level of their weapons and continue fire. As Jade and me attack back, they ram up there levels rapidly. I suspect the final level would punch straight through a normal human.
Jade's mystic barrier is on a different level to these overgrown toys and even at full power, these plasma shots do the same amount of damage to me as they did at level one – nothing.
Jade's kung fu has improved since she was a child. An unnaturally long-life killing monsters in a shadow realm will do that. She has also been training with Black Canary and the Bat Family since they know about martial arts.
She ducks under a punch, then delivers a sweep kick. She punches one hard enough to dent the alien alloy, before tossing it into several enemies. She catches an arm and delivers a brutal elbow, before delivering a backhand. She then throws her opponent. As they continue to gang up on her, she continues to speed up. Delivering blows that knock them down or throwing them into others.
She delivers fast punches, strong kings, and moves from various forms of kung fu. She doesn't have one particular style, much like Jackie. Outside of Chinese martial arts, she uses moves from Bruce Lee's Jeet Kune Do, Taekwondo, Judo, and Hapkido.
I also know Kung Fu but I cheated worse than Neo from the Matrix. I can also hit hard enough to liquify most opponents. This is why I'm simply grabbing and crushing the limbs of the robots. I grab them and twist in different directions. If my opponents were human, I would have already killed dozens by breaking spines and damaging internal organs.
Much to my annoyance, the droids are barely slowed by the damage. There damaged armor is either ignored or discarded, while the translucent blue material of their bodies shifts around to repair itself. Dents and craters from impacts pop back to normal. Twisted limbs untwist themselves and reinflate. Tendrils extend form stumps to reattach severed parts.
"It's not hard to knock em down, it's getting them to stay down that's the trick."
I summon one of my bone spikes from my right arm, while grabbing a droid by the throat with my left. It strikes me over and over again, but it's like trying to damage a hull of a super carrier with a copper pipe. I stab the droid several times in the chest, punching through its chest plate with ease. After a couple dozen holes, it looks like Swiss cheese and is stained blue.
My bone spike pierces the jaw of the drone and out the top the head in a spray of sparks and blue liquid. There is a surge of electricity then all the blue material that makes up the minion's body bursts into blue goo. It sprays everywhere and the empty armor pieces separate and fall away. As I pull the spike out the helmet, a gold-blue metal sphere is skewered on my spike.
"Cores are in the heads."
Jade forms a pair of daggers from darkness, what ninja fans call kunai. She knocks a droid to the side and stabs it in the side of the head. There are blue sparks and then the droid bursts into goo. She moves like dancer, avoiding blows and deliver blows with expert timing. In seconds, the top of the Manta ship is covered in armor pieces and a pool of blue goo.
As for myself, I extend by spikes to their full nano-edge lethality and begin my own dance. After a couple minutes I have new found respect for Wolverine, even knowing the weak point it takes a lot of timing and concentration.
The last droid is decapitated, its head falling into the bay. The body jitter dances around for a few seconds before the head gets out of transmission range. The blue body swells and collapses into goo, flowing across the smooth hull of the ship.
The Captain of the Manta Ship roars and points his rifle at the tourist ship. He's making threats, telling us to surrender or he would incinerate the ship of civilians.
"GET OVER HERE!"
I never told anyone in this universe that my favorite Mortal Kombat fighter is Scorpion. The anthropomorphic Polar Bear in power armor is too shocked by pain to react. I pull the whip fist back and yank of extraterrestrial towards me. As he gets close, I deliver a brutal uppercut which would have taken the bear out if not for a force field that ripples.
The space criminal is desperate and fires the rifle still in his hand. The extraterrestrial weapon fires a huge beam of white light and burning orange particles. The beam is immensely powerful with enough knockback to create tears in his own ship's hull. The radiant heat from the beam is so intense that parts of hull have heated to the melting point. It makes it sticky and hard to walk forward.
The Alien Bear can only watch with growing horror as I walk towards him, only slowed by the melting hull alloy. The orange-white beam finally stops as the power core of the rifle is depleted and I continue to walk forward. My body is so now so hot the air is wavy around me. I grab the front of the captain's armor, my fingers digging into the metal and I lift him off his feet. He drops the rifle in surrender.
"Release the Dolphins or I release your organs into the ocean." I threatened in Ursani
"Alright, I do it. I'll do it." he replies in Ursani.
