On the land of the unknown
As soon as my body recovers and stops trembling like a leaf, I lift my head and look at the ceiling.
I want to cry and I feel like I need to scream to let go of this frustrating feeling that is crushing my mind, but even if I wanted I can't even scream, a lady doesn't scream.
Father would be so disappointed if he saw me today, how weak and pathetic I was.
A failure, that's what he would think. Can't even do the one thing he expects of her.
"Stupid." I whisper and hit my head once, lightly not strong enough.
So I do it again "Stupid.....Stupid.....Stupid." I tremble and for every word that leaves my mouth I hit a little harder trying to push some sense into me.
Be better, do better.
"My Lady." a voice echoes in the lonely greenhouse, it's so light, so tiny, so afraid to not do the wrong thing.
I laugh, a little desperate laugh.
Like I didn't do enough to embarrass myself, now I even show my disgraced appearance to the servants.
"Dhalia, what brings you here?" My head is tilted to the side, a smile as fake as I can muster adorns my face and my eyes must be quite red but I don't let any tears fall.
Don't disgrace yourself further.
She fidgets with her fingers and looks at everything but me, she is clearly anxious, afraid even.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. I just wanted to help the lady...your injury." She whispers, pauses, looks up and then lowers her head quickly "I wanted to continue being your support if the lady still wishes for my assistance."
Oh
That surprised me, I never gave her any order to wait for me, I even said she was free to go as soon as I entered.
And yet she waited patiently...probably accumulated work because of me.
She was worried about...me.
"Thank you Dhalia." I laugh this time a sincere laugh.
"It...it was nothing my lady. I'm just doing my job." She doesn't look up, in fact she lowers her head even further making it seem like she's going to hide herself in her dress.
"No it isn't." I approach her cautiously not wanting to scare her "You did something that was not required of you, but out of the kindness of your heart."
I grab her hand and hold it in my own.
"And yet your lady lied to you, pretended to have injured herself because of her selfish heart, don't you feel angry, furious at my behavior?" I did wrong, made her worry, made her wait and all because of an innocent lie.
She lifts her head suddenly startling me and I move my head back afraid that we would bump into each other.
"I could never my lady. Even if the injury wasn't real I stayed behind to accompany the lady with or without the injury."
"You're a kind girl Dhalia." She becomes flustered right away and looks down embarrassed."If your purpose was to accompany me then do so, I'll have lunch and dinner in my room so make sure to bring it to me." I suddenly feel that I may have been too commanding to a warm soul like hers so I add "Please."
"O-Of course my lady!" She stutters startled and when I let go of her hand and start walking away she starts a little run behind me, trying to match my pace.
She's a good girl, maybe a little too good to be in this world.
I haven't done anything for her and yet she waited for me even though she will get scolded for leaving her work unatended.
She's not a personal maid so she has other things to do and because of me she stayed behind so I must help her out.
After all she's still just a kid, I give her thirteen years at most, she still has that young appearance her baby cheeks still present and her brown eyes still innocent and wide with curiosity.
Her hair is like a peeled orange, a short orange, something that makes her seem quite lively and yet I've only seen her afraid and anxious.
Is it because of me Dhalia, am I the cause of your anxiety. Are you afraid of me?
We finally reach my chambers and I spend the rest of my day thinking of everything and nothing at all. I don't leave my room but I still go to the balcony to take a look at the garden, there I see Allara having tea and I return quickly to my room, closing the curtains.
I hide behind them like a little kid. It's not like I'm afraid of her it's of me that I'm afraid, afraid of the jealous thoughts that invade my mind now and then.
Those are devious things that appear in my mind, they make me feel like the girl they all see me as.
And that hurts me more than anything anyone might say.
Time goes by after that and dinner comes around. Like I instructed Dhalia brings it to me and I decide that I should talk to her about her position as an errand girl.
"Here is your dinner, my lady." She says with an hesitant smile and bows down.
We are the only ones in the room and yet she still feels self-conscious.
"Dhalia." I sit down but before I start eating I call her, getting her attention right away while she tries to swiftly hide herself from sight like a shadow.
"Yes my lady."
"What do you like to do in the mansion? What's the thing that makes you truly happy." She looks a bit surprised and the look of slight anxiety that she shows right away makes me add "You can be honest, I want you to. I won't be mad, I promise." I smile to reassure her.
And then she seems to relax a little and starts smiling like the kid she is while scratching the side of her face with her finger showing a shy side of herself.