There are some loud noises from the Manta ship and the bay doors open. Water pours out releasing two earth dolphins into the ocean and a third Dolphin inside another dolphin floats in the air surrounded by a skin-tight bubble. There are a lot of chirps and clicks, and I understand everything.
"Fin, Bro, your back! I missed you!" "Jake! Don't worry I'm fine." "Did they have fish?" "Better than Sea World."
I look at the one in the anti-gravity bubble sheath. This barrier seems to be generated by a thin silver collar around his neck which is marked with fish imagery including a deity with three heads.
"Hello, I thank you for your rescue, Great warriors. I had only intended to stay on this world for a couple days. That foul furry man intended to sell me too very unpleasant fellow. I have been trapped inside that ship for the last month, while he captured my primitive cousins. I admit this world's inhabitants are pleasant, I do wish to return my pod."
"Why did you come to Earth?"
"While our Earth counterparts are primitive in physiology and intellect, they are beautiful and have great sexual appetites. The food is also good even Tho I don't require food."
The Space Dolphins are a mysterious species of celestial cetaceans who inhabit the vacuum of space. They live in the vacuum of space and actually asphyxiate in an oxygen environment, yet one came to Earth for the equivalent of "cavegirl sex".
"How can I understand you? I'm immune to telepathy."
"The anti-gravity bubble allows me to air swim on this world and protects me from suffocating in this world's atmosphere. It allows the conversion of telepathic impulses into audible sounds. This also allowed me to offer my services to the young females."
Suddenly, I hear the sound of a very large custom motorcycle coming from above!
I look up and see what I believe is the Young Justice equivalent of a customized SpazFrag666. I know this because I recognize the driver. A six-foot-four space biker with red eyes, white skin, and a long wild black hair tied back in a ponytail. He also has black mustache and muttonchops and black markings around the eyes.
"Lobo of Czarnia."
"Who are you, grey boy?"
"Ash Grey. Me and my Babe were watching the Dolphins when this Bastich showed up. When he broke his little cloak, he made threats. Me and her showed him why you don't threatened earthlings."
"Nice to see a Couple That Fights together. I heard about this Ursan Mercenary capturing Dolphins and selling their brains to one of those mad scientist types."
"I hope you spread his brain across his machines."
"Damn right, I did. I was hunting down all the other mercenaries messing with my Dolphin friends and this furry fuck is the last of them." says Lobo pulling out his hooked chain. He does say a few more curse words but don't really translate well into English. "I found him when he shot off the Tau Asteroid Burner."
So that is why he didn't use the rifle earlier in the fight. He was scared the energy emissions would attract Lobo's attentions. He was right to be scared.
The Intergalactic bounty hunter famous for slaughtering his own race is very intelligent and can be very creative. I'm impressed by his technique and I have witnessed a professional torturer in Hell. Jade is also impressed by his technique and looks like she wants to teach it to her Shadowkahn. I can hear some of the vacationers on the tour boat vomiting. The alien bear's yellow body fluids mix with the blue ooze from droids to turn the ship a nasty shade of green.
The torturous death ends with the bear's severed head on the end of hook. That finally move started with the hook up the bear's rear and tearing upwards.
"I don't care I'm only getting twenty-five grand for this fool's head. Nobody messes with my Dolphins!"
Lobo gets back on his bike.
"Need a ride, Apollo?"
"Thank you, my brutal friend. I believe my other ride has expired and I do want to get home to pod."
"You mean get back to your harem" smirks Lobo
As they leave, Apollo the sex-addicted Celestial Dolphin leaves he calls out (both audible and telepathically).
"Farewell, So long, and Thanks for All the Fish!"
Did that Space Dolphin just quote The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams?
There is a pause then I pull out my phone and call Rorschach.
"Hey Neo, Interested in a used spaceship? Its dolphin-napping pilot just encountered Lobo. It's going to need some hull work and a new paint job, but that shouldn't be a problem for someone of your intellect."
*DOOM*
March 8, 2012 – I know the universe is messing with me.
March 17, 2012 - St. Patrick's Day
*DOOM*
Saint Nicholas Orphanage
Gotham, New Jersey, USA
Late Night
3rd POV
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of sailors, merchants, archers, repentant thieves, children, brewers, pawnbrokers, and students in various cities and countries around Europe. In Gotham, he is the name attached to the nunnery and orphanage (group home). What makes this place special is it was once the home of Patrick "Eel" O'Brian after he was abandoned by his abusive father. Years later, in 2003, the thief would be exposed to strange chemicals and gain elasticity powers. He was inspired and reformed himself as a hero
Currently, an old nun is being held hostage by a masked criminal. The boss of a group of criminals who attacked the orphanage. Other than the boss of the group, there are ten other masked criminals, five which are unconscious thanks to Plastic Man.
"Let her go, Bruno. You know taking a Nun hostage is not going to look good at the pearly gates."
"I gave up on Heaven long ago, Eel. I've committed every crime under the sun and moon. Move and I'll spray this mother superior's blood across your face!"
"Why are you here, Bruno? Shouldn't you be robbing a bank and getting your ass kicked by Batman?"
"One of the littles brats got nosy and managed to get video on his phone. Hah! These day even poor orphans can have cell phones."
"Cognito donated a lot of items to the orphanages and charities." say Plastic Man, trying to keep the criminals talking, "Today's tube star probably gets more money than the old Orphanage."
"The brat saw something he shouldn't have and the boss wants that footage destroyed."
"Oh My! Did he see your Boss cross dressing?"
"No." says a voice belonging to neither the criminal or hero.
Plastic Man recognizes the voice. The voice of the most-feared anti-hero in the world.
Rorschach walks out of the shadows holding another retro-futuristic gun.
"Your Boss was bribing a senator to support anti-vigilante legislation. He was hoping with more restrictions the heroes would cause less interference to his criminal operations. It's a moot point as his ashes are now decorating the walls of his penthouse. As for you guys."
A polychromatic burst of energy shoots from the gun and washes over the men and the hostage. It doesn't appear to do even minor damage to their flesh or clothing. Instead, every single piece of metal in their possession instantly liquifies without heat. Everything from guns, bullets, and blades to coins, zippers, and buttons become liquids staining the ground and clothing. Some of the criminals even finch as their teeth fillings liquify in their mouths.
"It's rare that that I don't kill criminals, but there are nuns and children present. I think you should surrender, k?"
Bruno lets the Mother Superior go. The criminals drop to their knees and put their hands (fingers crossed) behind their heads.
"The Boss is dead?" asks Bruno, "The Bat won't be happy."
"Which is why I waited until Batman was out of town on League business." says Rorschach and he pulls out a dozen pairs of handcuffs from his Inventory. They look a little weird. "They have micro-GPS chips so they can't be unlocked unless at a police station, one of the non-corrupt ones."
"You can easily take out criminals without killing them. Why do you kill them?" asks Plastic Man, being serious for once, "I understand why you melted Joker, but not all of them are irredeemable monsters."
"I don't go after all criminals. If it's some stupid kid stealing from a store or spray painting a building, I'll give him a little pain, but he gets a chance to change." says Rorschach, "The crime bosses and their lieutenants are beyond redemption. Bruno's Boss for example was not only into firearms, narcotics, and racketeering, but prostitution of *very* young girls."
Some of the handcuffed criminals react at Rorschach's words.
"Hey! We didn't know about that!" says the one on Bruno's left.
"Can we make a deal?" says the one on Bruno's right.
"Wait a minute." says Bruno.
"You don't mess with kids, Bruno. If the Boss was doing that..." says lefty.
"I have a daughter myself. I would never be able to look at her in the eye." says righty.
"I'll let the police handle it." says Rorschach as he walks over to Mother Superior and pulls out a box from his inventory.
"I noticed my anti-metal ray destroyed your rosary. I won this one while playing a game."
I open the case to reveal a silver catholic cross pendant with a red garnet stone and rosary. It's a beautiful piece of religious jewelry and Mother Superior is taken back by the beauty.
"What kind of game did you play to get this, young man?"
"Video game. I killed vampires and after killing the Boss I got the Van Helsing cross. Named after Professor Abraham Van Helsing – the Dutch polymath from Bram Stoker's Dracula."
Rorschach is actually telling the truth. He used his Gamer ability to open a Dungeon after killing an actual vampire crime boss. Inside the Dungeon he defeated the boss monster and got the cross as a reward. A cross that grants protection against the undead and the forces of darkness. In Gotham, this could be useful to nigh defenseless orphanage.
"The strangeness of the new era. God bless you, young man."
"Thanks for the save, Rorschach. I may not look it, but I was sweating." says Plastic Man turning his head into a cup and pouring "water" on the ground.