"I love to be in charge of helping with the deserts, it's the best thing. Everything smells nice and they even let us eat the leftovers." I open my mouth when she says the last part "Oh no my lady, it's not bad at all, many deserts aren't even touched." She waves her hands, clearly denying what she thought I was imagining.
Her answer left me a little sad, I hoped she liked to serve the nobles no matter how unlikely that seemed.
"Then consider yourself promoted." I look at her and try to convey how serious I am with my gaze. "I'll assign you to the kitchen, but you can't eat too many deserts it's bad for your stomach." Being reasonable I put my finger in the air and start swinging it back and forth like I'm talking to a child.
Maybe because I am even though society seems to disagree. A girl her age shouldn't be working so hard, I'll make her have a better life from now on.
My resolve crumbles a bit when she suddenly starts crying, tears fall from her face passing through her little freckles and falling helplessly in the ground.
"Oh." Her hands touch her face finally noticing the tears.
I widen my eyes, worried that I might have said something wrong, but I don't know what to do so I stay still like a rock paralyzed in my seat.
"Thank you." she whispers "There is really no need tough, I haven't done anything to deserve it and yet the lady is being so kind. The people don't see the true person the lady is, I'm sorry for being scared...I'm sorry for always hiding. They weren't right about the lady and yet I believed their words... I'm sorry." Her hands try to clean her face but as she wipes the tears away new ones start to fall.
My body moved on its own, I didn't think just like I have been doing all day.
But this time I didn't regret my action.
I lift myself from the table and hug her as tightly as I can.
I didn't get a hug but I'm older I can take it. She on the contrary is just a kid fighting to survive and right now she needs someone to be there for her.
And I really want to be the person that I wished I had when I was her age.
"Don't worry, okay?" I start patting her head lightly while still hugging her "I'll make it all okay, I promise"
The young girl who trembled as soon as I talked suddenly hugs me back and buries her head in my shoulder.
"I.... I really really.... I— I am really thankful, I never....no one ever asked, no one asked if I liked the things that I did, everyone just left everything to me, because I was young, the younger ones can take it better... and I did...I did everything, mother and father aren't here so I was doing my best—hic— I really did my best my lady, I really did." She sobbed and stumbled on her own words grabbing me as close as she could.
"I know you did Dhalia. You did a good job you handled everything yourself, I'm proud of you." I end up kissing the top of her head and saying the things I wanted to hear the most.
But it's okay I can handle it, I'm just glad i could be the one to say them to someone else.
After a while, she pulls away and starts apologizing, having finally regained some composure.
After I reassure her again and promise to talk with the Butler about her situation she apologizes over and over about her behavior. I tell her it's okay, nothing happened and no one will know.
It would be our little secret.
After crying so much she seemed exhausted and I tell her to go to bed,
she leaves the room and I call another maid after I finish dinner.
Now I'm alone and can finally put my plan in motion.
It's time to escape the mansion for the night.
It's something that has been on my mind since earlier. I can't really train my abilities here, everyone will start looking at me suspiciously if I suddenly start to practice my power.
And in the morning I can't really escape, breakfast is the only meal we must have together as a family, even though I know they tend to have lunch and dinner together.
So I'll leave the mansion at night. No one will know as long as I'm careful.
I quickly change to a more comfortable and more commoner like outfit and head to the balcony.
My power right now allows me to lift a table and unfortunately it's a light one.
So I'll just grab the sheets and tie them in a knot, just for reassurance while I try to make myself lighter with my ability.
I can't levitate but I can try to at least.
So I do as I planned and surprisingly it goes well.
I become a little too excited when I reach the ground unharmed and end up letting a tiny squeal of joy leave me.
I cover my mouth right away and run to the back of the mansion, getting closer to the annex.
There is a little hole on the back of the annex, it's tiny but I think if I try hard enough I can pass.
I get a little stuck while trying tough. Desperate I try to get the rest of my body out and after some time the hole gives out, leaving an even bigger one when it crumbls a little more into me.
Now I'm dirty and sweaty but that's okay, I just plan to find a safe place to train today and maybe....maybe I might also want to explore the village without everyone freaking out and hiding from me.
People fear nobles and I'm considered in society as a perfect example of a noble lady. For the people though that title just makes them think I'm one of those despicable nobles.
They consider me the black sheep of the family, while my siblings and Father are loved I'm feared and avoided.
But that's okay today will be different, I was never brave enough to leave the house so I have never seen the streets full of people, happy people.
Today I will.
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This chapter might as come off as useless and not necessary but it's actually essencial to show Kaelira's thoughts and trauma. It also shows the way people view nobles and the way children are treated in the society.
But do not fret, love is coming and something exciting will happen next episode.