"Don't make a mess, Patrick."
"Yes, mother superior." says the elastic hero meekly, sounding like a naughty boy instead of an adult super hero.
Rorschach looks at Plastic Man considering something, which is hard to tell with his mask. He then pulls out a pair of cards from his inventory. He gives a white card to Mother Superior and a Black Card to Plastic Man.
"Mother Superior, if you need some help call me at this number. I am both a deputized member of the President's Secret Service and the representative of Cognito Incorporated."
Rorschach notices there are large number of Chinese orphans in the facility. They must be the children of refugees.
"Also, if any of your kids end up with meta powers you can call me. I know many good trainers."
"Thank you." says Mother Superior as she goes into the building. Rorschach can detect incoming police cars as some of kids must have called them (good for them).
"Patrick. It's good to talk with one of the League."
"Supes and Bats may not like your methods, but I can't throw stones at people." says Plastic Man, "I mean I could totally turn in a slingshot, but you know what I mean."
"All things considered; I think I like your sort the most."
"My sort?" Plastic Man asked confusedly.
"I don't trust anyone without a dark side," Rorschach shrugged. "The fact that you started out as a criminal but chose to rise above your base impulses, shows a level of flexibility you don't find in most Heroes."
"Cause of my superpowers, right?"
"No. It's because of what's in here," Rorschach said tapping his chest. "You, Patrick O'Brian, are stronger than you realize. Which is why I'd like to extend an offer."
"What kind of offer?" Plastic Man hummed conspiratorially, rubbing his chin.
"My boss asked me to extend an offer to bring you in on retainer. Corporate sponsorship, under the Cognito Inc. banner, with plenty of fringe benefits."
"I'm not going full-blown anti-hero if that's what he wants," Plastic Man said crossing his arms, puffing up his chest.
"You as you are now is more than enough. There isn't need to 'fix' you because you aren't 'broken'. You're an excellent hero the way you are, and quite frankly, I'm a little sick and tired of having to do everything 'around here', so I don't mind paying out of pocket if it means getting 'good help', which as we all know, is 'hard to find'."
" . . . Okay I get that but, come on, I'm 'Plastic Man'! I'm the joke character that everyone writes off! The comic relief who fucks things up but people laugh at him instead of getting angry!"
"A-hem!"
"S-Sorry, Mother Superior!" he apologized. "L-Like I was saying, I'm just some lame D-Lister. Why would your mad scientist boss want me when he could recruit the real heavy-hitters by waving a bit of money in their faces?"
"Because to my boss, you're 'more real' than any of those wannabe demi-gods up on Mt. Olympus. You're an honest man in heart, if not always by deed, and the only reason those guys think you're some kind of D-Lister is because you haven't proved your mettle yet."
"And what makes you think I'm so great?"
"In an alternate timeline, you go toe-to-toe with Fernus, an evil Martian Manhunter with skin like flaming napalm who took out the entire Justice League; even while your weakness was specifically to heat. In another alternate timeline where Superman goes full-blow super-tyrant, you gave Superman of all people reason to take pause. In yet another timeline, you were able to bounce back from spending over 1,000 years, in pieces, at the bottom of the ocean even if you did have to bounce back from going a little crazy for a while," Rorschach listed off, Plastic Man's jaw dropping at all the awesome shit 'he'd' done. "They might've been alternate versions of you, but not so much so that you aren't capable of the same feats. Able to shape your body into any form and color you want down to the smallest detail, functionally immortal, an infiltrator recognized by even Batman if you ever put your mind to it. My boss doesn't need a 'Captain Underpants' who can shoot lasers out of his ass; he needs people who can bend without breaking. Because believe it not, in the timelines where Superman, Batman, or Wonder Woman go full-on Villain, they do not 'bounce back'. They just stay evil, and make everyone around them suffer."
" . . . Wow, that's... one heck of a sales pitch," Plastic Man admitted at having his praises sung. "Sooo... Do I get some kinda signing bonus, or something?" he asked half-seriously, eyes going wide as a fat stack of bills was slapped into his hand a moment later.
"A hundred-grand in non-sequential serial numbers. Think of it as a down payment for your son's college fund."
"Wait..." Patrick said trying to digest that last part. "I have a KID?!"
"Oh boy..." Rorschach groaned holding his head while Patrick began to panic.